I'm pulling this out of drafts.
I suffer from a very common condition of being a stripper, I have horrible time management, which I need to fix by the end of summer. That's right kids it's summer again and about the time of year ( or the fiscal quarter) I sit down and re-evaluate where I'm going and what I'm doing.
Baby tonight made a really good point. 1st let me back up baby has been gone for a hot second and hasn't been around to watch the fireworks otherwise known as my daily life...anyway tonight she pulled me aside to ask me what was going on and why there is so much hate towards me lately, and I just sort of laughed it off and rolled it off like I've been doing. I guess I didn't realize how bad it is, I just haven't cared what people say that much. I can't care that much it's my job right now. People are going to talk no matter what, especially some women, some women can be so mean. Men will fight and get over shit. Some Women will plot, and execute, and plot. Some Women hate seeing other women succeed at times. A couple of the girls have zero qualms about going in on me for just about anything. Apparently according to the rumors I'm basically an all around terrible person. Anyway all of this is happening around me, back to the story line...baby asked me why the fuck there was so much hate towards me...Really I haven't cared or been able to focus on it with the lose of my dog. It has minimized everything around me, and really created this hole in my life that I can't fill. It's this horrible feeling in my chest like I can't breathe whenever I sit down and really focus on it. It's literally the worst feeling I've ever experienced. Seriously if I could have her back for 10 minutes I would do just about anything. This whole experience has kept me from enjoying this summer and kept me from standing up for myself lately as I just feel so beat down.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
How to be the best stripper...ever (the word according to red)
Lately I've been asking myself how to get back to my original self. The self that made money hand over fist. I'm still attractive, I'm still smart. There is no reason why I should make money the last hour of work. Also I was asked to give advise on the subject considering my amazing abilities to retain regulars...although I am taking on new regulars if anyone is up for the challenge. I didn't advise them as I didn't have time and I didn't know what to say considering my most recent luck...
After binge watching a ton of netflix and hulu, and really going though everything in the past 10 years of my life ( it is getting to be that time of year where I start talking about the years passed). That there is a little bit of truth in the fiction of movies. I suppose what I'm about to say is probably going to concern some people. (Family I'm not talking to you or about you, or anyone who may think I'm referencing them personally I'm not this is more of a general statement)...YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THE LIE. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY THE BEST PERSON ON THE FLOOR AND THAT NO ONE ELSE EXISTS OR THAT THEY ARE THERE TO ASSIT YOU IN MAKING MONEY. That's it that's all it takes. Oh and a six minute limit. If you can't close in six minutes you aren't going to close it. Remember it's an option you are selling, not a demand, and you have to believe that they are not the only option as well. Oh and the lie never derive from the lie. I don't mean lie to everyone about everything. I mean more like method acting believe who you are while you are on the floor. I always take time to adjust from work me to me me, before interacting with anyone.
So here is to getting back into myself and truly believing that "don't can't call me bitch, bitch"is the truest I have been with myself. Right up there with knowing a little bit about everything and taking interest in everything as well. Also righting myself for thinking I've been wrong at all and shouldn't do this or don't deserve to do it well. So that's all it takes to be a great stripper, just believe in yourself, and some tall, tall shoes.
After binge watching a ton of netflix and hulu, and really going though everything in the past 10 years of my life ( it is getting to be that time of year where I start talking about the years passed). That there is a little bit of truth in the fiction of movies. I suppose what I'm about to say is probably going to concern some people. (Family I'm not talking to you or about you, or anyone who may think I'm referencing them personally I'm not this is more of a general statement)...YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THE LIE. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY THE BEST PERSON ON THE FLOOR AND THAT NO ONE ELSE EXISTS OR THAT THEY ARE THERE TO ASSIT YOU IN MAKING MONEY. That's it that's all it takes. Oh and a six minute limit. If you can't close in six minutes you aren't going to close it. Remember it's an option you are selling, not a demand, and you have to believe that they are not the only option as well. Oh and the lie never derive from the lie. I don't mean lie to everyone about everything. I mean more like method acting believe who you are while you are on the floor. I always take time to adjust from work me to me me, before interacting with anyone.
So here is to getting back into myself and truly believing that "don't can't call me bitch, bitch"is the truest I have been with myself. Right up there with knowing a little bit about everything and taking interest in everything as well. Also righting myself for thinking I've been wrong at all and shouldn't do this or don't deserve to do it well. So that's all it takes to be a great stripper, just believe in yourself, and some tall, tall shoes.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Why I collect shitty people
Shitty people always come off so charming their problems aren't that bad. They aren't a suck
on your life then you find out they are. Sometimes life beats you down so you take it. My best friend wrote me today that she is amazed and proud of me that I have this tenacity for rising above the ashes and really still finding joy she's right, I do it's a blessing and a curse. My dad taught me to never give up there is always another way, so as soon as some idiot walks into my life I tend to think I can fix them for help them and push away those around me who truly can help. Those people are hard to find they don't have big personalities they aren't trying to prove something they are just good people. It's the wolf in sheep's clothing one must worry about the ones with slick suits and slick hair promising the world and not caring how they lure you in. I keep shitty people around because I believe love will fix them, I'm very wrong I lost the love of my life and there have been days I would give anything to go to sleep and not wake up just because she isn't right next to me but I march on.
I'm done with the fakes, and the liars, and I'm caring it like it is from now on. Promise me 120k and get me 70k we have a problem, lie to my co-workers also a problem. Here is the thing, I'm unchanging, and I opened a locker yes because she would have as well. I'm not a liar, nor a thief, I'm upfront, and I've been taking a lot of abuse from you fucking bitches, you think I'm a pussy say it to my fucking face not every one around me. You want to jump on the bully train enjoy it when it turns into the train to hell. You all want to whisper shit...I'm going to talk, this game is over, you're in or your out.
oh and you who said you would always be there because you were "my friend" bullshit you know what you did.
I will succeed in life if I have to claw my way out of this little darlings dungeon, because the real bitch is back, and I aint scared of no ghost.
on your life then you find out they are. Sometimes life beats you down so you take it. My best friend wrote me today that she is amazed and proud of me that I have this tenacity for rising above the ashes and really still finding joy she's right, I do it's a blessing and a curse. My dad taught me to never give up there is always another way, so as soon as some idiot walks into my life I tend to think I can fix them for help them and push away those around me who truly can help. Those people are hard to find they don't have big personalities they aren't trying to prove something they are just good people. It's the wolf in sheep's clothing one must worry about the ones with slick suits and slick hair promising the world and not caring how they lure you in. I keep shitty people around because I believe love will fix them, I'm very wrong I lost the love of my life and there have been days I would give anything to go to sleep and not wake up just because she isn't right next to me but I march on.
I'm done with the fakes, and the liars, and I'm caring it like it is from now on. Promise me 120k and get me 70k we have a problem, lie to my co-workers also a problem. Here is the thing, I'm unchanging, and I opened a locker yes because she would have as well. I'm not a liar, nor a thief, I'm upfront, and I've been taking a lot of abuse from you fucking bitches, you think I'm a pussy say it to my fucking face not every one around me. You want to jump on the bully train enjoy it when it turns into the train to hell. You all want to whisper shit...I'm going to talk, this game is over, you're in or your out.
oh and you who said you would always be there because you were "my friend" bullshit you know what you did.
I will succeed in life if I have to claw my way out of this little darlings dungeon, because the real bitch is back, and I aint scared of no ghost.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
THE past The Present... and sex tips for tall people
Lately I've been just feeling myself at work. I've been on fucking fire, I feel un fucking stoppable. I feel like I've got my fucking groove back. Meaning I best get my ass into work real quick. Last night one of my old home girls from the hill came in. She's always super fun when she comes in...however she had K^2 with her. We sat down and had an actual talk about why he didn't like me 5 years ago. Really it came down to J did not like what I did and I was a crazy jealous bitch. Which is mostly no longer true, my crazy is contained to when it's appropriate, like cutting lockers, swearing at drivers, and beating the shit out of the willing. Speaking of I'm dieing to have a little fun so if anyone is down let me know.
Anyway K^2 came in and my home girl was trying to hook us up or so it seemed. The problem is we hate each other. He's never liked me I'll always come off crazy. I feel like I'm getting slowly pushed out of all my comfort zones so fuck it Im moving to LA.
Anyway K^2 came in and my home girl was trying to hook us up or so it seemed. The problem is we hate each other. He's never liked me I'll always come off crazy. I feel like I'm getting slowly pushed out of all my comfort zones so fuck it Im moving to LA.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
How much for you soul?
"And there you go, selling me dreams and telling me things you know...You got what I want I got what you need. How much for you soul?"
If you know me you know I listen to rap. This song was one of those moments burned into my brain as the best ever...Screaming it at the top of my lungs going down 4th ave in the middle of the night with my ride or die, Baby. That right there that's my bitch.
Little did I know only a few months later would those words hold so much truth I almost crumbled. It's funny being in an industry where it's totally normal to have a full blown political conversation in your underwear. To believe you are larger than life that you can beat the shit out of anyone at any time. That you are it. At times its the time I feel like I am in fact the truest form of myself. The only other time I actually feel that like that is on a photoset. I have had so many people comment on just the feeling I give off when I'm not there.
So I unfortunately had to leave my day job due to well I'll let you guess. That banker in England was fired for being hot. I basically quit for the same reason. My high school principle once said being pretty wouldn't get me everywhere in life. What he failed to mention was that being attractive would actually hamper my ability to be taken seriously. I know there are probably people laughing at this...how could an attractive person have a problem being attractive. Well I'm reminded constantly my place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, not out in the world.
However I am oddly confident and I truly think this person thought I thought the worst of myself and really I haven't and didn't till they started bringing it up. (REDFLAG) Then I started to think I couldn't do things, or maybe people were treating me different. I know this is another oh woe is red story and I swear they will stop soon, because god damn.
Anywho its been fun being back for a few days, to go back to thinking I'm hot and funny and that's why you should dance with me. Not being afraid of anything, not being afraid of losing my job at any moment. Never in my life did I ever think that I would be happy to go back to dancing all the time. To the creeps I know, the creeps I love. You aren't creeps.
I'm smart, I can do something different and better and I will. Thats the thing it's gotten really bad and somehow I still haven't lost complete faith in everything.
If you know me you know I listen to rap. This song was one of those moments burned into my brain as the best ever...Screaming it at the top of my lungs going down 4th ave in the middle of the night with my ride or die, Baby. That right there that's my bitch.
Little did I know only a few months later would those words hold so much truth I almost crumbled. It's funny being in an industry where it's totally normal to have a full blown political conversation in your underwear. To believe you are larger than life that you can beat the shit out of anyone at any time. That you are it. At times its the time I feel like I am in fact the truest form of myself. The only other time I actually feel that like that is on a photoset. I have had so many people comment on just the feeling I give off when I'm not there.
So I unfortunately had to leave my day job due to well I'll let you guess. That banker in England was fired for being hot. I basically quit for the same reason. My high school principle once said being pretty wouldn't get me everywhere in life. What he failed to mention was that being attractive would actually hamper my ability to be taken seriously. I know there are probably people laughing at this...how could an attractive person have a problem being attractive. Well I'm reminded constantly my place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, not out in the world.
However I am oddly confident and I truly think this person thought I thought the worst of myself and really I haven't and didn't till they started bringing it up. (REDFLAG) Then I started to think I couldn't do things, or maybe people were treating me different. I know this is another oh woe is red story and I swear they will stop soon, because god damn.
Anywho its been fun being back for a few days, to go back to thinking I'm hot and funny and that's why you should dance with me. Not being afraid of anything, not being afraid of losing my job at any moment. Never in my life did I ever think that I would be happy to go back to dancing all the time. To the creeps I know, the creeps I love. You aren't creeps.
I'm smart, I can do something different and better and I will. Thats the thing it's gotten really bad and somehow I still haven't lost complete faith in everything.
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