Tonight was one of those nights I had it, I was hot, I was funny, I had it going bossanova...is that the way you say that?
So tonight I was at work surprise, surprise, I sat down with this gentleman who opened the conversation with "I want to ask you a question, but I don't know how to ask it politely" so I told him to just ask he mumbled a bit and got out I wanted to know how much...and I followed up with "it is to smash?" he looked astounded and said "no, I just wanted to know how much a girl weighed" this conversation went on for a bit, then he did something that took me by surprise so much I almost got up and walked away, which takes a lot these days he reached out and grabbed my stomach with two fingers...I have never felt so insecure so quickly ever. I went on to ask him what he did and he said an engineer but couldn't tell me what kind of engineer...so I asked him if he was a drug dealer or a stripper since those are the two big ones no one wants to talk about. Then came the kicker I guess I rolled my eyes at him which is a pretty common thing I do these days, he asked me what was up with that and I said I was exasperated. He then asked me to spell exasperated, so I did and he thought I put a k in it. I said I didn't and said I would type it on my phone he wanted to bet something. I have great faith in my spelling when I want to so I guess I should have bet at least $100 on it instead I bet $1 because I don't gamble. Anyway I won a dollar tonight. I didn't believe he was from Ohio so I asked him what you say after "oh" and he of course answered with the correct thing. I couldn't tell if I had offended him or not. I then thought he's probably an athlete based on how little I sank into him when I sat down. I felt like talking to him I was so witty actually all of tonight I was so witty. I wish I could keep that feeling going every night it makes everything so much easier. He ended up getting a dance was displeased with the rules yall gotta learn don't touch these with your hands means your hands and that I'm not just a walking talking vagina and boobs just saying there is 90% left of me. In the mean time we had some good laughs he realized I don't take the whole thing too seriously said I was pretty, blah, blah, blah.
Earlier in the evening I was walking the floor and noticed a guy in a white tee looking at me. Usually I don't walk up to people looking at me right away...I want to make them sweat, or work for it, or whatever. Anyway I broke one of my own rules and walked up. I introduced myself. I don't remember his name I just remember he was from Delaware. I sat down and he was immediately like "I'm good" I retorted with "I'm so glad you are good, now tell me more about you" "No...I meant I'm good I don't want a dance" "Okay... did I offer you one? I don't even know if I like you... and really you might change your mind, who knows" that shuts everyone up every time because it really makes them think... this stripper might not like me, this person is suppose to like me what the fucking, fuck, is going on here. Anyway, I sat down we chat...I started through the survey I was giving for a while which really turned people off to me. I asked him what type of girl he liked and he then said "Big blobs, skinny, shorter" I asked him what was wrong with me since he basically described me. So I asked "what's wrong with me?" he said "Nothing, you are basically my type of girl" "So... do you want at dance?" "Yeah, yeah I do" another one bites the dust, charmed to dance.
So another hilarious Friday night for the books. Somehow however I didn't talk to anyone tonight, by anyone I mean anyone I work with.
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