Hey you slut...

I'm just kidding of course I don't mean that.
I had dinner with a dear friend of mine tonight who I grew up with. I have known him basically my whole life. He is one of the few gay men I know right now, somehow I have landed my self in the land of the lesbians as the token straight friend.
He and I were reminiscing about growing up and how near the end of my life in one small town in the northwards that it became very apparent that everyone was really mean to me. They were mean just because I was beautiful, funny, smart, athletic, and maybe just a little bit popular (in my opinion I wasn't very pretentious) I think this actually helped in my creation of who I am. I think that it makes me occasionally a little oblivious about exactly how attractive I can be, truth be told I view myself as a little girl with glasses, an oversized tee-shirt, horrible long hair with bangs...thick ones, and a christmas bow on my head (I was so happy that way, why wouldn't I think that's what I look like)
Anyway we were talking about what everyone is up to, we like to gossip just a little bit when we get together, and talk about the good and the bad. We ended up on the topic of some very mean girls that we grew up with that would shoulder check me in the hall and call me a skank...now would be a good time to mention they where having sex well before I was ( I wasn't having any at this time, and was actually a little bit envious of them), anyway. The conversation turned towards pride and being proud of what we are doing, he's in school working on his masters. I'm back working on business rather than art. We both came to the conclusion that we are much happier childless and unmarried than stuck in a small town.
It became apparent to me that I am so much happier as a stripper than I ever would have been back home and I'm actually proud of what I do most days. I wouldn't give up this part of my life for anything. I think I have proven that in my many an ended relationship over my job.
In other news I have been sleeping so heavy lately that I actually put a kink in my neck from not moving, hence the reason I did a "half day" yesterday. Being tired is the worst job hazard ever, it sort of ruins everything. It's sort of like being narcoleptic. I have always over worked myself. In a previous and current life I was/am notorious for falling asleep in movies, it was so bad at one point that I actually would make it a point to get extra sleep during movies.

Fuck you pay me...

Maybe my temper gets the best of me sometimes. Maybe I don't always say the right thing. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive. One thing will always hold certain I abide by two mottos these days "build it up and tear it down" "fuck you pay me" mind you I've never seen "Goodfellas"...it is however currently downloading.
Okay back to it. Why my dear people do fridays suck so horribly? Any other dancers experiencing this? I mean seriously? It's like pulling teeth, and I am a sexy dentist except that you are blindfolded and I sound slightly like roomy from "Romy and Michele's High School reunion" in which case I would be terrified as well. I mean gentlemen if you don't want to be in the strip club please do me a favor and get the fuck out. I like having you all there. Also if you are going to be a snotty little bitch please note that I can actually take a hint and I understand that you would like me to back away slowly with my hands where you can see them at all times. Not that what I wear to work leaves much room to hide anything.
That being said, gentlemen you are grown please use your words. Speak up tell me what you want, what you don't want, or how exactly I hurt your feelings and maybe just maybe we can work on it.
On that note, I'm going back to my glass of wine and getting ready for another riveting night in the shark tank...I wish I could quote wakaflocka flame at this moment and say look ma' no hands. But it's more like look ma' no air tank.
Cheers to diving in tonight. I hope to see a few of you.

Redflags.

Everyone has red flags that they look for. I carry mine around on my head. I am a walking stop light on some days. Those days are typically the days I walk out of the house in heels and a smoking hot dress my sunglasses on and a beautiful bag to go with. Those are the days you know that I'm on a rampage. Maybe it's all about getting my "swagger" back but lately it's a little bit like I can do no wrong. (I mean I can do things wrong and I do most days, I'm pretty clumsy) I have been walking around just as sexy as can be for about a week. My style has been spot on, my humor has been off the charts. I hope I can keep it up, aint nothing going to hold me down oh no, aint nothing going to break my stride.

As for red flags, a few have been going off lately. I've met some very interesting people in the past week and had some very interesting things happen. I have met a couple of people who are so incredibly insightful it's as if I don't have to speak. I have also realized one of my best friends is just as insightful. I'm coming to find that I really enjoy these types of people. I even enjoy them as clients I like being able to have incredible conversations. How is that a red flag you ask? Typically these people I like so much because they are so entertaining are also so incredibly fleeting.

One of my best girlfriends this morning text me to ask me what the point of our friendship was anymore. I believe that there is something really great in our friendship I just haven't seen it for a while. I think it's under the wreckage or a break-up. I suppose that's what happens when you start a domino affect sometimes you get trapped underneath all of it. Or dust gets in your eyes or something and you lose sight of what you are looking for. Or maybe you just quit drinking and that changes things. Maybe people go their separate ways.

The last red flag. I all of a sudden feel like I know myself so much better after this past year, I feel like I have changed so much. I feel like I have come to peace with a lot of things. I am so much calmer. At the same time I am just that much more aggressive towards things. Like bad drivers, cyclists trying to hit me while running. My capability to open up to people is waning and I do not know why. So that is the last red flag it is the thing that I am working on is being more open.

In other news the chick flick marathon has resumed. Get ready for all kinds of bad movie references.

Last time we were here.

Last time I sat on the couch I am currently sitting on to write this blog I was crying uncontrollably. I was in the darkest of dark places. Darker than Little Darlings and that my dears is a basement. On the bright side of all of this. I am in a much better place at this point I have come to terms with certain things in my life...Like being a stripper again. Yes hard to believe I RED had a hard time with being a stripper for a moment as I am such a proponent of this industry if you can hack it which leads me to my next point.

A friend of mine was chatting with a girl online. By chatting I mean he was using an online dating service (I live vicariously through my friends in this way) He was telling me about this girl and that she had said she was a stripper. I thought that it would be really cool if he took this opportunity to get a really inside view of a strippers life rather than just mine because I might be just a little bit different than most...Here we have the stripper in her natural habitat, notice the skittish movements and slight aversion to daylight...fascinating. I'm kidding of course, most of the girls I know are great.

Anyway it came about that she was lying about being a stripper. I think that, lying about this job is probably one of the strangest things you could lie about. Why would you? Having gone on dates with people it has become pretty apparent to me that men don't think it's very "cool" to be dating a stripper. Typically it's a deal breaker, or it will eventually become a deal breaker.

My dear friend knowing that there are many pros and cons to this job gave her a little what for as she apparently stated something, something, about morals. Saying that there are may respectable strippers in the world and we happen to have morals, we just do it as a job (a job that I love) but still a job.

I really wish I had the option of talking to most people that feel that strippers don't have morals. I wish I could give them a small glimpse into my life and prove to them that we don't just shove thousands of dollars of drugs up our noses a month. We don't sleep with everyone that shows interest. We really don't have a low self-esteem. That in fact our ego's occasionally are a little over inflated. We have very normal lives. Some of us have children, are on the PTA, outside of work we don't really dress sexy, we try to cover as much as we can.

It's absolutely ridiculous to assume we don't have morals. It's even more ridiculous to lie about being a stripper. On that note...

Dear Random Internet Girl,
Amateur night is every Thursday. It's a couple hundred dollars if you win, or we (the club) will cover your license should you choose to be a dancer. Then you don't have to lie about it to impress people, you can experience first hand the look of disappointment on people faces, or should you get really unlucky the random dude that reaches out to grab your boob because he thinks you are easy. But really with any luck you will get lucky and find out who your real friends are and learn to live a tiny double life, but not a double life in a bad way if you do it correctly.
Kindest Regards,
RED.

Give me that face again and I will totally let you know

Sadly I'm not talking about work for once. I'm really tired, maybe I should preface with that. I've been putting in work at both work and school. None of which really seem to be paying off at this exact moment which might also be inducing my horrible mood. Correction they are paying off but everything worth doing is worth doing right and sometimes the benefits are not seen immediately Before we get into the highlights of last night I need to get something off my chest. I work in the service industry and you have to do something pretty horrible like...pull your cell out and try to photograph my co-workers to get me really riled up these days. I have my opinions on things and they are as follows. I eat at a particular restaurant almost weekly and every time I show up I get some smug attitude and I feel horribly unwelcome, that being said I suppose it isn't weekly anymore. If I change my mind before you even get my order in your system about what I want to eat and you make an annoyed face at me I'm probably going to let you know, except that today, today I am too tired. Maybe I will just write them a letter voicing my concerns with their waitstaff. I mean I get it I look like Julia Roberts in pretty woman today(BUT I HAVE ALL THIS MONEY)...what can I say I woke up late and grabbed what was closest to me, which happened to be a black mini dress, beige suede boots (of the western nature) and a drapey thingy that I wear sometimes, and yes my hair is totally gross and disgusting, yes I'm not wearing make up. I really wanted to say to this woman who I'm sure is extremely nice "Listen, I saw that face, and it's not the first time someone here has shown disinterest in the fact that I am taking up a small portion of this restaurant, and I understand that should I choose to take myself elsewhere someone else will take my place and I'm sure your tips won't be affected, but please consider if I were to make that fucking little pissed off face at you every time you opened your mouth, or if you didn't hear me correctly, or if you tired to rush me though the line because you have people behind me (please reference the time my change was literally thrown at me because I had to be to class) , wouldn't you just want to punch me? Of course you would! So...stop it, it's unbecoming" Okay maybe I won't write a letter, maybe I'll just ask them the next time they do it if they are in fact annoyed with me and would like me to eat elsewhere because I will. None of this Seattle passive aggressive nonsense.
Okay enough bitching about my lunch experience.

Let's talk about other things like... marketing, and how I am really, really, working on marketing for my club. I could leave my club and go elsewhere but I feel like...if you build it they will come. I am going to put little darlings back on the map if I have to plaster the side of a building with my ass just to get some traffic, if i have to wake up early to do radio shows (not a bad idea, strippers in the morning what could be more fun) If I have to go to every happy hour in this city and hand out my personal work cards to get any and everyone in the damn door, which I'm doing this weekend so if you see me out and about do say hi!  I am waging a war on this city. Not really, but I am going to do my best to create a market, to generate a little bit of a stir. Basically I'm talking about a total brand overhaul. I think we/I need it. I think that it would be a great project and would prove that marketing dowse work when people work at it. Thank goodness for my creative background and the supportive people around me. At the same time I have to maintain a normal life. If I can Balance in 8inch heels I can balance my life.

Se-se-se-sex and the city

My best gal pals have recently decided that I am embodying Samantha from sex and the city only minus promiscuous sex, or any sex for that matter (over-share?. At the same time. At the same time W is Charlotte. No matter how much I want to be Charlotte, really and truly I would love to embody Charlotte. Samantha started off as a bartender in super tight acid wash jeans, big hair and from hard work determination and maybe just a few chances with luck became a very successful PR professional. I would be lying if I said I was not just a little bit envious. At the same time I'm still "young" I have plans, and dreams, and I think considering that I have had a run around the old' corporate block I should be just fine with round two. I don't know why this has been weighing in so heavy on my mind lately. I think this is the first time I am absolutely buckling down with school I have canceled so many social obligations lately. School and work have become my life and it feels really good. At the same time it's hard. This is getting boring lets talk about the night time highlights. 1. I had a Canadian absolutely gave me a huge ego boost and just poured compliments over me. It was great we all know how much I love compliments. 2. Frat guy. Yup frat dude from Cali emptied his wallet. 3. Geek guy twitched the entire time I gave him a dance 4. Candy was on stage and these girls were going nuts over her. Candy being the homie that she is told them "wait till you see the girl after me she is off the hook" They over course went totally overboard for me. It was great. 5. Locker room talk Candy: RED your thighs are getting huge! Me: I know it's all the running. I then sit down on the counter to eat my salad. Candy: No like for real they are huge. Me: I know my trunks of thighs. Candy: no, no, no, girl it's good you are getting thick in all the right places. Me: thanks that really made my night. All these things really helped as I have been hyper critical of myself today. For no paticular reason. I think that it's because I did not go running today. Also to improve my next 1/2 marathon time I'm going to start adding a little extra to my workout, like oh I don't know some sit-ups, some push-ups and if I can fit it in, yoga just once a week. Then, then I think I can really get in tip top shape for a little run...in the south in the fall.

Am I magic mike right now?

There are a few parts in the movie magic mike that hit so close to my little stripper home it was almost painful. There is a moment where they stay up all night they are having this great time being totally irresponsible bridge jumping swimming at dawn. Waking up in a beautiful home generally enjoying life. There are moments like this in everyone's lives, there are also compartments that we fit into even if we don't want to. There is a drug deal gone wrong, as much as one can ignore drug use in this industry it's there. Stereotypes are created because one person had to go and ruin it for everyone, everyone has seen a drug deal gone wrong, or someone who is just a little to fucked up to work, or way to fucked up to work for that matter. There are moments when you watch Channing Tatum grow up and leave his "stripper life" behind,I think we (strippers) do that frequently just some of us do it a little differently than others for some it's getting their GED and that is an amazing accomplishment I love hearing about girls succeed academically even if it doesn't seem like its that big of a deal to anyone else. There is an argument he has with this girl that he likes where he says something along the lines of...am I Magic Mike right now, me talking to you am I Magic Mike right now, I'm not my job. We the stripper collective have all had that argument, it's not that the line is blurred to us, it becomes blurred to those around us,who lose perspective on what we are really trying to accomplish...or those of us with goals, but I feel that this happens in everyone's life that you must remind people, that you are not just a programmer, or a refrigerator repair person, or a waiter, or a financial analyst, a lawyer, there are compartments in every job that people will try to put you in. I suppose part of the human experience is reminding those around you that you are not "Magic Mike"

Things I don't remember

Things I don't remember is by the band ugly Casanova, a side project of modest mouse, we all know how much I love MM. Preface. Today was interesting it was slightly stained by someone near and dear to me reminding me of things I'm working on forgetting. Let me be clear I don't blame her for this I would have come to a point of remembering at some point, as earlier in the day I ran into an aquaintence of mine who inspired this blog post she and I were talking about the good parts of this job. The bright side of doing this is most of the time you forget the bad parts, unless they are hilarious, like someone asking you if they can deep throat your shoe (um no that's dangerous)anyway back to it. excuse me as I "put someone on blast". Me bitter never... In a few short years I will forget that this was the year my heart was broken by a man, excuse me boy, who didn't deserve it in the first place. I will forget his web of lies, his blaming me for going out because of my job, and his inability to say no. I will not remember the time I yelled at him in a crowded bar because I had, had it up to my eyeballs with lies. I will forget that he had me convinced I wasn't normal because of my job, that I wasn't successful, that I made bad choices(I don't have time to make bad choices I have class in the morning, I have a future to get)that I was a child. I will forget the times that he just smelled like booze. Or that time he got drunk and called me the wrong name. More importantly I will forget that I threatened to punch him in the face in front of his friends when I ran into him at brunch. I won't remember the bad things. (actually I might remember that) Hell with any luck I won't remember his name. I won't remember the promises broken by loved ones due to me being selfish. I will however remember all the good things. I will remember semi-annual people who crack me up every time I get the chance to see them, who are intellectually challenging and interesting on so many levels. Who bring me articles on running. I will remember a korean from the Midwest who understands what being from the midwest means. Who is kind to so many people, I will remember a polish leprechaun who only drinks red bull and orange juice who mixes up a few words (maybe on purpose) who makes my day. Who is also oddly kind to strangers K who went though a rough time and really tested my capacity for other people, at the same time taught me how strong I could really be and that no matter what the hell was going on in my world that I could leave it at the door to be there for someone else. There are so many people who have walked and walked out that have brought me more joy and taught me more about people and compassion than a person could ever learn, and that's why I really do love my job. I also ran into him on a date once it turned out he had never had Mexican before and was eating a taco for the first time, it was hilarious, his date looked as if she thought it was cute and sweet. The commonalitly of those I enjoy is that they are incredibly kind they help those around them in whatever way they can, though this job I have met the most amazing people. I wouldn't change it for the world. Men who are in who dated strippers married strippers and had a normal life, people who reminded me that I'm not my job. My job is a big part of who I am but it's not exactly who I am or who I will be. There are girls I would go to the ends of the earth for. People who would never let me down. Girls who made sure I got home safe. Made sure I slept. Made sure I ate. Most importantly made sure that I laughed. Talked more shit than someone really should. There will be more on each girl later they all deserve a post. Towncar drivers that have made sure I have gotten in safe, heard the dumbest things come out of my mouth like "what if Ryan gosling is in my apartment when I get home...oh my god wouldn't that be so amazing, I really hope he is, although I'm really tired so I hope he isn't" I will remember this as the year, I ran a half marathon,drove to and from LA solo, I went through hell and back, I figured out who my true friends really are, what orders are capable of. The year I held my temper the whole time because I didn't want to be wrong. The year I watched sex and the city every damn day. I should make this a little clearer, this is the summer I went back to remembering who I am and what I stand for and to not take anything sitting down.