teaching an old stripper new tricks part 1 the straws that broke my back.

This last week money wise was a learning experience so baby strippers listen up...

This week I fell for some of the oldest tricks in the book. I was giving dances to some gentleman(again I use this term loosely) he bought a whole bunch of dances rather than getting a room. The last line of the municiple code in Seattle states that you cannot receive payment until payments have been rendered. Meaning the gusty doesn't have to pay a bitch till the bitter end. So...$1000 later what do you know his card gets declined and so do his other ones he does have $20 on him...awesome, nevermind I still owe for those dances. Love me some dejavu!

I just started taking electronic payments this week as long as I have house typically I just take Paypal, since you can't take it back. However I just learned about square so a gusty played me through that this week. $700 into it I ask him to pay me he does i make sure it transfers no problem. We keep dancing another $700 later we call it a night he pays me through square again I finish with our small talk, he leaves I head to the back, payout, head home...I wake up realize I hadn't claimed the last $700. LOW AND BEHOLD the gentleman had canceled the payment...awesome. I love when I spend a ton of time with people and the tell me all about themselves and then decide that in not worth the price. God nothing hurts worse at times.

To backtrack somemore last week a regular came in and "forgot his wallet" so he of course said he would swing by and pay me, except he forgot to do so before he left for vancouver...then making me wait almost a week. When he finally drops an envelope for me im thinking that "if I were a dude I would add a nice tip for making this stripper wait considering how helpful she is, she listens to me talk about my divorce, and how great my ass is, how jelly my wife is going to be, oh that I came into work thinking she (me, red) would be there and I was sneaking around) nope 

That being said get paid every hundred I dont break the law but I feel like this is a law worth breaking.

Part 2 on the way.

Call me before you come over so I can shave my chacha

So back about a million years ago when I was a brand new baby stripper edgy as all get out still wearing colored contacts, and punching high public figures in the face, also around the same time I would show up at 7pm for work...which is my goal all week. I think it will prove to be profitable...who knows only excel will tell.

Anyway, way back when I didn't know how to shave or put in a tampon. I was not the only baby stripper at the time, there was another one an african american girl who ended up getting a tampon stuck up there, so one of my 1st interactions with this girl was helping her dig it out. Mind you I didn't really know her name...So to all my ladies in this crazy sorority let me talk about tampons. I use ob and I take them do the four way pattern with the string to make the base bigger. Then I wrap the string around so you can't see it when you tuck it up...unlike the girl in chicago who forgot to do that and was super wasted, so wasted I walked up to tell her that her string was hanging out and she asked me of where...jaw...floor...whoa. Anyway wrap the string, insert as usual, don't be scared you are going to have to reach up there later and fish it out but there is no easier way...that I know of anyone with any secrets please share.

So cha cha shave time. I use L'occitane amande huile de douche, or almond shower oil. It leaves all my skin super soft but the closest shave that this is the bomb! then remember ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, GO WITH THE GRAIN! remember to get in there get all the strange growth hairs, and lets not forget the rear area, no one wants a taint goatee, not sexy, so check that. Then there is the booty hole, hair grows there it's gross, I'll post a picture of a dude butt to prove it, just kidding I won't, thats extra gross. Sometimes in endeavors like this you gotta call in the big guns, a mirror, or if you have a super chill boyfriend, roommate, sister, fellow stripper ask them to check for you.

Alright now that you are all tamponed and shaved get out that and get back to the grind.