I love my job and here is a massive list of reasons why...enjoy

I get asked pretty frequently what I like and don't like about my job. Considering I've been pretty down on it lately so I thought I would write about what I like about it as a list.

1. I know it's shallow but I like the money. I started doing it and needed to do something lucrative and voila dancing became my thing although now it's drying up. So I need to move quick onto my hopes and dreams and hopefully still afford to do them while dancing also why I'm looking for another quick and easy job. I know I know not what you wanted to hear. However it's true sadly I can not live on "I think you're beautiful" and "I would love to buy you coffee" I wish I could because I would be rolling in money.

2. I don't understand men. The day I understand you is the day that I quit no joke. I seriously don't understand the male mind and I love that. I love that every one of you is a mystery. As much as I bag on Indian men I still sit and talk to them every night, because statistically speaking you can't all be terrible people. So I hope for the one in a million that I meet the cool ones, or the ones that don't low ball me or try to assault me.

3. I love the comradery between the girls it's amazing. Very unexpected I was expecting a blood bath which it wasn't. I also stood up for myself my first day as if I were in prison.

4. I love my regulars I love getting to know people and their stories over time. I've saved marriages. I've made people stop drinking. I've had people realize they hate their job and that they want to do something else all while talking it out with me. I'm like a naked therapist really.

6. I love that I have changed it from being just a stripper to turning it into a name for myself, focusing more on the marketing and the girls that I work with and their well being I'm sort or a liaison between the dancers and corporate. Although I'm sure they are upset with me since my numbers are down but I can't help that there are two back hoes parked in front of the club.

7. I love that I have danced everywhere and I've had a ton of fun and a ton of experiences I would not have normally had.

8. Dancing opened a lot of doors and slammed a lot of doors too. Dancing made me view myself and others differently and what the idea of a perfect body was or is, I mean I'm gorgeous. google me and find out. At the same time I've seen women much larger than me really be sexy and I've stood in awe of their beauty. It's all perspective I suppose, but mine is that every woman is beautiful.

9. I like that I've seen what the top looks like and that dancing keeps me striving for that  again, because I sure as fuck am not going out how I came in. So it's taught me motivation,=.

10. Dancing has taught me to question every single interaction I have with a man and if it's real, and if it's genuine. You want to have a nerf war you're probably okay. You send me a chandelier you're good. You're my Euro cheerleader I have mad love for you.

11. Dancing has taught me that I do not have to give a fuck about everyone and their feelings because chances are they don't give a fuck about mine, I have been the scapegoat for many, man,y things it's not fun being called a bitch and a cunt, and being told that I have no idea what body shaming is because of what I look like, actually I know more about it because of what I look like, men just want to fuck me, women want to hate me, it just isn't a good look being pretty sometimes, and yes maybe they are just jealous because they don't know me since most girls I work with will tell you I'm the nicest person, the most honest person, and I go hard for my girls. At the same time I have been told I'm a horrible, horrible, selfish person, that is totally out of touch with reality and what it's like to struggle or be shunned by society...bacon this time I'm talking about you. This is the only time I've ever even mentioned you in a blog.

12. Dancing taught me to fight. A strange one I know but it taught me what getting hit in the face feels like and that you can push through it and get out of a situation or beat the shit out of someone. Important life skill. It taught me to say no and to stand up for myself. Stand up for what I believe in.

13. Dancing has taught me there is value in everyone I just need to dig to find it.

14. To let things slide off, to roll with things to be told no 100 times in a row and keep fighting for the yes.

15. most of all dancing has taught me to find the humor in everything that this whole job is hilarious and that's what I love about it.

Dancing is dead...

tonight was the 3rd night in a row I left with zero dollars. Periscope shut me down. Someone is on my shit trying to take me down. I'm sorry you can't.

The real problem is the internet. Webcamming and $20 hand jobs in the club that I don't give. SPD come check on that I'm the cleanest dancer we have. I'm not about to give up on this thing that I love but the last time I used to come home and cry because of my job I quit and started dancing and maybe I need to buckle down and get there and 7 and really get it in like I used to and that's the goal for January, but right now I'm late on my rent, I have to somehow explain that. I didn't become a dancer to be broke and I refuse to be broke again. So I guess it's time to quit bitching and get back to who I was when I started, It's time to just hustle like I'm going to die tomorrow.

6 cop cars, 5 managers, 4 good laughs, 3 periscopes, 2 high heels, and the 1 time I was almost arrested.

So as you all very well know by now I do a lot of periscoping, like a lot a lot, like 15000 followers a lot. I am hoping some of you are crossovers, and one of these days I swear I'm going to monetize the hell out of this thing especially with the up coming book. That's right the tell all, the funny the dark, the nights you never forget like the other night...

I was in the bathroom doing my usual periscope, only I was wearing a geometric vinyl face mask. I would direct you to the video but I took it down just incase i really did say something ostentatious. Anyway people were asking were I worked, which should have been clue number one, followed by clue number two whats the address, now I want more customers so I'll dole the address out all day long.

However next thing I know one of the managers bursts in the door and shuffles me into the bathroom. I thought he wanted to gossip about something so I'm like what the fucking, fuck, I need to get on the floor at this second and make some money. He blocks me from the door and says "to hell you do" "Someone decided to call the cops on you saying you were soliciting sex out of the bathroom." "They described exactly what you looked like and what you were wearing, now sit your ass down and stay down for a minute"

I immediately start to panic worrying about what on earth I could have said to make someone think that. Management is outside dealing with it I have no clue what's going on. Apparently it was an annoyomous call, and the police ended up having a good laugh about it they figured it was nothing.

So six squad cars showed up for one little girl. Who knew the internet was so crazy.

help i need somebody help not just anybody- beatles

If you listen to the beatles or not there are certain verses that resonate with a person. I know I for one have been asking for a lot of help lately, and you all have been so awesome helping me out that said venmo me if you want therealestred1@gmail.com, you know if you felt like helping the cause. I know I say the cause quite a bit, and what the fucking, fuck is the cause. Well the cause is a heart condition, don't worry not a deadly one, you know it's that common one of having one that is too big. Don't let the resting bitch face fool you tonight I gave a girl literally the only money I made so she could get home. The cause is me dishing out life advice, because I'm a blunt ass bitch and I won't sugar coat it. So it's the hours of therapy for others. It's so often I'm helping every bitch in there and I can't talk about my life and my problems so they spill over here onto the internet, so it goes towards my sanity.

Love me or hate me. Thanks for helping the cause.

It's late this post will be updated tomorrow

Screams from the haters

as kanye says has a nice ring to it. I suppose I should have considered the scrutiny my blog would under go. HONESTLY FUCK IT. I've decided that how I feel is directly correlated to what I look like at times, and I'm fucking amazing, or so I've been told, so I am just going to start believing it. That being said, I was having a chit chat with skinny the other night and it brought me back, way back, back to the days when darlings was cracking, and I didn't have to worry about girls handing out stds, for the same price I give an std free dance. Anyway, I was bitching as normal about how men find me intimidating and blah, blah, blah, (he is also the one that said you can't make a hoe a housewife). Skinny always says the right thing to get my head straight. He said

LET THEM BE SCARED

For some reason tonight that is what is sticking after the hate mail I've been reading, the calls I've been missing, and the sleep I haven't been getting. I'm not scared of being told no, it means it's time to move on and my time isn't free, my time is fucking money if I'm writing, if I'm headed to PDX, if I'm putting together packages for my favorite customers or designing new swag, heads up I went to art school so I'll design shit if I want to and call it art voila'. Tonight I'm going in as I always go in with a great attitude, underwear that matches, rather than the ratty period panties girls want to wear, whatever to each their own. To quote another one of my favorite get ready for work songs which is "Loud Mouths" by "Wise Blood" off of "These wings" and the lyric goes a little something like this...Actually lets just post all the lyrics...

Your beautitudes are shaking

You don't know shit and its blatant

You gotta take a step back and be patient

I'm throwing shots at your frame because your new and romantic

But there's still hope if you hear what I'm saying

You've got those loud bitches loud bitches telling you lies

Don't listen to those girls they're just snakes in disguise

You've got the truth coming to ya and you gotta see

Gotta step up your game if you want to roll with me

Prophesy, Prophesy you had been dead by 18

Oh mercy me I landed back on my feet

And I've got such tighter arms, to help me move along, become the man I know I'm supposed to be

We can head to the show, or throw powder up your nose,

And when I make some money I'll buy you clothes

And if you like this life, you should hold on tight,

I'm going to make it, and you know I'm right.

You've got those loud bitches loud bitches telling you lies

Don't listen to those girls they're just snakes in disguise

You've got the truth coming to ya and you gotta see

Gotta step up your game if you want to roll with me.

As we know scared money don't make money, If you don't have haters you aint poppin (almost said hatters which would be funnier if you don't have haberdashers you aint poppin) 

Oddly enough someone, I hope to never see again, introduced me to that song as a way to remember that those bitches be are not your friends, and will do anything, to watch you fall. So...boo. Welcome to Sunday, I'll be in around 9 come say hi. We can talk about my drivel I spew. If not I'll be on periscope as usual come by and say hi there, or do what you normally do on a Sunday. Remember Monday is one day closer to Friday and Tuesday is the new Friday. OH and I'm acting dumb tonight so it should be a good time.

I made it till this weekend without getting puked on

So as you know I was in portland this weekend and as per usual I had no sleep which meant more than anything I was a crazy person who had not had a shower hell I still haven't showered in ohh about 4 days...sexy, bet you want to get all up in that. I know I would, but I've also been sitting on the couch thinking of ways to monotize periscope nothing has worked yet. I thought I would hit up etsy and buy a few things and ask if I could talk about them thought my broadcast. I've been hit with a I don't pay for models or advertising. Which isn't even what I was saying I was saying more of a trade I should have made that clearer I suppose anyway back to the vomit.

So in portland you can name your own prices on dances, mine are expensive because well I'm an expensive broad. So this guy gets a few dances, and then asks to be reminded how much a fully nude dance is and I say $100 he accepts, so I begrudingly take my panties off and proceed to give him a dance I stand up and turn around, and bend over and just as I'm half way up it sounds like he's having  a seizure and thats when the tiniest splash hits me, I turn around and there is vomit everywhere and he's puking and apologizing and I'm laughing because I can't help it and start telling embarrassing stories about myself drinking too much. He keeps saying how beautiful I am and that it's even more embaressing because of that. I laugh harder because so what I'm a pretty girl I puke too who fucking cares.

We go out to run his card I tell him he should tip me he throws on an extra $20, and i'm like bro I have vom on me so how about 100 and I won't tell anyone you puked all over the prettiest girl you've ever seen.

Stay weird portland stay weird.

Rattled, and that's saying something.

It takes a lot to rattle me, I've heard it all I've seen it all. Guy with a dildo in his jacket. The couple that tried to corner me. The guns in various places and pockets, but nothing quite like tonight.

Tonight started out like any other night. I was running late, I'm always fucking late. Jud, said I could come in late if I brought cake so I ran to the store and bought a cake, I'm not missing work over something stupid like time. Anyway I arrive, I get on periscope, if you don't follow me on periscope you should I'm hilarious. My views were back up were they should be which is around 2000 with 1700 replays thus far. so FUCK YOU SCOPE I'M BACK! Anyway moving on to the creepy part.

I walk out on the floor and I'm scanning the crowd there is one guy with no one on his lap, fine, talk to everyone you never know when you are going to make a sale. I sit down and ask him his name, he tells me. I ask him if he means "like in reference to a Disney prince" he says "sure I've never thought of it like that" we get to chatting and I start talking...and all of a sudden he interrupts me and says..."I know who you are, which isn't uncommon for me people recognize me from the internet all the time, it's not at big deal. So I continue with my conversation, which happens to be a rather morbid I'll just leave it at that. As we continue our conversation he interjects some more about knowing me or googling me maybe I suggested he google me who knows how that turn of events happened. Anyway he said he had already and that he actually was there looking for me, and I happen to be hard to track down, which seems silly to me since I'm all over the internet.

This is the point where I get ballsy and say "You know if you are here to kill me, just do it, and do it quick" He says he's not, he said that he would however be in deep shit if he couldn't find me and he was hoping I would pop out of the wood work, I leaned to the side smiled as close to coy as I get which is more like a grimace and said well tah-fucking-dah here I am, there is a poster of me on the wall and I'm here every weekend. I start asking him vague questions to try and figure out if he's pulling my leg, because why not scare the living daylights out of a stripper seems like a good time to me. After I said the death thing he said that his client just wanted to know that I was safe, and had heard I ran off with some guy, and that even back east they were wondering what had happened to me. At which point it seemed like he was joshing because again I'm all over the damn internet like a kindergartener using rubber cement for the 1st time. Anyway he continues to go on about how I must be pretty important to quite a few people since more than one person is/was wondering where I was and what I was doing.

He then gave me his number and said if I needed anything at all not to hesitate to call him.
So either I'm super famous, or someone wants me dead, and paid money to make it happen.
DAD don't freak out. I'm totally fine, Other family members I'm fine, it was just a strange night in the basement.