Walking into work tonight I was instantly put into the "do you want to rock bitch" mode. One of my homegirls who I love and worry about decided that tonight was her night to pick a fight with anyone. I walked in and said
R..."excuse me"
T..."Really red? Are you fucking serious? That was hella condescending or I felt like it was?"
R: I'm sorry what you have preferred I said?
T: You could have said Move my N...(you get the rest)
R: Alright move my...
T: Fuck you red...
R: Hey you told me to say it.
T: Red open my locker.
R: give me one Second.
T: Seriously? Fuck you.
R: I said give me a second I'm giving someone a tampon.
T: This place is the devil. That bitch is the devil. Fuck this place.
It was also right then I questioned why I put up with this shit.
Moving on. Two people asked me tonight about marketing and building their brands. Apparently I"m not an expert on it. Too bad my job didn't work out or I would have had a better chance to prove that in an arena that's socially acceptable. I mean I built a brand and that's hard to do. So B wanted to know about how to promote herself as a dj, so I gave her some ideas, then my Realestate friend came in and also wanted Ideas. Part of me feels like starting a branding agency, or trying to get in at a few around town, or at least an informational interview. Since we all know I can't do this forever. Really I feel like I've accomplished a lot in the time that I've done this and turned it into something. I have so much more I need to do, or could be doing and should be doing. Like Swag I need to design some "Red" swag so all of you can proudly rep your favorite stripper or your least favorite stripper.
One of the girls totally and single handedly ruined our week this week. It's fleet week always a solid week for us. She ripped off a few of our nations finest and subsequently they told everyone. So when some of our girls where on a pass run tonight and the dear seamen wouldn't even take the cards since they said little darlings on the. That bitch is just that a bitch and really and truly needs to have a talking to about how her actions affect other people and yes she's making money but damn don't destroy the club for all of us. I hate when other girls give strippers a bad name.
The funniest intro story I've heard in a while came from these 3 bro ish looking dudes the other night. I sat down and asked them how they knew each other and they said they met playing pokemongo. I literally almost lost my shit. Like seriously grown men playing pokemongo. WHAT is this world coming too.
I saw the 1st edit for the video of the fetish show I did the other week and it looks amazing. I'm thinking of starting a youtube channel. Doing the facebook live feed, and periscope nightly, and bringing back theme nights so we can start having something to look forward too, since no one seems to care about our marketing well our managers don't care which means corporate has no way of knowing we are struggling.
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
All the time in the world...with no time at all.
I'm pulling this out of drafts.
I suffer from a very common condition of being a stripper, I have horrible time management, which I need to fix by the end of summer. That's right kids it's summer again and about the time of year ( or the fiscal quarter) I sit down and re-evaluate where I'm going and what I'm doing.
Baby tonight made a really good point. 1st let me back up baby has been gone for a hot second and hasn't been around to watch the fireworks otherwise known as my daily life...anyway tonight she pulled me aside to ask me what was going on and why there is so much hate towards me lately, and I just sort of laughed it off and rolled it off like I've been doing. I guess I didn't realize how bad it is, I just haven't cared what people say that much. I can't care that much it's my job right now. People are going to talk no matter what, especially some women, some women can be so mean. Men will fight and get over shit. Some Women will plot, and execute, and plot. Some Women hate seeing other women succeed at times. A couple of the girls have zero qualms about going in on me for just about anything. Apparently according to the rumors I'm basically an all around terrible person. Anyway all of this is happening around me, back to the story line...baby asked me why the fuck there was so much hate towards me...Really I haven't cared or been able to focus on it with the lose of my dog. It has minimized everything around me, and really created this hole in my life that I can't fill. It's this horrible feeling in my chest like I can't breathe whenever I sit down and really focus on it. It's literally the worst feeling I've ever experienced. Seriously if I could have her back for 10 minutes I would do just about anything. This whole experience has kept me from enjoying this summer and kept me from standing up for myself lately as I just feel so beat down.
I suffer from a very common condition of being a stripper, I have horrible time management, which I need to fix by the end of summer. That's right kids it's summer again and about the time of year ( or the fiscal quarter) I sit down and re-evaluate where I'm going and what I'm doing.
Baby tonight made a really good point. 1st let me back up baby has been gone for a hot second and hasn't been around to watch the fireworks otherwise known as my daily life...anyway tonight she pulled me aside to ask me what was going on and why there is so much hate towards me lately, and I just sort of laughed it off and rolled it off like I've been doing. I guess I didn't realize how bad it is, I just haven't cared what people say that much. I can't care that much it's my job right now. People are going to talk no matter what, especially some women, some women can be so mean. Men will fight and get over shit. Some Women will plot, and execute, and plot. Some Women hate seeing other women succeed at times. A couple of the girls have zero qualms about going in on me for just about anything. Apparently according to the rumors I'm basically an all around terrible person. Anyway all of this is happening around me, back to the story line...baby asked me why the fuck there was so much hate towards me...Really I haven't cared or been able to focus on it with the lose of my dog. It has minimized everything around me, and really created this hole in my life that I can't fill. It's this horrible feeling in my chest like I can't breathe whenever I sit down and really focus on it. It's literally the worst feeling I've ever experienced. Seriously if I could have her back for 10 minutes I would do just about anything. This whole experience has kept me from enjoying this summer and kept me from standing up for myself lately as I just feel so beat down.
How to be the best stripper...ever (the word according to red)
Lately I've been asking myself how to get back to my original self. The self that made money hand over fist. I'm still attractive, I'm still smart. There is no reason why I should make money the last hour of work. Also I was asked to give advise on the subject considering my amazing abilities to retain regulars...although I am taking on new regulars if anyone is up for the challenge. I didn't advise them as I didn't have time and I didn't know what to say considering my most recent luck...
After binge watching a ton of netflix and hulu, and really going though everything in the past 10 years of my life ( it is getting to be that time of year where I start talking about the years passed). That there is a little bit of truth in the fiction of movies. I suppose what I'm about to say is probably going to concern some people. (Family I'm not talking to you or about you, or anyone who may think I'm referencing them personally I'm not this is more of a general statement)...YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THE LIE. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY THE BEST PERSON ON THE FLOOR AND THAT NO ONE ELSE EXISTS OR THAT THEY ARE THERE TO ASSIT YOU IN MAKING MONEY. That's it that's all it takes. Oh and a six minute limit. If you can't close in six minutes you aren't going to close it. Remember it's an option you are selling, not a demand, and you have to believe that they are not the only option as well. Oh and the lie never derive from the lie. I don't mean lie to everyone about everything. I mean more like method acting believe who you are while you are on the floor. I always take time to adjust from work me to me me, before interacting with anyone.
So here is to getting back into myself and truly believing that "don't can't call me bitch, bitch"is the truest I have been with myself. Right up there with knowing a little bit about everything and taking interest in everything as well. Also righting myself for thinking I've been wrong at all and shouldn't do this or don't deserve to do it well. So that's all it takes to be a great stripper, just believe in yourself, and some tall, tall shoes.
After binge watching a ton of netflix and hulu, and really going though everything in the past 10 years of my life ( it is getting to be that time of year where I start talking about the years passed). That there is a little bit of truth in the fiction of movies. I suppose what I'm about to say is probably going to concern some people. (Family I'm not talking to you or about you, or anyone who may think I'm referencing them personally I'm not this is more of a general statement)...YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THE LIE. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY THE BEST PERSON ON THE FLOOR AND THAT NO ONE ELSE EXISTS OR THAT THEY ARE THERE TO ASSIT YOU IN MAKING MONEY. That's it that's all it takes. Oh and a six minute limit. If you can't close in six minutes you aren't going to close it. Remember it's an option you are selling, not a demand, and you have to believe that they are not the only option as well. Oh and the lie never derive from the lie. I don't mean lie to everyone about everything. I mean more like method acting believe who you are while you are on the floor. I always take time to adjust from work me to me me, before interacting with anyone.
So here is to getting back into myself and truly believing that "don't can't call me bitch, bitch"is the truest I have been with myself. Right up there with knowing a little bit about everything and taking interest in everything as well. Also righting myself for thinking I've been wrong at all and shouldn't do this or don't deserve to do it well. So that's all it takes to be a great stripper, just believe in yourself, and some tall, tall shoes.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Why I collect shitty people
Shitty people always come off so charming their problems aren't that bad. They aren't a suck
on your life then you find out they are. Sometimes life beats you down so you take it. My best friend wrote me today that she is amazed and proud of me that I have this tenacity for rising above the ashes and really still finding joy she's right, I do it's a blessing and a curse. My dad taught me to never give up there is always another way, so as soon as some idiot walks into my life I tend to think I can fix them for help them and push away those around me who truly can help. Those people are hard to find they don't have big personalities they aren't trying to prove something they are just good people. It's the wolf in sheep's clothing one must worry about the ones with slick suits and slick hair promising the world and not caring how they lure you in. I keep shitty people around because I believe love will fix them, I'm very wrong I lost the love of my life and there have been days I would give anything to go to sleep and not wake up just because she isn't right next to me but I march on.
I'm done with the fakes, and the liars, and I'm caring it like it is from now on. Promise me 120k and get me 70k we have a problem, lie to my co-workers also a problem. Here is the thing, I'm unchanging, and I opened a locker yes because she would have as well. I'm not a liar, nor a thief, I'm upfront, and I've been taking a lot of abuse from you fucking bitches, you think I'm a pussy say it to my fucking face not every one around me. You want to jump on the bully train enjoy it when it turns into the train to hell. You all want to whisper shit...I'm going to talk, this game is over, you're in or your out.
oh and you who said you would always be there because you were "my friend" bullshit you know what you did.
I will succeed in life if I have to claw my way out of this little darlings dungeon, because the real bitch is back, and I aint scared of no ghost.
on your life then you find out they are. Sometimes life beats you down so you take it. My best friend wrote me today that she is amazed and proud of me that I have this tenacity for rising above the ashes and really still finding joy she's right, I do it's a blessing and a curse. My dad taught me to never give up there is always another way, so as soon as some idiot walks into my life I tend to think I can fix them for help them and push away those around me who truly can help. Those people are hard to find they don't have big personalities they aren't trying to prove something they are just good people. It's the wolf in sheep's clothing one must worry about the ones with slick suits and slick hair promising the world and not caring how they lure you in. I keep shitty people around because I believe love will fix them, I'm very wrong I lost the love of my life and there have been days I would give anything to go to sleep and not wake up just because she isn't right next to me but I march on.
I'm done with the fakes, and the liars, and I'm caring it like it is from now on. Promise me 120k and get me 70k we have a problem, lie to my co-workers also a problem. Here is the thing, I'm unchanging, and I opened a locker yes because she would have as well. I'm not a liar, nor a thief, I'm upfront, and I've been taking a lot of abuse from you fucking bitches, you think I'm a pussy say it to my fucking face not every one around me. You want to jump on the bully train enjoy it when it turns into the train to hell. You all want to whisper shit...I'm going to talk, this game is over, you're in or your out.
oh and you who said you would always be there because you were "my friend" bullshit you know what you did.
I will succeed in life if I have to claw my way out of this little darlings dungeon, because the real bitch is back, and I aint scared of no ghost.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
THE past The Present... and sex tips for tall people
Lately I've been just feeling myself at work. I've been on fucking fire, I feel un fucking stoppable. I feel like I've got my fucking groove back. Meaning I best get my ass into work real quick. Last night one of my old home girls from the hill came in. She's always super fun when she comes in...however she had K^2 with her. We sat down and had an actual talk about why he didn't like me 5 years ago. Really it came down to J did not like what I did and I was a crazy jealous bitch. Which is mostly no longer true, my crazy is contained to when it's appropriate, like cutting lockers, swearing at drivers, and beating the shit out of the willing. Speaking of I'm dieing to have a little fun so if anyone is down let me know.
Anyway K^2 came in and my home girl was trying to hook us up or so it seemed. The problem is we hate each other. He's never liked me I'll always come off crazy. I feel like I'm getting slowly pushed out of all my comfort zones so fuck it Im moving to LA.
Anyway K^2 came in and my home girl was trying to hook us up or so it seemed. The problem is we hate each other. He's never liked me I'll always come off crazy. I feel like I'm getting slowly pushed out of all my comfort zones so fuck it Im moving to LA.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
How much for you soul?
"And there you go, selling me dreams and telling me things you know...You got what I want I got what you need. How much for you soul?"
If you know me you know I listen to rap. This song was one of those moments burned into my brain as the best ever...Screaming it at the top of my lungs going down 4th ave in the middle of the night with my ride or die, Baby. That right there that's my bitch.
Little did I know only a few months later would those words hold so much truth I almost crumbled. It's funny being in an industry where it's totally normal to have a full blown political conversation in your underwear. To believe you are larger than life that you can beat the shit out of anyone at any time. That you are it. At times its the time I feel like I am in fact the truest form of myself. The only other time I actually feel that like that is on a photoset. I have had so many people comment on just the feeling I give off when I'm not there.
So I unfortunately had to leave my day job due to well I'll let you guess. That banker in England was fired for being hot. I basically quit for the same reason. My high school principle once said being pretty wouldn't get me everywhere in life. What he failed to mention was that being attractive would actually hamper my ability to be taken seriously. I know there are probably people laughing at this...how could an attractive person have a problem being attractive. Well I'm reminded constantly my place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, not out in the world.
However I am oddly confident and I truly think this person thought I thought the worst of myself and really I haven't and didn't till they started bringing it up. (REDFLAG) Then I started to think I couldn't do things, or maybe people were treating me different. I know this is another oh woe is red story and I swear they will stop soon, because god damn.
Anywho its been fun being back for a few days, to go back to thinking I'm hot and funny and that's why you should dance with me. Not being afraid of anything, not being afraid of losing my job at any moment. Never in my life did I ever think that I would be happy to go back to dancing all the time. To the creeps I know, the creeps I love. You aren't creeps.
I'm smart, I can do something different and better and I will. Thats the thing it's gotten really bad and somehow I still haven't lost complete faith in everything.
If you know me you know I listen to rap. This song was one of those moments burned into my brain as the best ever...Screaming it at the top of my lungs going down 4th ave in the middle of the night with my ride or die, Baby. That right there that's my bitch.
Little did I know only a few months later would those words hold so much truth I almost crumbled. It's funny being in an industry where it's totally normal to have a full blown political conversation in your underwear. To believe you are larger than life that you can beat the shit out of anyone at any time. That you are it. At times its the time I feel like I am in fact the truest form of myself. The only other time I actually feel that like that is on a photoset. I have had so many people comment on just the feeling I give off when I'm not there.
So I unfortunately had to leave my day job due to well I'll let you guess. That banker in England was fired for being hot. I basically quit for the same reason. My high school principle once said being pretty wouldn't get me everywhere in life. What he failed to mention was that being attractive would actually hamper my ability to be taken seriously. I know there are probably people laughing at this...how could an attractive person have a problem being attractive. Well I'm reminded constantly my place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, not out in the world.
However I am oddly confident and I truly think this person thought I thought the worst of myself and really I haven't and didn't till they started bringing it up. (REDFLAG) Then I started to think I couldn't do things, or maybe people were treating me different. I know this is another oh woe is red story and I swear they will stop soon, because god damn.
Anywho its been fun being back for a few days, to go back to thinking I'm hot and funny and that's why you should dance with me. Not being afraid of anything, not being afraid of losing my job at any moment. Never in my life did I ever think that I would be happy to go back to dancing all the time. To the creeps I know, the creeps I love. You aren't creeps.
I'm smart, I can do something different and better and I will. Thats the thing it's gotten really bad and somehow I still haven't lost complete faith in everything.
Friday, June 17, 2016
What Fresh Layer of Hell is this...
I have 15 minutes to write this post so don't expect much out of punctuation and or grammar.
I promised a post of where I have been for the past ohh lets see about 6 months. I'm sure some of you have made stipulations on where I am and what I'm doing. I'm still in Seattle and I'm still at Little Darlings. Lets start with the good things that have happened before I go over the things that have really been consuming my time, and brain, and writing ability.
So there is a poster of me up at work, that's exciting, I just shot a couple new ones for a fetish night runway show we are having so you all should come by, I mean really I'll keep you posted as to when it is.
I returned to the land of the living with a day job...which I feel like I'm failing at but considering the rest of what's happening in my life I'm surprised i'm even getting out of bed. That would be more normal.
Lets start with the easy stuff...my ex came in drunk and said he made a mistake by breaking up with me and didn't want to get married.
Havie got fired, and I miss her dearly.
I made a collage of just about everyone in the club and had it on the back wall in the locker room and someone ripped down have of it there were two people there at morning and one of them was there on their own for hours. Lets call her Petty. I thought petty had ripped off the bottom half of this collage and I swear I had asked her if she had done it and said she hadn't the only other girl there was Nay. I called Nay up since she wasn't there at that moment and she said she wasn't the one that did it. I believed her as she and I were not having any issues where as Petty was being Petty about just about everything, that I gave her a one word answer to a question. So I start putting things together in my head also the special tape I used on the photos was stuck to the floor in front of her locker...so I thought what would petty do, she would cut my lock and explain it to me later...So I decided to cut her lock like a fucking idiot, I also said I would put my lock on her locker so none of her things would end up missing.
So as I go to cut this lock I swear to whatever higher power you believe in that it just popped open so I thought well I might as well just check as long as I'm here and it's open low and behold I did not find the wall of photos. Half wall really. The next day she text me. I had intended on telling her in person. I admitted imidiately that I had done it. She didn't have to trick me into saying anything, I happily admitted it assuming we were close enough friends that she would understand, anyway this.
While all this is happening CO thinks I'm trying to steal her customers, and sides with Petty so someone who called me their best friend turned on me so fast it almost gave me whiplash.
It started a chain of unfortunate events that I could not stop. I started traveling a lot for my other job and wasn't home enough so my dogsitter started selling my things, thousands of dollars of things, things I can't replace things like my grandmothers jewelry, although I don't even care about it, any of it because it just get so much worse.
I left for NYC and on wednesday I ended up with a strange feeling something was going on and thursday night I was so excited to leave friday. I had checked up on my dog and the sitter said she was okay. I had been worried since she had been six a couple weeks before that. I get home saturday night and walk in and my dogsitter told me that my dog was dead. Her narcropsy came back and said she had been dead for about 3 days before I brought her in. He didn't even close her eyes. He had taken her out on a very hot day and played too hard with her and closed her in my room in her crate with no air. He totally neglected her. It took her up to an hour to pass, so he let her suffer as well and then did nothing didn't call nothing. He just fucking left her. Her death was totally preventable.
I literally don't remember the week following, what I said what I did anything. I wanted so badly to disappear forever.
As I'm hiding out I find out that he had also written checks out of my check-book...wait, wait, wait, it gets better. As a paycheck is landing in my account, and I'm so excited to be an adult and pay my rent I check my bank account just to be sure and it's virtually empty. Some checks from a totally different person than me has forged checks to my account and wiped it out...Perfect.
I just remember getting a text from a number I don't know and all it said was KARMA
So I'm sure there are some of you reading this laughing, saying that I deserve it for whatever I have done to you in the past. Fine, I am happy you are enjoying watching the fall, the silver lining of all of this is, I have discovered who my true friends are, who is actually in my life. Also I have discovered the bitch I used to be and I'm really losing my fear of offending people. Bad things happen, they happen all the time it's a matter of how you deal with them and I'm getting out of bed every day so I'd say that I still have a fighting chance of coming back from yet another tragic life event in the past two years. Those of you following along know the past two years have been a struggle a real life fucking struggle and I wouldn't repeat them if you paid me however I now would repeat every day with a smile if I knew that it would bring my dog back for even an hour. I would literally go through all the bullshit again just for an hour with her.
So, I'm back online, I'm writing, and I'm auctioning off some posters all of the money will be donated either to a drug rehab program or a bulldog rescue service. I know I've asked for help in the past from people, and you all have been so gracious in helping me, however this time in order to avoid burning any bridges I'm going to attempt to do this on my own. Being angry and broke is keeping me pretty motivated.
I promised a post of where I have been for the past ohh lets see about 6 months. I'm sure some of you have made stipulations on where I am and what I'm doing. I'm still in Seattle and I'm still at Little Darlings. Lets start with the good things that have happened before I go over the things that have really been consuming my time, and brain, and writing ability.
So there is a poster of me up at work, that's exciting, I just shot a couple new ones for a fetish night runway show we are having so you all should come by, I mean really I'll keep you posted as to when it is.
I returned to the land of the living with a day job...which I feel like I'm failing at but considering the rest of what's happening in my life I'm surprised i'm even getting out of bed. That would be more normal.
Lets start with the easy stuff...my ex came in drunk and said he made a mistake by breaking up with me and didn't want to get married.
Havie got fired, and I miss her dearly.
I made a collage of just about everyone in the club and had it on the back wall in the locker room and someone ripped down have of it there were two people there at morning and one of them was there on their own for hours. Lets call her Petty. I thought petty had ripped off the bottom half of this collage and I swear I had asked her if she had done it and said she hadn't the only other girl there was Nay. I called Nay up since she wasn't there at that moment and she said she wasn't the one that did it. I believed her as she and I were not having any issues where as Petty was being Petty about just about everything, that I gave her a one word answer to a question. So I start putting things together in my head also the special tape I used on the photos was stuck to the floor in front of her locker...so I thought what would petty do, she would cut my lock and explain it to me later...So I decided to cut her lock like a fucking idiot, I also said I would put my lock on her locker so none of her things would end up missing.
So as I go to cut this lock I swear to whatever higher power you believe in that it just popped open so I thought well I might as well just check as long as I'm here and it's open low and behold I did not find the wall of photos. Half wall really. The next day she text me. I had intended on telling her in person. I admitted imidiately that I had done it. She didn't have to trick me into saying anything, I happily admitted it assuming we were close enough friends that she would understand, anyway this.
While all this is happening CO thinks I'm trying to steal her customers, and sides with Petty so someone who called me their best friend turned on me so fast it almost gave me whiplash.
It started a chain of unfortunate events that I could not stop. I started traveling a lot for my other job and wasn't home enough so my dogsitter started selling my things, thousands of dollars of things, things I can't replace things like my grandmothers jewelry, although I don't even care about it, any of it because it just get so much worse.
I left for NYC and on wednesday I ended up with a strange feeling something was going on and thursday night I was so excited to leave friday. I had checked up on my dog and the sitter said she was okay. I had been worried since she had been six a couple weeks before that. I get home saturday night and walk in and my dogsitter told me that my dog was dead. Her narcropsy came back and said she had been dead for about 3 days before I brought her in. He didn't even close her eyes. He had taken her out on a very hot day and played too hard with her and closed her in my room in her crate with no air. He totally neglected her. It took her up to an hour to pass, so he let her suffer as well and then did nothing didn't call nothing. He just fucking left her. Her death was totally preventable.
I literally don't remember the week following, what I said what I did anything. I wanted so badly to disappear forever.
As I'm hiding out I find out that he had also written checks out of my check-book...wait, wait, wait, it gets better. As a paycheck is landing in my account, and I'm so excited to be an adult and pay my rent I check my bank account just to be sure and it's virtually empty. Some checks from a totally different person than me has forged checks to my account and wiped it out...Perfect.
I just remember getting a text from a number I don't know and all it said was KARMA
So I'm sure there are some of you reading this laughing, saying that I deserve it for whatever I have done to you in the past. Fine, I am happy you are enjoying watching the fall, the silver lining of all of this is, I have discovered who my true friends are, who is actually in my life. Also I have discovered the bitch I used to be and I'm really losing my fear of offending people. Bad things happen, they happen all the time it's a matter of how you deal with them and I'm getting out of bed every day so I'd say that I still have a fighting chance of coming back from yet another tragic life event in the past two years. Those of you following along know the past two years have been a struggle a real life fucking struggle and I wouldn't repeat them if you paid me however I now would repeat every day with a smile if I knew that it would bring my dog back for even an hour. I would literally go through all the bullshit again just for an hour with her.
So, I'm back online, I'm writing, and I'm auctioning off some posters all of the money will be donated either to a drug rehab program or a bulldog rescue service. I know I've asked for help in the past from people, and you all have been so gracious in helping me, however this time in order to avoid burning any bridges I'm going to attempt to do this on my own. Being angry and broke is keeping me pretty motivated.
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