Preface thats a hard thing to say because I know all of you so personally, I've been to your family dinners. WE HAVE HUNG OUT BEFORE but you are figuratively fucking me in the ass. So excuse me.
Some open letters to my company and a few patrons tonight.
Dear Vu,
I don't know if you have looked lately but I would like to remind you that I make you at least $2,240 that's the minimum. per month. It's more in the ballpark of 3000 That's at least the salary of a few people. I know I am one of the girls in my club that makes you the most money. I know that our club makes less money than others in the area...Regardless 2000+ dollars is nothing to scof at. I understand that you provide me with a space to work but I would like to talk about that space right now and your employees
Please explain to me why myself and my fellow dancers must deal with a toilet literally overflowing with feces onto our locker room floor for over a week. That is a health hazard, there is absolutely no reason for us to have to deal with that. Also while we are on the topic of bathrooms. Why must we have paper towels 10ft from the sink, again a safety hazard of dripping water all over the floor. You require us to wear heels please make it safe. Why do we constantly run out of toilet paper? Soap? Hand sanitizer? Why are the locker room floors never clean?
Lets talk staff. YOUR CONDESCENDING FUCKING STAFF! J I'm super sorry but THE WAY YOU TALK ON THE MIKE MAKES ME WANT CAUSE YOU SO MUCH HARM! which sucks because as soon as you are out of the booth your are a sweet heart. I FUCKING HATE THE WAY YOU SAY OOOOH DANCER NAME OOOH DANCER NAME YOUR UP NEXT. I HAVE NEVER MISSED A FUCKING STAGE AND I AM IN NO WAY HERE FOR YOU TO TALK DOWN TOO AT FUCKING ALL. Honestly girls talk about it, this is affecting your tips. Please just be you and be cool. Your waitress that dian to bring strippers drinks like we are the scum of the earth. Your managers that literally laugh in my face when the night isn't going well. Your security not walking me to my car. YOUR GOD DAMN FLOOR MANAGER WHO LITERALLY RUNS INTO ME EVERY FUCKING NIGHT I WORK LIKE I DON'T EXIST who does not stick up for us. Who claims we rip off customers.
As for bad nights...I literally do everything I can to get customers in. I'm on twitter, instagram, blogging, email. I promote more than anyone else and I get nothing, not even a thank-you from you. I am the team player. What more do you want me to do besides roofie people and steal their bank accounts? Which I would never do proof from all the smart phones and wallets left in booths I have also thanklessly returned.
VU...tell me, when did the most important part of your business become the part you treat the worst? The people that keep you fed, clothed, and sheltered, the people that do a job most of you couldn't because it is so emotionally and mentally and physically taxing are now not even worth a pot to piss in.
I am asking you to please remember that we are the reason you are in business.
I'm reaching the end of caring about other people and this company and busting my ass, losing sleep, and now money WHEN LITERALLY NO ONE GIVES A GOD FUCKING DAMN SHIT ABOUT ME. I could disappear off the face of the earth and the vu would not care.
Please reconsider how you run your business before you run it into the ground.
Thanks
-red
Monday, August 12, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
Ideal female bodies, doing the right thing, and tattoos.
I swear they all work together.
I'm writing a paper on ideal female bodies, or the media's idea on what women should look like. Basically everything says you should look like me...but taller. The odd thing about this paper is it has made me so self conscious about what I wear, how I look, how other people are looking at me, but only while I'm at school. It's so strange as soon as I get to work none of that matters it all goes out the window. I just look like me then, or how I wish I looked all the time. I'm so confident at work, I'm strong, I'm a badass who is scared of very little. I am really working hard to transfer specific attributes I have at work to my "real" life.
It's odd before this (job) I worked in advertising I have been surrounded by beautiful women both inside and out since I was 18. I may have a warped vision on what beauty is, but at the same time I know that everything is photoshopped and it really hurts when other women openly compare themselves to models and pornstars.
I'm going to talk about poop.
This week while I was in the bathroom at school the girl in the stall next to me sounded like she had explosive diarrhea after her first initial whatever you want to call it I was waiting for the fart symphony to start, and it didn't I thought it sort of odd. So I waited and what I did here was not farts, it was the scraping sound of someone scraping the back of their throat to make them selves throw up. I stepped out of my stall washed my hands and thought...I should at the very least find out who this girl is. Also at that same time I thought "maybe your wrong, perhaps you should look at which way her feet are pointed" Well friends they were not pointed out towards me like they should be...Then I heard her spit. FUCK MY LIFE I FELT HORRIBLE and I didn't know what to do. My first instinct is always to grab someone and hold them close to me in hopes of a human connection potentially reaching them. I did not do that. She walked out. I so wanted to say something. I wanted to write her a note anything. As I walked down the hall I thought...Maybe she didn't feel good...Red you should go back tomorrow around the same time. Thats one of those things people have on routine. Sure enough today was the same.
Everyone always asks me what I think about while I'm at work. I think about things like this and how I am going to fix it, or help. I only have a few days...So I've decided to make fliers, and I'm going to post them in every single stall at school, talking briefly about the dangers of bulimia and how you can die from dehydration or throwing your electrolytes totally out of wack. How a stranger cares enough to post things. Then I thought I should include a number to call for this, maybe even a qr code so they don't have to take a photo or slip of paper that someone could find it's just in their phone when they are ready.
I had an ex who would tell me not to meddle in peoples business and to just worry about myself. I called him because we are still friends to ask his opinion on wether or not I did the right thing. He said I should do something for sure, and that even though he said don't meddle that he appreciates how caring I am for strangers as he never has been and never will be.
Okay tattoos. I have two currently and all of a sudden I feel like I need another, it's like I won't feel whole until I have it...odd feeling because I feel fine without it. It's going to be of something girly like flowers that will age well. A reminder that beauty fades much like cut flowers, at the same time it probably won't hurt to slow down and actually appreciate beauty sometimes, even my own, as that is the one I tend to neglect, although it may not seem like it with the amount of photos I take...again a work thing. I also always want a reminder of spring and summer. Lastly listed but probably firstly thought...I just think it will be beautiful...Oh no I'm falling asleep. Stay tuned for tattoo updates.
I'm writing a paper on ideal female bodies, or the media's idea on what women should look like. Basically everything says you should look like me...but taller. The odd thing about this paper is it has made me so self conscious about what I wear, how I look, how other people are looking at me, but only while I'm at school. It's so strange as soon as I get to work none of that matters it all goes out the window. I just look like me then, or how I wish I looked all the time. I'm so confident at work, I'm strong, I'm a badass who is scared of very little. I am really working hard to transfer specific attributes I have at work to my "real" life.
It's odd before this (job) I worked in advertising I have been surrounded by beautiful women both inside and out since I was 18. I may have a warped vision on what beauty is, but at the same time I know that everything is photoshopped and it really hurts when other women openly compare themselves to models and pornstars.
I'm going to talk about poop.
This week while I was in the bathroom at school the girl in the stall next to me sounded like she had explosive diarrhea after her first initial whatever you want to call it I was waiting for the fart symphony to start, and it didn't I thought it sort of odd. So I waited and what I did here was not farts, it was the scraping sound of someone scraping the back of their throat to make them selves throw up. I stepped out of my stall washed my hands and thought...I should at the very least find out who this girl is. Also at that same time I thought "maybe your wrong, perhaps you should look at which way her feet are pointed" Well friends they were not pointed out towards me like they should be...Then I heard her spit. FUCK MY LIFE I FELT HORRIBLE and I didn't know what to do. My first instinct is always to grab someone and hold them close to me in hopes of a human connection potentially reaching them. I did not do that. She walked out. I so wanted to say something. I wanted to write her a note anything. As I walked down the hall I thought...Maybe she didn't feel good...Red you should go back tomorrow around the same time. Thats one of those things people have on routine. Sure enough today was the same.
Everyone always asks me what I think about while I'm at work. I think about things like this and how I am going to fix it, or help. I only have a few days...So I've decided to make fliers, and I'm going to post them in every single stall at school, talking briefly about the dangers of bulimia and how you can die from dehydration or throwing your electrolytes totally out of wack. How a stranger cares enough to post things. Then I thought I should include a number to call for this, maybe even a qr code so they don't have to take a photo or slip of paper that someone could find it's just in their phone when they are ready.
I had an ex who would tell me not to meddle in peoples business and to just worry about myself. I called him because we are still friends to ask his opinion on wether or not I did the right thing. He said I should do something for sure, and that even though he said don't meddle that he appreciates how caring I am for strangers as he never has been and never will be.
Okay tattoos. I have two currently and all of a sudden I feel like I need another, it's like I won't feel whole until I have it...odd feeling because I feel fine without it. It's going to be of something girly like flowers that will age well. A reminder that beauty fades much like cut flowers, at the same time it probably won't hurt to slow down and actually appreciate beauty sometimes, even my own, as that is the one I tend to neglect, although it may not seem like it with the amount of photos I take...again a work thing. I also always want a reminder of spring and summer. Lastly listed but probably firstly thought...I just think it will be beautiful...Oh no I'm falling asleep. Stay tuned for tattoo updates.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
make-up and girly stuff
I'm writing a paper on the idealized female body for my class and as I write it I grow more and more self conscious. It might also be the company I'm keeping as of late isn't as confident a one would hope. ANYWAY...I get self conscious reading bout how men like bigger boobs, and a particular hair color, and an angular jaw, and light eyes, etc. Then I look in the mirror and think wait thats me, not to sound like a crazy egotistical bitch but really at this moment in my life I am very fortunate to be all of those things.
This post is for the ladies mostly I've been wearing more make-up lately but not your normal make-up I guess all of it has some hidden benefit that is suppose to improve something about my skin or my eyelashes. That is except for the eyeshadow I wear to work. Also Tiger and I have been in search of the holy grail of eye liner and I think we finally found it. Actually most of these items are the holy grail of beauty products that I love. Mind you I hate wearing make-up I hate putting it on, it's just not my jam.
Preface none of these images are mine so please don't sue me.
I almost always wear this product by garnier because I almost always look fucking tired. It has a very light concealer in it and CAFFEINE! It will run you about $9 at any drugstore.
Lately, everyone has been talking about bb cream and how rad it is for you. There are a few things I look for when I put things on my face, which I try not to do very often. Typically I wear a moisturizer with sunscreen in it. Sunscreen is my security blanket it makes me feel like nothing is going to hurt my skin, and for some reason I love wearing that shit at work. I feel like perfume, and hairspray, and smoke, and mean words cant hurt me. Anyway I have been on the quest for bb cream. I tried Garnier I didn't really like it it made me look jaundice. The Urban Decay Naked broke my face out, and my face rarely breaks out so I was a little peeved. Finally I found the Dr. Jart bb cream, I guess they invented it so far it's pretty rad
Ok...bb cream has moisturizer, sunscreen spf 45 to be exact (awesome!), and anti-aging in it and some other crazy stuff that isn't suppose to be bad for you. This particular formula does not contain Phthalates which are bad...very bad.
The only issue I have with it is the price tag it's a whooping $45 I try to be thrifty and keep things to a minimum as you will soon find out.
Moving on I rarely wear powder but when I do I wear
TAH_DAH another bb product. I FUCKING LOVE SUNSCREEN SO MUCH! This little ditty has a tiny pit of shiny crap in it so I actually look awake when I wear it. Don't let the name fool you, you can get this jam at bartell drugs for about $12 I think
I'm saving the best for last in case you are waiting for the eyeliner to end all eyeliners.
I do wear a crayon/pencil eyeliner on my water line and have been doing so since I was 14 and allowed to wear make-up to school. There are two I use right now because the are incredibly black one is more pricey than the other but the lesser of the two is my fave right now. So I use Urban Decay 24/7 glide on pencil it's around $20 have no fear my fave at the moment is way less which is the Victoria Secret Precision something something pencil for $9
For mascara I wear maybelline colossal mascara for wait for it...wait for it...$6 bam it's a direct knock of the Dior show mascara which is $25
Previously I wore the mac nymphette lipgloss religiously. Mind you I still wear a lot of mac lipsticks and what not but I'm just going over my basics for the day.
Currently I'm wearing a lot of Revlon super lustrous in pink whisper. I like this gloss because it goes on perfect in one coat the glitter isn't chunky at all and it basically looks like the mac gloss ($15) and it's only $6 mind you I've gone through a lot of drug store brands to find the perfect one.
I always wear eyeshadow primer when I wear eyeshadow. If you don't do this you need to. I can literally sleep in my make-up and have it look the same in the am. I wear Urban Decay. I previously wore their eyeshadow as well and I still do just not as much. This is also a pricey item. I swear I really try to keep the cost down on a lot of things. Anyway it's about $20 at Sephora or Ulta I at one point have tried every color of these I usually go with the original. However they just came out with an anti-aging one. If you can't tell I obviously have an obsession with anti-aging.
When I'm at work I wear eyeshadow sometimes, only sometimes, usually it's just eyeliner and mascara. The eyeshadow I wear is made by two faced and it's their boudoir palette. It's also a little pricey $36. I believe in spending money on eyeshadow because I feel that it blends better and is a better pigment quality.
Finally we are to the part you have all been waiting for the eyeliner to end all eyeliners. It is also made by Physicians Formula. It is about $11 dollars. It apparently is suppose to make your lashes grow with the lash serum in it. I just like it because you can sleep in it and it looks exactly the same when you wake up, and then if you are super gross like me sometimes, you can wear it all day if you don't have time to shower and it still looks EXACTLY THE SAME! Anyway it's the Physicians Formula Lash Booster
There you go. My ENTIRE make up run down. Mind you I rarely wear this much make-up it's usually bb cream, under eye stuff, eyeliner (both of them), and mascara. Sometimes I skip the eye gunk and the bb cream and just roll with pencil liner and mascara. Most of the time I don't wear anything.
Okay well now that I've procrastinated, and bored myself with this post, I feel way better about whatever was bugging me before.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Who is reading...
my blog at this time or day?
Or in general...?
Inquiring minds are inquiring to know.
Leave a comment introduce yourself.
Or in general...?
Inquiring minds are inquiring to know.
Leave a comment introduce yourself.
I'm totally pouting, you should ignore this one.
My high school Principle once said to me...
"Red being pretty won't get you everywhere in life" I responded with I suppose you are right but it should get my foot in the door.
Little did I know it would get me literally no where.
Let me preface with I've had a long horrible day and this is me bitching about it.
This all became very apparent to me as I was having drinks with a couple of friends moments before work. I stepped outside the bar to call a car so I could get to work. A line had formed at the door while i was in the bar and on the phone. My little female brain told me...You have paid for drinks already and this gentleman has already seen your id you can probably duck right back in with your friends and go back to what you were doing. BOY HOWDY WAS I WRONG! I get about half way across the bar when I'm met with someone grabbing my shoulder and shoving me back towards the door shouting at me to get to the back of the line, as I'm trying to stammer out, that I've paid for drinks and he's already seen my id. Doesn't matter get to the back of the line. I'm a little bit peeved at this point and the people in line are talking about me. The girls in front of me get in for free. I get there and the door guy is all "ID" I had him my id and tell him he's seen it and he was like "SO I HAVE" um quick question you let me in before, why the fuck would I leave to get a fake id and come back? Decided not to ask that question I was apparently hated enough at that point. I'm then told it's 7 dollars. No big deal. I open my wallet pull out a 5 and some change and start counting, I needed to off load some change. This dude looks at me and says I can tell you right now that, that is not 7 dollars. I'm thinking in my brain. I can count, and if I happen to be holding up your line maybe you shouldn't have been so fucking chatty with everyone else. So I do the wrong thing and hand him a hundred and ask him to break it...he doesn't have change. I settle for a 20. I walk back to the bar. I explain to my friends what happened. I finish my drink I grab my bag, I walk out the door 5 fucking minutes. I don't think that I fit in at this bar. Maybe it was the fact that I was wearing a nike tee-shirt? I don't know
Earlier today in my writing class I was accused of being a trust fund kid. I wish I had a substantial trust fund...but I don't, I just work all the time. My fucking professor even got in on it. The thing is the last time I took an english class I dressed way down, like grundy punk kid down, I also don't know if I showered, I was going through a tough time you could say. Anyway back to today, so people are making fun of me for that. I'm equating this to pretty because people say your life is suppose to be easier. FUCK THAT NOISE IT IS NOT!
And another thing I'm tired of hearing no I don't want a dance you are too pretty. ISN'T THAT THE POINT? TO SEE WOMEN YOU DON'T THINK YOU COULD TALK TO IN REAL LIFE?
I suppose none of this really has anything to do with being pretty. The door guy just wanted to make sure the band was paid as much as possible. Everyone in my class...how are they suppose to know any better unless I wear my stripper clothes to class. Which I just might do. I think I am literally just crabby today because I'm overtired, out of time, and feeling a little lonely even though I'm around people 24/7 So you all can just excuse my oh whoa is me, I'm going to pout blog post over here.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Body dysmorphia is a serious thing.
First before I get into the guts of tonight I would like to say. DAMN I LOVE RADISHES even without butter.
So tonight I got into it with someone on instagram. How childish right? That's what I thought but sometimes I'm a little indulgent because it's nice hiding behind a screen. What happend you ask? Well you can view the whole thing on insta by looking up redflagrampage and seeing how horrible I am at insulting people, and typing, and spelling and all those other things I'm not good at, speaking of I need to be in bed with my eyes closed in 19 minutes so please excuse the mess I call a blog.
Anyway. I posted some silly photo of me in my underwear (surprise) and tagged it with something like #dontyouwishyourgirlfriendwashotlikeme and this young lady commented saying there is a difference between hot and FAT and trashy. Mind you I would assume trashy right off the bat as well because aren't all strippers highly uneducated and living in the ghetto? Oh wait no we don't most of us have normal lives, and clean homes, and decent modes of transportation.
I responded by saying that I agreed with her and I thought it was silly that people also considered tattoos and smoking pot trashy.
She replied with "I'm not sure if you're on drugs or illiterate or just really awful at sarcasm really. it's a tough call"
I'm not on drugs, nor am I illiterate. I actually take offense to the lack of literacy comment.
I did a very brief skim of her photos not paying much attention to her. She retorted with something something. I must not be very bright. Then it got ugly. I told her to see a therapist since she seemed to have issues with herself and other women, and I would be concerned about gateway drug usage, and when getting into a "real job" they tend to drug test, so I claimed she didn't have a job, or an education. Major bad on my part, rude and mean. She got back to me saying I'm unfortunate and need therapy ( I actually go to therapy I think everyone should) and then she called me filthy and unfortunate. She stated she's been living on her own for 3 years and she's getting her esthetician license in january. Then came the squabble of me being narcissistic and not deserving respect because I don't have close on and I shouldn't give "advise" (advice) because of this and if I were to wear clothes I may be relevant enough to be taken seriously.
I got back to her admitted to having narcissistic tendencies, and that she shouldn't take me seriously, it's my work thingy, it's marketing for the most part and a good way to keep up with others in the industry. Or follow people I couldn't follow with my everyday life thing. I said something about needing to go back to work, and mentioned her lack of punctuation (like I should be one to talk, I also mentioned that, and directed her to right here.)
She said she is to blind to get LASIK so she can't see what she types, and that there is not difference between reality and make believe when it's trashy photos. She then apologized for my lack of job prospects and that I must strip for income, also that she hates encountering photos like this when browsing Instagram (question, my hashtags are pretty specific for things that would produce images of this nature, why would you search them if you didn't want to see this, or the few people I follow are clearly industry) She then said she was tired after laughing at me at my expense. I was then informed that her LEXILE SCORE was that of an average scientist, so I should not have said anything about her grammer, she's right I shouldn't have mine is horrible. Then she looped a friend in. She finished up by calling me a mediocre body with no face because she's right I do chop it off for safety reasons. Saying I'm not ashamed to show all of it and then some.
After this I brought it up to the girls in the locker room. We started going though her pictures and it became very apparent that she may be suffering from anorexia. I instantly felt bad. Like horrible. Of course this girl is trying to rip me apart, she has issues with herself, and it feels better to make fun of someone else, when you are tearing yourself apart from the inside out.
I left her one last comment...Saying that I was sorry, and that had I looked sooner I never would have said those things, and that if she needs someone to talk to to email me. I said that I know how hard it can be to be a woman in this day in age. I brought up a story of an ex of mine always checking out other women with big boobs, and how it literally gave me a complex and for a long time I thought he didn't like me and that I wasn't attractive, which was not true at all. I told her that becoming a stripper was the best thing I could have done for my body image issues, it has made me realize that beauty is not just one way, it's so many ways, and not everyone likes one thing. I told her that even if she doesn't believe me, or doesn't like "me" (even though she has no idea who I am...at all) that there is someone who cares about her, wants the best for her and wants her to love herself more than anyone else because no one is going to go to bed with you more than you go to bed with you.
It made me really sad to think that there are girls that still pick on other girls because of their own discomfort in their own skin. I wish so badly that my job didn't have the stigma it does and that people could see the benefits. I feel like lately I've been too quiet about the good things and that I gave up on going hard for those involved in the sex industry. I used to fight for this so hard. This girl reminded me why I should fight for it, because it's no fighting for me and my type of people it's fighting for women and the freedom to be themselves, and the right to love themselves unconditionally.
So tonight I got into it with someone on instagram. How childish right? That's what I thought but sometimes I'm a little indulgent because it's nice hiding behind a screen. What happend you ask? Well you can view the whole thing on insta by looking up redflagrampage and seeing how horrible I am at insulting people, and typing, and spelling and all those other things I'm not good at, speaking of I need to be in bed with my eyes closed in 19 minutes so please excuse the mess I call a blog.
Anyway. I posted some silly photo of me in my underwear (surprise) and tagged it with something like #dontyouwishyourgirlfriendwashotlikeme and this young lady commented saying there is a difference between hot and FAT and trashy. Mind you I would assume trashy right off the bat as well because aren't all strippers highly uneducated and living in the ghetto? Oh wait no we don't most of us have normal lives, and clean homes, and decent modes of transportation.
I responded by saying that I agreed with her and I thought it was silly that people also considered tattoos and smoking pot trashy.
She replied with "I'm not sure if you're on drugs or illiterate or just really awful at sarcasm really. it's a tough call"
I'm not on drugs, nor am I illiterate. I actually take offense to the lack of literacy comment.
I did a very brief skim of her photos not paying much attention to her. She retorted with something something. I must not be very bright. Then it got ugly. I told her to see a therapist since she seemed to have issues with herself and other women, and I would be concerned about gateway drug usage, and when getting into a "real job" they tend to drug test, so I claimed she didn't have a job, or an education. Major bad on my part, rude and mean. She got back to me saying I'm unfortunate and need therapy ( I actually go to therapy I think everyone should) and then she called me filthy and unfortunate. She stated she's been living on her own for 3 years and she's getting her esthetician license in january. Then came the squabble of me being narcissistic and not deserving respect because I don't have close on and I shouldn't give "advise" (advice) because of this and if I were to wear clothes I may be relevant enough to be taken seriously.
I got back to her admitted to having narcissistic tendencies, and that she shouldn't take me seriously, it's my work thingy, it's marketing for the most part and a good way to keep up with others in the industry. Or follow people I couldn't follow with my everyday life thing. I said something about needing to go back to work, and mentioned her lack of punctuation (like I should be one to talk, I also mentioned that, and directed her to right here.)
She said she is to blind to get LASIK so she can't see what she types, and that there is not difference between reality and make believe when it's trashy photos. She then apologized for my lack of job prospects and that I must strip for income, also that she hates encountering photos like this when browsing Instagram (question, my hashtags are pretty specific for things that would produce images of this nature, why would you search them if you didn't want to see this, or the few people I follow are clearly industry) She then said she was tired after laughing at me at my expense. I was then informed that her LEXILE SCORE was that of an average scientist, so I should not have said anything about her grammer, she's right I shouldn't have mine is horrible. Then she looped a friend in. She finished up by calling me a mediocre body with no face because she's right I do chop it off for safety reasons. Saying I'm not ashamed to show all of it and then some.
After this I brought it up to the girls in the locker room. We started going though her pictures and it became very apparent that she may be suffering from anorexia. I instantly felt bad. Like horrible. Of course this girl is trying to rip me apart, she has issues with herself, and it feels better to make fun of someone else, when you are tearing yourself apart from the inside out.
I left her one last comment...Saying that I was sorry, and that had I looked sooner I never would have said those things, and that if she needs someone to talk to to email me. I said that I know how hard it can be to be a woman in this day in age. I brought up a story of an ex of mine always checking out other women with big boobs, and how it literally gave me a complex and for a long time I thought he didn't like me and that I wasn't attractive, which was not true at all. I told her that becoming a stripper was the best thing I could have done for my body image issues, it has made me realize that beauty is not just one way, it's so many ways, and not everyone likes one thing. I told her that even if she doesn't believe me, or doesn't like "me" (even though she has no idea who I am...at all) that there is someone who cares about her, wants the best for her and wants her to love herself more than anyone else because no one is going to go to bed with you more than you go to bed with you.
It made me really sad to think that there are girls that still pick on other girls because of their own discomfort in their own skin. I wish so badly that my job didn't have the stigma it does and that people could see the benefits. I feel like lately I've been too quiet about the good things and that I gave up on going hard for those involved in the sex industry. I used to fight for this so hard. This girl reminded me why I should fight for it, because it's no fighting for me and my type of people it's fighting for women and the freedom to be themselves, and the right to love themselves unconditionally.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Rarely do I panic, but when I do it looks something like this...
I don't panic often, but right now. I.am.fucking.panicking.
Please excuse me sometimes it just feels better to get everything down on "paper" so I can later create an actual plan from this brainstorm as to how I'm going to be the best I can be.
I'm a firm believer in money comes money goes and it will be there when you need it if you bust your ass for it. The thing is, the club I'm working at right now is our company's equivalent to the island of lost toys. I don't know what the fuck happened well I do. We had a manager that didn't care how we made money as long as we made it, which makes it hard for the likes of someone like me who is never in the mood to have a strangers fingers in her vagina. Do I know where your hands have been hell fucking no. Actually let me do a quick internet search for stories about people having sex with stomas, and gonorrhea bubbles bursting in peoples mouths to give you a small idea as to why I have an incredible fear of shit like peoples hands. Actually no you all can google those stories yourself...but why would you do that when you can read it here ps NSFWS (Not safe for weak stomachs) Look at all that time I saved you. Oh back to panicking.
Also I never complain about money but for real shit is getting real in my club, and I'm about to be a frugal ass stripper which I of course am all ready but I'm really about to cut all spending.
No eating out ever, not even at school. I don't care how fucking hungry I am, I won't do it anymore.
No drinking because booze are expensive and I'm one of those crazy women that doesn't let people buy her drinks.
No new clothes, scratch that no used clothes as well, so no new "to me" clothes, work clothes included. Here is to hoping my shoes don't break.
I have never had this happen before. A summer like this happen it is worse than the winter. I'm not sure how that is even possible but apparently it is. It's insane. LITERALLY INSANE.
I seriously feel like I should work doubles every day that I don't have school to try and make-up for money that just isn't happening.
(This is what actual panic looks like, it's me going nuts and scrambling to make everything work, not even putting together real thoughts) For anyone who has been upset with me lately for not getting back to them in a prompt manner I apologize I've been really busy trying to succeed at a normal level lately and nothing is really working out. So I sincerely apologize bear with me.
In a first world problem sort of way. I desperately need a hair day, because my hair is a mess right now. Anyone wants to chip in for my hair message me I'm sure we can figure it out. A note on my hair it's not as high maintenance as most. I don't have extensions so by comparison it's cheap. I never get my nails done so I don't have that expense. I have all the make-up I could ever want for like a year. I am not going to buy any make-up for a year and see how far I can get on what I have, with the exception of my new favorite lipgloss with is $3.50 less than my previous favorite lipgloss.
I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong with this whole making money thing. IF anyone wants to brainstorm some ideas and send them my way again...please message me It would be greatly appreciated.
Also on a note about monetizing the blogger google just released that any "adult content links" on an adult content blog will either be removed, or the blog itself will be removed, I don't remember how they worded. So it's going to take me a second to figure this whole thing out.
A final note. The sun is coming up which is my que to skedaddle on to bed before I turn into dust or whatever happens when strippers see dawn.
Please excuse me sometimes it just feels better to get everything down on "paper" so I can later create an actual plan from this brainstorm as to how I'm going to be the best I can be.
I'm a firm believer in money comes money goes and it will be there when you need it if you bust your ass for it. The thing is, the club I'm working at right now is our company's equivalent to the island of lost toys. I don't know what the fuck happened well I do. We had a manager that didn't care how we made money as long as we made it, which makes it hard for the likes of someone like me who is never in the mood to have a strangers fingers in her vagina. Do I know where your hands have been hell fucking no. Actually let me do a quick internet search for stories about people having sex with stomas, and gonorrhea bubbles bursting in peoples mouths to give you a small idea as to why I have an incredible fear of shit like peoples hands. Actually no you all can google those stories yourself...but why would you do that when you can read it here ps NSFWS (Not safe for weak stomachs) Look at all that time I saved you. Oh back to panicking.
Also I never complain about money but for real shit is getting real in my club, and I'm about to be a frugal ass stripper which I of course am all ready but I'm really about to cut all spending.
No eating out ever, not even at school. I don't care how fucking hungry I am, I won't do it anymore.
No drinking because booze are expensive and I'm one of those crazy women that doesn't let people buy her drinks.
I have never had this happen before. A summer like this happen it is worse than the winter. I'm not sure how that is even possible but apparently it is. It's insane. LITERALLY INSANE.
I seriously feel like I should work doubles every day that I don't have school to try and make-up for money that just isn't happening.
(This is what actual panic looks like, it's me going nuts and scrambling to make everything work, not even putting together real thoughts) For anyone who has been upset with me lately for not getting back to them in a prompt manner I apologize I've been really busy trying to succeed at a normal level lately and nothing is really working out. So I sincerely apologize bear with me.
In a first world problem sort of way. I desperately need a hair day, because my hair is a mess right now. Anyone wants to chip in for my hair message me I'm sure we can figure it out. A note on my hair it's not as high maintenance as most. I don't have extensions so by comparison it's cheap. I never get my nails done so I don't have that expense. I have all the make-up I could ever want for like a year. I am not going to buy any make-up for a year and see how far I can get on what I have, with the exception of my new favorite lipgloss with is $3.50 less than my previous favorite lipgloss.
I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong with this whole making money thing. IF anyone wants to brainstorm some ideas and send them my way again...please message me It would be greatly appreciated.
Also on a note about monetizing the blogger google just released that any "adult content links" on an adult content blog will either be removed, or the blog itself will be removed, I don't remember how they worded. So it's going to take me a second to figure this whole thing out.
A final note. The sun is coming up which is my que to skedaddle on to bed before I turn into dust or whatever happens when strippers see dawn.
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