Body dysmorphia is a serious thing.

First before I get into the guts of tonight I would like to say. DAMN I LOVE RADISHES even without butter.

So tonight I got into it with someone on instagram. How childish right? That's what I thought but sometimes I'm a little indulgent because it's nice hiding behind a screen. What happend you ask?  Well you can view the whole thing on insta by looking up redflagrampage and seeing how horrible I am at insulting people, and typing, and spelling and all those other things I'm not good at, speaking of I need to be in bed with my eyes closed in 19 minutes so please excuse the mess I call a blog.

Anyway. I posted some silly photo of me in my underwear (surprise) and tagged it with something like #dontyouwishyourgirlfriendwashotlikeme and this young lady commented saying there is a difference between hot and FAT and trashy. Mind you I would assume trashy right off the bat as well because aren't all strippers highly uneducated and living in the ghetto? Oh wait no we don't most of us have normal lives, and clean homes, and decent modes of transportation.

I responded by saying that I agreed with her and I thought it was silly that people also considered tattoos and smoking pot trashy.
She replied with "I'm not sure if you're on drugs or illiterate or just really awful at sarcasm really. it's a tough call"
I'm not on drugs, nor am I illiterate. I actually take offense to the lack of literacy comment.

I did a very brief skim of her photos not paying much attention to her. She retorted with something something. I must not be very bright. Then it got ugly. I told her to see a therapist since she seemed to have issues with herself and other women, and I would be concerned about gateway drug usage, and when getting into a "real job" they tend to drug test, so I claimed she didn't have a job, or an education. Major bad on my part, rude and mean. She got back to me saying I'm unfortunate and need therapy ( I actually go to therapy I think everyone should) and then she called me filthy and unfortunate. She stated she's been living on her own for 3 years and she's getting her esthetician license in january. Then came the squabble of me being narcissistic and not deserving respect because I don't have close on and I shouldn't give "advise" (advice) because of this and if I were to wear clothes I may be relevant enough to be taken seriously.
I got back to her admitted to having narcissistic tendencies, and that she shouldn't take me seriously, it's my work thingy, it's marketing for the most part and a good way to keep up with others in the industry. Or follow people I couldn't follow with my everyday life thing. I said something about needing to go back to work, and mentioned her lack of punctuation (like I should be one to talk, I also mentioned that, and directed her to right here.)

She said she is to blind to get LASIK so she can't see what she types, and that there is not difference between reality and make believe when it's trashy photos. She then apologized for my lack of job prospects and that I must strip for income, also that she hates encountering photos like this when browsing Instagram (question, my hashtags are pretty specific for things that would produce images of this nature, why would you search them if you didn't want to see this, or the few people I follow are clearly industry) She then said she was tired after laughing at me at my expense. I was then informed that her LEXILE SCORE was that of an average scientist, so I should not have said anything about her grammer, she's right I shouldn't have mine is horrible. Then she looped a friend in. She finished up by calling me a mediocre body with no face because she's right I do chop it off for safety reasons. Saying I'm not ashamed to show all of it and then some.

After this I brought it up to the girls in the locker room. We started going though her pictures and it became very apparent that she may be suffering from anorexia. I instantly felt bad. Like horrible. Of course this girl is trying to rip me apart, she has issues with herself, and it feels better to make fun of someone else, when you are tearing yourself apart from the inside out.

I left her one last comment...Saying that I was sorry, and that had I looked sooner I never would have said those things, and that if she needs someone to talk to to email me. I said that I know how hard it can be to be a woman in this day in age. I brought up a story of an ex of mine always checking out other women with big boobs, and how it literally gave me a complex and for a long time I thought he didn't like me and that I wasn't attractive, which was not true at all. I told her that becoming a stripper was the best thing I could have done for my body image issues, it has made me realize that beauty is not just one way, it's so many ways, and not everyone likes one thing. I told her that even if she doesn't believe me, or doesn't like "me" (even though she has no idea who I am...at all) that there is someone who cares about her, wants the best for her and wants her to love herself more than anyone else because no one is going to go to bed with you more than you go to bed with you.

It made me really sad to think that there are girls that still pick on other girls because of their own discomfort in their own skin. I wish so badly that my job didn't have the stigma it does and that people could see the benefits. I feel like lately I've been too quiet about the good things and that I gave up on going hard for those involved in the sex industry. I used to fight for this so hard. This girl reminded me why I should fight for it, because it's no fighting for me and my type of people it's fighting for women and the freedom to be themselves, and the right to love themselves unconditionally.

Rarely do I panic, but when I do it looks something like this...

I don't panic often, but right now. I.am.fucking.panicking.
Please excuse me sometimes it just feels better to get everything down on "paper" so I can later create an actual plan from this brainstorm as to how I'm going to be the best I can be.
I'm a firm believer in money comes money goes and it will be there when you need it if you bust your ass for it. The thing is, the club I'm working at right now is our company's equivalent to the island of lost toys. I don't know what the fuck happened well I do. We had a manager that didn't care how we made money as long as we made it, which makes it hard for the likes of someone like me who is never in the mood to have a strangers fingers in her vagina. Do I know where your hands have been hell fucking no. Actually let me do a quick internet search for stories about people having sex with stomas, and gonorrhea bubbles bursting in peoples mouths to give you a small idea as to why I have an incredible fear of shit like peoples hands. Actually no you all can google those stories yourself...but why would you do that when you can read it here ps NSFWS (Not safe for weak stomachs) Look at all that time I saved you. Oh back to panicking.

Also I never complain about money but for real shit is getting real in my club, and I'm about to be a frugal ass stripper which I of course am all ready but I'm really about to cut all spending.
No eating out ever, not even at school. I don't care how fucking hungry I am, I won't do it anymore.
No drinking because booze are expensive and I'm one of those crazy women that doesn't let people buy her drinks.
No new clothes, scratch that no used clothes as well, so no new "to me" clothes, work clothes included. Here is to hoping my shoes don't break.

I have never had this happen before. A summer like this happen it is worse than the winter. I'm not sure how that is even possible but apparently it is. It's insane. LITERALLY INSANE.
I seriously feel like I should work doubles every day that I don't have school to try and make-up for money that just isn't happening.
  (This is what actual panic looks like, it's me going nuts and scrambling to make everything work, not even putting together real thoughts) For anyone who has been upset with me lately for not getting back to them in a prompt manner I apologize I've been really busy trying to succeed at a normal level lately and nothing is really working out. So I sincerely apologize bear with me. 
 In a first world problem sort of way. I desperately need a hair day, because my hair is a mess right now. Anyone wants to chip in for my hair message me I'm sure we can figure it out. A note on my hair it's not as high maintenance as most. I don't have extensions so by comparison it's cheap. I never get my nails done so I don't have that expense. I have all the make-up I could ever want for like a year. I am not going to buy any make-up for a year and see how far I can get on what I have, with the exception of my new favorite lipgloss with is $3.50 less than my previous favorite lipgloss.

I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong with this whole making money thing. IF anyone wants to brainstorm some ideas and send them my way again...please message me It would be greatly appreciated.

Also on a note about monetizing the blogger google just released that any "adult content links" on an adult content blog will either be removed, or the blog itself will be removed, I don't remember how they worded. So it's going to take me a second to figure this whole thing out.

A final note. The sun is coming up which is my que to skedaddle on to bed before I turn into dust or whatever happens when strippers see dawn.