do you speak....

Sundays are always funny you never know how they are going to go. either really good or really bad. Tonight was one of those in between nights, where the conversations were interesting. I met an author righting a novel and some gentlemen that spoke french so I was able to practice my french and talk about writing. I think the most interesting part of my night was talking about time travel, if you would change things, if you would advise yourself of anything if you could tell yourself about future heartache and avoid it. Would you tell yourself your soulmate was standing in the room, would you tell them to talk to you instead of letting them run away if you knew that it would save you years of heart ache. Or do you need those years of heart act to appreciate your soulmate, could a younger you handle that even in a friend. Would I even have been a stripper, I mean fuck yeah of course I would it's part of who I am, but would you tell yourself your best friend was 10 feet from you...Or would you fear for the ripple effect. I say go hard and go back to your dimension chew some bubble gum and kick some ass.Tell your best friend not to give you the dj finger because you are better than that and she should know it.

Big Wig Visit.

Nothing funny happened, expect for being really tired. That was the highlight of my night I was super tired again at sodo...I have to stop being tired at sodo. I keep thinking about jobs I should be applying for work sny thing like that. Most excitement getting to see the big wig's honestly they are the reason I keep with this club, they prove we are more than just cattle. The reason I keep going back even though we have a luis. Like upper management is the fucking shit at my clubs, there were all these pimps in tonight and the ceo bee lined it over and was like what the fuck and still made time to talk to me it was awesome. People forget the core values of this company because middle management like luis fucks it up so hard for everyone. I need to write them all a mass text or email or something. They truly are the reason I keep coming back. E always makes time for me.I really appreciate them.

Little Darlings...has a suicide plan let me tell you what it is.

According to management we must work for 8 consecutive hours without a break we will be charged our full rent without any negotiation. Anytime we take a break it will be subtracted from our hours worked and if for some reason we come in under 8 hours there will be no negotiation on the rent owed. This is also inclusive of extra days worked like I'm scheduled Mon, Tue, Wed. If I came in on time those days and blah, blah, blah, I would also have to come in early on any other days I decided to work. I would have to be there for the required 8 hours. First off this is a violation of our rights in the following ways. by LUIS Alone. It says in my contract that I am able to wear whatever I like last week I was about to sell a dance and I was in my street clothes LUIS screamed at me that it wasn't allowed and I needed to change. You cannot tell a contractor what to wear. We are also required to charge a standard rate for our dances and say a person buys dances and a vip room and they are paying for their dances they already had with their card and their upcoming vip room if they run their card for $400 we are required to be marked for an hour vip room meaning the club takes 100 from us. So they would be taking an extra 100 from us and the 140. Although we are allowed to legally charge whatever we want for dances and rooms... but apparently regardless of what our contract says luis is going to do what he wants I understand thinning the herd of the non money makers but lately we've had a total of 10 customers in a day. We were trained that each customer should only have enough to buy one dance sure thats 300 dollars and I would make 160 however if there are 30 girls how are we all suppose to make 140? We can't so the club is basically pushing us to under cut each other on dance prices or what we are willing to do. So girls will start doing extras just to pay for rent, and then we will start under cutting each other on extras prices. It's fucking with the supply and demand and changing the market equilibrium. It would be more effective for the club to post signs saying they will be closing the club on a certain day all contracts will be terminated and we should make other arrangements. It also makes no sense that it would be sent down from the higher ups when they are giving discounts on rent to other clubs. I think luis may have lost his mind or at least his respect for what we as dancers do and how hard we actually try.

I need a miricle right now

and I got one it was the end of the night and a dapper gentleman came in usually dumber than a box of rocks but not this one. He knew what he wanted and he wanted a room for an hour...with me...that rarely happens these days. I walk him back to my usual room do my usual dance and I look up at him with this cheshire grin and these eyes that glow. Rarely do I get butterflies but I think I'm going to puke. we stop and talk he's actually charming a first, not handsy, and our hour is up.

how about I grab your dick a little harder

Lately red hasn't been feeling like RED MOTHER FUCKERS. Till last night this Indian man came in and wanted to negotiate a dance. We all know I don't do that. So I asked him what he thought a fair price would be he said In Houston you could make out, and touch whatever for $30. This is bullshit I know girls in Huston and that far from true. So I reached down and put his dick in a vice grip. So much so he apologized, and I asked if I come to his job ask him to write code for free and more of it, he of course said no. At this point he wants me to let go of his balls and my hand was getting a cramp, he said his friend had the money, so I grabbed his hand and we went on a little adventure to find him. Turns out it was broke dick's last day in the country...I convinced him he had quite a story to tell back home. He admitted the dance was good but I assume it's the last time he's going to be negotiating dances again

Talking shit about a pretty sunset

blanketing opinions that I"ll probably regret soon. So I've been bad about writing blogs I've been bad about being on periscope so I'm going to try and fix both this morning. I've just had a lot of personal stuff going on so I just ended up putting all this off. I acquired new roommates so lets see how that works out since we all know I have terrible judgement when it comes to people. Lately at work I've been really having issues that are seriously fucking with my self esteem. Like you're soo cool I just want to be friends with you. Or I wish I had met you sooner so I could have spent money on you. So I suppose really I am going to get into work early. I quit drinking, which makes work a lot harder I mean in the beginning it was easier but now I get so stressed working with a certain manager who gets mad at me for talking shit on my blog.At the same time that's what blogs are for talking shit, and when shits fucked up and you can't make any money it sucks. Here is the thing I wouldn't talkl shit if things were normal, like my backrent is through the roof however I do at least a room a week, I pay out when I can, however when there are only 4 guys In the entire club and I can't get in edgewise it makes it a lot harder. Also we've just had so much drama with the girls lately. Like so much drama. I'm hoping that with the change in girls will bring back the better guys. I mean my anniversary happened recently so I know I can make money that's just the hard thing. You would think the money would be enough but sometimes it's not and I still love my job. So to all of you who say maybe I should change jobs I'm not going anywhere. I'm just at a different place in my life I want more out of it. I want to enjoy some part of it every day and I haven't been. I want happiness I want to make money like I did. I'm back to square one of how did I used to do it. Was it that I would talk to everyone. Was it I would drink a bunch first. What made me money, was it my confidence I mean I know that was part of it. I had brass tits and I could talk someone into anything. I could make you belive, and maybe I've been too friendly and not sexy enough and that's what I need to bring back. I need to go back to listening to music on the way to get in the mood. I need to remember the amount of people that have called me sexy...it's a dumb amount. I need to write some positive affermations so I can avoid the fact that management doesn't care about me and is looking to fire me right now. I need to get back to being there at 8pm on the weekends and just crushing. Putting my clothes out 1st putting my make-up on here. I guess there is a lot. I forget how great I am because I don't hear it from mgmt. I don't get a nice job thanks for selling a few hours of rooms. Again this is where the money should be enough. I should be enough but I'm not. I'm in stripper limbo I look 23 but I'm 30 I only have a few years left at this and I need to finish another degree, and really put my back into it. That's the crappy thing about doing this for a while you profile people and you miss out on money. I need to stop doin that like asap. Tomorrow I'm going in early getting on the floor by 9. Talking to everyone if I have to poach them as they walk in the door. I'm going to have a great Friday. I'm also going to wash my lucky underwear for this one. I've got my hair in curlers already I should be able to turn the sex up to the gigawatts. I mean really even though pixie called me conceited I am actually pretty attractrive when it comes to whos who in the club. I have to remember I'm there for me and no one else. Also that I can't worry about people they are adults they choose what they wanto to do. I just need to make them choose me again and it can't be that hard I mean really I'm experienced. I'm just having anxiety about nothing that's really whats happening here. When I make money I'm less anxious so I can totally do this. It recently came out an ex of mine hated my job thought it was toxic thought I needed to get out of it but did absolutely nothing except move to la to help me on that one. I don't think he ever saw the confidence that it brought me I mean hell he just saw me In sweats, and lately I haven't been trying at all so maybe just getting ready during the day would help. Getting my place put back in total neat freak order. I don't know there is so much I need to do to still work on the past two years of my life. I need to confront someone who assaulted me, I need to write some letters to some people who hurt me and that I hurt. Ugh I'm not ready to quit this job, so I cant I keep saying I feel like I have things to finish in it and I do and now I think I have some clear goals on what they are, I need to chase down some happiness. I need to spend some time in pdx. Speaking of pdx I know I keep promising to come down but I need to pay my rent on my apartment 1st then I'll be down for a couple weeks so have no fear i'll be their soon. I promise that and I need a break from seattle again. I need to 1. prove that I'm worth something here so maybe in a couple weeks i'll be down since if I follow throw with everything and then disappear it would be better. I don't know I'm back in a rut and for no reason. I need to pull myself out and get excited about making money again and not caring about peoples feelings that much or if I look bad moving from person to person just really pull myself together. I have a few hours I can totally do this.

I always feel like somebody is watching me...

onstitutional rights* don't have no privacy.... One of my favorite 80's tunes and a cornerstone of my workouts mixes is kind of true in my life, I make most of it really public, which is very fine by me. At other times it's a little bleh. Right now I find myself in the crossfire of periscope, and adsense, I'm not a family friendly blog, and periscope will never tell me what community guidelines I've broken *rights infringement on constitutional rights* but whatever aint no big thing...Gotta stay positive, which is what I'm doing. Work is slow whats new. It's hilarious as always we had a discussion about vintage fur and the ethics of wearing fur. If it's vintage it's been dead for a long, long, long, time, rather than a brand new fresh fur, which am not against at all. Anyway, large pieces like jackets should always be vintage so you can argue both sides. Anyway the excitement behind the scene and another night in the strip club.