Luck, superstitions, getting what you want, and strippers

One of the scariest strippers I ever met (she worked in Portland, had her own booth and holy shit it was off with your head if you used it) some girl had put her shoes on the counter. She turned and very coldly said "Take your fucking shoes off the counter it's bad luck" Ask any stripper and they have a lucky outfit, lucky pair of underwear, lucky pair of shoes, and also equally unlucky outfits, shoes, and underwear. We also have a saying that I keep considering getting tattooed on me somewhere "There is always tomorrow" we live and die by this saying especially on bad nights. We have bills to pay just like everyone else only we don't have the stability of a paycheck so no matter how bad it gets we have to stay optimistic. Girls have the same superstition with their bags as their shoes. It took me forever to figure out the actual meaning of it, it didn't have to do with dirt, half of us bring our own rug to stand on. It has to do with respecting your money and not putting it on the level you walk, because then your money will always stay low. So by keeping it above where you put your dirty ass stripper feet it in theory keeps your money up. If you follow me on twitter which you should (if you don't it is @RED_stripper) you know I'm always asking for a miracle. For my rent to be paid, for the chance to run into Giles or Courtney again. Guess who came a knocking on my door today just as I was reading an email about my rent...One Giles. Luckily I had a friend over helping me move furniture around (re-decorating on a budget, just move shit around). The door bell rang, and I thought it was a parcel I'm expecting from DC so in my excitement buzzed them (him) in. I should have known by the number of buzzes it was him, we always had a code, when he was sober, and good, and before he killed my dog, anyway i send (oh what should we call him...Thor) to check and see if there is a parcel downstairs, and he comes up and says, nope it's giles. I immediately freak out and say to call the police, only how am I going to explain this "Hi this man has broken into my house before, and admitted it was just to steal from me and I accidentally buzzed him in...can you arrest him?" No, police were called, Thor said giles was trying to write me some sort of note...I'm sure it was something to the effect of "I really need a place to stay I'm getting clean, blah, blah, blah, heard it before" much like the time he broke into my place knowing I was away on business so there would be no one here. I think his note that time apologized for intruding on my space and that he was only there for a little while, the funny thing about that note was I walked into my house to discover the lights on and him pop his head out of the kitchen. Later in an argument of some sort we had (I'm sure it was because something expensive had gone missing as it usually did with him around...He finally admitted that he had only come in because he knew I wouldn't be there and he had actually come by to see what I had that he could sell for drug money. The funny thing is at this point he had stolen mostly everything nice I owned, things with high sentimental value like a Prada wallet (My 1st mentor had given me). So there wasn't really anything left for him to steal at the time, that I wouldn't notice, I mean he did take two red and black Alexander McQueen scarves, thinking I would just think I was just continuously misplacing them. That now I finally am starting to get my things back a little bit by a little bit, I have a new wallet that I like just as much and means as much. He had taken all of my Marc Jacobs bags, and I had a few, and I've replaced them with different bags, ones that could even be considered more grown up than before. Also I spilled an entire bowl of clam chowder in one of those bags so someone is walking around with a really nice black bag that smells slightly of fish. Okay enough about the past and the horrible people I let into my life because I thought I could help them back to the story... Thor then being a good friend did what any 6'3" 225 lb man (this is why i asked him to help me move furniture) would do, and chase him out of the building.He found him in the laundry room. Thor told him to leave, chased him out of the building, and down the street, saying I wanted nothing to do with him ever and that he's lucky I didn't kill him, since if given the chance I will cry every single day over my dog. I asked Thor how he looked, he said terrible he had sores all over his face, and looked very homeless. I suppose a good Samaritan would have let him shower...at the same time treat others as you would like to be treated, and I think if I was at that point in my life I would want my friends and family to turn me away, I would want any cushion from the bottom removed, so I could fall, and fall hard, and maybe then look around and pick myself up, realize life is unfair yes, but I don't have to be an asshole to people trying to help me, and just because my mother threw out all my designer things was no reason to steal and sell someone else's. I would find a way to get a job, even if it was the most demeaning of jobs (some of you might say what I do now is demeaning I think the exact opposite). However I would collect scrap metal, pour concrete, stand outside of lowes and get day labor jobs, till I could get a real job, then I would get my life together get an apartment, join NA or AA or NA and AA. So I guess I did exactly what I was suppose to do, I did not take pity or show pity where it was not due. Someone the other day said, because I had found one of my dogs hairs while putting on my make-up that it was a sign from her to move on and get a new dog. I now think it was a warning, and it was her way of making me look at things from a different view, from hers, my little protector, my little (literal) bulldog. So back to the luck part, I'm always asking for three things my rent paid, and to run into those two assholes. All three have happened in the matter of a week. I'm feeling very lucky, very blessed, very protected in a way. It's going to be so nice to work and be myself again, to work like I don't need it. It will give me the chance to really get back into the swing of being me, of not getting so butt-hurt when people turn me down. Seriously guys, saying no is just fine, but when I ask you when the last time you saw someone as hot as myself happened to be and you respond with never. Why the fuck are you saying no to a dance? Also am I that odd looking that I'm seriously asking, leave me a message in the comments about it. Anyway saying no is fine, but remember we are human too so say no nicely, I mean do you like getting turned down at bars? Probably not. We don't like getting turned down 25 times in a row. However now that my three wishes have been granted. Lets hope for the fourth and that my parcel shows up. I can close the book on that chapter of my life. I can move on...What a crazy feeling. I suppose there is always tomorrow, but it's nice to know that tomorrow I get to start being me, being funny, and making money again, hell I can start tonight, you can say no as many times as you want because it doesn't phase me. I'm feeling Sexy as fuck (thanks FP and DC for the hair) I still need to go to Vidal Sasson and use that gift card. I've decided to buy either a flat iron or a hair dryer, and new shampoo and conditioner. Or maybe just Shampoo and Conditioner since both my flatiron actually both of them work fine and my hair dryer has a retractable cord so it fits in small spaces and the cord doesn't get tangled. ANYWHO my hair is fresh as fuck, my body is looking slamming as usual...just need to get my squats in today. I'm feeling Snarky, and Funny, to me they are very different things. I'm feeling like the machine I previously was, the one that made more money than anyone else, that ran circles around the club. I'm very excited to be back in the saddle...I think I've said that about as many times as I've said there is always tomorrow...So I suppose at this moment it would be right to say "There is always today" Tonight I'll tell you the story of a friend of mine going to a strip club for the 1st time and how entertaining it was to me. So...here is to tonight.

How to be the best stripper...ever (the word according to red)

Lately I've been asking myself how to get back to my original self. The self that made money hand over fist. I'm still attractive, I'm still smart. There is no reason why I should make money the last hour of work. Also I was asked to give advise on the subject considering my amazing abilities to retain regulars...although I am taking on new regulars if anyone is up for the challenge. I didn't advise them as I didn't have time and I didn't know what to say considering my most recent luck...

After binge watching a ton of netflix and hulu, and really going though everything in the past 10 years of my life ( it is getting to be that time of year where I start talking about the years passed). That there is a little bit of truth in the fiction of movies. I suppose what I'm about to say is probably going to concern some people. (Family I'm not talking to you or about you, or anyone who may think I'm referencing them personally I'm not this is more of a general statement)...YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THE LIE. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY THE BEST PERSON ON THE FLOOR AND THAT NO ONE ELSE EXISTS OR THAT THEY ARE THERE TO ASSIT YOU IN MAKING MONEY. That's it that's all it takes. Oh and a six minute limit. If you can't close in six minutes you aren't going to close it. Remember it's an option you are selling, not a demand, and you have to believe that they are not the only option as well. Oh and the lie never derive from the lie. I don't mean lie to everyone about everything. I mean more like method acting believe who you are while you are on the floor. I always take time to adjust from work me to me me, before interacting with anyone.

So here is to getting back into myself and truly believing that "don't can't call me bitch, bitch"is the truest I have been with myself. Right up there with knowing a little bit about everything and taking interest in everything as well. Also righting myself for thinking I've been wrong at all and shouldn't do this or don't deserve to do it well. So that's all it takes to be a great stripper, just believe in yourself, and some tall, tall shoes.

GVS strikes local strip club....

For those of you unfamiliar with GVS it is a horrible illness known in it's entirety as Golden Vagina Syndrome, it typically inhabits the bodies of newer strippers. One of the girls in my locker area is currently suffering from it.

I walked into work last night and it was crowded in my area, I couldn't turn my big butt around without running it into someone else. There is this younger stripper in the back having a conversation with one of my fave girls about fighting, and how she doesn't talk shit. Let me also interject that she's wasted, she puts down at least a 750ml bottle of Vodka every night she works She is continually saying how she doesn't say anything that she just leans back and smiles, before she picks up the heaviest thing she can find to swing at someone...First off this is dumb, you are currently talking shit, and there are a bunch of bitches back here who would happily prove you wrong.

S (another fave of mine) is talking about how crowed it is and that people need to move and get on the floor so there is space to get ready. GVSS (golden vagina syndrome suffer) is also talking about how it's crowed, but she's not getting ready she's just milling about, S tells her to get out since she doesn't have a purpose for being back there. She also drops that she might drop kick her if she doesn't. I chime in with "If you don't need to be back here Get The Fuck Out" She decides to come back at me with "Bitch don't tell me what to do" I'm caught a little off guard, I was merely chiming in, and yes I wasn't being very nice, I'll admit it, she annoys me. At the same time she can be so sweet when she's not drunk, nicest girl, she's caring, funny, and all sorts of other things, but when she's wasted and around other newish strippers with egos she's fucking awful. I retorted with, "you're the one that said you couldn't breathe so fix it. She starts talking to the girls around her all while she's within arms reach of me saying "I wish a N*g* (you get the idea) would" Other girls are trying to calm her down, it's not working so I open my mouth again and I'm like "Hey I was joking, calm down" She pipes back with "Don't fucking tell me to calm down, never ever tell me to calm down, I will fuck you up" At this point I'm waiting for this drunk bitch to punch me. I'm thinking there is about to be a locker room fight, because this bitch keeps running her mouth every night. She leaves to smoke.

L comes down and says that GVSS is upstairs saying everyone is being bitchy and to tell her if I'm talking shit. I turn to L and say please tell her I'm talking shit, that she needs to quit drinking so much and running her mouth. I don't think it ever got back to her. We started talking about how great she is when she isn't drunk, as I mentioned before she's awesome.

She comes back down, L says "I hate drunk people they totally annoy me" GVSS "Says oh I'm sorry I hope I'm not annoying you" L "I didn't even notice" L then turns to me and says "Red wouldn't it be awesome if we could actually fight people and not get fired for it" I smirk and say "Yup it would be pretty rad" Sometimes it would be nice to just get it out rather than squawking at each other. Or for the girls that talk a big game to actually bring it to the table. This statement quieted the whole shit talking forum that was happening.

GVS is a dangerous thing, it can turn a whole club against you. This girl is really working on making some enemies with all her drinking and acting like she's the top bitch. She's also one of those girls that talks about how much she weighs or doesn't weigh. She's cute don't get me wrong. She has big boobs, shes Puerto Rican, she's pretty. One night she was all like blah, blah, blah, I weigh 120 blah, blah, blah. The thing is I look lighter than her, I might just be lighter than her but I'm also super muscular, to the point people comment on what good shape I'm in, not in an overly done way yet. I work out. I run, I try to stay active, I feel pretty fit. This girl follows that statement with I'm an athlete, my whole family consists of athletes I'm just too lazy to work out. UMM WHAT THE FUCK! YOU ARE NOT AN ATHLETE UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY WORK OUT, JUST FYI. Statements like that obviously annoy me. There are those of us that work hard to look a certain way and I don't need anyone negating the work that I do. I so want the best for this girl, I really want her to quit being delusional, before someone slaps some sense into her.

Let's get down to the nitty gritty

Ok management knows how I feel about most things. I rarely keep my mouth closed and air my grievances. I feel this is appropriate due to my longevity at our humble little club. That being said they know that I feel it's highly inappropriate to charge SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much money. I would like to think of this as a list of things I would like to address at our next house meeting. Considering we have new management. I hate dealing with new management. I have to remember that I must just keep my head down keep grinding, and shut the fuck up, hand them their money and accept their seemingly insincere "thank you's" and they "have I told you how pretty you look todays" (Management please remember that I don't give a fuck what you think I look like, you care that I pay you and I care about the following)

1. Please don't take our bathroom doors off, I don't actually think that you can legally. I really feel that a work place is required to have bathroom doors. Does anyone know the answer to this question actually?

2. I think it's ridiculous for our bathroom sink to be out of commission for more than 24 hours.

3. Do we actually have a cleaning staff? Can you prove it?

4. How about getting the carpets done more frequently. We set our knees down on that and it's gross.

5. Can we start a no stripper shoes outside? I mean seriously sidewalks are disgusting!

6. I would really like to see some receipts, thanks guys. 

If you read this blog before I made it a little friendlier to the readers I'm sure you got a quick idea of how much it costs to work per month. I understand owners equity and that there are other people in the company that need to get paid and blah, blah, blah, but considering the amount that I pay and lets just assume that there are others that pay as much as I do per month, the club really isn't doing that bad. I've worked in other clubs that charge less and have a cleaner working environment.

I also realize that I have these little rants every now and again and I think about quitting and moving to a different club, but at the same time I know that I work best in my club, when management stays the fuck out of my business and I stay out of theirs.

Maybe I'll save everyone some time and energy and go bleach the fuck out of the locker room tomorrow during the day just for kicks, so I know that it was cleaned recently or I'll just start buying bleach wipes so everyone can clean their own station and the bottom of their shoes before they go on stage or something. Taking matters into my own hands might be a better idea than bitching about them.

the man the myth

the go fuck yourself... yup that's right I said it. I'm not into you. So stop trying to take me home you fuck, I don't care how big your dick is, you don't have the money and I really don't have the time. Another day in the life of Red.
It all started out cheery tonight, I went in with a great attitude because last night was amazing, I returned someones wallet without even opening it, that's a pretty big deal if you ask me. So here I am thinking tonight is going to be even better, and it starts out great with some private wealth management dude just paying me to talk to him. Odd as we were talking about the debt ceiling. I love those guys! As soon as I get up to go hustle it's like a fucking storm happens.
EVERY GOD DAMN PERSON TELLS ME NO! I was like are you serious? Really tonight? You are going to tell me no. Do I look fat or something? No no I do not, how do I know some super crazy muscle dude who could literally bench me with one arm tells me I look super solid and that I must work out a ton. It was just a jacked up night. Everyone but me was making millions. WHATEVER!
Then I had the end of the night douche canoe get a champagne room try to get me to go home with him. GAH when will you kids ever learn that unless you have goo gobs of money I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks.