death catches us all

So I haven't been around much. My mother died. Yes she knew what i did for a living. I even asked her to write a piece for my blog, and she might be part of the reason I quit posting I didn't want her reading about my life. Anyway I'm going to recap basically what she wrote and what I remember of her writing it "Being the mother of a stripper is hard you ask yourself where did you go wrong, then you ask her where you went wrong. "Stripping is not something I have any respect for, I don't find it noble" and I ask myself is there nobility in your life what was your purpose and who did you help? Not me...you spent my money and lied to me about it and your cancer...so tell me again how tight tops get me unwanted attention and it's my fault...tell me mom...how many husbands and wives have you kept together. Tell me I was wrong and tell me I was a bad person...but damn it...I showed up for your last breathes...knowing full well you fucked me over...She blamed a swim shop in the town she lived in that i had never been too claiming she the shop owner convinced me to strip...I had no clue what she was talking about... She never looked on the bright side that I was independent, that I wasn't scared of who I was, I wasn't meek, I could take on the world, the universe, the multiverse if I needed. That she taught me part of that, to be confident, to believe, to just fucking believe...and now I have to believe I can handle the death of someone who told me they wished I was never born, wrote such a horrid post I couldn't publish it, and yet...I showed the fuck up.