I wrote a whole post

And it disappeared. Basically it said. When I say no. Do not grope at me, Do not, not pay me. It's theft. And the groping is sexual harassment. So don't. Or I will brat the shit out of you. Especially if you are from a country that looks down on stripping like we are a lower class. I know it's just a few people making a whole country look bad. BUT KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF.

to PDX and back

For those of you that know me via, periscope, the blog, the migs cast, friends of friends, co-workers, whatever. I'm sure you all know that as of late I have needed a vacation more than most. I was going hard there for a long time with the whole day job that sucked and turned into nothing expect what seemed to be away to keep me away from Sea and rest her soul my dear sweet pup Harriet.

That being said I as modest mouse said "head south, head south" or headed south this weekend and realized after train tickets I could have got a cheap room if I drove but oh well the safety and reliability of the train was totally worth it. Anyway I got to dance at my fave club being Union jacks

Jacks is my home away from home. I only go when I'm in a bad mood Or I need to reset myself, since the manager the other night informed me my backrent was 2K which mean I haven't paid a dime all month, even though I work every fucking day. So it's actually impossible especially when I'm selling rooms...I digress.

I went to Portland to  find myself to find RED, to find the real me, and guess what, I found her I just need a fake bullet belt from hot topic or the think spiked olive one joes jeans came out with a few million years ago and i'm back in the fucking game.

Last night record breaking night. Tonight not to bad. Wed-Sunday we hope for he best. Do it drink free as possible and start cracking off 20 dollars dances if we have to because we would bank out on those in the old days. Either way I'm not leaving because the machine is back....

I just might have to go to Portland a little more often to get back to being myself.

I love my job and here is a massive list of reasons why...enjoy

I get asked pretty frequently what I like and don't like about my job. Considering I've been pretty down on it lately so I thought I would write about what I like about it as a list.

1. I know it's shallow but I like the money. I started doing it and needed to do something lucrative and voila dancing became my thing although now it's drying up. So I need to move quick onto my hopes and dreams and hopefully still afford to do them while dancing also why I'm looking for another quick and easy job. I know I know not what you wanted to hear. However it's true sadly I can not live on "I think you're beautiful" and "I would love to buy you coffee" I wish I could because I would be rolling in money.

2. I don't understand men. The day I understand you is the day that I quit no joke. I seriously don't understand the male mind and I love that. I love that every one of you is a mystery. As much as I bag on Indian men I still sit and talk to them every night, because statistically speaking you can't all be terrible people. So I hope for the one in a million that I meet the cool ones, or the ones that don't low ball me or try to assault me.

3. I love the comradery between the girls it's amazing. Very unexpected I was expecting a blood bath which it wasn't. I also stood up for myself my first day as if I were in prison.

4. I love my regulars I love getting to know people and their stories over time. I've saved marriages. I've made people stop drinking. I've had people realize they hate their job and that they want to do something else all while talking it out with me. I'm like a naked therapist really.

6. I love that I have changed it from being just a stripper to turning it into a name for myself, focusing more on the marketing and the girls that I work with and their well being I'm sort or a liaison between the dancers and corporate. Although I'm sure they are upset with me since my numbers are down but I can't help that there are two back hoes parked in front of the club.

7. I love that I have danced everywhere and I've had a ton of fun and a ton of experiences I would not have normally had.

8. Dancing opened a lot of doors and slammed a lot of doors too. Dancing made me view myself and others differently and what the idea of a perfect body was or is, I mean I'm gorgeous. google me and find out. At the same time I've seen women much larger than me really be sexy and I've stood in awe of their beauty. It's all perspective I suppose, but mine is that every woman is beautiful.

9. I like that I've seen what the top looks like and that dancing keeps me striving for that  again, because I sure as fuck am not going out how I came in. So it's taught me motivation,=.

10. Dancing has taught me to question every single interaction I have with a man and if it's real, and if it's genuine. You want to have a nerf war you're probably okay. You send me a chandelier you're good. You're my Euro cheerleader I have mad love for you.

11. Dancing has taught me that I do not have to give a fuck about everyone and their feelings because chances are they don't give a fuck about mine, I have been the scapegoat for many, man,y things it's not fun being called a bitch and a cunt, and being told that I have no idea what body shaming is because of what I look like, actually I know more about it because of what I look like, men just want to fuck me, women want to hate me, it just isn't a good look being pretty sometimes, and yes maybe they are just jealous because they don't know me since most girls I work with will tell you I'm the nicest person, the most honest person, and I go hard for my girls. At the same time I have been told I'm a horrible, horrible, selfish person, that is totally out of touch with reality and what it's like to struggle or be shunned by society...bacon this time I'm talking about you. This is the only time I've ever even mentioned you in a blog.

12. Dancing taught me to fight. A strange one I know but it taught me what getting hit in the face feels like and that you can push through it and get out of a situation or beat the shit out of someone. Important life skill. It taught me to say no and to stand up for myself. Stand up for what I believe in.

13. Dancing has taught me there is value in everyone I just need to dig to find it.

14. To let things slide off, to roll with things to be told no 100 times in a row and keep fighting for the yes.

15. most of all dancing has taught me to find the humor in everything that this whole job is hilarious and that's what I love about it.

Dancing is dead...

tonight was the 3rd night in a row I left with zero dollars. Periscope shut me down. Someone is on my shit trying to take me down. I'm sorry you can't.

The real problem is the internet. Webcamming and $20 hand jobs in the club that I don't give. SPD come check on that I'm the cleanest dancer we have. I'm not about to give up on this thing that I love but the last time I used to come home and cry because of my job I quit and started dancing and maybe I need to buckle down and get there and 7 and really get it in like I used to and that's the goal for January, but right now I'm late on my rent, I have to somehow explain that. I didn't become a dancer to be broke and I refuse to be broke again. So I guess it's time to quit bitching and get back to who I was when I started, It's time to just hustle like I'm going to die tomorrow.

6 cop cars, 5 managers, 4 good laughs, 3 periscopes, 2 high heels, and the 1 time I was almost arrested.

So as you all very well know by now I do a lot of periscoping, like a lot a lot, like 15000 followers a lot. I am hoping some of you are crossovers, and one of these days I swear I'm going to monetize the hell out of this thing especially with the up coming book. That's right the tell all, the funny the dark, the nights you never forget like the other night...

I was in the bathroom doing my usual periscope, only I was wearing a geometric vinyl face mask. I would direct you to the video but I took it down just incase i really did say something ostentatious. Anyway people were asking were I worked, which should have been clue number one, followed by clue number two whats the address, now I want more customers so I'll dole the address out all day long.

However next thing I know one of the managers bursts in the door and shuffles me into the bathroom. I thought he wanted to gossip about something so I'm like what the fucking, fuck, I need to get on the floor at this second and make some money. He blocks me from the door and says "to hell you do" "Someone decided to call the cops on you saying you were soliciting sex out of the bathroom." "They described exactly what you looked like and what you were wearing, now sit your ass down and stay down for a minute"

I immediately start to panic worrying about what on earth I could have said to make someone think that. Management is outside dealing with it I have no clue what's going on. Apparently it was an annoyomous call, and the police ended up having a good laugh about it they figured it was nothing.

So six squad cars showed up for one little girl. Who knew the internet was so crazy.

help i need somebody help not just anybody- beatles

If you listen to the beatles or not there are certain verses that resonate with a person. I know I for one have been asking for a lot of help lately, and you all have been so awesome helping me out that said venmo me if you want therealestred1@gmail.com, you know if you felt like helping the cause. I know I say the cause quite a bit, and what the fucking, fuck is the cause. Well the cause is a heart condition, don't worry not a deadly one, you know it's that common one of having one that is too big. Don't let the resting bitch face fool you tonight I gave a girl literally the only money I made so she could get home. The cause is me dishing out life advice, because I'm a blunt ass bitch and I won't sugar coat it. So it's the hours of therapy for others. It's so often I'm helping every bitch in there and I can't talk about my life and my problems so they spill over here onto the internet, so it goes towards my sanity.

Love me or hate me. Thanks for helping the cause.

It's late this post will be updated tomorrow