Wednesday, September 18, 2013
"When it's over
Can i still come over? When it's over is it really over?" Sugar Ray
Recently on a trip to the beach with a really good friend of mine we were reviewing the quitting time line and how it is directly linked to school and graduating, and as soon as I receive my diploma I'm out.
I was rambling on about hiding out in a cubicle and doing work that may not affect individuals as my work does now, and the idea of wearing clothes to work, and less make-up, basically dialing down the sex appeal by one million. AND GASP COLORING MY HAIR BROWN! not even a good brown, just brown and no other crazy colors in it. Just brown. Boring, boring brown. The whole thing is incredibly appealing at times.
My friend brought up a few really good questions...Like will I miss it. In a way I will really miss this job, it's a major part of my social life. It is incredibly helpful to my ego. I will go from having countless men tell me I'm beautiful to probably zero. Even greater than that, I will be leaving behind most of my friends. I literally will not be able to know people any more for fear that they may damage my job prospects. I have lost site completely of what normal people do on the weekends.
I was reading this blog earlier and she recently left stripping and is lamenting the fact that rather than making 400 in an hour it's 16 hours of work. I'm okay with this idea but working 8 full hours may take a little getting used to.
What's going to be odd is that I will have to die, the woman that writes this blog at some point will have to die, when all the stories have been told...trust me there are so many, the ones about corruption, and crazy shit, will come after this is all said and done as to not damage anyone I know right now. BUT at some point it will all be over and I red will be gone. The blog may remain but the rest of me will disappear forever. Part of this is really appealing the reinventing of my real self and taking pieces of this part of me with me, the confidence, the ability to say not and not take no for an answer, the strong woman that people look up to and consider a leader all needs to come with, but the shitty parts of me must die, the temper mostly. There are days when I can't wait, when the idea of reinventing myself is what drives me to study hard and what drives me to work hard.
But for now I have a couple years left. Then I'll tackle the hard questions like living in a world where this doesn't exist and really is just a fantasy.
Recently on a trip to the beach with a really good friend of mine we were reviewing the quitting time line and how it is directly linked to school and graduating, and as soon as I receive my diploma I'm out.
I was rambling on about hiding out in a cubicle and doing work that may not affect individuals as my work does now, and the idea of wearing clothes to work, and less make-up, basically dialing down the sex appeal by one million. AND GASP COLORING MY HAIR BROWN! not even a good brown, just brown and no other crazy colors in it. Just brown. Boring, boring brown. The whole thing is incredibly appealing at times.
My friend brought up a few really good questions...Like will I miss it. In a way I will really miss this job, it's a major part of my social life. It is incredibly helpful to my ego. I will go from having countless men tell me I'm beautiful to probably zero. Even greater than that, I will be leaving behind most of my friends. I literally will not be able to know people any more for fear that they may damage my job prospects. I have lost site completely of what normal people do on the weekends.
I was reading this blog earlier and she recently left stripping and is lamenting the fact that rather than making 400 in an hour it's 16 hours of work. I'm okay with this idea but working 8 full hours may take a little getting used to.
What's going to be odd is that I will have to die, the woman that writes this blog at some point will have to die, when all the stories have been told...trust me there are so many, the ones about corruption, and crazy shit, will come after this is all said and done as to not damage anyone I know right now. BUT at some point it will all be over and I red will be gone. The blog may remain but the rest of me will disappear forever. Part of this is really appealing the reinventing of my real self and taking pieces of this part of me with me, the confidence, the ability to say not and not take no for an answer, the strong woman that people look up to and consider a leader all needs to come with, but the shitty parts of me must die, the temper mostly. There are days when I can't wait, when the idea of reinventing myself is what drives me to study hard and what drives me to work hard.
But for now I have a couple years left. Then I'll tackle the hard questions like living in a world where this doesn't exist and really is just a fantasy.
being a good wife...
Mind you I'm not anyones wife, and I probably won't be for a really long time. The following are a few recent conversations I've had about my "future"
Recently I walked up to a gentlemen at the bar and started chatting he inevitably asked me about my life and what I do, I rattled off all the things I do like school, and running, and cooking, and blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden out of nowhere this man says you are going to make someone a really good wife. I laughed at him. I know I shouldn't have he's probably right I probably will but that day is not today and it is not tomorrow. I really want to get though school before I do the whole marriage thing, I mean no one wants to marry a stripper, and that's okay, I wouldn't want to marry a stripper either.
Later this week, I was having a discussion with C and he was going on about how I would be a great wife and a good mother, and it really hit a cord with me. I was thinking about it while we were sitting and talking and came to the conclusion that I have 3 years to get it together find a damn husband and get married and start thinking about kids. This means that I need to get started um...yesterday.
Later this week I was talking to Dr. M whom I dated (term loosely used) ages ago. Recently broke up with a woman who seemed to have her life together, made a boatload of money, had a house, two small dogs, big wig at a company but was totes cray otherwise known as totally crazy. We were discussing how even though she was attractive and her background seemed normal. How he needs to screen for the crazies a little bit better. He then mentioned that whilst we were going out that the main deterrent for him was my job. Which makes perfect sense you hear the words "dating stripper" and you think bat shit crazy.
I was reading a blog earlier today regarding strippers from a customers pov I believe it was here http://pdxstoney.blogspot.com/ and how being a stripper is like a huge hurtle a person needs to overcome like some sort of horrible disease and at times it really does feel like that especially when it comes to dating it's like having a huge black mark on your resume that people can't look over.
I suppose this comes from other strippers giving us a bad name. I was reading on another blog today here and in no way am I bashing this gentleman I'm more concerned about the dancer he is currently involved with. Her way of paying for drugs by having sex in the club gives "us" decent dancers a bad name. Dancers such as this women and others are creating un-necessary hurtles for us to leap over in our tall shoes to make life normal for ourselves.
I don't date due to the questions that arise from my job, and the schedule I keep and the worry that it creates. Quite frequently I am getting home later than a normal person which has worried previous boyfriends not thinking that I have left the club with a customer but that something horrible has happened to me from point a to point b.
So regardless of the fact that I'm wifey material, I will refrain from searching for a partner till I am done with this job to alleviate any concerns my partner may have.
Recently I walked up to a gentlemen at the bar and started chatting he inevitably asked me about my life and what I do, I rattled off all the things I do like school, and running, and cooking, and blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden out of nowhere this man says you are going to make someone a really good wife. I laughed at him. I know I shouldn't have he's probably right I probably will but that day is not today and it is not tomorrow. I really want to get though school before I do the whole marriage thing, I mean no one wants to marry a stripper, and that's okay, I wouldn't want to marry a stripper either.
Later this week, I was having a discussion with C and he was going on about how I would be a great wife and a good mother, and it really hit a cord with me. I was thinking about it while we were sitting and talking and came to the conclusion that I have 3 years to get it together find a damn husband and get married and start thinking about kids. This means that I need to get started um...yesterday.
Later this week I was talking to Dr. M whom I dated (term loosely used) ages ago. Recently broke up with a woman who seemed to have her life together, made a boatload of money, had a house, two small dogs, big wig at a company but was totes cray otherwise known as totally crazy. We were discussing how even though she was attractive and her background seemed normal. How he needs to screen for the crazies a little bit better. He then mentioned that whilst we were going out that the main deterrent for him was my job. Which makes perfect sense you hear the words "dating stripper" and you think bat shit crazy.
I was reading a blog earlier today regarding strippers from a customers pov I believe it was here http://pdxstoney.blogspot.com/ and how being a stripper is like a huge hurtle a person needs to overcome like some sort of horrible disease and at times it really does feel like that especially when it comes to dating it's like having a huge black mark on your resume that people can't look over.
I suppose this comes from other strippers giving us a bad name. I was reading on another blog today here and in no way am I bashing this gentleman I'm more concerned about the dancer he is currently involved with. Her way of paying for drugs by having sex in the club gives "us" decent dancers a bad name. Dancers such as this women and others are creating un-necessary hurtles for us to leap over in our tall shoes to make life normal for ourselves.
I don't date due to the questions that arise from my job, and the schedule I keep and the worry that it creates. Quite frequently I am getting home later than a normal person which has worried previous boyfriends not thinking that I have left the club with a customer but that something horrible has happened to me from point a to point b.
So regardless of the fact that I'm wifey material, I will refrain from searching for a partner till I am done with this job to alleviate any concerns my partner may have.
Um...Pity party for one?
I know I bitch about work a lot like a lot a lot. I'm going to PDX this weekend that should remedy this feeling I have of complete hate for my club.
I did the math last weekend typically if you figure I pay the club 140 a night 4 nights a week I pay them roughly $2,240 a month last weekend alone I paid them $770.00.
I think it's bullshit to pay them this much and currently feel unwanted by my club. Luis is currently micromanaging the shit out of me. The other day I was about to hit the floor but I was updating my twitter first or sending an email out right by the door and he walks in and says "Red get on the floor there are guys here" Honestly I don't go to work to hang out in the back and gab. I mean it happens you make friends and you want to find out what's going on with them so you talk while you put your face on. I don't need someone telling me to hustle my my 8inch heels onto the floor. That's what I'm there to do.
Also the general feeling of management not wanting me there it's been a minute since it's happened and maybe I just need to put my head down and work ignore it and ignore them, I'm sure I would be much happier if I just tuned them out. NEW GAME PLAN ignore management and there bullshit cattle calls and yelling about stupid shit. WINNING!
Also I don't like paying so much when we run out of things like toilet paper or our light bulbs burn out our the floor in the back is never cleaned.
I feel like a small child most of the time because I feel like I'm saying I just want the club to love me but really I just want the club to hold up their end of the deal and provide a safe and clean place for us to work and that's not happening when fights between customers and staff are happening, toilets are overflowing for days, and then the floor isn't getting cleaned.
I'M LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING FOR!
{end rant}
I did the math last weekend typically if you figure I pay the club 140 a night 4 nights a week I pay them roughly $2,240 a month last weekend alone I paid them $770.00.
I think it's bullshit to pay them this much and currently feel unwanted by my club. Luis is currently micromanaging the shit out of me. The other day I was about to hit the floor but I was updating my twitter first or sending an email out right by the door and he walks in and says "Red get on the floor there are guys here" Honestly I don't go to work to hang out in the back and gab. I mean it happens you make friends and you want to find out what's going on with them so you talk while you put your face on. I don't need someone telling me to hustle my my 8inch heels onto the floor. That's what I'm there to do.
Also the general feeling of management not wanting me there it's been a minute since it's happened and maybe I just need to put my head down and work ignore it and ignore them, I'm sure I would be much happier if I just tuned them out. NEW GAME PLAN ignore management and there bullshit cattle calls and yelling about stupid shit. WINNING!
Also I don't like paying so much when we run out of things like toilet paper or our light bulbs burn out our the floor in the back is never cleaned.
I feel like a small child most of the time because I feel like I'm saying I just want the club to love me but really I just want the club to hold up their end of the deal and provide a safe and clean place for us to work and that's not happening when fights between customers and staff are happening, toilets are overflowing for days, and then the floor isn't getting cleaned.
I'M LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING FOR!
{end rant}
Sunday, September 15, 2013
updates on the updates
Hello? Hello? is this thing on?...Of course it's on, it's the internet.
I've received some emails lately requesting an update, well I thought I should update about the update. Unfortunately I was not able to lock myself up in my parents cute house in the woods, Thoreau style, which is what I really wanted to do...sadly I was woken up every morning around 6:30 to drive my sister to school. Which is fine by me, I love my sister, but it messed up my writing schedule, and my sleep schedule. Then there was that whole being at work till around 6am thing on uh, friday? Yes friday because it was saturday today.
That being said. Tomorrow the weather is suppose to suck. Also guessing by the amount of fog I'm viewing right now it probably won't be the best day to go to the beach.
I have to meet with some people about some super secret projects I'm working on but I'm carving out some time to be able to sit down and get some writing done, because I have all kinds of crazy shit to write about right now.
So please sit tight just a little longer and don't give up on reading just yet...I promise more compelling content is on the way.
I've received some emails lately requesting an update, well I thought I should update about the update. Unfortunately I was not able to lock myself up in my parents cute house in the woods, Thoreau style, which is what I really wanted to do...sadly I was woken up every morning around 6:30 to drive my sister to school. Which is fine by me, I love my sister, but it messed up my writing schedule, and my sleep schedule. Then there was that whole being at work till around 6am thing on uh, friday? Yes friday because it was saturday today.
That being said. Tomorrow the weather is suppose to suck. Also guessing by the amount of fog I'm viewing right now it probably won't be the best day to go to the beach.
I have to meet with some people about some super secret projects I'm working on but I'm carving out some time to be able to sit down and get some writing done, because I have all kinds of crazy shit to write about right now.
So please sit tight just a little longer and don't give up on reading just yet...I promise more compelling content is on the way.
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