Little Darlings...has a suicide plan let me tell you what it is.

According to management we must work for 8 consecutive hours without a break we will be charged our full rent without any negotiation. Anytime we take a break it will be subtracted from our hours worked and if for some reason we come in under 8 hours there will be no negotiation on the rent owed. This is also inclusive of extra days worked like I'm scheduled Mon, Tue, Wed. If I came in on time those days and blah, blah, blah, I would also have to come in early on any other days I decided to work. I would have to be there for the required 8 hours. First off this is a violation of our rights in the following ways. by LUIS Alone. It says in my contract that I am able to wear whatever I like last week I was about to sell a dance and I was in my street clothes LUIS screamed at me that it wasn't allowed and I needed to change. You cannot tell a contractor what to wear. We are also required to charge a standard rate for our dances and say a person buys dances and a vip room and they are paying for their dances they already had with their card and their upcoming vip room if they run their card for $400 we are required to be marked for an hour vip room meaning the club takes 100 from us. So they would be taking an extra 100 from us and the 140. Although we are allowed to legally charge whatever we want for dances and rooms... but apparently regardless of what our contract says luis is going to do what he wants I understand thinning the herd of the non money makers but lately we've had a total of 10 customers in a day. We were trained that each customer should only have enough to buy one dance sure thats 300 dollars and I would make 160 however if there are 30 girls how are we all suppose to make 140? We can't so the club is basically pushing us to under cut each other on dance prices or what we are willing to do. So girls will start doing extras just to pay for rent, and then we will start under cutting each other on extras prices. It's fucking with the supply and demand and changing the market equilibrium. It would be more effective for the club to post signs saying they will be closing the club on a certain day all contracts will be terminated and we should make other arrangements. It also makes no sense that it would be sent down from the higher ups when they are giving discounts on rent to other clubs. I think luis may have lost his mind or at least his respect for what we as dancers do and how hard we actually try.

Luck, superstitions, getting what you want, and strippers

One of the scariest strippers I ever met (she worked in Portland, had her own booth and holy shit it was off with your head if you used it) some girl had put her shoes on the counter. She turned and very coldly said "Take your fucking shoes off the counter it's bad luck" Ask any stripper and they have a lucky outfit, lucky pair of underwear, lucky pair of shoes, and also equally unlucky outfits, shoes, and underwear. We also have a saying that I keep considering getting tattooed on me somewhere "There is always tomorrow" we live and die by this saying especially on bad nights. We have bills to pay just like everyone else only we don't have the stability of a paycheck so no matter how bad it gets we have to stay optimistic. Girls have the same superstition with their bags as their shoes. It took me forever to figure out the actual meaning of it, it didn't have to do with dirt, half of us bring our own rug to stand on. It has to do with respecting your money and not putting it on the level you walk, because then your money will always stay low. So by keeping it above where you put your dirty ass stripper feet it in theory keeps your money up. If you follow me on twitter which you should (if you don't it is @RED_stripper) you know I'm always asking for a miracle. For my rent to be paid, for the chance to run into Giles or Courtney again. Guess who came a knocking on my door today just as I was reading an email about my rent...One Giles. Luckily I had a friend over helping me move furniture around (re-decorating on a budget, just move shit around). The door bell rang, and I thought it was a parcel I'm expecting from DC so in my excitement buzzed them (him) in. I should have known by the number of buzzes it was him, we always had a code, when he was sober, and good, and before he killed my dog, anyway i send (oh what should we call him...Thor) to check and see if there is a parcel downstairs, and he comes up and says, nope it's giles. I immediately freak out and say to call the police, only how am I going to explain this "Hi this man has broken into my house before, and admitted it was just to steal from me and I accidentally buzzed him in...can you arrest him?" No, police were called, Thor said giles was trying to write me some sort of note...I'm sure it was something to the effect of "I really need a place to stay I'm getting clean, blah, blah, blah, heard it before" much like the time he broke into my place knowing I was away on business so there would be no one here. I think his note that time apologized for intruding on my space and that he was only there for a little while, the funny thing about that note was I walked into my house to discover the lights on and him pop his head out of the kitchen. Later in an argument of some sort we had (I'm sure it was because something expensive had gone missing as it usually did with him around...He finally admitted that he had only come in because he knew I wouldn't be there and he had actually come by to see what I had that he could sell for drug money. The funny thing is at this point he had stolen mostly everything nice I owned, things with high sentimental value like a Prada wallet (My 1st mentor had given me). So there wasn't really anything left for him to steal at the time, that I wouldn't notice, I mean he did take two red and black Alexander McQueen scarves, thinking I would just think I was just continuously misplacing them. That now I finally am starting to get my things back a little bit by a little bit, I have a new wallet that I like just as much and means as much. He had taken all of my Marc Jacobs bags, and I had a few, and I've replaced them with different bags, ones that could even be considered more grown up than before. Also I spilled an entire bowl of clam chowder in one of those bags so someone is walking around with a really nice black bag that smells slightly of fish. Okay enough about the past and the horrible people I let into my life because I thought I could help them back to the story... Thor then being a good friend did what any 6'3" 225 lb man (this is why i asked him to help me move furniture) would do, and chase him out of the building.He found him in the laundry room. Thor told him to leave, chased him out of the building, and down the street, saying I wanted nothing to do with him ever and that he's lucky I didn't kill him, since if given the chance I will cry every single day over my dog. I asked Thor how he looked, he said terrible he had sores all over his face, and looked very homeless. I suppose a good Samaritan would have let him shower...at the same time treat others as you would like to be treated, and I think if I was at that point in my life I would want my friends and family to turn me away, I would want any cushion from the bottom removed, so I could fall, and fall hard, and maybe then look around and pick myself up, realize life is unfair yes, but I don't have to be an asshole to people trying to help me, and just because my mother threw out all my designer things was no reason to steal and sell someone else's. I would find a way to get a job, even if it was the most demeaning of jobs (some of you might say what I do now is demeaning I think the exact opposite). However I would collect scrap metal, pour concrete, stand outside of lowes and get day labor jobs, till I could get a real job, then I would get my life together get an apartment, join NA or AA or NA and AA. So I guess I did exactly what I was suppose to do, I did not take pity or show pity where it was not due. Someone the other day said, because I had found one of my dogs hairs while putting on my make-up that it was a sign from her to move on and get a new dog. I now think it was a warning, and it was her way of making me look at things from a different view, from hers, my little protector, my little (literal) bulldog. So back to the luck part, I'm always asking for three things my rent paid, and to run into those two assholes. All three have happened in the matter of a week. I'm feeling very lucky, very blessed, very protected in a way. It's going to be so nice to work and be myself again, to work like I don't need it. It will give me the chance to really get back into the swing of being me, of not getting so butt-hurt when people turn me down. Seriously guys, saying no is just fine, but when I ask you when the last time you saw someone as hot as myself happened to be and you respond with never. Why the fuck are you saying no to a dance? Also am I that odd looking that I'm seriously asking, leave me a message in the comments about it. Anyway saying no is fine, but remember we are human too so say no nicely, I mean do you like getting turned down at bars? Probably not. We don't like getting turned down 25 times in a row. However now that my three wishes have been granted. Lets hope for the fourth and that my parcel shows up. I can close the book on that chapter of my life. I can move on...What a crazy feeling. I suppose there is always tomorrow, but it's nice to know that tomorrow I get to start being me, being funny, and making money again, hell I can start tonight, you can say no as many times as you want because it doesn't phase me. I'm feeling Sexy as fuck (thanks FP and DC for the hair) I still need to go to Vidal Sasson and use that gift card. I've decided to buy either a flat iron or a hair dryer, and new shampoo and conditioner. Or maybe just Shampoo and Conditioner since both my flatiron actually both of them work fine and my hair dryer has a retractable cord so it fits in small spaces and the cord doesn't get tangled. ANYWHO my hair is fresh as fuck, my body is looking slamming as usual...just need to get my squats in today. I'm feeling Snarky, and Funny, to me they are very different things. I'm feeling like the machine I previously was, the one that made more money than anyone else, that ran circles around the club. I'm very excited to be back in the saddle...I think I've said that about as many times as I've said there is always tomorrow...So I suppose at this moment it would be right to say "There is always today" Tonight I'll tell you the story of a friend of mine going to a strip club for the 1st time and how entertaining it was to me. So...here is to tonight.

Summer, summer, summer time...I think I have titled a blog this before.

So today I was enjoying one of my favorite summertime activities...and observing a tinder date at the same time. I was talking to a good friend of mine a non-stripper (crazy I know I have non-stripper friends). Anyway we were talking about what I've been up to and the writing I've been doing lately. I text her the other day and she had deleted my text somehow a while ago so I said I was Red, because I am Red. She was out with another friend at the time and couldn't think of who "Red" was...she said "who's red" out loud and the friend she was with we will say V said..."you mean Red from The Mens Room? I love her"...So V thanks for listening to me on the mens room I really appreciate it, and yes you should come down and see me sometime.

Today was sprinkled with delightful little surprises, like embarrassing myself to no end when I should have kept my mouth shut.

Also...A delightful surprise of a really wonderful Indian gentleman, I am not even kidding right now. I was walking the floor tonight slowly like I always do, lining up in my head whom I'm going to prey on I mean approach next, and I catch an Indian man looking at me and really trying to get my attention. I did what I usually do which is ignore them/him for a moment. I finally walked up to him, and he was so sweet, didn't waste a ton of my time, he didn't try to renegotiate dance prices(that), he just agreed to get a dance. I laid out the rules like I always do. Low and behold this man who statistics would say would be a total jerk was so polite and nice it was great, it was the most pleasant surprise I've had in a while when it comes to talking to new Indian men. Faith renewed...right here all it takes is one good one, where as one bad kid can ruin it for the whole class when it comes to chewing gum or whatever in elementary school. As an adult and in my industry it's the exact opposite all it takes is one good one to erase all the bad.

Also just as an FYI so I can get it off my chest, and on the record.

Nev, last night was telling me about her relationship issues, and I was trying not to get into it, because I had overheard it like 5 times by then. Somehow and I thought she said this to drag me in, she said that her Mr. had threatened to "start talking to me" to get back at her. She asked me not to do that to her because it was just kill her. The thing is I would never, in one million years of a number of dollars do that ever. I would never helps someone cheat on their significant other. I would also never, even after they were broken up hook-up with anyone I work with's SO, or XSO, everything about it is so incredibly wrong with that it breaks like the highest rule of girl code.  Not that this fact matters he is so not my type or someone I would be attracted to. Personality is a huge thing for me and someone who threatens their lover with interactions with someone they find a threat is not someone I want anything to do with. Even if that wasn't a thing still not my type, I don't even have a type, but he's really not someone I would be into.

Side rant...
 I'm also really tired of this club, it feels like I should be doing better, like being hot would be worth something but it seems like it's not here...That being said I think I'm going to go back to traveling between here and PDX a little bit more. I feel like when I travel it reminds me of my worth since Dejavu has a tendency to brainwash us into thinking that we must work for them, and we must pay them a crazy amount every night, and that there is no where else to work, and that we aren't that attractive or smart...Yup I need a break. PDX I'm coming for you...If I can force myself to, DAMN YOU BRAINWASHING!

GVS strikes local strip club....

For those of you unfamiliar with GVS it is a horrible illness known in it's entirety as Golden Vagina Syndrome, it typically inhabits the bodies of newer strippers. One of the girls in my locker area is currently suffering from it.

I walked into work last night and it was crowded in my area, I couldn't turn my big butt around without running it into someone else. There is this younger stripper in the back having a conversation with one of my fave girls about fighting, and how she doesn't talk shit. Let me also interject that she's wasted, she puts down at least a 750ml bottle of Vodka every night she works She is continually saying how she doesn't say anything that she just leans back and smiles, before she picks up the heaviest thing she can find to swing at someone...First off this is dumb, you are currently talking shit, and there are a bunch of bitches back here who would happily prove you wrong.

S (another fave of mine) is talking about how crowed it is and that people need to move and get on the floor so there is space to get ready. GVSS (golden vagina syndrome suffer) is also talking about how it's crowed, but she's not getting ready she's just milling about, S tells her to get out since she doesn't have a purpose for being back there. She also drops that she might drop kick her if she doesn't. I chime in with "If you don't need to be back here Get The Fuck Out" She decides to come back at me with "Bitch don't tell me what to do" I'm caught a little off guard, I was merely chiming in, and yes I wasn't being very nice, I'll admit it, she annoys me. At the same time she can be so sweet when she's not drunk, nicest girl, she's caring, funny, and all sorts of other things, but when she's wasted and around other newish strippers with egos she's fucking awful. I retorted with, "you're the one that said you couldn't breathe so fix it. She starts talking to the girls around her all while she's within arms reach of me saying "I wish a N*g* (you get the idea) would" Other girls are trying to calm her down, it's not working so I open my mouth again and I'm like "Hey I was joking, calm down" She pipes back with "Don't fucking tell me to calm down, never ever tell me to calm down, I will fuck you up" At this point I'm waiting for this drunk bitch to punch me. I'm thinking there is about to be a locker room fight, because this bitch keeps running her mouth every night. She leaves to smoke.

L comes down and says that GVSS is upstairs saying everyone is being bitchy and to tell her if I'm talking shit. I turn to L and say please tell her I'm talking shit, that she needs to quit drinking so much and running her mouth. I don't think it ever got back to her. We started talking about how great she is when she isn't drunk, as I mentioned before she's awesome.

She comes back down, L says "I hate drunk people they totally annoy me" GVSS "Says oh I'm sorry I hope I'm not annoying you" L "I didn't even notice" L then turns to me and says "Red wouldn't it be awesome if we could actually fight people and not get fired for it" I smirk and say "Yup it would be pretty rad" Sometimes it would be nice to just get it out rather than squawking at each other. Or for the girls that talk a big game to actually bring it to the table. This statement quieted the whole shit talking forum that was happening.

GVS is a dangerous thing, it can turn a whole club against you. This girl is really working on making some enemies with all her drinking and acting like she's the top bitch. She's also one of those girls that talks about how much she weighs or doesn't weigh. She's cute don't get me wrong. She has big boobs, shes Puerto Rican, she's pretty. One night she was all like blah, blah, blah, I weigh 120 blah, blah, blah. The thing is I look lighter than her, I might just be lighter than her but I'm also super muscular, to the point people comment on what good shape I'm in, not in an overly done way yet. I work out. I run, I try to stay active, I feel pretty fit. This girl follows that statement with I'm an athlete, my whole family consists of athletes I'm just too lazy to work out. UMM WHAT THE FUCK! YOU ARE NOT AN ATHLETE UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY WORK OUT, JUST FYI. Statements like that obviously annoy me. There are those of us that work hard to look a certain way and I don't need anyone negating the work that I do. I so want the best for this girl, I really want her to quit being delusional, before someone slaps some sense into her.

Last time we were here.

Last time I sat on the couch I am currently sitting on to write this blog I was crying uncontrollably. I was in the darkest of dark places. Darker than Little Darlings and that my dears is a basement. On the bright side of all of this. I am in a much better place at this point I have come to terms with certain things in my life...Like being a stripper again. Yes hard to believe I RED had a hard time with being a stripper for a moment as I am such a proponent of this industry if you can hack it which leads me to my next point.

A friend of mine was chatting with a girl online. By chatting I mean he was using an online dating service (I live vicariously through my friends in this way) He was telling me about this girl and that she had said she was a stripper. I thought that it would be really cool if he took this opportunity to get a really inside view of a strippers life rather than just mine because I might be just a little bit different than most...Here we have the stripper in her natural habitat, notice the skittish movements and slight aversion to daylight...fascinating. I'm kidding of course, most of the girls I know are great.

Anyway it came about that she was lying about being a stripper. I think that, lying about this job is probably one of the strangest things you could lie about. Why would you? Having gone on dates with people it has become pretty apparent to me that men don't think it's very "cool" to be dating a stripper. Typically it's a deal breaker, or it will eventually become a deal breaker.

My dear friend knowing that there are many pros and cons to this job gave her a little what for as she apparently stated something, something, about morals. Saying that there are may respectable strippers in the world and we happen to have morals, we just do it as a job (a job that I love) but still a job.

I really wish I had the option of talking to most people that feel that strippers don't have morals. I wish I could give them a small glimpse into my life and prove to them that we don't just shove thousands of dollars of drugs up our noses a month. We don't sleep with everyone that shows interest. We really don't have a low self-esteem. That in fact our ego's occasionally are a little over inflated. We have very normal lives. Some of us have children, are on the PTA, outside of work we don't really dress sexy, we try to cover as much as we can.

It's absolutely ridiculous to assume we don't have morals. It's even more ridiculous to lie about being a stripper. On that note...

Dear Random Internet Girl,
Amateur night is every Thursday. It's a couple hundred dollars if you win, or we (the club) will cover your license should you choose to be a dancer. Then you don't have to lie about it to impress people, you can experience first hand the look of disappointment on people faces, or should you get really unlucky the random dude that reaches out to grab your boob because he thinks you are easy. But really with any luck you will get lucky and find out who your real friends are and learn to live a tiny double life, but not a double life in a bad way if you do it correctly.
Kindest Regards,
RED.