I swear I'm going to make it to work almost on time tonight.
So I logged into my online dating profile for the 1st time in a long, long, long, 3000 messages kind of long time. I thought I would go through them for fun, respond to assholes and tell them that just because I look a certain way I'm not a complete idiot... Don't judge a bitch by her bra size.
As I'm going through all this mail I'm reminded of why I hate dating why it's the worst thing that every happened to a person. Like the guy who camped out on my lawn sent me a message today oddly enough. It's crazy so many people judge me for what I do for a living but they are out of this world crazy, like really you are going to call someone 50 times, 50 times, you have to push a button 100 times, and you are going to call the police after you tell a grocery store clerk that I hit you, and tell the police that I'm a missing person... but being a stripper is insane and I'm crazy unstable.
Also what's up with the dudes that hit you up and are like "Yo bitch I just wanna tap that ass, you down my name is Brandon" Nah brah, I'm cool. Also what girl responds to that in a positive way. I'm going to start asking for Dick pics and posting them at work , maybe I can start a thing we all can join dating sites and post Dick pics we get. I think this could work.
I did ctrl+f to see if anyone recognized me... they have. I suppose that's the problem with going public with what I do. Speaking of I think it's jaq the stripper or ripper (her blog is awesome you should totally read it.) has these great tee's she's doing they are "off duty stripper" tee's I need to get one. I feel like too many people have the "Jesus loves strippers" tee. Sidebar. I'm using my surface to write this and it won't let me swear or write the word stripper. However "off duty stripper" and my Polaroid should make me super popular in my neighborhood... not that I want to be, but maybe I'll start a whole marketing campaign surrounding Polaroid pictures... that is not a bad idea...I need a stamp or a label maker. Probably a stamp. Maybe a whole wax seal... no a stamp would be better.
WHY IS MY FUCKING PORK BELLY TACO TAKING SO GOD DAMN LONG! It's keeping me from going to work and making me crabby. I always wonder how my age stacks up to others in a bar... in the whole online dating thing everyone seems to be 19-24 maybe it's just the site I use. Also what's up with dudes in Seattle not talking to people.
SEATTLE MEN....GO TO STRIP CLUBS GET ACCUSTOM TO TALKING TO HOT GIRLS AND THEN GO TO BARS AND TALK TO THEM. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
I love that while I was retrieving my taco that some guy walked up to read my screen... awesome but you won't talk to a girl. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CITY. I'm moving back to Chicago. Just kidding. Seriously I'm not... or not right now. I just put the deposit down on my other place... and they moved my move date back... boo on them. That being said I need to look at some new furniture which I'm doing tomorrow, but buying new furniture, that's going to require some extra work nights... or telling you all the email to my pay-pal or putting it on my wish list and actually posting it like I keep saying I'm going to do. Just kidding extra work it is... so come see me, maybe you will get a Polaroid out of it... not a bad deal in my opinion lap-dances and a Polaroid.
Oh I take it back, someone talked to me because I had the I need a napkin face.... apparently better than resting bitch face, I'm totally going to use it more often. It's strange to be in this bar at night since I'm usually only here during the day with leftover hooker face on from the night before, tonight however I'm rocking the no-make-up look and a black jumpsuit maybe it's the fact I look slightly like a mechanic.
Alright taco Tuesday must come to a close and so should this rant it's off to the hoe mines. If you aren't busy you should swing by and grab a dance.
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