Let's recap last night for sanities sake.

So last night I was at Union Jacks as I usually am every other weekend. I was doing my stretching routine on one of the benches on the back wall. This woman comes up to me and says her man appreciates what I'm doing I say tell him your welcome. Shortly after this he walks over and drops like 10 1's on me, of course like any smart stripper I convince him to get a dance. We are in the back about to start a dance and I ask him what his story is, he said he had just gotten out of jail. I in my stupid stripper way I ask him what he was is prison for. He replies with a drive by shooting. Only in this job do you really not judge anyone for what they do or what they did. It was also at this point i knew that the night was going to be very interesting.
It was attack of the nerds night, which I will take they were super nice. One of them had my email from the summer and was absolutely amazed that that I was in town. He apparently thought I had moved to chi-town forever. Thank fucking god I didn't stay there.
So I'm listening to Jeezy right now. I typically don't listen to trap music, it's not really my thing. I do say that I find the lyrics hilarious. Such as "What do you know about champagne at every night and bad bitches all night" To answer the question proposed in this song. I know a lot. I drink a lot of champagne and hang out with women all night. Ok back to the main points. I'm getting a little distracted by the scenery, I'm currently on the train. I'm also really hoping to take a little cat nap before I get home tonight.
Alright more entertainment from last night. I coerced more people than normal to buy me G&T's I love getting drinks and waiting for all the ice to melt, not because I like my drinks watered down, but because I like drinking water and I hate carrying a bottle of water around and I do my very best to spend as little time as possible in the locker room. This is small known fact. Well I suppose it's not that small I'm always on the floor.
Attack of the nerdy dudes is always funny, they are usually super polite and generally just happy to have me in there space bubble. I suppose it also helps that I know just a few nerdy things to get by. Nerds also don't have a problem passing around strippers and if one gets a dance it's basically a guarantee that they will all get a dance. I need to take a break from writing this blog today. This will be edited later, with more care and thought put into it.

I feel bad for anyone that sits next to me on an airplane.

Let's preface this post this have I taken some an(xanax)ity medication before writing this post. Why? I'm flying to the midwest. No, no, no, I'm not going to chicago. That my darlings would be so fucking stupid much like a kamikaze mission. Which I will not be taking. (sidetone I would love some nacho's I've been craving nachos since yesterday.)

Anyway I'm heading back to the midwest to see my parents, new sweater in hand, along with because I am a thrifty stripper a new pair or rather pricey shoes on a discount. Yes kids that's right I'm thrifty, why because I really do go to school, and yes I use this money for tuition. Surprise, surprise. 

Ok back to why I feel bad for anyone that happens to fly with me. I typically take anxiety medication. I did though my bag till I fall asleep. I crave chips 20m minutes into the flight I'm totally annoying. I'm horribly needy. I'm chatty and I want nothing more than to think that I'm self sufficient, which I am not. Well I am. Lets start with some funny red on airplane stories. 

As we all know by this time I didn't just move to chicago. I moved there for a business transaction otherwise known as the worst Idea of my life. (excuse me as the anxiety medication just kicked in.) 

Ok funny stories about Red on airplanes. 

Such as the time I was really hungry and found a bag of (opened) peanuts in the in the seat pocket, of course I ate the. Hands down most disgusting thing I am admitting to the public. What can I say I used to travel without a debit card. 

I went to chicago and I knew as soon as I landed that I would have to meet the now ex's ex, so I decided it was a great time to get totally hammered, so I hung out with the flight attendants in the back and dumped an entire glass of wine on myself. That was one of those flights with the compassion of humanity came out. It is also one of the reasons I really enjoy flying delta. Those people were so incredibly amazing to me. There a are a few memories that I think about when I think about my time in chicago and I get really down on it as it was horrible and I remember all the really amazing memories that didn't involve the ex. The thing is if I hadn't had that experience I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't feel like my life was amazing and I wouldn't have the friends that I have. I would just be sad and miserable in the Chicago. (no offense Jason you were a pretty rad friend of the fucking idiot face that I dated, that I personally hope creates ugly children and fails at his job and gets really fat) 

OK back to funny flight stories. I used to take my anti anxiety medication much earlier and there was perhaps a point where I took them and drank. I had this one time mistook my seat number as my gate number. With that error came thinking that somehow 3a was in the back of the airplane. Let me tell you it's not it's actually in first class. Also wearing a button down flannel jeans with rips, a leather jacket, and carrying a studded bag all while wearing the make-up from the night before is not the way you want to flop down into first class and it's not very classy but I did it and then proceeded to get the best sleep of my life next to a horribly conservative gentleman whom I felt very, very, bad for. I of course quickly got over that remembering that I am who I am and that I am in fact pretty adept in most situations, regardless of my garb.

 I sat next to a Grandma like woman once who said I could sleep on her shoulder, she was an amazing and sweet woman who showed me pictures of her pets. She was amazing. Seriously flights restore my faith in humanity. 

I also ended up on my last flight from Chicago sitting next to a 7 year old hispanic girl. We played hang man. She was amazing I bought us cookies and chips and soda. I also realized on that flight that my spanish was absolutely horrible, I have the ability to communicate with a 7 year old. 

Ok maybe the drug haven't kicked in now I'm just really hungry for nachos. Stand by kids. 

Ok no nacho's obtained but I do have junk food which gets me pretty pumped. 

Which brings me to my next point for those of you that don't know I have been really sick for the past week or so so this week is my first week of eating normal food and I so pumped. Also for those of you that know my life is based around food and apparently sweaters. Ok now the drugs have kicked in I need to sleep. 

Finals...

It's finals week. I'm in a straight panic about it. Im sure if you were to talk to me about it I wouldn't seem to stressed but I always stress about tests. I want a 4.0 and I know it's probably not going to happen this quarter. I've been really distracted with being ill and not ill as in reference to the beastie boys. As in actually ill.

Side note, I am sitting in a coffee shop listening to christmas carols.

Work has been well work like lately. It's been odd, it's been people saying no, and for no real reason. I think it's just the time of year. It is for this exact reason I do not spend every dollar I make and I make it a point to save. Just the other day I was reviewing one of the girls personal budgets. If I can say one thing to everyone out there. QUIT SMOKING IT WILL SAVE YOU COUNTLESS DOLLARS.

In other news I will be in Portland this weekend so don't come looking for me in Seattle.

I'm really hoping Portland is a little better than Seattle this weekend. I'm really having a hard time with this Seattle business. Not that it's really any of your business but it's been so unpredictable lately that I actually woke up and cried the other morning and considered moving. I feel that I must reiterate to you gentlemen that you happen to be in my FUCKING HOUSE so please be a gentleman because if you don't I will send one of you lucky men or women to the ER, I swear I really will, and it won't be pretty and it will hold up on my end in court because my dearies, if you break the law i'm just looking at self defense. So get it together lets all cheer up and quit being mean to each other.

The view from here

Ok as my previous post stated I'm working the day shift. I guess you would call it the mid-shift. It's strangely boring you would think I would have a whole bunch of time to practice but I have a pole up at home and I don't like practicing at work I get self conscious. Strange I suppose I take my clothes off in front of all of you. As I'm sitting here watching other people practice I fond myself continuously amazed that we jump literally jump around in a minimum of 6" heels usually it's 7 or 8. Maybe that's why athletes like strippers they respect what we do as a sport. I know that is not at all true, actually athletes don't like me. Speaking of I wonder if it looks like I have any muscle definition on stage. I typically don't worry about these things, but I know the girl currently on stage doesn't look like that I mean I know she lost weight but I didn't think she turned into a body builder. Maybe she hits the gym a ton. Speaking of I'm pumped to hit the gym tomorrow, I'm hoping it provides me with more grace and strength, or at least I hope my forearms pump and I don't rip a fingernail off.
The girl on stage is whompping out to some dub step and is the chick with the scares.
To be perfectly honest I really can't wait to be done with school and be done with this, it doesn't really matter that I love my job a whole ton it's just a totally strange world and I'm looking forward to being a "normal" member or society again. I wonder if it wick be like when people in the army come back from war where they make them decompress and then rein duct them to society. Maybe I'll just travel for a year, I suppose that's just wishful thinking right now. It comes to my attention everyday that I haven't been on vacation in a long time. It's my own fault I was so tired of airports and airplanes at the end of the Chicago thing.
New strippers are funny I mean I totally remember those days and I'm so glad I'm out of them.
I hate when girls use their phone on stage. I say this as I have an iPad out on the floor, but really you could be getting a work out rather than working out your thumbs.
I'm sure your all very tired of my internal brain vomit. Unfortunately I don't really care. My goal for the remainder of the week is to catch up on homework and become a morning person. Mornings would be so easy if I had something super amazing to look forward to. I mean don't get me wrong school is amazing but I need like a party with Harry Belefonte every morning to get me going. There was a chef once who made me breakfast in bed but is suppose that doesn't count I was on vacation.
Scar girl walks hunched over, I hate when people just look like victims it makes me really sad.
What is happening right now which is four people singing along to let the bodies hit the floor I think is the reason I don't consider myself friendly with them and perhaps the reason I don't really like this mid-shift thing. It's that whole not knowing everyone thing and the dj playing me bad music. Oh well it's not the end of the world.
Absolutely none of this has been coherent and the sad part is all I can think of today is the dj for Chicago saying "live and in color till 5am" I seriously think this is the last time I ever come in for a mid shift this is embarrassing and I'm getting angry. Like to the point where I want to tell people how to do their job and that they suck. Really none of it is there fault it is the fault of the fact that no one comes in right now. The real question is how do I make this more fun. This girl on stage is trying to steal my moves, little girl that's not a very good idea. This girl needs to be careful with what she eats or take vitamins she has some really knurly bruises maybe she has a disorder. Maybe I'm finding a reason to complain. I hope in the next two hours someone amazing comes in. In the mean time I'll be playing monopoly with myself and avoiding these very annoying young girls.

Someone asked me for more insight on my regular life

So here is a post on it. I'm wearing a skull sweater from Gap Kids. It's right before finals week, I'm freaking about about time. One of my good stripper friends is in town. I am not a morning person I drank a ton of coffee this morning and accidentally fell asleep in accounting while we were talking about forecasting accounts receivable that may never be payed. I have the hardest time getting out of bed, I'm a huge coffee junkie I look like one of the Olsen twins with huge boobs and a huge butt. I keep telling myself I'm going to make myself a morning play list I think it would look something like this.
Harry Belefonte - Jump  in the Line
The cheers themesong
Drake- Fancy
I'm from barcelona- Oversleeping
G-side Rubba Bandz
Basically I need to wake up and dance around like Cameron Diaz in Charlies Angels. I have a math quiz in a few minutes so I need to finish this up so I can study for a bit. I'm trying to get into work super early tonight. I feel like I'm working the idea of a Red happy hour.
Ok back to normal life. I don't wear make-up to school, I don't wash my hair, I wear glasses. I try really hard to hard out in my flannels and oversized clothes. I actually get really annoyed by people hitting on me outside of work. It typically makes me want to hit them in the face. We all know that nice pants really means I want to get in your pants therefore I don't try hard outside of work.
I still haven't answered how stripping weaves it's way into the fabric of my everyday
I measure the cost of everything in lap dances. I am highly aware of the cost of everything as I always have to literally look at the money that I spend. I'm very aware of people looking at me especially woman and the way that they clutch their men a little tighter. It might be the way that I walk. The owner came in the other day and first told me I have the coolest walk in the club (shark tank watch out little fishes I'll eat you alive) he also mentioned that I walk around like I own the place. I laughed sort of and said that wasn't true and he then said no really you do own it. What can I say I like the stomp model walk.
I'm actually blogging from work right now. My first day shift in probably a year. I'll be here till about nine pm kids come down say hi bring champagne! Preferably Sofia Copalla in the small pink cans you can buy them individually from whole foods down the street.
My idea of sexy has changed since I started doing this. I don't understand the girls that dress like strippers In public like do women really need that much attention and why do they feel the need to be objectified like that. Which brings us back to the beginning of me hiding behind my clothes while I'm at school.