I need to go in early. I need to make money why? Because christmas is coming and I haven't bought anyone presents yet.
I apparently wrote this last year and the same holds true this year. Funny you think I would learn. I mean I have and I do but still.
Friday, December 11, 2015
I am the....
I get it I get it I get it. I'm different. Really. Fucking. Different. I know I've got 21 days to finish this year out super strong. To dig my heels in and really get a move on. I've got a really good start. I forgot why I started this blog and last week I was reminded why I did it. I started this blog to hopefully change some of the worlds views on us. Also there is a ton to talk about I just have to actually talk about it.
The past couple of days have been filled with people telling me I'm different and if I should know one thing I should know that. I should know that I'm the standard by which they judge other dancers. I am the best dancer they have met. I'm the prettiest, the smartest, the funniest. There have been a lot of est's this week. It's been really great to be reminded, everyone that's been reminding me has also made it a point to let me know that it's okay to act like it sometimes or at least a little bit when needed. All of this is since last year was filled with a lot of the opposite and from people who's opinions don't really matter in the long or the short run.
Nothing crazy happened at work tonight. I ended up getting there incredibly late. I've got to start getting on the floor earlier I swear. I want to go in early tomorrow but I made plans with friends and I'm trying to be better at not canceling on people or being on time. I don't link what it is about strippers or stripping for a while but eventually you totally give up on time. In a very real way. There is no real reason. However every girl I know goes on her own time with everything.
I'm so fucking tired writing this.
The past couple of days have been filled with people telling me I'm different and if I should know one thing I should know that. I should know that I'm the standard by which they judge other dancers. I am the best dancer they have met. I'm the prettiest, the smartest, the funniest. There have been a lot of est's this week. It's been really great to be reminded, everyone that's been reminding me has also made it a point to let me know that it's okay to act like it sometimes or at least a little bit when needed. All of this is since last year was filled with a lot of the opposite and from people who's opinions don't really matter in the long or the short run.
Nothing crazy happened at work tonight. I ended up getting there incredibly late. I've got to start getting on the floor earlier I swear. I want to go in early tomorrow but I made plans with friends and I'm trying to be better at not canceling on people or being on time. I don't link what it is about strippers or stripping for a while but eventually you totally give up on time. In a very real way. There is no real reason. However every girl I know goes on her own time with everything.
I'm so fucking tired writing this.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Time waits for no man...
luckily I'm a woman, so I'm still slowing it a little bit, I mean that's what wrinkle reducer is for correct?
I move this week thank the stripper deities that I can get back to life being normal next week. Everything goes back to how it should. Seriously, I can't stand my +1 anymore, I'm over being polite to someone who clearly does not give a shit about anyone but themselves. I of course hope he lands on his feet but I'm incredibly mad at myself for being so kind. I mean "karma is a bitch, so make sure that bitch is beautiful" at the same time I think the universe handed me a very long lost off things to learn and a very short amount of time to learn it...so check and check and check. Lessons learned, back to being the better version of myself, I know I say that every time. I've been working on more positive reinforcements lately since work has been blah.
Although it's hard for things like that to stick when every manager corp sends over gets fired right away. It seems like we are purgatory of sorts. I really wonder how long we are going to stick around considering all of Amazon going up around us, and all the retail space also going in around us. It doesn't seem like Starbucks, Amazon, and whatever other companies that obviously have the money to throw money at the city to get rid of us, would let us stay put. There is so much pressure on us from corporate right now. It's also hard. We finally got rid of a bunch of dead weight and now we are working on some more, they implement ideas without alerting us and it makes sense for those ideas to work, and also to do it during the slowest part of the year when it's hard regardless forcing us to focus. It's nice in a way, at the same time it's jarring but I suppose that's the point. Anyway, today I'm going to be the best version of myself. I am going to be a shark that smells blood in the water. I'm going to be the sexiest. I'm going to quit being so humble (it's obviously gotten me nowhere). I'm going to catch up on local current events.
I'm going to stop talking to some people who cannot keep their mouths shut, not in a bad way, but as corporate has plans as do I...I just need something a little colder, a little more silent, a little more convincing, something that envelopes people, causes a little bit of shock, something a little chilling. What I really need is a little help from Winter.
This weekend that just happened totally sucked it was so crazy slow...however I was told on countless occasions that I'm the most attractive girl there so if I had sat down with whomever I was sitting with a few minutes earlier or if I could just come back a few minutes later and ask...now I understand buyers remorse so I'll give someone that reason...the come back later still gets me. You just said I'm the most attractive girl there so what are you waiting on exactly.
On to the annoying of the weekend which happens all the time and the entertaining and enlightening of the weekend.
I also learned while speaking with someone about burial rituals in different countries and with that I had a very long conversation about hair and its importance in various cultures and differences in genders...apparently hair is one of the hardest substances to destroy which is why it is commonly found in caskets. Also your hair doesn't continue to grow after you are dead, your skin actually shrinks around the follicle giving it the appearance of growth. I haven't fact checked this yet and I probably never will, just saying.
Back to sleep for a bit. Oh and I don't think I hit publish but in the next couple of months I'm really going to try to beat my self publish amount...and really move this thing over to Wordpress. Along with the universe giving me a laundry list of things to learn it has also given me a brand new timeline to work off of, and it's a little faster than I intended it to be, which is probably for the greater good. Looks like I'll be leaving my shadow here at the end of that timeline.
I move this week thank the stripper deities that I can get back to life being normal next week. Everything goes back to how it should. Seriously, I can't stand my +1 anymore, I'm over being polite to someone who clearly does not give a shit about anyone but themselves. I of course hope he lands on his feet but I'm incredibly mad at myself for being so kind. I mean "karma is a bitch, so make sure that bitch is beautiful" at the same time I think the universe handed me a very long lost off things to learn and a very short amount of time to learn it...so check and check and check. Lessons learned, back to being the better version of myself, I know I say that every time. I've been working on more positive reinforcements lately since work has been blah.
Although it's hard for things like that to stick when every manager corp sends over gets fired right away. It seems like we are purgatory of sorts. I really wonder how long we are going to stick around considering all of Amazon going up around us, and all the retail space also going in around us. It doesn't seem like Starbucks, Amazon, and whatever other companies that obviously have the money to throw money at the city to get rid of us, would let us stay put. There is so much pressure on us from corporate right now. It's also hard. We finally got rid of a bunch of dead weight and now we are working on some more, they implement ideas without alerting us and it makes sense for those ideas to work, and also to do it during the slowest part of the year when it's hard regardless forcing us to focus. It's nice in a way, at the same time it's jarring but I suppose that's the point. Anyway, today I'm going to be the best version of myself. I am going to be a shark that smells blood in the water. I'm going to be the sexiest. I'm going to quit being so humble (it's obviously gotten me nowhere). I'm going to catch up on local current events.
I'm going to stop talking to some people who cannot keep their mouths shut, not in a bad way, but as corporate has plans as do I...I just need something a little colder, a little more silent, a little more convincing, something that envelopes people, causes a little bit of shock, something a little chilling. What I really need is a little help from Winter.
This weekend that just happened totally sucked it was so crazy slow...however I was told on countless occasions that I'm the most attractive girl there so if I had sat down with whomever I was sitting with a few minutes earlier or if I could just come back a few minutes later and ask...now I understand buyers remorse so I'll give someone that reason...the come back later still gets me. You just said I'm the most attractive girl there so what are you waiting on exactly.
On to the annoying of the weekend which happens all the time and the entertaining and enlightening of the weekend.
I also learned while speaking with someone about burial rituals in different countries and with that I had a very long conversation about hair and its importance in various cultures and differences in genders...apparently hair is one of the hardest substances to destroy which is why it is commonly found in caskets. Also your hair doesn't continue to grow after you are dead, your skin actually shrinks around the follicle giving it the appearance of growth. I haven't fact checked this yet and I probably never will, just saying.
Back to sleep for a bit. Oh and I don't think I hit publish but in the next couple of months I'm really going to try to beat my self publish amount...and really move this thing over to Wordpress. Along with the universe giving me a laundry list of things to learn it has also given me a brand new timeline to work off of, and it's a little faster than I intended it to be, which is probably for the greater good. Looks like I'll be leaving my shadow here at the end of that timeline.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
From the moment I wake up before I put on my make-up
Or really the moment I'm laying in bed and almost asleep with no actual keyboard within reach is when I realize...I gotta get my shit together. I mean it's together but I need to really get it together. I was talking to my dad about this tonight. We were talking about losing your goals and how important they are. I'm still in this apartment I hate and it is what is killing my dreams. I know, I know, I know, stop fucking bitching and do something about it...so I am. My alarm is set, I have a plan, and a goal for tomorrow. I used to have a goal each night when I went to work and I would bust my ass reaching if now I'm so nonchalant about it, and really it's time, the time that I continuously talk about that I'm so motivated for when I wrote these blogs has really come. Even if I have to paint it on my ceiling when really I should repaint this skyline of Boston and actually paint "at dawn we ride" so it can be one of the 1st things I see in the morning. I didn't make any resolutions for "my year" this year. I don't really do New Years I do new birth years. So I guess I'm starting them right now, and it's only one, follow through, not only with other people but with what I tell myself as well...like get ready at home so I can hit the floor right away. Make money like I used too. I don't know what it is but I'm more aware of feeling awkward these days...it's stupid, I'm gorgeous, and smart, and funny, and interesting, and worth it, and there is nowhere I don't belong. Call me pretentious for saying it but I'm fucking saying it. I know I've said it before but I'm saying it again. Part of me is really tired of being overly humble, of always stating the ways in which other people are great and not acknowledging the ways I'm great. I'm not putting myself down I'm just not paying myself any compliments. So again following through with a self compliment sandwich.
Follow through with my own schedule not the one wher I dick around and wait for whatever but the one where I actually plan and do things at an actual time...everyday like writing. Apparently November is big for blogging and there is is blogging challenge to write everyday. I know I'm a little late on the jump, but no reason I can't drop in right now and catch up. Writing for 30
Days is probably a really good idea for me, and would keep me focused at work, and school, and my interpersonal relationships since I'm going to have to find something to write about everyday.
I also need to follow through with responding to text/email...maybe November is the month I set my goals and complete them. I'm also going to acknowledge one goal I completed
This last year for every 3 I set. Maybe I should get some gold stars for myself while I'm at it.they are all mostly small personal goals so it shouldn't be that hard...right? RIGHT GUYS! Totally easy? Anyone? Is this thing even on?
Follow through with my own schedule not the one wher I dick around and wait for whatever but the one where I actually plan and do things at an actual time...everyday like writing. Apparently November is big for blogging and there is is blogging challenge to write everyday. I know I'm a little late on the jump, but no reason I can't drop in right now and catch up. Writing for 30
Days is probably a really good idea for me, and would keep me focused at work, and school, and my interpersonal relationships since I'm going to have to find something to write about everyday.
I also need to follow through with responding to text/email...maybe November is the month I set my goals and complete them. I'm also going to acknowledge one goal I completed
This last year for every 3 I set. Maybe I should get some gold stars for myself while I'm at it.they are all mostly small personal goals so it shouldn't be that hard...right? RIGHT GUYS! Totally easy? Anyone? Is this thing even on?
Monday, November 2, 2015
Here's to...
the nights we don't sleep...
The secrets we keep...
The friends we make...
The insults and compliments that shower us...
The inside jokes...
The life we chose...
To the game that chose us...
To the money and the girls we married because they have been there on our best days and our worst.
To the love we have for this life that other look down on. It's hard to look down on someone in 8" heels.
The secrets we keep...
The friends we make...
The insults and compliments that shower us...
The inside jokes...
The life we chose...
To the game that chose us...
To the money and the girls we married because they have been there on our best days and our worst.
To the love we have for this life that other look down on. It's hard to look down on someone in 8" heels.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
You've got to be...
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Girl you a bad bitch...
So fucking act like it.
There is always tomorrow.
It only takes one.
Don't go to work mad.
You aren't here to make friends you are here to make money.
Set a goal. Everyday, every night, every week, every month, every year, have something you are working towards.
Talk to everyone.
Read...books, the news, the paper, the stranger, anything to make you more interesting.
Take care of yourself, don't eat shitty, stop fucking smoking, don't sleep all fucking day.
Market, market, market, make time for it, because no one else is going to.
Keep your space at work and at home clean you will be happier I promise.
Under promise and over deliver.
Do not lead people on. Whatever you do, in fact don't spare peoples feelings by being polite if they think it's something it's not just fucking tell them...or they will send you a bunch of emails about how they interpret your writing and what a shitty fucking person they happen to think you are.
Pretty Woman is not real...you also aren't a hooker...so maybe it is but it's not worth your sanity to try and find out.
Don't listen to the rumors.
Don't hang out in the locker room for very long, no one back there is giving you money so what the hell are you doing.
There is something interesting about every person you sit with.
If you make friends, like real, real, real, friends, do not forget about them ever, they happen to be shiny beacons in a place that feels like a sea of emotions trying to drag you down, hold on to the good that you find. Let go of the bad.
As a few tattoos say...Let it go...be bigger than the sound...you choose your life, you choose to be alone, you choose your feathers...If you do something do it like a boss.
This place might be your escape, but remember you can't hide from everything.
This place might also be your family and remember that everyone's family is dysfunctional especially this one.
Sometimes I have to remind myself what the fuck I'm doing.
There is always tomorrow.
It only takes one.
Don't go to work mad.
You aren't here to make friends you are here to make money.
Set a goal. Everyday, every night, every week, every month, every year, have something you are working towards.
Talk to everyone.
Read...books, the news, the paper, the stranger, anything to make you more interesting.
Take care of yourself, don't eat shitty, stop fucking smoking, don't sleep all fucking day.
Market, market, market, make time for it, because no one else is going to.
Keep your space at work and at home clean you will be happier I promise.
Under promise and over deliver.
Do not lead people on. Whatever you do, in fact don't spare peoples feelings by being polite if they think it's something it's not just fucking tell them...or they will send you a bunch of emails about how they interpret your writing and what a shitty fucking person they happen to think you are.
Pretty Woman is not real...you also aren't a hooker...so maybe it is but it's not worth your sanity to try and find out.
Don't listen to the rumors.
Don't hang out in the locker room for very long, no one back there is giving you money so what the hell are you doing.
There is something interesting about every person you sit with.
If you make friends, like real, real, real, friends, do not forget about them ever, they happen to be shiny beacons in a place that feels like a sea of emotions trying to drag you down, hold on to the good that you find. Let go of the bad.
As a few tattoos say...Let it go...be bigger than the sound...you choose your life, you choose to be alone, you choose your feathers...If you do something do it like a boss.
This place might be your escape, but remember you can't hide from everything.
This place might also be your family and remember that everyone's family is dysfunctional especially this one.
Sometimes I have to remind myself what the fuck I'm doing.
Bringing back the heel clap
I literally forgot how fucking good it feels to smash those fucking pieces of plastic into the fucking stage, it's like a mini orgasm every single time.
To quote drake "floating all through the city like I used too" Sometimes I swear rap explains everything. Its like the stars aligned and I remembered it's my birthday this weekend, and all the fucks Ive been giving for the past who knows how long, I have given up and finally, finally, finally finished all the wish washy bullshit that's been my thaaanngg lately. That shit is done. I've gone back to running my nails down peoples necks and it feels so good, I'm not sure why I stopped.
This week word got loose to me that a girl who's name is a city in France decided to have sex with her best friends boyfriend. Everyone knows how I feel about that shit I don't fucking stand for... like for fucking really... So this girl we will call her Paris I suppose walks up to me and says
Paris "Hey have you talked to so and so lately?"
R "Of course I've talked to her..."
Paris "She really seems to be going through it with her own stuff"
R "No she's not going through her own shit...the shit she's going through is because you tucked her man"
Paris "That's not how the situation went down, you don't know"
R "So how about you tell me real quick"
Paris "Stammers something inaudible"
R "You know what you are a bitch for fucking him, you claim to be her friend, but if you cared about her as much as you say, or even if he cared about her, as much as you claim to love her like family you wouldn't have fucking done it. You fucking cried about your fucking boyfriend, going out with someone without confirming that he fucked her I don't ever want to hear you cry about that again now we can talk about this after work, I'm about to lose my god damn temper?
Paris "Yeah, yeah, okay"
Fast forward through the evening, I'm back to crushing the game.
T gets a hold of me, to find out what happened and she talked to paris as paris didn't understand why I was so upset, when tiger reminded her of everyone who's hurt me, and that 90% of them cheated on me so...of course I'm going to be upset, especially when this situation basically happened to me a year ago. So yes all my aggression I've felt about that situation was going to come out at someone who was participating in a similar situation and hurting those around me.
It's so strange to sometimes have every slight detail of who I was over a year ago back, and this year I keep saying it's going to be different, I've been all talk and no action, all peanut and no jelly. So...I'm bringing the heel clap back...and yoga...someone please pay for my yoga that would make my life great. I'm back in school with a full load. I can't hide out anymore, or hide who I am, because as everyone in my life has ever said...I'm a bad bitch, so I better start fucking acting like it.
To quote drake "floating all through the city like I used too" Sometimes I swear rap explains everything. Its like the stars aligned and I remembered it's my birthday this weekend, and all the fucks Ive been giving for the past who knows how long, I have given up and finally, finally, finally finished all the wish washy bullshit that's been my thaaanngg lately. That shit is done. I've gone back to running my nails down peoples necks and it feels so good, I'm not sure why I stopped.
This week word got loose to me that a girl who's name is a city in France decided to have sex with her best friends boyfriend. Everyone knows how I feel about that shit I don't fucking stand for... like for fucking really... So this girl we will call her Paris I suppose walks up to me and says
Paris "Hey have you talked to so and so lately?"
R "Of course I've talked to her..."
Paris "She really seems to be going through it with her own stuff"
R "No she's not going through her own shit...the shit she's going through is because you tucked her man"
Paris "That's not how the situation went down, you don't know"
R "So how about you tell me real quick"
Paris "Stammers something inaudible"
R "You know what you are a bitch for fucking him, you claim to be her friend, but if you cared about her as much as you say, or even if he cared about her, as much as you claim to love her like family you wouldn't have fucking done it. You fucking cried about your fucking boyfriend, going out with someone without confirming that he fucked her I don't ever want to hear you cry about that again now we can talk about this after work, I'm about to lose my god damn temper?
Paris "Yeah, yeah, okay"
Fast forward through the evening, I'm back to crushing the game.
T gets a hold of me, to find out what happened and she talked to paris as paris didn't understand why I was so upset, when tiger reminded her of everyone who's hurt me, and that 90% of them cheated on me so...of course I'm going to be upset, especially when this situation basically happened to me a year ago. So yes all my aggression I've felt about that situation was going to come out at someone who was participating in a similar situation and hurting those around me.
It's so strange to sometimes have every slight detail of who I was over a year ago back, and this year I keep saying it's going to be different, I've been all talk and no action, all peanut and no jelly. So...I'm bringing the heel clap back...and yoga...someone please pay for my yoga that would make my life great. I'm back in school with a full load. I can't hide out anymore, or hide who I am, because as everyone in my life has ever said...I'm a bad bitch, so I better start fucking acting like it.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
The Truth
The truth about dancing is people come and go, people are going to leave because they feel a certain way, they want a certain thing, and they want you to provide it to them. They want you to make yourself available all the time. I have never heard from so many people so frequently how little they care about someone else. I say I have something going on "I don't care about that person"
At this point I'm looking at cost benefit analysis as are they, I can't be on time I can't make special time for them, I can't sit down to drinks, but when I should be at work, since it is my birthd month and I do want to get myself things I am apparently making people flee. Let me must enlighten all of you on what I deal with....
I'm running to get a rental car...no bra. flip flops, and that means I'm going to be 20 min late....except my custy isn't responding so I go back to packing otherwise fuck it I would have left. Mind you he blew me off a couple other times that week, so how do I know you were really even at the airport.
Tonight, I have another person, who has taken to lecturing me about my response rate and making me feel bad for not making myself free. I'm fine on money but this month I could always have more. This isn't one of those people. He's a dinner guy, a dinner and tell red how she's fucked up again guy, which irks me and makes me not want to go to dinner, because I need to be at work attempting to make money. I now it's about the money but it' not about the money.
Then there are the 4 I lost last month. I'm just crushing right now. I feel like I need to work all the time to try and make up for it and try not to fucking cry. It's not their fault I'm annoying, I mean it is, they know who the fuck I am, it shouldn't be that hard to adjust.
Then there is the guy who said I destroyed him emotionally when I spent hours each night trying to calm him down. I'm so upset right now I can't sleep.
I'm going in for day shift. I have to make up for this shit.
I mean I know it gives me the chance to cultivate new regulars and get my old persona back...again, but god fucking damnit work with a bitch a little. Don't get mad at me for going to work if I need to. Don't be all like "game over if you can't make it" okay, I won't show up because you are going to tell me I fucked up and I'm not in the mood. Do I still want to work on an diff project with you of course but I want deadlines on it I work better that way.
I'm so fucking tired of being the only one that care about people it leaves me no fucking time to care for myself, and then I get destructive to my personal relationships and October doesn't help. For those that send flowers, thank you they made my shitty day.
To top it off our numbers at work are plummeting so I need to get my marketing team together, and get a staple guy. Anyone wants to help a hot chick flyer hit me up on instagram or twitter, for real. In the mean time I'll be blogging about being grouchy.
At this point I'm looking at cost benefit analysis as are they, I can't be on time I can't make special time for them, I can't sit down to drinks, but when I should be at work, since it is my birthd month and I do want to get myself things I am apparently making people flee. Let me must enlighten all of you on what I deal with....
I'm running to get a rental car...no bra. flip flops, and that means I'm going to be 20 min late....except my custy isn't responding so I go back to packing otherwise fuck it I would have left. Mind you he blew me off a couple other times that week, so how do I know you were really even at the airport.
Tonight, I have another person, who has taken to lecturing me about my response rate and making me feel bad for not making myself free. I'm fine on money but this month I could always have more. This isn't one of those people. He's a dinner guy, a dinner and tell red how she's fucked up again guy, which irks me and makes me not want to go to dinner, because I need to be at work attempting to make money. I now it's about the money but it' not about the money.
Then there are the 4 I lost last month. I'm just crushing right now. I feel like I need to work all the time to try and make up for it and try not to fucking cry. It's not their fault I'm annoying, I mean it is, they know who the fuck I am, it shouldn't be that hard to adjust.
Then there is the guy who said I destroyed him emotionally when I spent hours each night trying to calm him down. I'm so upset right now I can't sleep.
I'm going in for day shift. I have to make up for this shit.
I mean I know it gives me the chance to cultivate new regulars and get my old persona back...again, but god fucking damnit work with a bitch a little. Don't get mad at me for going to work if I need to. Don't be all like "game over if you can't make it" okay, I won't show up because you are going to tell me I fucked up and I'm not in the mood. Do I still want to work on an diff project with you of course but I want deadlines on it I work better that way.
I'm so fucking tired of being the only one that care about people it leaves me no fucking time to care for myself, and then I get destructive to my personal relationships and October doesn't help. For those that send flowers, thank you they made my shitty day.
To top it off our numbers at work are plummeting so I need to get my marketing team together, and get a staple guy. Anyone wants to help a hot chick flyer hit me up on instagram or twitter, for real. In the mean time I'll be blogging about being grouchy.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Things I don't talk about...and what I want for my birthday....
So...This week I shot a poster for work, crazy, I'm a little worried how it came out. It's not like a showgirl of the month thing, it's like a hey...this is going to be here for a while kind of thing, which is a little crazy...This is a terrible post about nothing.
I also hate writing this shit it makes me sound like a super greedy bitch, and just weird, about as weird as the other day when someone said "you're kind of famous" then really wanted to talk to me. I guess that's what I signed up for however...so yay me. No seriously, I mean yay, but no to being a greedy bitch.
So everyone keeps asking me what I want for my birthday and to just put in on my amazon wishlist...which I'm not doing so you have to look here...You can send everything to my job...little darlings in downtown seattle. I'm sure you can google the address or leave me a note.
Okay things to get....
SOMEONE PLEASE PAY FOR MY YOGA CLASSES! I will be forever grateful, like seriously, I would love to have my hot yoga paid for. I guess I'm more into experiences.
Go really big and get me some plane tickets or does delta make a gift card? I would happily take that too.
If you want to get something I can actually touch I still love allsaints.
I legit need a new purse, well two purses really I need one that I can carry that's a little bigger than my clutch and the other one needs to carry my laptop.
Now watches, I already know that I'm late all the time, however shoes, shoes I could use, and if I ruin them while walking it wouldn't matter.
Everything hot victoria secret has. For some reason I still feel like I have nothing to wear to work.
Ohhhh a ton of leggings make by onzie, but only for yoga, not for actual wearing out. I hate when girls wear work out clothes and don't work out.
I also hate writing this shit it makes me sound like a super greedy bitch, and just weird, about as weird as the other day when someone said "you're kind of famous" then really wanted to talk to me. I guess that's what I signed up for however...so yay me. No seriously, I mean yay, but no to being a greedy bitch.
So everyone keeps asking me what I want for my birthday and to just put in on my amazon wishlist...which I'm not doing so you have to look here...You can send everything to my job...little darlings in downtown seattle. I'm sure you can google the address or leave me a note.
Okay things to get....
SOMEONE PLEASE PAY FOR MY YOGA CLASSES! I will be forever grateful, like seriously, I would love to have my hot yoga paid for. I guess I'm more into experiences.
Go really big and get me some plane tickets or does delta make a gift card? I would happily take that too.
If you want to get something I can actually touch I still love allsaints.
I legit need a new purse, well two purses really I need one that I can carry that's a little bigger than my clutch and the other one needs to carry my laptop.
Now watches, I already know that I'm late all the time, however shoes, shoes I could use, and if I ruin them while walking it wouldn't matter.
Everything hot victoria secret has. For some reason I still feel like I have nothing to wear to work.
Ohhhh a ton of leggings make by onzie, but only for yoga, not for actual wearing out. I hate when girls wear work out clothes and don't work out.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Dating a stripper....again.
Apparently this is a very popular topic...I thought I would right this from our point of view however instead of how to date one. Mind you I'm super biased since I'm single and most of these reasons, are the ones I stay single, and I'm perfectly happy rolling solo.
1. Dating is hard, just in general dating is one of those things that takes a lot of work, and effort, and I mean even getting into a relationship, you have to go out and meet people and you have to sit there and think while they are trying to eat salad in a sexy way if you could potentially sleep with them...try picuturing someone eating salad in a sexy way, it doesn't work.
Now take your normal dating issues, throw some 8" heels and a shit ton of glitter on them and make them one billion times worse, that is what dating is like for us, harder than normal. It's dating on viagra really.
2. We see things in a very realistic manner, you aren't going to think we are beautiful forever, and eventually want to go elsewhere, the issue with this is we don't really care, we know that our job exists for that reason, the issue here is anyone we date is going to think that and then compare themselves to the men we dance with and ultimately they are going to think they come up short. They forget pretty often that we are coming home to them.
3. When I started dancing dating seemed feasible, and easy in a way, you go out you have some drinks you trick a guy into talking about how strippers are totally broken, then boom you drop it on them mid sip thats how you spend your time, this was a favorite date past time of mine for a while. Now the idea of telling someone after I've had enough people get up and leave is a little more daunting, not that I don't love my job, and I'm not proud of it because I am.
4. Which leads me to the next issue of who they are actually dating, I find most of the time they are dating who they perceive me/I/myself/ Red to be, who is this crazy stripper person, not someone who's hobbies including running and statistics, or they date me because I can pay for things. Most of the time people want to date the idea of who I am, the thing is I'm always me, my personality is my personality, but we(the strippers) don't always want to be on...unless you happen to be giving us money hand over fist, then we will giggle over a cocktail till the cows come home.
5. I find that this job has gotten me F'z'd on more than one occasion, and maybe it's as Seven says something about "loving like a thug" we don't have "normal" girl emotions we kind of deal with things like guys do. Maybe that makes us way easier to be friends with, or maybe it's because we have access to a ton of hot half naked girls, or maybe it's because dating a stripper is on of the hardest things you could ever do, and it's why I like being single.
6. Not only is being friend zoned a thing we have to worry about or they idea you choose, but the fact that we are more disposable than most girls, we look awesome on your arm, we make you look better than a popped collar (because you're the fucking man and everybody fucking knows it). However the majority of guys I talk to would much rather marry the average girl than the super hot girl the super hot girl is a risk. Now take the hot girl and give her a ton of options, and all the options are tripping over themselves for her. Which brings us back to reason 2. I guess these all are one big long reason.
7. Time, we have so many watches but can't tell time, unless it's time to work, then we are procrastinating like we don't want to go, till we actually want to go, then there isn't enough time in the world for us. Time is most of our downfall I swear.
I promise to follow this up someday with all the amazing reasons to date us, like we look awesome and make you look better than a popped collar. However right now I need to get ready to do some day time things...crazy I know.
1. Dating is hard, just in general dating is one of those things that takes a lot of work, and effort, and I mean even getting into a relationship, you have to go out and meet people and you have to sit there and think while they are trying to eat salad in a sexy way if you could potentially sleep with them...try picuturing someone eating salad in a sexy way, it doesn't work.
Now take your normal dating issues, throw some 8" heels and a shit ton of glitter on them and make them one billion times worse, that is what dating is like for us, harder than normal. It's dating on viagra really.
2. We see things in a very realistic manner, you aren't going to think we are beautiful forever, and eventually want to go elsewhere, the issue with this is we don't really care, we know that our job exists for that reason, the issue here is anyone we date is going to think that and then compare themselves to the men we dance with and ultimately they are going to think they come up short. They forget pretty often that we are coming home to them.
3. When I started dancing dating seemed feasible, and easy in a way, you go out you have some drinks you trick a guy into talking about how strippers are totally broken, then boom you drop it on them mid sip thats how you spend your time, this was a favorite date past time of mine for a while. Now the idea of telling someone after I've had enough people get up and leave is a little more daunting, not that I don't love my job, and I'm not proud of it because I am.
4. Which leads me to the next issue of who they are actually dating, I find most of the time they are dating who they perceive me/I/myself/ Red to be, who is this crazy stripper person, not someone who's hobbies including running and statistics, or they date me because I can pay for things. Most of the time people want to date the idea of who I am, the thing is I'm always me, my personality is my personality, but we(the strippers) don't always want to be on...unless you happen to be giving us money hand over fist, then we will giggle over a cocktail till the cows come home.
5. I find that this job has gotten me F'z'd on more than one occasion, and maybe it's as Seven says something about "loving like a thug" we don't have "normal" girl emotions we kind of deal with things like guys do. Maybe that makes us way easier to be friends with, or maybe it's because we have access to a ton of hot half naked girls, or maybe it's because dating a stripper is on of the hardest things you could ever do, and it's why I like being single.
6. Not only is being friend zoned a thing we have to worry about or they idea you choose, but the fact that we are more disposable than most girls, we look awesome on your arm, we make you look better than a popped collar (because you're the fucking man and everybody fucking knows it). However the majority of guys I talk to would much rather marry the average girl than the super hot girl the super hot girl is a risk. Now take the hot girl and give her a ton of options, and all the options are tripping over themselves for her. Which brings us back to reason 2. I guess these all are one big long reason.
7. Time, we have so many watches but can't tell time, unless it's time to work, then we are procrastinating like we don't want to go, till we actually want to go, then there isn't enough time in the world for us. Time is most of our downfall I swear.
I promise to follow this up someday with all the amazing reasons to date us, like we look awesome and make you look better than a popped collar. However right now I need to get ready to do some day time things...crazy I know.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Fucking fuck
I need to get fucking serious about this shit again and my blog just ate my funny post. I've been fucking off so much lately I've lost a little bit of focus I mean I've had fun, but I need to go to bed, get up and get the fuck after it, If I lose track of one thing I kind of lose track of them all.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Hey it's my one year anniversary...
So today is the anniversary of my fire...as you all know it's been the most crazy fucked up year I've ever had, and you couldn't pay me enough money to redo it. My last few weeks have been pretty great, except the whole parent thing but whatever shit happens...as taylor swift says "
"In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright
"In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off"
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off"
Little did you know I have an affinity for Taylor Swift...Like for serious. Sometimes you just have to listen to shitty pop to make yourself feel better.
Last night I was sitting looking at the ocean thinking about everything that's happened and lessons I've learned I'm sure I've already talked about this but this year and the year before have taught me how to deal with chaos gracefully or seemingly gracefully, to just take things in stride, honestly being a stripper has had a ton to do with that, all though the past two years have been lackluster I made myself a promise last night and it was to let it go, to be over it for the most part. I don't feel like I gave myself a real chance to be mad about this whole thing but it's basically shit or get off the pot at this point.
I need to quit slacking and feeling sorry for myself which I have been doing quite a bit. So...enough of that and even though tonight sucked at work, which a lot of that was my fault I can't be mad when I don't get on the floor till a decent time...so day shift tomorrow before my friday plans it is. I'm just going to crush it...I'm going to crush it all weekend long.
Speaking of tonight. It was one of those nights no one realized I was pretty at 1st till I stood up or turned or something. At one point I was talking to these three "gentlemen" in the front row. The 1st one barely listened to me till I really interjected myself into his conversation, then he passed me off to the gentleman sitting next to him, and for some reason I was really funny to myself tonight, before I could even get out the traditional "hey...what's your name?" I have the hand in my face no thank you coming at me, I hate that. So I chat up guy number one again, while guy number two tries to dismiss me, so all of a sudden out of nowhere I hit him with, look man I get that I'm not attractive and that's why you guys are trying to pass me off...they look shocked. They way they reacted I was trying so hard not to laugh all I could hit them with was " I'm just fucking with you" Guy number two stammers something for a moment then points to guy three "Go talk to him he's a sucker" I wanted so badly to say..."It would have been better to call me unattractive, because now your saying I'm unattractive and need to trick someone...awesome." I hate when guys play musical chairs with me it's so fucking insulting. Luckily guy 3 was from the state next to mine, and he got dances to be polite, because that's how we do it in the northern midwest.
I'm really talking to the #StripperDeities about tomorrow being better. My week ended up a little out of order since last minute I decided to skip town and ignore the world for the most part for a moment. I have a fancy thing tomorrow night I'm going to and it's strange, I love dressing up, I think it's the best. So many girls at work always comment on what I'm wearing sometimes I wonder if they are doing it just to be nice or if they mean it. Anyway...I have nothing to fucking wear. The one time I wish I could wear my underwear to an event as I'm out of ideas...Does anyone want to go dress shopping tomorrow? Bueller? Bueller?
So back to it really quick let me get some final things off my chest...
Fuck you Smoker who lit my place up, I fucking hate you.
Fuck you Philly, you are as shitty of a friend, and as fake as they come, and you wasted so much money on your boobs they look terrible.
Fuck you interloper, I tried to help you and you stole from me, countless times and countless items.
Fuck you +1, I'm fucking tired of having someone in my house.
Fuck you downstairs person, I can't even walk in my own home, I hate living here because of you.
Fuck you bulliet, you were my best fucking friend.
Fuck you other fake friends, this one explains itself.
My birthday is coming up next month, I'm planning a party which I need to get to the printer, and approved by this weekend, so I can flyer for a month. Anyone have any ideas as to what I should do? What do you want to see happen at the strip clubs in Seattle?
Monday, September 7, 2015
The time my family found out...
I'm going to bookend the year from hell with today, and potentially the next couple of days, I think this whole experience caps off the year. Sort of well I don't know if anything else can happen...Shit I fucking hope not.
So it's been my assumption that my family has known for a while what I do. I thought it was kind of a don't ask don't tell policy...apparently I was wrong.
A couple weeks ago my dad text me about wanting to visit me, I kind of blew it off because I was busy, actually busy. Eventually he text me and said he was coming out here, univited...things I don't like my world being interupted. Never pop in on me I hate the pop in everyone who knows me knows I hate the pop in. We get into a massive text fight about this, about how I'm busy, I'm moving, I might be traveling. How I think it's a huge waste of money and time. I called him, he said he just needed to get out of town, I didn't believe him so I totally pushed the issue, it comes to pass that he's coming out here because he thinks I'm doing something illegal...face palm jeezus this is for real happening...okay. I tell him I'm not and that everything is fine. Doesn't believe me. I say I'm leaving town. He says "If you leave it proves all my fears are correct" One way to get me to do something challenge me. I'll show up. I will so show up. Don't tell me you are going to form an opinion about me without me being there.
I'm livid about this whole thing for a week. I'm super stressed about it. I can't sleep. I'm not in the mood to have company my place is a box for that is growing by the day.
Today arrives, he texts me at 6 something am and wants me to tell him what train to take and what stop. he had already agreed on meeting at the airport. The airport is totally a neutral spot. You come into the city it's my turf, and I'm more apt to be a bitch...I get to the airport early. I'm waiting, I'm super people watching. He arrives...we head to the bar.
We are sitting there having drinks. He asks about work, I tell him about the other stuff I do...which I actually do sometimes. He asks if I have any cash jobs...now, no stripper wants to tell her dad that she's a stripper...ever. It's terrible. I've been living on my own for quite some time so that makes it worse. I don't really feel like I have a ton of responsibility to my family to tell them I'm a stripper. I say I'm bartending. Bartenders have cash on them...yeah and it's a story I've been going with for a while.
We are talking about something and he stops me and says...I know about your other job...Okay...Fuck, fuck, fuck, alright...I knew this was going to happen someday but really you could have skyped me no big deal. He says he's not mad just concerned...I can deal with that, yay liberal people from the midwest...I tell him there is nothing to worry about, I'm not doing anything, and I get the concern, the media doesn't make us out to be the best people in the world, and sterotypes exist for a reason, so I can't blame him. I swear it gets interesting here in a second.
He says there is not judgement he still loves me...fantastic, I was prepping myself for a we never want to see you again, I'm not sure if what follows is worse or not I'm still processing the whole thing, which I'm pretty upset about. He then tells me he's been reading my blog. HI DAD!. On the bright side, I don't have to really filter anything anymore. That being said I'm not filtering shit. Anyway, my mom, my mom is apparently judging the shit out of me, and doesn't believe that I've ever told them the truth about what I do or I have done, and that I've been doing this as long as I've lived out here. Which I haven't I didn't start until I was way into adulthood. I'm pretty pissed about this. Actually I'm out of my mind angry. This is followed by..."oh, and not to be a buzz kill, but your little sister obviously won't be coming out to visit you" my little sister is 16, I get that due to the dangers that go with my job and the overall perseption of it, I can't be trusted alone with her...um what? okay whatever. I'm going over all of this in my head for a second as my dad tells me that his brother, and sister, my aunt, and uncle, also know what I do. I don't really think it's fair to tell anyone outside my tiny family circle. No offense you two, I just would have rather dealt with this as a family issue before making it a FAMILY issue. He goes on to say...that I can't expect everyone in my family to treat me the same, and it's going to take a little while for them to adjust... Following are my actual thoughts on the matter.
I appreciate the concern I get it, my job isn't normal and there are some interesting issues that come up with it, and as I said if I get myself into something I can get myself out, and that's the truth. I'm not saying I've never made a mistake, but I did stupid shit before I did this job. Moving on.
I'm super pissed about my mom throwing judgement all over this. I should state it's my step-mom. I think of her as my mom, I value her opinion very much, more than most. So I really feel like she doesn't like me, she got really mad at me when I moved out here, bitched about me for a few years, until my uncle stood up for me at dinner. THANKS! So part of me feels like this is just something she can hold over my head for a long time. I can't expect her to understand however without talking to her, which I'm going to do face to face when I go home next...which I'm not sure when I'm going to do, I don't really feel welcome at the moment. I really felt like being out here I was sort of immune to the whole parents finding out thing, I think i've made it longer than anyone else however. I don't think she's going to accept anything I say...baby strippers pay attention, I'm either going to fuck this whole thing up so much or glide through it, take it as a beginning lesson in stripping. I'm also insanely mad that she thinks I've been lying to them for the entire time I've lived out here. You decide to be a stripper but it's never a lifetime goal to be a stripper.
My Aunt sent me a text as well...about how she loves me and wants to chat. I appreciate all the love and concern it's great. She also read's my blog. Hey Lar. We are chatting tomorrow. Stay tuned.
I was thinking about the spike in blog traffic I've had and how it might just be my family...guys stop reading your over inflating my ego I can't tell who's real and who's not.
Back to the part about being looked at differently. I have some pretty strong opinions about that at the moment too. I've been doing this for a hot second. I've been home since i've done this. Previously they didn't know. I was treated like a normal person, and this is where normal and not normal pop up again which sucks, because I am still a person and I am pretty "normal" and even if i'm not "normal" I'm not a leper or something. You can't catch stripper, it's not an STD...glitter on the other hand that's a STD you can't get rid of. Why is it now I have to be different, and I can't be trusted, I'm exactly the same as the last time you saw me. The idea of that makes me not want to go home for a while. I know I chose my life-style but I don't run around acting like a stereotypical stripper, most of the time, and when I do I usually regret it. Also considering that I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't want me in their house it makes it seem a little sillier to spend a money on a trip their when I could be a lot of other places after being on a plane for 5 hours and then driving 2. Let's just say 7 hours in the air...tons-o-places. There also aren't any decent hotels within 20 minutes of my parents hours.
I know I have my own life out here, and I know that my choices affect my relationship with my family but there are so many positive things that have come out of this that I can't ignore them. My best friend, whom I haven't seen in months and I probably wouldn't be friends if it weren't for this, as I wouldn't be as interesting. I wouldn't be writing...really at. I wouldn't have traveled, met a lot of people, learned about myself. I mean I know that I'm going to be fine, not because I know myself, but also because I have a pretty decent support system, and they don't really know that, because well I've been doing me for some time now.
I don't know how this is going to end up but I really hope they can see it's not as bad as it seems, no one messed up along the way and now I do this. I decided to do this, it was very calculated. Is it unfair to say my sister can't come out here...yes, yes, it is, that's their choice. That is the only thing that makes me second guess what I do a tiny bit, then again I have nights like tonight where everything is great, I walk into work I tell P what happened I get an ear I can talk to that understands what it's like, and a hug and a reminder that I'm not alone.
That was kind of them moral of the story tonight at work. Presley was shit housed again...I can't fucking stand that bitch getting wasted every night. She comes back in the locker room and Luis is sending her home because she fell down...again. She doesn't get why. T and I are talking to her I'm trying to explain it, you can't reason with a drunk person at all. I was really trying. Presley kept saying how attached she felt and how she felt like everyone was telling her what a fuck up she was, when really it was the other way around, that we care about her and don't want to watch her do this to herself. So in that I understand my dad's concern my job is scary sometimes, but I'm not presley and blaming my actions on others around me. At the end I just wanted her to see that she has our support and we may sound like bitches but it's really because more than anything I want that girl to quit drinking.
I still love what I do, I don't regret it at all...Was this year a pain in my ass absolutely. Am I glad it's over of course. Am I okay with my dad knowing yes. Am I okay with the way he went about it, not really. I really wish he would have talked to me before talking to everyone else. Lesson baby strippers, if it seems like they know test the waters a little bit and find out before it gets blown completely out of proportion, because it will, and that's how families quit talking to each other.
Damn left over chinese is so good.
So it's been my assumption that my family has known for a while what I do. I thought it was kind of a don't ask don't tell policy...apparently I was wrong.
A couple weeks ago my dad text me about wanting to visit me, I kind of blew it off because I was busy, actually busy. Eventually he text me and said he was coming out here, univited...things I don't like my world being interupted. Never pop in on me I hate the pop in everyone who knows me knows I hate the pop in. We get into a massive text fight about this, about how I'm busy, I'm moving, I might be traveling. How I think it's a huge waste of money and time. I called him, he said he just needed to get out of town, I didn't believe him so I totally pushed the issue, it comes to pass that he's coming out here because he thinks I'm doing something illegal...face palm jeezus this is for real happening...okay. I tell him I'm not and that everything is fine. Doesn't believe me. I say I'm leaving town. He says "If you leave it proves all my fears are correct" One way to get me to do something challenge me. I'll show up. I will so show up. Don't tell me you are going to form an opinion about me without me being there.
I'm livid about this whole thing for a week. I'm super stressed about it. I can't sleep. I'm not in the mood to have company my place is a box for that is growing by the day.
Today arrives, he texts me at 6 something am and wants me to tell him what train to take and what stop. he had already agreed on meeting at the airport. The airport is totally a neutral spot. You come into the city it's my turf, and I'm more apt to be a bitch...I get to the airport early. I'm waiting, I'm super people watching. He arrives...we head to the bar.
We are sitting there having drinks. He asks about work, I tell him about the other stuff I do...which I actually do sometimes. He asks if I have any cash jobs...now, no stripper wants to tell her dad that she's a stripper...ever. It's terrible. I've been living on my own for quite some time so that makes it worse. I don't really feel like I have a ton of responsibility to my family to tell them I'm a stripper. I say I'm bartending. Bartenders have cash on them...yeah and it's a story I've been going with for a while.
We are talking about something and he stops me and says...I know about your other job...Okay...Fuck, fuck, fuck, alright...I knew this was going to happen someday but really you could have skyped me no big deal. He says he's not mad just concerned...I can deal with that, yay liberal people from the midwest...I tell him there is nothing to worry about, I'm not doing anything, and I get the concern, the media doesn't make us out to be the best people in the world, and sterotypes exist for a reason, so I can't blame him. I swear it gets interesting here in a second.
He says there is not judgement he still loves me...fantastic, I was prepping myself for a we never want to see you again, I'm not sure if what follows is worse or not I'm still processing the whole thing, which I'm pretty upset about. He then tells me he's been reading my blog. HI DAD!. On the bright side, I don't have to really filter anything anymore. That being said I'm not filtering shit. Anyway, my mom, my mom is apparently judging the shit out of me, and doesn't believe that I've ever told them the truth about what I do or I have done, and that I've been doing this as long as I've lived out here. Which I haven't I didn't start until I was way into adulthood. I'm pretty pissed about this. Actually I'm out of my mind angry. This is followed by..."oh, and not to be a buzz kill, but your little sister obviously won't be coming out to visit you" my little sister is 16, I get that due to the dangers that go with my job and the overall perseption of it, I can't be trusted alone with her...um what? okay whatever. I'm going over all of this in my head for a second as my dad tells me that his brother, and sister, my aunt, and uncle, also know what I do. I don't really think it's fair to tell anyone outside my tiny family circle. No offense you two, I just would have rather dealt with this as a family issue before making it a FAMILY issue. He goes on to say...that I can't expect everyone in my family to treat me the same, and it's going to take a little while for them to adjust... Following are my actual thoughts on the matter.
I appreciate the concern I get it, my job isn't normal and there are some interesting issues that come up with it, and as I said if I get myself into something I can get myself out, and that's the truth. I'm not saying I've never made a mistake, but I did stupid shit before I did this job. Moving on.
I'm super pissed about my mom throwing judgement all over this. I should state it's my step-mom. I think of her as my mom, I value her opinion very much, more than most. So I really feel like she doesn't like me, she got really mad at me when I moved out here, bitched about me for a few years, until my uncle stood up for me at dinner. THANKS! So part of me feels like this is just something she can hold over my head for a long time. I can't expect her to understand however without talking to her, which I'm going to do face to face when I go home next...which I'm not sure when I'm going to do, I don't really feel welcome at the moment. I really felt like being out here I was sort of immune to the whole parents finding out thing, I think i've made it longer than anyone else however. I don't think she's going to accept anything I say...baby strippers pay attention, I'm either going to fuck this whole thing up so much or glide through it, take it as a beginning lesson in stripping. I'm also insanely mad that she thinks I've been lying to them for the entire time I've lived out here. You decide to be a stripper but it's never a lifetime goal to be a stripper.
My Aunt sent me a text as well...about how she loves me and wants to chat. I appreciate all the love and concern it's great. She also read's my blog. Hey Lar. We are chatting tomorrow. Stay tuned.
I was thinking about the spike in blog traffic I've had and how it might just be my family...guys stop reading your over inflating my ego I can't tell who's real and who's not.
Back to the part about being looked at differently. I have some pretty strong opinions about that at the moment too. I've been doing this for a hot second. I've been home since i've done this. Previously they didn't know. I was treated like a normal person, and this is where normal and not normal pop up again which sucks, because I am still a person and I am pretty "normal" and even if i'm not "normal" I'm not a leper or something. You can't catch stripper, it's not an STD...glitter on the other hand that's a STD you can't get rid of. Why is it now I have to be different, and I can't be trusted, I'm exactly the same as the last time you saw me. The idea of that makes me not want to go home for a while. I know I chose my life-style but I don't run around acting like a stereotypical stripper, most of the time, and when I do I usually regret it. Also considering that I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't want me in their house it makes it seem a little sillier to spend a money on a trip their when I could be a lot of other places after being on a plane for 5 hours and then driving 2. Let's just say 7 hours in the air...tons-o-places. There also aren't any decent hotels within 20 minutes of my parents hours.
I know I have my own life out here, and I know that my choices affect my relationship with my family but there are so many positive things that have come out of this that I can't ignore them. My best friend, whom I haven't seen in months and I probably wouldn't be friends if it weren't for this, as I wouldn't be as interesting. I wouldn't be writing...really at. I wouldn't have traveled, met a lot of people, learned about myself. I mean I know that I'm going to be fine, not because I know myself, but also because I have a pretty decent support system, and they don't really know that, because well I've been doing me for some time now.
I don't know how this is going to end up but I really hope they can see it's not as bad as it seems, no one messed up along the way and now I do this. I decided to do this, it was very calculated. Is it unfair to say my sister can't come out here...yes, yes, it is, that's their choice. That is the only thing that makes me second guess what I do a tiny bit, then again I have nights like tonight where everything is great, I walk into work I tell P what happened I get an ear I can talk to that understands what it's like, and a hug and a reminder that I'm not alone.
That was kind of them moral of the story tonight at work. Presley was shit housed again...I can't fucking stand that bitch getting wasted every night. She comes back in the locker room and Luis is sending her home because she fell down...again. She doesn't get why. T and I are talking to her I'm trying to explain it, you can't reason with a drunk person at all. I was really trying. Presley kept saying how attached she felt and how she felt like everyone was telling her what a fuck up she was, when really it was the other way around, that we care about her and don't want to watch her do this to herself. So in that I understand my dad's concern my job is scary sometimes, but I'm not presley and blaming my actions on others around me. At the end I just wanted her to see that she has our support and we may sound like bitches but it's really because more than anything I want that girl to quit drinking.
I still love what I do, I don't regret it at all...Was this year a pain in my ass absolutely. Am I glad it's over of course. Am I okay with my dad knowing yes. Am I okay with the way he went about it, not really. I really wish he would have talked to me before talking to everyone else. Lesson baby strippers, if it seems like they know test the waters a little bit and find out before it gets blown completely out of proportion, because it will, and that's how families quit talking to each other.
Damn left over chinese is so good.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
fuck you brain
This headache is officially getting old. I'm super over having it, I'm on like day 4.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Something to talk about...
I only suffer from writers block when I don't want to talk about things...I was told today I should just write no matter what.
Mon, is back at work. She is the girl that connected the cheese and I...Before that however she came with me to a friends house to hang out in their hot tub. She left her swimsuit there and asked me to retrieve it. Before I had the chance to I lost their number as it's not in the phone I have now...So I've had no way to contact either of them, so I haven't asked them for the suit back, and I couldn't tell her I didn't have it. The 1st thing I said to her when she came back even before "hey, how are you" was "I owe you a new suit" she said something that really insulted me in that moment and is lingering still "Don't worry about it I bought a new one, and it was really expensive" okay I get that swimsuits are expensive, but I feel slightly responsible for hers, especially because we work together and this is where being a stripper sucks, by her saying it was expensive is basically saying I suck at my job and can't afford to pay for her suit, I don't feel like this happens in other areas of life...or people don't connect those two things...also it means The Cheese said some mean ass shit about me.
Recently I decided to go back to my old ways and I was a little bitchier back then, so far it's worked out pretty well, everything at work is going great, I'm happier, the only problem is I wrote a long email to someone very close to me inumerating the ways in which they have disappointed me over the past few years, and I expected them to respond appropriately except now they are trying to make up for that disappointment immediately, and I've gotten so accustom to not having them around that it's almost equally upsetting that they are telling me rather than asking me how they intend to help...it's like le sigh, I'm an adult with a secret life, what don't you get about that, you can't just pop-in you don't know about my secret life.
That is one of the most stressful things about this job, keeping it a secret, and when that gets threatened it gets stressful, I suppose just having my normal day to day life disrupted is stressful too.
I hate hurting peoples feelings but sometimes I have to do it to protect mine. If I did everything everyone wanted me to do, I would go completely crazy. This job runs a number on your emotions, and sometimes I've got to remind myself that I've got to put on my own O2 mask before anyone else.
Mon, is back at work. She is the girl that connected the cheese and I...Before that however she came with me to a friends house to hang out in their hot tub. She left her swimsuit there and asked me to retrieve it. Before I had the chance to I lost their number as it's not in the phone I have now...So I've had no way to contact either of them, so I haven't asked them for the suit back, and I couldn't tell her I didn't have it. The 1st thing I said to her when she came back even before "hey, how are you" was "I owe you a new suit" she said something that really insulted me in that moment and is lingering still "Don't worry about it I bought a new one, and it was really expensive" okay I get that swimsuits are expensive, but I feel slightly responsible for hers, especially because we work together and this is where being a stripper sucks, by her saying it was expensive is basically saying I suck at my job and can't afford to pay for her suit, I don't feel like this happens in other areas of life...or people don't connect those two things...also it means The Cheese said some mean ass shit about me.
Recently I decided to go back to my old ways and I was a little bitchier back then, so far it's worked out pretty well, everything at work is going great, I'm happier, the only problem is I wrote a long email to someone very close to me inumerating the ways in which they have disappointed me over the past few years, and I expected them to respond appropriately except now they are trying to make up for that disappointment immediately, and I've gotten so accustom to not having them around that it's almost equally upsetting that they are telling me rather than asking me how they intend to help...it's like le sigh, I'm an adult with a secret life, what don't you get about that, you can't just pop-in you don't know about my secret life.
That is one of the most stressful things about this job, keeping it a secret, and when that gets threatened it gets stressful, I suppose just having my normal day to day life disrupted is stressful too.
I hate hurting peoples feelings but sometimes I have to do it to protect mine. If I did everything everyone wanted me to do, I would go completely crazy. This job runs a number on your emotions, and sometimes I've got to remind myself that I've got to put on my own O2 mask before anyone else.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Talking about online dating....throwing out advice like you should dollars.
I swear I'm going to make it to work almost on time tonight.
So I logged into my online dating profile for the 1st time in a long, long, long, 3000 messages kind of long time. I thought I would go through them for fun, respond to assholes and tell them that just because I look a certain way I'm not a complete idiot... Don't judge a bitch by her bra size.
As I'm going through all this mail I'm reminded of why I hate dating why it's the worst thing that every happened to a person. Like the guy who camped out on my lawn sent me a message today oddly enough. It's crazy so many people judge me for what I do for a living but they are out of this world crazy, like really you are going to call someone 50 times, 50 times, you have to push a button 100 times, and you are going to call the police after you tell a grocery store clerk that I hit you, and tell the police that I'm a missing person... but being a stripper is insane and I'm crazy unstable.
Also what's up with the dudes that hit you up and are like "Yo bitch I just wanna tap that ass, you down my name is Brandon" Nah brah, I'm cool. Also what girl responds to that in a positive way. I'm going to start asking for Dick pics and posting them at work , maybe I can start a thing we all can join dating sites and post Dick pics we get. I think this could work.
I did ctrl+f to see if anyone recognized me... they have. I suppose that's the problem with going public with what I do. Speaking of I think it's jaq the stripper or ripper (her blog is awesome you should totally read it.) has these great tee's she's doing they are "off duty stripper" tee's I need to get one. I feel like too many people have the "Jesus loves strippers" tee. Sidebar. I'm using my surface to write this and it won't let me swear or write the word stripper. However "off duty stripper" and my Polaroid should make me super popular in my neighborhood... not that I want to be, but maybe I'll start a whole marketing campaign surrounding Polaroid pictures... that is not a bad idea...I need a stamp or a label maker. Probably a stamp. Maybe a whole wax seal... no a stamp would be better.
WHY IS MY FUCKING PORK BELLY TACO TAKING SO GOD DAMN LONG! It's keeping me from going to work and making me crabby. I always wonder how my age stacks up to others in a bar... in the whole online dating thing everyone seems to be 19-24 maybe it's just the site I use. Also what's up with dudes in Seattle not talking to people.
SEATTLE MEN....GO TO STRIP CLUBS GET ACCUSTOM TO TALKING TO HOT GIRLS AND THEN GO TO BARS AND TALK TO THEM. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
I love that while I was retrieving my taco that some guy walked up to read my screen... awesome but you won't talk to a girl. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CITY. I'm moving back to Chicago. Just kidding. Seriously I'm not... or not right now. I just put the deposit down on my other place... and they moved my move date back... boo on them. That being said I need to look at some new furniture which I'm doing tomorrow, but buying new furniture, that's going to require some extra work nights... or telling you all the email to my pay-pal or putting it on my wish list and actually posting it like I keep saying I'm going to do. Just kidding extra work it is... so come see me, maybe you will get a Polaroid out of it... not a bad deal in my opinion lap-dances and a Polaroid.
Oh I take it back, someone talked to me because I had the I need a napkin face.... apparently better than resting bitch face, I'm totally going to use it more often. It's strange to be in this bar at night since I'm usually only here during the day with leftover hooker face on from the night before, tonight however I'm rocking the no-make-up look and a black jumpsuit maybe it's the fact I look slightly like a mechanic.
Alright taco Tuesday must come to a close and so should this rant it's off to the hoe mines. If you aren't busy you should swing by and grab a dance.
So I logged into my online dating profile for the 1st time in a long, long, long, 3000 messages kind of long time. I thought I would go through them for fun, respond to assholes and tell them that just because I look a certain way I'm not a complete idiot... Don't judge a bitch by her bra size.
As I'm going through all this mail I'm reminded of why I hate dating why it's the worst thing that every happened to a person. Like the guy who camped out on my lawn sent me a message today oddly enough. It's crazy so many people judge me for what I do for a living but they are out of this world crazy, like really you are going to call someone 50 times, 50 times, you have to push a button 100 times, and you are going to call the police after you tell a grocery store clerk that I hit you, and tell the police that I'm a missing person... but being a stripper is insane and I'm crazy unstable.
Also what's up with the dudes that hit you up and are like "Yo bitch I just wanna tap that ass, you down my name is Brandon" Nah brah, I'm cool. Also what girl responds to that in a positive way. I'm going to start asking for Dick pics and posting them at work , maybe I can start a thing we all can join dating sites and post Dick pics we get. I think this could work.
I did ctrl+f to see if anyone recognized me... they have. I suppose that's the problem with going public with what I do. Speaking of I think it's jaq the stripper or ripper (her blog is awesome you should totally read it.) has these great tee's she's doing they are "off duty stripper" tee's I need to get one. I feel like too many people have the "Jesus loves strippers" tee. Sidebar. I'm using my surface to write this and it won't let me swear or write the word stripper. However "off duty stripper" and my Polaroid should make me super popular in my neighborhood... not that I want to be, but maybe I'll start a whole marketing campaign surrounding Polaroid pictures... that is not a bad idea...I need a stamp or a label maker. Probably a stamp. Maybe a whole wax seal... no a stamp would be better.
WHY IS MY FUCKING PORK BELLY TACO TAKING SO GOD DAMN LONG! It's keeping me from going to work and making me crabby. I always wonder how my age stacks up to others in a bar... in the whole online dating thing everyone seems to be 19-24 maybe it's just the site I use. Also what's up with dudes in Seattle not talking to people.
SEATTLE MEN....GO TO STRIP CLUBS GET ACCUSTOM TO TALKING TO HOT GIRLS AND THEN GO TO BARS AND TALK TO THEM. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
I love that while I was retrieving my taco that some guy walked up to read my screen... awesome but you won't talk to a girl. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CITY. I'm moving back to Chicago. Just kidding. Seriously I'm not... or not right now. I just put the deposit down on my other place... and they moved my move date back... boo on them. That being said I need to look at some new furniture which I'm doing tomorrow, but buying new furniture, that's going to require some extra work nights... or telling you all the email to my pay-pal or putting it on my wish list and actually posting it like I keep saying I'm going to do. Just kidding extra work it is... so come see me, maybe you will get a Polaroid out of it... not a bad deal in my opinion lap-dances and a Polaroid.
Oh I take it back, someone talked to me because I had the I need a napkin face.... apparently better than resting bitch face, I'm totally going to use it more often. It's strange to be in this bar at night since I'm usually only here during the day with leftover hooker face on from the night before, tonight however I'm rocking the no-make-up look and a black jumpsuit maybe it's the fact I look slightly like a mechanic.
Alright taco Tuesday must come to a close and so should this rant it's off to the hoe mines. If you aren't busy you should swing by and grab a dance.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
you know for senators and athletes...
Tonight was one of those nights I had it, I was hot, I was funny, I had it going bossanova...is that the way you say that?
So tonight I was at work surprise, surprise, I sat down with this gentleman who opened the conversation with "I want to ask you a question, but I don't know how to ask it politely" so I told him to just ask he mumbled a bit and got out I wanted to know how much...and I followed up with "it is to smash?" he looked astounded and said "no, I just wanted to know how much a girl weighed" this conversation went on for a bit, then he did something that took me by surprise so much I almost got up and walked away, which takes a lot these days he reached out and grabbed my stomach with two fingers...I have never felt so insecure so quickly ever. I went on to ask him what he did and he said an engineer but couldn't tell me what kind of engineer...so I asked him if he was a drug dealer or a stripper since those are the two big ones no one wants to talk about. Then came the kicker I guess I rolled my eyes at him which is a pretty common thing I do these days, he asked me what was up with that and I said I was exasperated. He then asked me to spell exasperated, so I did and he thought I put a k in it. I said I didn't and said I would type it on my phone he wanted to bet something. I have great faith in my spelling when I want to so I guess I should have bet at least $100 on it instead I bet $1 because I don't gamble. Anyway I won a dollar tonight. I didn't believe he was from Ohio so I asked him what you say after "oh" and he of course answered with the correct thing. I couldn't tell if I had offended him or not. I then thought he's probably an athlete based on how little I sank into him when I sat down. I felt like talking to him I was so witty actually all of tonight I was so witty. I wish I could keep that feeling going every night it makes everything so much easier. He ended up getting a dance was displeased with the rules yall gotta learn don't touch these with your hands means your hands and that I'm not just a walking talking vagina and boobs just saying there is 90% left of me. In the mean time we had some good laughs he realized I don't take the whole thing too seriously said I was pretty, blah, blah, blah.
Earlier in the evening I was walking the floor and noticed a guy in a white tee looking at me. Usually I don't walk up to people looking at me right away...I want to make them sweat, or work for it, or whatever. Anyway I broke one of my own rules and walked up. I introduced myself. I don't remember his name I just remember he was from Delaware. I sat down and he was immediately like "I'm good" I retorted with "I'm so glad you are good, now tell me more about you" "No...I meant I'm good I don't want a dance" "Okay... did I offer you one? I don't even know if I like you... and really you might change your mind, who knows" that shuts everyone up every time because it really makes them think... this stripper might not like me, this person is suppose to like me what the fucking, fuck, is going on here. Anyway, I sat down we chat...I started through the survey I was giving for a while which really turned people off to me. I asked him what type of girl he liked and he then said "Big blobs, skinny, shorter" I asked him what was wrong with me since he basically described me. So I asked "what's wrong with me?" he said "Nothing, you are basically my type of girl" "So... do you want at dance?" "Yeah, yeah I do" another one bites the dust, charmed to dance.
So another hilarious Friday night for the books. Somehow however I didn't talk to anyone tonight, by anyone I mean anyone I work with.
So tonight I was at work surprise, surprise, I sat down with this gentleman who opened the conversation with "I want to ask you a question, but I don't know how to ask it politely" so I told him to just ask he mumbled a bit and got out I wanted to know how much...and I followed up with "it is to smash?" he looked astounded and said "no, I just wanted to know how much a girl weighed" this conversation went on for a bit, then he did something that took me by surprise so much I almost got up and walked away, which takes a lot these days he reached out and grabbed my stomach with two fingers...I have never felt so insecure so quickly ever. I went on to ask him what he did and he said an engineer but couldn't tell me what kind of engineer...so I asked him if he was a drug dealer or a stripper since those are the two big ones no one wants to talk about. Then came the kicker I guess I rolled my eyes at him which is a pretty common thing I do these days, he asked me what was up with that and I said I was exasperated. He then asked me to spell exasperated, so I did and he thought I put a k in it. I said I didn't and said I would type it on my phone he wanted to bet something. I have great faith in my spelling when I want to so I guess I should have bet at least $100 on it instead I bet $1 because I don't gamble. Anyway I won a dollar tonight. I didn't believe he was from Ohio so I asked him what you say after "oh" and he of course answered with the correct thing. I couldn't tell if I had offended him or not. I then thought he's probably an athlete based on how little I sank into him when I sat down. I felt like talking to him I was so witty actually all of tonight I was so witty. I wish I could keep that feeling going every night it makes everything so much easier. He ended up getting a dance was displeased with the rules yall gotta learn don't touch these with your hands means your hands and that I'm not just a walking talking vagina and boobs just saying there is 90% left of me. In the mean time we had some good laughs he realized I don't take the whole thing too seriously said I was pretty, blah, blah, blah.
Earlier in the evening I was walking the floor and noticed a guy in a white tee looking at me. Usually I don't walk up to people looking at me right away...I want to make them sweat, or work for it, or whatever. Anyway I broke one of my own rules and walked up. I introduced myself. I don't remember his name I just remember he was from Delaware. I sat down and he was immediately like "I'm good" I retorted with "I'm so glad you are good, now tell me more about you" "No...I meant I'm good I don't want a dance" "Okay... did I offer you one? I don't even know if I like you... and really you might change your mind, who knows" that shuts everyone up every time because it really makes them think... this stripper might not like me, this person is suppose to like me what the fucking, fuck, is going on here. Anyway, I sat down we chat...I started through the survey I was giving for a while which really turned people off to me. I asked him what type of girl he liked and he then said "Big blobs, skinny, shorter" I asked him what was wrong with me since he basically described me. So I asked "what's wrong with me?" he said "Nothing, you are basically my type of girl" "So... do you want at dance?" "Yeah, yeah I do" another one bites the dust, charmed to dance.
So another hilarious Friday night for the books. Somehow however I didn't talk to anyone tonight, by anyone I mean anyone I work with.
Friday, August 14, 2015
I don't get it...
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