you know because it's 5/12 of the way though the year.
So I've decided after a rough start to my year that I am giving up drama. I am getting rid of everyone who brings drama into my life, or likes drama, or anyone who is a drama magnet. I officially refuse to participate in these ridiculous childish games anymore.
I am absolutely appalled with myself as of late and the behavior I have put up with as of late, it's like all of a sudden I'm a doormat and for no real good reason. I've just been putting up with. I am no longer putting up with people playing games, or having insecurities that they project on to me, and then guilt trip me into what the fuck ever. Maybe I need to move my locker, maybe that will fix everything. Dais, I'm not talking about you...just so you know.
I am pushing away the people have been creating drama, or keeping themselves close to it in order to create some sort of excitement in their lives. I wish I could quit being so vague about things...BUT I CAN'T! GOD DAMN I WISH I COULD SPEAK FREELY BUT I FUCKING CAN'T OH MY GOD!
I am going to do my best to remind people that I didn't start this job to make friends, and I will not put up with the nonsense that has been coming my way, I don't care if I have to cut people off in the middle of their sentences, saying good-bye, and walking away.
I am also going to start speaking my mind and being myself...after this blog post. I swear.
I know this is going to sound totally crazy since I'm sure everyone already believes that I'm incredibly selfish already, but I'm not, contrary to popular belief, and I really do my best to try to make everyone else really happy. So much so that I've started getting panic attacks, because I have no time for myselfSO...I'M GOING TO START BEING ACTUALLY FACTUALLY SELFISH. Another 5/12 of the year resolution, I'm going to start doing what is best for me, and things that will make me happy, I literally need to quit worrying so much about everyone else so damn much. The rest of this year or at least until November is going to be solely about me.
I am going to focus more, and care less about wether or not it upsets people that I am unavailable to hang out with them. I WILL STAY HOME AND WATCH SEX AND THE CITY IF I WANT TO. I am only going to hang out with people that actually make me happy. I am tired of putting other peoples feelings before mine, I mean it's not bad to think about other people of course, but really, I really put so many people before me all the time, people who make it very clear that I mean very little to them.
I am so glad that apple added a block caller feature to their ios. I'm gonna put that puppy to work...Monday.
MAN does it feel good to get some shit off my chest.
Sorry excuse my personal life rant...As always thanks for reading, and I will do my best to post more frequently.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
FIFO/LIFO
First in First out Last in First out. Last in First out
The names have been changed to protect those involved.
Do you all remember eons ago when I wrote about the gentleman from philly? This last weekend I met someone else who stuck with me. There are certain people that you meet in this job who you can't forget even if you want to.
He made it on the top compliment list. He was the second person ever to call me majestic...That's not what landed him on the list.
I don't remember exactly what he said but it was something about being smart, and beautiful. Or something, it was the end(ish) of the night and also a week ago and I didn't write it down.
A while back someone asked me if I ever fall in love at work. I would say I don't fall in love with people from work, there are pieces of me that don't work, mostly the part that gets turned on and the part that falls in love...Sorry ya'll didn't mean to burst your bubble.
This Manhattan Man gave me some hope and I know it's silly, but some times it's a good reminder to be reminded that your a good person, and more than just a stripper. This gentleman totally inflated my ego by telling me how smart I am. For once it wasn't an insult, unlike tonight when I sat down with two men and the one Bud was telling his friend Sam, how he believes that I am one of the hottest girls at the club, then he went on to say..."but she's really smart, so that can be intimidating, and a challenge...you know you don't have to have a deep conversation with everyone right? You could just talk about how looked at the back of your hand today...right?"
It's funny how the bad things stick with us so much more than the good. (Last in First out) and how it comes out in here. Or the seemingly bad. It's also funny how you can spin just about anything into something positive, even when it's really hurtful.
The names have been changed to protect those involved.
Do you all remember eons ago when I wrote about the gentleman from philly? This last weekend I met someone else who stuck with me. There are certain people that you meet in this job who you can't forget even if you want to.
He made it on the top compliment list. He was the second person ever to call me majestic...That's not what landed him on the list.
I don't remember exactly what he said but it was something about being smart, and beautiful. Or something, it was the end(ish) of the night and also a week ago and I didn't write it down.
A while back someone asked me if I ever fall in love at work. I would say I don't fall in love with people from work, there are pieces of me that don't work, mostly the part that gets turned on and the part that falls in love...Sorry ya'll didn't mean to burst your bubble.
This Manhattan Man gave me some hope and I know it's silly, but some times it's a good reminder to be reminded that your a good person, and more than just a stripper. This gentleman totally inflated my ego by telling me how smart I am. For once it wasn't an insult, unlike tonight when I sat down with two men and the one Bud was telling his friend Sam, how he believes that I am one of the hottest girls at the club, then he went on to say..."but she's really smart, so that can be intimidating, and a challenge...you know you don't have to have a deep conversation with everyone right? You could just talk about how looked at the back of your hand today...right?"
It's funny how the bad things stick with us so much more than the good. (Last in First out) and how it comes out in here. Or the seemingly bad. It's also funny how you can spin just about anything into something positive, even when it's really hurtful.
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