Wednesday, September 18, 2013
"When it's over
Can i still come over? When it's over is it really over?" Sugar Ray
Recently on a trip to the beach with a really good friend of mine we were reviewing the quitting time line and how it is directly linked to school and graduating, and as soon as I receive my diploma I'm out.
I was rambling on about hiding out in a cubicle and doing work that may not affect individuals as my work does now, and the idea of wearing clothes to work, and less make-up, basically dialing down the sex appeal by one million. AND GASP COLORING MY HAIR BROWN! not even a good brown, just brown and no other crazy colors in it. Just brown. Boring, boring brown. The whole thing is incredibly appealing at times.
My friend brought up a few really good questions...Like will I miss it. In a way I will really miss this job, it's a major part of my social life. It is incredibly helpful to my ego. I will go from having countless men tell me I'm beautiful to probably zero. Even greater than that, I will be leaving behind most of my friends. I literally will not be able to know people any more for fear that they may damage my job prospects. I have lost site completely of what normal people do on the weekends.
I was reading this blog earlier and she recently left stripping and is lamenting the fact that rather than making 400 in an hour it's 16 hours of work. I'm okay with this idea but working 8 full hours may take a little getting used to.
What's going to be odd is that I will have to die, the woman that writes this blog at some point will have to die, when all the stories have been told...trust me there are so many, the ones about corruption, and crazy shit, will come after this is all said and done as to not damage anyone I know right now. BUT at some point it will all be over and I red will be gone. The blog may remain but the rest of me will disappear forever. Part of this is really appealing the reinventing of my real self and taking pieces of this part of me with me, the confidence, the ability to say not and not take no for an answer, the strong woman that people look up to and consider a leader all needs to come with, but the shitty parts of me must die, the temper mostly. There are days when I can't wait, when the idea of reinventing myself is what drives me to study hard and what drives me to work hard.
But for now I have a couple years left. Then I'll tackle the hard questions like living in a world where this doesn't exist and really is just a fantasy.
Recently on a trip to the beach with a really good friend of mine we were reviewing the quitting time line and how it is directly linked to school and graduating, and as soon as I receive my diploma I'm out.
I was rambling on about hiding out in a cubicle and doing work that may not affect individuals as my work does now, and the idea of wearing clothes to work, and less make-up, basically dialing down the sex appeal by one million. AND GASP COLORING MY HAIR BROWN! not even a good brown, just brown and no other crazy colors in it. Just brown. Boring, boring brown. The whole thing is incredibly appealing at times.
My friend brought up a few really good questions...Like will I miss it. In a way I will really miss this job, it's a major part of my social life. It is incredibly helpful to my ego. I will go from having countless men tell me I'm beautiful to probably zero. Even greater than that, I will be leaving behind most of my friends. I literally will not be able to know people any more for fear that they may damage my job prospects. I have lost site completely of what normal people do on the weekends.
I was reading this blog earlier and she recently left stripping and is lamenting the fact that rather than making 400 in an hour it's 16 hours of work. I'm okay with this idea but working 8 full hours may take a little getting used to.
What's going to be odd is that I will have to die, the woman that writes this blog at some point will have to die, when all the stories have been told...trust me there are so many, the ones about corruption, and crazy shit, will come after this is all said and done as to not damage anyone I know right now. BUT at some point it will all be over and I red will be gone. The blog may remain but the rest of me will disappear forever. Part of this is really appealing the reinventing of my real self and taking pieces of this part of me with me, the confidence, the ability to say not and not take no for an answer, the strong woman that people look up to and consider a leader all needs to come with, but the shitty parts of me must die, the temper mostly. There are days when I can't wait, when the idea of reinventing myself is what drives me to study hard and what drives me to work hard.
But for now I have a couple years left. Then I'll tackle the hard questions like living in a world where this doesn't exist and really is just a fantasy.
being a good wife...
Mind you I'm not anyones wife, and I probably won't be for a really long time. The following are a few recent conversations I've had about my "future"
Recently I walked up to a gentlemen at the bar and started chatting he inevitably asked me about my life and what I do, I rattled off all the things I do like school, and running, and cooking, and blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden out of nowhere this man says you are going to make someone a really good wife. I laughed at him. I know I shouldn't have he's probably right I probably will but that day is not today and it is not tomorrow. I really want to get though school before I do the whole marriage thing, I mean no one wants to marry a stripper, and that's okay, I wouldn't want to marry a stripper either.
Later this week, I was having a discussion with C and he was going on about how I would be a great wife and a good mother, and it really hit a cord with me. I was thinking about it while we were sitting and talking and came to the conclusion that I have 3 years to get it together find a damn husband and get married and start thinking about kids. This means that I need to get started um...yesterday.
Later this week I was talking to Dr. M whom I dated (term loosely used) ages ago. Recently broke up with a woman who seemed to have her life together, made a boatload of money, had a house, two small dogs, big wig at a company but was totes cray otherwise known as totally crazy. We were discussing how even though she was attractive and her background seemed normal. How he needs to screen for the crazies a little bit better. He then mentioned that whilst we were going out that the main deterrent for him was my job. Which makes perfect sense you hear the words "dating stripper" and you think bat shit crazy.
I was reading a blog earlier today regarding strippers from a customers pov I believe it was here http://pdxstoney.blogspot.com/ and how being a stripper is like a huge hurtle a person needs to overcome like some sort of horrible disease and at times it really does feel like that especially when it comes to dating it's like having a huge black mark on your resume that people can't look over.
I suppose this comes from other strippers giving us a bad name. I was reading on another blog today here and in no way am I bashing this gentleman I'm more concerned about the dancer he is currently involved with. Her way of paying for drugs by having sex in the club gives "us" decent dancers a bad name. Dancers such as this women and others are creating un-necessary hurtles for us to leap over in our tall shoes to make life normal for ourselves.
I don't date due to the questions that arise from my job, and the schedule I keep and the worry that it creates. Quite frequently I am getting home later than a normal person which has worried previous boyfriends not thinking that I have left the club with a customer but that something horrible has happened to me from point a to point b.
So regardless of the fact that I'm wifey material, I will refrain from searching for a partner till I am done with this job to alleviate any concerns my partner may have.
Recently I walked up to a gentlemen at the bar and started chatting he inevitably asked me about my life and what I do, I rattled off all the things I do like school, and running, and cooking, and blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden out of nowhere this man says you are going to make someone a really good wife. I laughed at him. I know I shouldn't have he's probably right I probably will but that day is not today and it is not tomorrow. I really want to get though school before I do the whole marriage thing, I mean no one wants to marry a stripper, and that's okay, I wouldn't want to marry a stripper either.
Later this week, I was having a discussion with C and he was going on about how I would be a great wife and a good mother, and it really hit a cord with me. I was thinking about it while we were sitting and talking and came to the conclusion that I have 3 years to get it together find a damn husband and get married and start thinking about kids. This means that I need to get started um...yesterday.
Later this week I was talking to Dr. M whom I dated (term loosely used) ages ago. Recently broke up with a woman who seemed to have her life together, made a boatload of money, had a house, two small dogs, big wig at a company but was totes cray otherwise known as totally crazy. We were discussing how even though she was attractive and her background seemed normal. How he needs to screen for the crazies a little bit better. He then mentioned that whilst we were going out that the main deterrent for him was my job. Which makes perfect sense you hear the words "dating stripper" and you think bat shit crazy.
I was reading a blog earlier today regarding strippers from a customers pov I believe it was here http://pdxstoney.blogspot.com/ and how being a stripper is like a huge hurtle a person needs to overcome like some sort of horrible disease and at times it really does feel like that especially when it comes to dating it's like having a huge black mark on your resume that people can't look over.
I suppose this comes from other strippers giving us a bad name. I was reading on another blog today here and in no way am I bashing this gentleman I'm more concerned about the dancer he is currently involved with. Her way of paying for drugs by having sex in the club gives "us" decent dancers a bad name. Dancers such as this women and others are creating un-necessary hurtles for us to leap over in our tall shoes to make life normal for ourselves.
I don't date due to the questions that arise from my job, and the schedule I keep and the worry that it creates. Quite frequently I am getting home later than a normal person which has worried previous boyfriends not thinking that I have left the club with a customer but that something horrible has happened to me from point a to point b.
So regardless of the fact that I'm wifey material, I will refrain from searching for a partner till I am done with this job to alleviate any concerns my partner may have.
Um...Pity party for one?
I know I bitch about work a lot like a lot a lot. I'm going to PDX this weekend that should remedy this feeling I have of complete hate for my club.
I did the math last weekend typically if you figure I pay the club 140 a night 4 nights a week I pay them roughly $2,240 a month last weekend alone I paid them $770.00.
I think it's bullshit to pay them this much and currently feel unwanted by my club. Luis is currently micromanaging the shit out of me. The other day I was about to hit the floor but I was updating my twitter first or sending an email out right by the door and he walks in and says "Red get on the floor there are guys here" Honestly I don't go to work to hang out in the back and gab. I mean it happens you make friends and you want to find out what's going on with them so you talk while you put your face on. I don't need someone telling me to hustle my my 8inch heels onto the floor. That's what I'm there to do.
Also the general feeling of management not wanting me there it's been a minute since it's happened and maybe I just need to put my head down and work ignore it and ignore them, I'm sure I would be much happier if I just tuned them out. NEW GAME PLAN ignore management and there bullshit cattle calls and yelling about stupid shit. WINNING!
Also I don't like paying so much when we run out of things like toilet paper or our light bulbs burn out our the floor in the back is never cleaned.
I feel like a small child most of the time because I feel like I'm saying I just want the club to love me but really I just want the club to hold up their end of the deal and provide a safe and clean place for us to work and that's not happening when fights between customers and staff are happening, toilets are overflowing for days, and then the floor isn't getting cleaned.
I'M LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING FOR!
{end rant}
I did the math last weekend typically if you figure I pay the club 140 a night 4 nights a week I pay them roughly $2,240 a month last weekend alone I paid them $770.00.
I think it's bullshit to pay them this much and currently feel unwanted by my club. Luis is currently micromanaging the shit out of me. The other day I was about to hit the floor but I was updating my twitter first or sending an email out right by the door and he walks in and says "Red get on the floor there are guys here" Honestly I don't go to work to hang out in the back and gab. I mean it happens you make friends and you want to find out what's going on with them so you talk while you put your face on. I don't need someone telling me to hustle my my 8inch heels onto the floor. That's what I'm there to do.
Also the general feeling of management not wanting me there it's been a minute since it's happened and maybe I just need to put my head down and work ignore it and ignore them, I'm sure I would be much happier if I just tuned them out. NEW GAME PLAN ignore management and there bullshit cattle calls and yelling about stupid shit. WINNING!
Also I don't like paying so much when we run out of things like toilet paper or our light bulbs burn out our the floor in the back is never cleaned.
I feel like a small child most of the time because I feel like I'm saying I just want the club to love me but really I just want the club to hold up their end of the deal and provide a safe and clean place for us to work and that's not happening when fights between customers and staff are happening, toilets are overflowing for days, and then the floor isn't getting cleaned.
I'M LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING FOR!
{end rant}
Sunday, September 15, 2013
updates on the updates
Hello? Hello? is this thing on?...Of course it's on, it's the internet.
I've received some emails lately requesting an update, well I thought I should update about the update. Unfortunately I was not able to lock myself up in my parents cute house in the woods, Thoreau style, which is what I really wanted to do...sadly I was woken up every morning around 6:30 to drive my sister to school. Which is fine by me, I love my sister, but it messed up my writing schedule, and my sleep schedule. Then there was that whole being at work till around 6am thing on uh, friday? Yes friday because it was saturday today.
That being said. Tomorrow the weather is suppose to suck. Also guessing by the amount of fog I'm viewing right now it probably won't be the best day to go to the beach.
I have to meet with some people about some super secret projects I'm working on but I'm carving out some time to be able to sit down and get some writing done, because I have all kinds of crazy shit to write about right now.
So please sit tight just a little longer and don't give up on reading just yet...I promise more compelling content is on the way.
I've received some emails lately requesting an update, well I thought I should update about the update. Unfortunately I was not able to lock myself up in my parents cute house in the woods, Thoreau style, which is what I really wanted to do...sadly I was woken up every morning around 6:30 to drive my sister to school. Which is fine by me, I love my sister, but it messed up my writing schedule, and my sleep schedule. Then there was that whole being at work till around 6am thing on uh, friday? Yes friday because it was saturday today.
That being said. Tomorrow the weather is suppose to suck. Also guessing by the amount of fog I'm viewing right now it probably won't be the best day to go to the beach.
I have to meet with some people about some super secret projects I'm working on but I'm carving out some time to be able to sit down and get some writing done, because I have all kinds of crazy shit to write about right now.
So please sit tight just a little longer and don't give up on reading just yet...I promise more compelling content is on the way.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
How to piss Red off in 3 minutes of less
Please note the areas in dark grey are not for weak stomachs
When I walk up to you grab my ass, I don't mean accidentally run into it because it's large I mean grab it and if you could go for either my but crack like you are digging for treasure or (fellow strippers will know what I mean by the following) the part where my butt cheek meets my leg which is uncomfortable close to my vagina. THEN draw me so close to you I literally can't see straight while I talk to you.
While your talking to me tell me how you have worked hard for every penny( basically saying that I have not) then tell me that my company doesn't pay me enough. I will of course flip my hair to the side and very sweetly say "Sugar they don't pay me at all" go on talking like you care.
Oh and please continue to touch me in ways I don't like after I have told you to stop. At this point I'm going to tell you that you need to pay for it. You know if you could say something like...What you don't like it, it will get me to the point where I reach down slam my palm into your dick and grab onto it like I've just lunged for a climbing hold while bouldering. I will so enjoy watching you hunch over. At this point of course I'm going to ask you for a dance.
PLEASE SAY MY FAVORITE THING...You're so pretty...I would love to take you out instead...come back later.
this is my job, i'm not here to find a date, besides match.com filters out people like you for me.
Tonight was pretty slow so I decided to take my chances with ol' smarty pants frat fucker tonight.
When I come back by I'm going to hit you in the dick with my clutch and you are going to proceed to tell me how much it hurt. I mean that's what you will do if you want to piss me off. I will ask you for a dance you will say something I don't remember and oblige.
We will head back to the dance area...and arrive at one of my least favorite booths. YAY isn't this fun.
I'll sit you down and tell you the rules like don't touch me inappropriately you will wine. Then should ask if you can put your finger in my ass. DON'T worry you can only if you lick whatever comes out (I'm not serious you can't really do that) You should say you will lick whatever comes out of my ass. I either want to see you deep throat a turd or hope that I ate a ton of fiber today and it's like spilling chili all over you. TMI...Nah just a vivid imagination.
We will get stared and you should say stupid things like how you want my vagina in your face. You should do things like promise to buy me any house I want, and tell me that I'll never have to work again if I go out with you, and if it doesn't work out I can just leave you and keep the house. Then when the longest 3 minutes of my life comes to a close and I ask you if you would like to continue you should say "We will see where this one goes" and I'll tell you it's over. You should go on to say how it isn't worth it and you expected more and basically tell me I'm a horrible person for following the law. Then tell me it's not worth $40. I'll go one to ignore your comments about me because well...I'M FUCKING AWESOME AND I WOULD RATHER GO HOME WITH LESS MONEY THAN LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR KNOWING THAT I LITERALLY JUST LET SOMEONE DISRESPECT ME. I'll go on to remind you that it's 20 and you will be ecstatic. I will promptly leave, and wonder to myself how I'm worth a house, but not 2 songs.
If you really want to get my goat I recommend telling a client(that is cool, and interesting and likes the melvins) I accidentally walk past you that I ripped you off.
Sugar you are right in a way the next time I see you I will rip you off. I'll rip you little dick off your disgusting body you sick fuck.
Other things, you can ask a waitress for me and then when I come over request a 3/4/40 and when I tell you no, you can tell me that you will wait for the 3/4/40 and me...I have news for you mister...IN SOME TIME.
At the end of the night you can tell me you are looking for a girl you heard will straight up fuck you in the VIP room...again...IN SOME TIME...LIKE FUCKING NEVER, unless I had herpes, then I would fuck you and your face.
There you have it folks how to make me angry in a matter of moments. Now get out there and do good things.
When I walk up to you grab my ass, I don't mean accidentally run into it because it's large I mean grab it and if you could go for either my but crack like you are digging for treasure or (fellow strippers will know what I mean by the following) the part where my butt cheek meets my leg which is uncomfortable close to my vagina. THEN draw me so close to you I literally can't see straight while I talk to you.
While your talking to me tell me how you have worked hard for every penny( basically saying that I have not) then tell me that my company doesn't pay me enough. I will of course flip my hair to the side and very sweetly say "Sugar they don't pay me at all" go on talking like you care.
Oh and please continue to touch me in ways I don't like after I have told you to stop. At this point I'm going to tell you that you need to pay for it. You know if you could say something like...What you don't like it, it will get me to the point where I reach down slam my palm into your dick and grab onto it like I've just lunged for a climbing hold while bouldering. I will so enjoy watching you hunch over. At this point of course I'm going to ask you for a dance.
PLEASE SAY MY FAVORITE THING...You're so pretty...I would love to take you out instead...come back later.
this is my job, i'm not here to find a date, besides match.com filters out people like you for me.
Tonight was pretty slow so I decided to take my chances with ol' smarty pants frat fucker tonight.
When I come back by I'm going to hit you in the dick with my clutch and you are going to proceed to tell me how much it hurt. I mean that's what you will do if you want to piss me off. I will ask you for a dance you will say something I don't remember and oblige.
We will head back to the dance area...and arrive at one of my least favorite booths. YAY isn't this fun.
I'll sit you down and tell you the rules like don't touch me inappropriately you will wine. Then should ask if you can put your finger in my ass. DON'T worry you can only if you lick whatever comes out (I'm not serious you can't really do that) You should say you will lick whatever comes out of my ass. I either want to see you deep throat a turd or hope that I ate a ton of fiber today and it's like spilling chili all over you. TMI...Nah just a vivid imagination.
We will get stared and you should say stupid things like how you want my vagina in your face. You should do things like promise to buy me any house I want, and tell me that I'll never have to work again if I go out with you, and if it doesn't work out I can just leave you and keep the house. Then when the longest 3 minutes of my life comes to a close and I ask you if you would like to continue you should say "We will see where this one goes" and I'll tell you it's over. You should go on to say how it isn't worth it and you expected more and basically tell me I'm a horrible person for following the law. Then tell me it's not worth $40. I'll go one to ignore your comments about me because well...I'M FUCKING AWESOME AND I WOULD RATHER GO HOME WITH LESS MONEY THAN LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR KNOWING THAT I LITERALLY JUST LET SOMEONE DISRESPECT ME. I'll go on to remind you that it's 20 and you will be ecstatic. I will promptly leave, and wonder to myself how I'm worth a house, but not 2 songs.
If you really want to get my goat I recommend telling a client(that is cool, and interesting and likes the melvins) I accidentally walk past you that I ripped you off.
Sugar you are right in a way the next time I see you I will rip you off. I'll rip you little dick off your disgusting body you sick fuck.
Other things, you can ask a waitress for me and then when I come over request a 3/4/40 and when I tell you no, you can tell me that you will wait for the 3/4/40 and me...I have news for you mister...IN SOME TIME.
At the end of the night you can tell me you are looking for a girl you heard will straight up fuck you in the VIP room...again...IN SOME TIME...LIKE FUCKING NEVER, unless I had herpes, then I would fuck you and your face.
There you have it folks how to make me angry in a matter of moments. Now get out there and do good things.
Friday, August 16, 2013
realizations
I have had one hell of a long day so I do not care that I have 7 minutes to eat my food and drink my cider then it's nuh-nigh time for this stripper. This soup is hands down the worst soup I have ever had. I should have made a steak, or some kale or something.
I realized today as coco was yelling at me over text for not blocking someone on twitter that I don't even know that she is somehow convinced is trying to steal me away I am yet again continuing down my spiral road of repeat. After her text, I text her back saying that I basically filled the space I had where bullet was with her, but since we only communicate via text it really was/is like having bullet around, it's someone to say crazy things to who I feel like understands me at times.
I started to ask myself if this was healthy, I'm still unsure. We will see if she decides to text me.
Other things I realized tonight. I hate explaining the law in Seattle, gentlemen I know it sucks, but please bitch to someone else, I'm not going to change my stance on it even if you ask me three times. Also someone please tell me how the phrase "You're really pretty equates to let me put my fingers in you and your boob in my mouth" I'm not seeing the direct translation.
Literally the worst soup ever of all time. Its so bad I'm going to stop eating it, and I'm fucking hungry so that's saying a lot. There now that's gone.
I also realized today that I've been avoiding my parents calls I'm not even sure why. I mean I'm going to see them in a couple of weeks so I had better figure it out. I think it's because I'm getting to the age where they expect me to get married but I've got nothing on that end. Also because they tend to treat me like a child. I'm older than my mom was when my dad married her. I'm also older than my cousin when she got married. I'm going to be the old lady with a million bulldogs. Which after reading it doesn't sound so bad.
I know I said I was going to PDX this weekend but it's going to have to wait until tomorrow.
I really embarrassed myself tonight. There was this guy who had been looking at me for a while, so I went up to chat with him while he was at the bar. I didn't realize he was waiting for Skylar for a champagne room. I apologized and she laughed it off but still embarrassing.
I'm beginning to get a little, dishearten by people as of late when it comes to work, I hope that tomorrow is different and on that note I'm incredibly tired.
I realized today as coco was yelling at me over text for not blocking someone on twitter that I don't even know that she is somehow convinced is trying to steal me away I am yet again continuing down my spiral road of repeat. After her text, I text her back saying that I basically filled the space I had where bullet was with her, but since we only communicate via text it really was/is like having bullet around, it's someone to say crazy things to who I feel like understands me at times.
I started to ask myself if this was healthy, I'm still unsure. We will see if she decides to text me.
Other things I realized tonight. I hate explaining the law in Seattle, gentlemen I know it sucks, but please bitch to someone else, I'm not going to change my stance on it even if you ask me three times. Also someone please tell me how the phrase "You're really pretty equates to let me put my fingers in you and your boob in my mouth" I'm not seeing the direct translation.
Literally the worst soup ever of all time. Its so bad I'm going to stop eating it, and I'm fucking hungry so that's saying a lot. There now that's gone.
I also realized today that I've been avoiding my parents calls I'm not even sure why. I mean I'm going to see them in a couple of weeks so I had better figure it out. I think it's because I'm getting to the age where they expect me to get married but I've got nothing on that end. Also because they tend to treat me like a child. I'm older than my mom was when my dad married her. I'm also older than my cousin when she got married. I'm going to be the old lady with a million bulldogs. Which after reading it doesn't sound so bad.
I know I said I was going to PDX this weekend but it's going to have to wait until tomorrow.
I really embarrassed myself tonight. There was this guy who had been looking at me for a while, so I went up to chat with him while he was at the bar. I didn't realize he was waiting for Skylar for a champagne room. I apologized and she laughed it off but still embarrassing.
I'm beginning to get a little, dishearten by people as of late when it comes to work, I hope that tomorrow is different and on that note I'm incredibly tired.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)