I was talking to a friend of mine about this blog

So I was talking to a friend i've had for a long time about this blog, and she brought up that it was great, and I know i've writtent this a hundred timed "i'm coming back to writing I promise" well...I have once again learned that promises are worth the paper they are written on. Let me tell you I can never find a pen. So she recommeded using this like a journal which i have wanted to do for a long time. However, truth be told, there are a few people in who still check in on social media to let me know that they are around that I don't really want knowing all the details of my life. At the same time can I live in fear forever? I mean i can, but the world is missing out on my voice and my potenial vibrator reviews. Do you all remember when i was going to do that? Anyway...lets dive in...

So tonight, i was having a really hard time motivating myself to go to the club, lately it's been really easy for me to find the negative in myself. The gives no fucks, take action ask questions later Red has been...uhhhh...well im not sure, but she's around but not really with the same tenacity as before. Anyway I arrive at work, great, sure, fine, fun. It's so nice to see everyone as it always is, this job brings me so much joy, and confidence. I walked in and was told right away how gorgeous i was from the other girls. I miss all of them in my square bear life. Thank the stripper gods one of my good friends i work with is ex-stripper makes the whole thing easier...So I start to make my rounds, and i'ts not great. The clubs in 2024 are dead af...like fr fr. Which is fine, this industry is all ebbs and flows. Someday i will write a program that makes it easier for girls to track the type of guys they attrack and build thenselves a profile to look out for on slow nights.

I walked up to this group of guys on stage left, normally i don't fuck with dudes who sit there they always tell me no. I don't know why it's just what they do. These boys i walk up to, and crouch down like gollum (which means i'm really flexible i would like to see any of you do this for an extended period of time). It turns out the boy i start to talk to is french. WOW such fate. My french is terrible but i have a 275 day streak on duolingo. So I try to spark a conversation this this man which starts with "can you tell me how to say...I want you to lick my balls in french". let me just say I think if i wan to learn french in the way I want to speak it I need to watch more adult films and tv and what not. Beacause boy howdy did i learn how to say many things. Do i remember them "putain non" but did this boy whisper some things he didn't think were okay to say in public in my ear. ABSOLUTELY! I had a great time, sometimes lately it feels like it always has. That I'm just along for the experiance and the ride.

That being said I'm going to TRY, TRY, TRy to write more, but as it's been brought to my attention lately, i'm horrible at follow through, so i guess lets just stick around at find out.

For all the keyboard junkies, hackers, programmers, software engineers, architects etc...out their following my saga...I was going to school, then that school killed their nights and weekends program, and their self study. So now i've started somewhere else, and i've started from the beginning. i know i should put some fancy html in here, but that's never been the vibe of this blog. Except for that one time i put a cassette tape in the middle of the page that was MIND BLOWINGLY BRILLIANT. But stick around, i promise you as per usual I will make coding my bitch.

I thought I would post though covid...but I didn't..I'm not going to put an pressure on me to post these days, I'm just going to post.

I did not proofread this I'm trying to go back to school for tech right now. I also have a part time job to try to slow the hemoraging of money to a slow bleed. It's strange being back in a day job, but it's kind of nice, my co-workers are nice but can be passive agressive as can I. Some days I can get into the groove of thing and write for the sake of writitng a sex worker trying to find her way in this time. I'm tying to go back to school for coding right now, as i'm sure some oof you know ai went for acoounting and then my mother's cancer came back and I had to drop out of school... you know I don't want to do the tradgedy recap. i just want to write about how things where, how I whope they will be and my hopes and dreams on the way there. Right now i'm trying to go back to school for coding. Why? Because I want to learn how to do it, much like accounting i didn't understand it very well, and I was/am determine to know. I don't like admitting defeat...and I wasn't about to with account, or algebra, or really anything and I'm not about to do it with programming so if anyone has any tips for python or videos, or wants to tutor me reach out on here and I will get back to you. Just leave it in a comment and we will go from there. The problem is when covid started I turned in an applicatina and the last little bit i ruined I also know that getting in on your first chance in next to impossible so I'm truly hoping by the end of this I know as they said if you didn't have an answer by then it's basically a no. This issue with this is I don't have my locker room to fall back on, and my girls. I don't have girls reminding me every day what a bad ass I am. I miss dancing so much and I need a subsitute for it, and I can't find one at the moment. I applied to a school that has something like tha for thier mission statement but they denied me last round and I fear they will this round. UHHHHHH covid has mede me so meek and questioning. I hope that tomorrow I wake up and things are different. That I can remember who I am. In the mean time sit tight I promise these wont all be so said. Truly if you code and want to help a ho out, please reach out.

Still Here

Just changing a few things in my world. I have so many things I want to say, and I'm writing about in my spare time. Or thinking about a podcast, or youtube channel...the world needs to know that sex workers exist, and that we are real people. That sex workers are not the scum of the earth, we are not trying to ruin lives in face we are trying to improve them.

Honestly...on honest about honestly not writing

Whew dusting off the keyboard over here. Really and truly...I couldn't find my charger, then my computer needed an update. All this for one tiny post in the new year from your favorite Seattle Stripper. So much has happened in the past what half a year since I've written anything. I did another podcast but not for the Migscast. Although I love those guys and would love to see them again. This one even has a video of me so if you want to hear me being far to shrill look it up. I suppose everyone hates the sound of their own voice so whatever. I told myself in the new year I was going to make myself write. I feel like most of my posts at this point are about that. I never do it. This time I am. I need to start winding down after work a little differently. I mean I've watched everything on netfilx at this point so it's time to actually be productive, do more writing and more reading. Lately with books I have this problem if I really like them. I don't really want them to finish so I stop reading them when I get too close to the end. I mean really how much more ridiculous could I get. That being said any good book recommendations I'll take them. Oh one big major change in my life that affects all of you. I've moved clubs so if you are in Seattle on the weekend come by Deja vu Showgirls in the Market. I love this club. It's got a way better vibe, it's got way less drama than little darlings. Management is actually sane, and fair. Also I finally paid off my backrent at ld's and as soon as I did jr. had the balls to say to me "enjoy it for the day you have it, because we will charge you more don't worry" why would you say that. All the more reason for me to end my contract there right now. Like my forever contract. Really I should head back to Portland also things I say every time I write. Although I don't know if that's even a possibility since my ex bestfriend has made that her home and I really don't feel like dealing with allllll that right now because she is not the nicest person and shes easily pissed off. However looking at her social media it looks like shes doing well down there so I should probably head down and see whats going on. Last time I spoke to her it was still cracking down there. So I guess Feb is when I'm going to try and head down and see what I can do. Although since my bike was stolen (should anyone want to buy me a very small frame of the either 2007 or 2008 bianchi eros donna in acid green, not bianchi green acid although they also made it in pink, I would totally accept pink, I wouldn't be mad at all) ( yes that happened too someone stole my bike out of our "secure" bike parking, and my apartment manager told me I never should have parked it down there when I asked her when I first moved in if it was safe and she said it was secure and refused to do anything about it) it makes getting around Portland a little bit harder, although maybe that will be my goal for the month, save up money for rent (obviously), hotel in Portland, and a new to me but old to everyone else bicycle. Seems strippery enough right... Anyway that's enough boring you for now. I have to get ready since I promised myself I would go in early tonight since the last few nights have been lackluster. Also if you want to hear jokes from your fave and most attractive, but not to into themselves stripper tonight or the rest of the weekend...you know where to find me.

Abandon ship....

That's basically what I'm doing with little darlings at the moment. I've spent two Saturdays at showgirls as of late and it has been amazing. I've been able to be myself. I've been able to make money, which is awesome. Also everyone is incredibly nice. It's be absolutely amazing. So please feel free to come down on Saturdays and see me. I'm not sure about next weekend so a friendly face would be nice. Also I've just been killing it, and having fun with customers, although some of them are a little more bro-ish and I have yet to figure out how to deal with that crowd. Although I've found the crowd to be more diverse and also a little more to my personal taste. It's also nice since the entire club is run by women, and there was an incident at little darlings last week that I still haven't talked about...Don't worry it's coming and the story my L look like an angle and N look like the biggest jerk in the world. I'm so much happier at showgirls, the dances are out in the open they can see if you are dancing so there is no way you can be over marked unlike N's idea which is "if she walked back there and I didn't see her she was giving a dance" when everyone knows you don't start in the middle of a song. Also showgirls has their pricing together, it's not dirty, it's just an all around better environment and even though I get stressed out going. Once I'm there I'd so much rather be there than anywhere else. K and W are amazing managers and I love working with them, they are fucking amazing, the dj is the same and still super nice, and kinda goofy, the bathroom holy fucking shit even though the bottom part of the door is cut off and that legit so someone doesn't hog it, has a mechanism to keep it closed you don't need a trash can, it's amazing, part of me wants to cancel my contract at ld's and just work gamedays and dreamgirls and the rest of the days at showgirls. Little darlings is a sinking ship, and although it's been my home for many years and provides me with endless entertainment I think it's time to jump ship so my last year-months-weeks, can be productive and actually pleasant, not worrying about if I can make house rent, or anything like that which I worry about every single night at little darlings. Lately, one day a weekend being good has been carrying my weeks, so all my bills, groceries, any stupid little thing I buy that I shouldn't since it's only one good night, my rent, it's crazy...a stripper should never live like that. We didn't sign up to be broke ass bitches. I know some of you are going to say, "if you aint making money, you aint made to be a stripper", and that's not the problem, the problem is Little Darlings itself. So that being said I'm going to try to be more active on social media and let you all know where I am. Thanks everyone as always.

dating a stripper

This is one of my favorite topics it's also click bait...sorry everyone. Okay have you heard the saying don't shit where you eat. That stands double in a strip club. If you work in a club don't date your coworkers...it's already hard enough making friends. I'm lucky that I work at a club where It's not hard to make friends and friends you can trust at that. Anyway dating strippers...you can do it if you work there because you understand the business and if you don't mind then you are fine...however... However if you are new and you happen to find yourself as one of the males dating one of the more prominent strippers who's been around for a while and has a reputation for a bad temper it might be best to be polite...hold open doors. Don't automatically sit in the front seat. Don't dj your girlfriends sets with music they would never ever, ever listen to...play for the dancer and the crowd. Be polite. Maybe don't talk shit in the car on the way to a destination, because I can tell you right now, you are not winning points by all of a sudden moving in in with her, talking shit about the rest of us in the car, because not only are you losing points for Hufflepuff, we can all walk, we don't need to interrupt your time. Also when arriving at the destination don't question the core group of the girls or insult them. Also be gracious to your host unlike us they are your actual coworker, we are just freelance, but respect those that helped you learn the ropes. Lastly, when your girlfriend says she just wants to pop by then drop her girls off, don't sit down and play video games, and not save the game...also don't upset the hosts brother so much he doesn't even want to do his happy dance...because that's what I look forward to. Lastly...and this is personal...do not under any circumstances call me or the general group that I am in a mother fucker or mother fuckers...because bro...now I don't like you...and I know you don't like me...and as I usually do to I have absolutely no problem not talking to you to avoid an future problems...the only real problem is now you have come between me and my friends, because as shes trying to get you to leave with her you would rather play video games and yell at her that she can take her friends home and come back and get you that's such a waste of fuel and truly shows where your priorities are...and they are not with her...I now think you date her as a place to stay and to stave off loneliness. Also I would rather walk home now than be in the car with someone who is so disrespectful. To my dear friend...over all the years I have known you and all the times you have told us our relationships are crap, or we are dick whipped because we don't want to party, when you chose to watch your boyfriend play video basket ball...it also shows what kind of person you are becoming and should you happen to read this I would like to have a long talk with you about how hypocritical you have become...because as you said...I've known you way longer than he has...I'll still be here when he breaks up with you but damn girl don't ever come at me sideways if I like someone again...and don't shit where you eat.

marketing...and sales...and a bad memory

I'm told constantly I should be in sales or marketing and the truth is I should I fucking rock that shit. The thing is it's hard to sell someone in sales that you can sell a dream...but I can and I'm a master marketing agent. Truth be told I am I'm working on getting out of the industry...surprise...don't worry you have time. I'll keep you all very updated as to whats going on in my world and when I'm leaving. You've all got plenty of time to get to seattle and get dances. anyway lets have some stories...I can tell a marketer by their glasses shirt, and shoes, I had one come in tonight promise me he would pay me more money than anyone else, if I sat with him...oldest trick in the stripper book to try and get them to sit with you for no money. I have a three song minimum that's 15 minutes...that like $200 I could have made or made part of. Anyway...this guy goes on and on about how hot and cool I am and just wants to spend time and all the money he has...which turns out to be $20 he tipped me on stage...a word to the wise... if you can't sell it in 6 minutes bounce. Also tonight I made a fool of myself with a regular again. I can never remember his name. However I can always remember your life story when you get to a certain point in the conversation except...I've commented the same thing on this guys shoes 4 times in a row and never remember...it's the first time I felt like I was blushing and wanted a coat. I feel so bad when I don't remember people who take the time to remember me. so if you are reading this know you are now committed to memory.

death catches us all

So I haven't been around much. My mother died. Yes she knew what i did for a living. I even asked her to write a piece for my blog, and she might be part of the reason I quit posting I didn't want her reading about my life. Anyway I'm going to recap basically what she wrote and what I remember of her writing it "Being the mother of a stripper is hard you ask yourself where did you go wrong, then you ask her where you went wrong. "Stripping is not something I have any respect for, I don't find it noble" and I ask myself is there nobility in your life what was your purpose and who did you help? Not me...you spent my money and lied to me about it and your cancer...so tell me again how tight tops get me unwanted attention and it's my fault...tell me mom...how many husbands and wives have you kept together. Tell me I was wrong and tell me I was a bad person...but damn it...I showed up for your last breathes...knowing full well you fucked me over...She blamed a swim shop in the town she lived in that i had never been too claiming she the shop owner convinced me to strip...I had no clue what she was talking about... She never looked on the bright side that I was independent, that I wasn't scared of who I was, I wasn't meek, I could take on the world, the universe, the multiverse if I needed. That she taught me part of that, to be confident, to believe, to just fucking believe...and now I have to believe I can handle the death of someone who told me they wished I was never born, wrote such a horrid post I couldn't publish it, and yet...I showed the fuck up.

Tell me lies tell me sweet little lies...just kidding this is all truth

As you know I always talk about how awesome my job is and how much I love it, and how amazing it is and how nothing bad every happens. I'm also writing a book and not all of the book get to be about me shitting glitter, so here is some of the truth. Sadly I broke another Iphone so until I get the back up I can't post photos. Also my adroid sucks, and since I left it in a friends car I forgot to pay the bill, and it's been so bad Last time I did anything truthful I was asked to remove it from the internet why because it was true. Well kids, it's not sunshine and fucking unicorns being a stripper. Mind you I still love my job, but it's harder and harder to make money, without people wanting you to give them a blow job, hand job, or fuck them and all for insultingly low prices.It would be less demeaning to offer them money for sexual favors. The best part is the company or middle management cares not about us just the bottom line. I've been told I've been under counted for dances and gotten in a full blown screaming argument that the dance counter was correct...which he wasn't and that I was to have all my customers sign a piece of paper stating how many dances they had...which is illegal and upon questioning they said it was a suggestion, considering they know it; Side note we are suppose to be able to drink what we want perk of the job you know, however I had an Italian soda last night I forgot to pay for it's a whole two dollars...mind you I made a whole two dollars last night and got a call that it was an emergency that I make sure I pay for the stupid whip cream I used. Whip cream is 2.99 for a whole container...What the fuck..I got naked and can't get any whip cream...at the same time I'm not rubbing up on Lui....or sitting on his lap...but I can see why two dollars is important to him since he can't count. On the fourth of July she said we had 45 guys in 5 of which came when we 1st opened 4 of which were young 3 were just there to watch...one wanted to buy sex so 34 over 8 hours which is about 1 an hour and 10 girls...so I can see why he over marks me...also how is he suppose to make us feel valuable or really worthless and that we have no where else to go. I mean he does a great job of that, and I'm sure I'm going to get fired over this blog post. to be perfectly honest. The girls and I have been talking about chipping in and getting an ad in the stranger to promote for us, and a business snap chat and periscope, and you tube, and instagram and everything, I know I need a new and better phone for that, and discussions with those companies since we would be promoting a business. Also I we need funding for an ad. So if anyone out there in the internet word wants to help some strippers make some actual money we will pay you back, we just cant trust the company any more it says in the contract they will advertise for us and they don't so we need help and we need it bad. Also I need to make a power point on how to keep us a float and me from suing them for major breaches on contract especially with middle mgmt since I love upper mgmt. If they gave me little darlings. I could have that club turned around in 6-9 months, since I don't have a dick to distract me and I'm way more professional that the current manager, although that will never happen, but man I wish it would, I would have us making money hand over fist.

Another Night Another post

tonight we were drinking in the back and one of the girls was drinking tequila and I wanted her to try a vodka...then was like "I'm just over here switching dicks" It's the funny things we say to each other and the funny things that happen in an evening that keep us going...Like I had a customer who was a carpenter who I had a 20 min conversation about the usefulness of hotglue...which is very useful. I really think I need to start a podcast or, youtube channel just to get everything out and going. However it's hard. Can one use crowdfunding websites for that? Also it is worth it? Also the company thinks it's time to panic and is raising our rent and how we make money it's making it quite hard. Anyway Working on getting out, getting into marketing so any help from you folk is helpful. Also if I haven't spoken with you. I'm trying to be a better friend and in doing that I'm taking space from people because I don't want to hurt them...I also have a new phone and don't know how to use it.

My first trip in an ambulance

So with being a stripper comes the added benefit that everyone thinks you are a drug addict...sorry kids not today and not that day. It started out like any other day I went for a job interview since I'm looking for a new job...they basically told me to fuck off, I went to the nordstrom bar to get a drink. I complimented some middle aged overweight white man with thinning hair on his jacket, and then said I had no interest in talking to him because at that time I was trying to write a blog that now in drafts. Anyway friend of a friend with the bartender so I went around the bar leaving my drink for just a moment and with the middle aged man with this back to me...to hug my friend, put down a $20 slammed my drink and dashed out of nordstrom...the only indicator something was wrong was that I twisted my ankle on the way out. I jumped in a cab and came home...My best friend was here we were suppose to have drinks and talk about the interview, I immediately started freaking out and kicking things and said I needed 5 minutes alone. I started crying they came over to hug me and I guess I let out three breathes and passed out with no breathing and no pulse and no I didn't take anything. I woke up for a second in my hall to some emt's shouting my name and I couldn't get my name out and said I took nothing because well I took nothing. Anyway my bestie made the call to put me in the ambulance and we head down the hill they thought they were going to have to go across since they thought they were going to have to paddle me...luckily they didn't. However those guys are good, they can get an IV in while in a moving vehicle. So I get to the hospital they run a bunch of tests...cannot wait for the bills on those, and there were no opiates no nothing, I'm in great health besides the in and out of it thing. After 7 hours in the hospital and me yelling at people to shut the fuck up no one gives a shit they are addicted to heroin I was free to go, I took a cab home. I slept a whole day, and luckily for my best friend I'm here to tell the tail had they gone to get vodka I'd be a ghost typing...But I'm not I'm just a normal stripper typing.

do you speak....

Sundays are always funny you never know how they are going to go. either really good or really bad. Tonight was one of those in between nights, where the conversations were interesting. I met an author righting a novel and some gentlemen that spoke french so I was able to practice my french and talk about writing. I think the most interesting part of my night was talking about time travel, if you would change things, if you would advise yourself of anything if you could tell yourself about future heartache and avoid it. Would you tell yourself your soulmate was standing in the room, would you tell them to talk to you instead of letting them run away if you knew that it would save you years of heart ache. Or do you need those years of heart act to appreciate your soulmate, could a younger you handle that even in a friend. Would I even have been a stripper, I mean fuck yeah of course I would it's part of who I am, but would you tell yourself your best friend was 10 feet from you...Or would you fear for the ripple effect. I say go hard and go back to your dimension chew some bubble gum and kick some ass.Tell your best friend not to give you the dj finger because you are better than that and she should know it.

Big Wig Visit.

Nothing funny happened, expect for being really tired. That was the highlight of my night I was super tired again at sodo...I have to stop being tired at sodo. I keep thinking about jobs I should be applying for work sny thing like that. Most excitement getting to see the big wig's honestly they are the reason I keep with this club, they prove we are more than just cattle. The reason I keep going back even though we have a luis. Like upper management is the fucking shit at my clubs, there were all these pimps in tonight and the ceo bee lined it over and was like what the fuck and still made time to talk to me it was awesome. People forget the core values of this company because middle management like luis fucks it up so hard for everyone. I need to write them all a mass text or email or something. They truly are the reason I keep coming back. E always makes time for me.I really appreciate them.

Little Darlings...has a suicide plan let me tell you what it is.

According to management we must work for 8 consecutive hours without a break we will be charged our full rent without any negotiation. Anytime we take a break it will be subtracted from our hours worked and if for some reason we come in under 8 hours there will be no negotiation on the rent owed. This is also inclusive of extra days worked like I'm scheduled Mon, Tue, Wed. If I came in on time those days and blah, blah, blah, I would also have to come in early on any other days I decided to work. I would have to be there for the required 8 hours. First off this is a violation of our rights in the following ways. by LUIS Alone. It says in my contract that I am able to wear whatever I like last week I was about to sell a dance and I was in my street clothes LUIS screamed at me that it wasn't allowed and I needed to change. You cannot tell a contractor what to wear. We are also required to charge a standard rate for our dances and say a person buys dances and a vip room and they are paying for their dances they already had with their card and their upcoming vip room if they run their card for $400 we are required to be marked for an hour vip room meaning the club takes 100 from us. So they would be taking an extra 100 from us and the 140. Although we are allowed to legally charge whatever we want for dances and rooms... but apparently regardless of what our contract says luis is going to do what he wants I understand thinning the herd of the non money makers but lately we've had a total of 10 customers in a day. We were trained that each customer should only have enough to buy one dance sure thats 300 dollars and I would make 160 however if there are 30 girls how are we all suppose to make 140? We can't so the club is basically pushing us to under cut each other on dance prices or what we are willing to do. So girls will start doing extras just to pay for rent, and then we will start under cutting each other on extras prices. It's fucking with the supply and demand and changing the market equilibrium. It would be more effective for the club to post signs saying they will be closing the club on a certain day all contracts will be terminated and we should make other arrangements. It also makes no sense that it would be sent down from the higher ups when they are giving discounts on rent to other clubs. I think luis may have lost his mind or at least his respect for what we as dancers do and how hard we actually try.

I need a miricle right now

and I got one it was the end of the night and a dapper gentleman came in usually dumber than a box of rocks but not this one. He knew what he wanted and he wanted a room for an hour...with me...that rarely happens these days. I walk him back to my usual room do my usual dance and I look up at him with this cheshire grin and these eyes that glow. Rarely do I get butterflies but I think I'm going to puke. we stop and talk he's actually charming a first, not handsy, and our hour is up.

how about I grab your dick a little harder

Lately red hasn't been feeling like RED MOTHER FUCKERS. Till last night this Indian man came in and wanted to negotiate a dance. We all know I don't do that. So I asked him what he thought a fair price would be he said In Houston you could make out, and touch whatever for $30. This is bullshit I know girls in Huston and that far from true. So I reached down and put his dick in a vice grip. So much so he apologized, and I asked if I come to his job ask him to write code for free and more of it, he of course said no. At this point he wants me to let go of his balls and my hand was getting a cramp, he said his friend had the money, so I grabbed his hand and we went on a little adventure to find him. Turns out it was broke dick's last day in the country...I convinced him he had quite a story to tell back home. He admitted the dance was good but I assume it's the last time he's going to be negotiating dances again

Talking shit about a pretty sunset

blanketing opinions that I"ll probably regret soon. So I've been bad about writing blogs I've been bad about being on periscope so I'm going to try and fix both this morning. I've just had a lot of personal stuff going on so I just ended up putting all this off. I acquired new roommates so lets see how that works out since we all know I have terrible judgement when it comes to people. Lately at work I've been really having issues that are seriously fucking with my self esteem. Like you're soo cool I just want to be friends with you. Or I wish I had met you sooner so I could have spent money on you. So I suppose really I am going to get into work early. I quit drinking, which makes work a lot harder I mean in the beginning it was easier but now I get so stressed working with a certain manager who gets mad at me for talking shit on my blog.At the same time that's what blogs are for talking shit, and when shits fucked up and you can't make any money it sucks. Here is the thing I wouldn't talkl shit if things were normal, like my backrent is through the roof however I do at least a room a week, I pay out when I can, however when there are only 4 guys In the entire club and I can't get in edgewise it makes it a lot harder. Also we've just had so much drama with the girls lately. Like so much drama. I'm hoping that with the change in girls will bring back the better guys. I mean my anniversary happened recently so I know I can make money that's just the hard thing. You would think the money would be enough but sometimes it's not and I still love my job. So to all of you who say maybe I should change jobs I'm not going anywhere. I'm just at a different place in my life I want more out of it. I want to enjoy some part of it every day and I haven't been. I want happiness I want to make money like I did. I'm back to square one of how did I used to do it. Was it that I would talk to everyone. Was it I would drink a bunch first. What made me money, was it my confidence I mean I know that was part of it. I had brass tits and I could talk someone into anything. I could make you belive, and maybe I've been too friendly and not sexy enough and that's what I need to bring back. I need to go back to listening to music on the way to get in the mood. I need to remember the amount of people that have called me sexy...it's a dumb amount. I need to write some positive affermations so I can avoid the fact that management doesn't care about me and is looking to fire me right now. I need to get back to being there at 8pm on the weekends and just crushing. Putting my clothes out 1st putting my make-up on here. I guess there is a lot. I forget how great I am because I don't hear it from mgmt. I don't get a nice job thanks for selling a few hours of rooms. Again this is where the money should be enough. I should be enough but I'm not. I'm in stripper limbo I look 23 but I'm 30 I only have a few years left at this and I need to finish another degree, and really put my back into it. That's the crappy thing about doing this for a while you profile people and you miss out on money. I need to stop doin that like asap. Tomorrow I'm going in early getting on the floor by 9. Talking to everyone if I have to poach them as they walk in the door. I'm going to have a great Friday. I'm also going to wash my lucky underwear for this one. I've got my hair in curlers already I should be able to turn the sex up to the gigawatts. I mean really even though pixie called me conceited I am actually pretty attractrive when it comes to whos who in the club. I have to remember I'm there for me and no one else. Also that I can't worry about people they are adults they choose what they wanto to do. I just need to make them choose me again and it can't be that hard I mean really I'm experienced. I'm just having anxiety about nothing that's really whats happening here. When I make money I'm less anxious so I can totally do this. It recently came out an ex of mine hated my job thought it was toxic thought I needed to get out of it but did absolutely nothing except move to la to help me on that one. I don't think he ever saw the confidence that it brought me I mean hell he just saw me In sweats, and lately I haven't been trying at all so maybe just getting ready during the day would help. Getting my place put back in total neat freak order. I don't know there is so much I need to do to still work on the past two years of my life. I need to confront someone who assaulted me, I need to write some letters to some people who hurt me and that I hurt. Ugh I'm not ready to quit this job, so I cant I keep saying I feel like I have things to finish in it and I do and now I think I have some clear goals on what they are, I need to chase down some happiness. I need to spend some time in pdx. Speaking of pdx I know I keep promising to come down but I need to pay my rent on my apartment 1st then I'll be down for a couple weeks so have no fear i'll be their soon. I promise that and I need a break from seattle again. I need to 1. prove that I'm worth something here so maybe in a couple weeks i'll be down since if I follow throw with everything and then disappear it would be better. I don't know I'm back in a rut and for no reason. I need to pull myself out and get excited about making money again and not caring about peoples feelings that much or if I look bad moving from person to person just really pull myself together. I have a few hours I can totally do this.

I always feel like somebody is watching me...

onstitutional rights* don't have no privacy.... One of my favorite 80's tunes and a cornerstone of my workouts mixes is kind of true in my life, I make most of it really public, which is very fine by me. At other times it's a little bleh. Right now I find myself in the crossfire of periscope, and adsense, I'm not a family friendly blog, and periscope will never tell me what community guidelines I've broken *rights infringement on constitutional rights* but whatever aint no big thing...Gotta stay positive, which is what I'm doing. Work is slow whats new. It's hilarious as always we had a discussion about vintage fur and the ethics of wearing fur. If it's vintage it's been dead for a long, long, long, time, rather than a brand new fresh fur, which am not against at all. Anyway, large pieces like jackets should always be vintage so you can argue both sides. Anyway the excitement behind the scene and another night in the strip club.

Luck, superstitions, getting what you want, and strippers

One of the scariest strippers I ever met (she worked in Portland, had her own booth and holy shit it was off with your head if you used it) some girl had put her shoes on the counter. She turned and very coldly said "Take your fucking shoes off the counter it's bad luck" Ask any stripper and they have a lucky outfit, lucky pair of underwear, lucky pair of shoes, and also equally unlucky outfits, shoes, and underwear. We also have a saying that I keep considering getting tattooed on me somewhere "There is always tomorrow" we live and die by this saying especially on bad nights. We have bills to pay just like everyone else only we don't have the stability of a paycheck so no matter how bad it gets we have to stay optimistic. Girls have the same superstition with their bags as their shoes. It took me forever to figure out the actual meaning of it, it didn't have to do with dirt, half of us bring our own rug to stand on. It has to do with respecting your money and not putting it on the level you walk, because then your money will always stay low. So by keeping it above where you put your dirty ass stripper feet it in theory keeps your money up. If you follow me on twitter which you should (if you don't it is @RED_stripper) you know I'm always asking for a miracle. For my rent to be paid, for the chance to run into Giles or Courtney again. Guess who came a knocking on my door today just as I was reading an email about my rent...One Giles. Luckily I had a friend over helping me move furniture around (re-decorating on a budget, just move shit around). The door bell rang, and I thought it was a parcel I'm expecting from DC so in my excitement buzzed them (him) in. I should have known by the number of buzzes it was him, we always had a code, when he was sober, and good, and before he killed my dog, anyway i send (oh what should we call him...Thor) to check and see if there is a parcel downstairs, and he comes up and says, nope it's giles. I immediately freak out and say to call the police, only how am I going to explain this "Hi this man has broken into my house before, and admitted it was just to steal from me and I accidentally buzzed him in...can you arrest him?" No, police were called, Thor said giles was trying to write me some sort of note...I'm sure it was something to the effect of "I really need a place to stay I'm getting clean, blah, blah, blah, heard it before" much like the time he broke into my place knowing I was away on business so there would be no one here. I think his note that time apologized for intruding on my space and that he was only there for a little while, the funny thing about that note was I walked into my house to discover the lights on and him pop his head out of the kitchen. Later in an argument of some sort we had (I'm sure it was because something expensive had gone missing as it usually did with him around...He finally admitted that he had only come in because he knew I wouldn't be there and he had actually come by to see what I had that he could sell for drug money. The funny thing is at this point he had stolen mostly everything nice I owned, things with high sentimental value like a Prada wallet (My 1st mentor had given me). So there wasn't really anything left for him to steal at the time, that I wouldn't notice, I mean he did take two red and black Alexander McQueen scarves, thinking I would just think I was just continuously misplacing them. That now I finally am starting to get my things back a little bit by a little bit, I have a new wallet that I like just as much and means as much. He had taken all of my Marc Jacobs bags, and I had a few, and I've replaced them with different bags, ones that could even be considered more grown up than before. Also I spilled an entire bowl of clam chowder in one of those bags so someone is walking around with a really nice black bag that smells slightly of fish. Okay enough about the past and the horrible people I let into my life because I thought I could help them back to the story... Thor then being a good friend did what any 6'3" 225 lb man (this is why i asked him to help me move furniture) would do, and chase him out of the building.He found him in the laundry room. Thor told him to leave, chased him out of the building, and down the street, saying I wanted nothing to do with him ever and that he's lucky I didn't kill him, since if given the chance I will cry every single day over my dog. I asked Thor how he looked, he said terrible he had sores all over his face, and looked very homeless. I suppose a good Samaritan would have let him shower...at the same time treat others as you would like to be treated, and I think if I was at that point in my life I would want my friends and family to turn me away, I would want any cushion from the bottom removed, so I could fall, and fall hard, and maybe then look around and pick myself up, realize life is unfair yes, but I don't have to be an asshole to people trying to help me, and just because my mother threw out all my designer things was no reason to steal and sell someone else's. I would find a way to get a job, even if it was the most demeaning of jobs (some of you might say what I do now is demeaning I think the exact opposite). However I would collect scrap metal, pour concrete, stand outside of lowes and get day labor jobs, till I could get a real job, then I would get my life together get an apartment, join NA or AA or NA and AA. So I guess I did exactly what I was suppose to do, I did not take pity or show pity where it was not due. Someone the other day said, because I had found one of my dogs hairs while putting on my make-up that it was a sign from her to move on and get a new dog. I now think it was a warning, and it was her way of making me look at things from a different view, from hers, my little protector, my little (literal) bulldog. So back to the luck part, I'm always asking for three things my rent paid, and to run into those two assholes. All three have happened in the matter of a week. I'm feeling very lucky, very blessed, very protected in a way. It's going to be so nice to work and be myself again, to work like I don't need it. It will give me the chance to really get back into the swing of being me, of not getting so butt-hurt when people turn me down. Seriously guys, saying no is just fine, but when I ask you when the last time you saw someone as hot as myself happened to be and you respond with never. Why the fuck are you saying no to a dance? Also am I that odd looking that I'm seriously asking, leave me a message in the comments about it. Anyway saying no is fine, but remember we are human too so say no nicely, I mean do you like getting turned down at bars? Probably not. We don't like getting turned down 25 times in a row. However now that my three wishes have been granted. Lets hope for the fourth and that my parcel shows up. I can close the book on that chapter of my life. I can move on...What a crazy feeling. I suppose there is always tomorrow, but it's nice to know that tomorrow I get to start being me, being funny, and making money again, hell I can start tonight, you can say no as many times as you want because it doesn't phase me. I'm feeling Sexy as fuck (thanks FP and DC for the hair) I still need to go to Vidal Sasson and use that gift card. I've decided to buy either a flat iron or a hair dryer, and new shampoo and conditioner. Or maybe just Shampoo and Conditioner since both my flatiron actually both of them work fine and my hair dryer has a retractable cord so it fits in small spaces and the cord doesn't get tangled. ANYWHO my hair is fresh as fuck, my body is looking slamming as usual...just need to get my squats in today. I'm feeling Snarky, and Funny, to me they are very different things. I'm feeling like the machine I previously was, the one that made more money than anyone else, that ran circles around the club. I'm very excited to be back in the saddle...I think I've said that about as many times as I've said there is always tomorrow...So I suppose at this moment it would be right to say "There is always today" Tonight I'll tell you the story of a friend of mine going to a strip club for the 1st time and how entertaining it was to me. So...here is to tonight.

Dating a stripper and or being friends with one

1st Off AdSense deined my application. I'm guessing it's because my blog is not family friendly enough...I'm to start the ol' email chain to try and figure out a way to monetize this thing. Anyway, the other night a major cat fight breaks out, like major, rain city, was holding her own, but this girl had like 20lbs on her it was crazy. Anyway, the club cleared out and I Was pissed as I was about to make a sale and I haven't been doing the best lately, although I should I'm RED. I also think my view of money may be warped. Speaking of I need to make a list of thing I can and will sell of mine to you my lovely readers so you can join the official red fan club. That and JaqTheStripper has Off Duty Stripper tee shirts that are super amazing. Okay, Okay, the story, there is one guy left in the club, I'm not holding out for a hail marry on this one....Anyway I introduce myself to this person and they immediately tell me that they are nervous. I crack my solid joke of you shouldn't be nervous you aren't in your underwear. He laughs. I giggle, that's what I'm suppose to do. Also I think I'm hilarious. So I ask this guy for a dance he says yes...oh man I might leave with 30 dollars is all I'm thinking since the night before that's what I left with. We do a dance yay. He says he wants to spend more time. I tell him about our vip. He decides on an hour. Thankfully R ran it and not Luis as I think he would have said no. There is no making that man happy, except maybe if I show up at 8pm every night which is what I'm going to do. I have a financial plan and damnnit i'm making it happen. Anyway this dude turns out to be Jewish....this is where it gets good. The night before I literally talked to a white supermeisit guy, and he asked he if I thought the holocaust was real....uh yeah body loser. He was lame I got up and left. This is when guy in chair says he was at a party and some dude wanted swastikas drawn on and he threatened to carve it on.... Ok the dating a stripper don't do it, we are high maintenance we sleep to much we never eat, we are terrible, We don't look super hot outside of the club just fyi. However we make great wing-men such great ones I should start a service. GO to a bar with a stripper find a girl there you like, you both chat her up stripper leaves and girl is with you. You explain that you are single and thats your friend. you get the girl co-sign that your a nice guy and next thing you know you're making out somewhere else. Totally fool proof