"When it's over

Can i still come over? When it's over is it really over?" Sugar Ray

Recently on a trip to the beach with a really good friend of mine we were reviewing the quitting time line and how it is directly linked to school and graduating, and as soon as I receive my diploma I'm out.

I was rambling on about hiding out in a cubicle and doing work that may not affect individuals as my work does now, and the idea of wearing clothes to work, and less make-up, basically dialing down the sex appeal by one million. AND GASP COLORING MY HAIR BROWN! not even a good brown, just brown and no other crazy colors in it. Just brown. Boring, boring brown. The whole thing is incredibly appealing at times.

My friend brought up a few really good questions...Like will I miss it. In a way I will really miss this job, it's a major part of my social life. It is incredibly helpful to my ego. I will go from having countless men tell me I'm beautiful to probably zero. Even greater than that, I will be leaving behind most of my friends. I literally will not be able to know people any more for fear that they may damage my job prospects. I have lost site completely of what normal people do on the weekends.

I was reading this blog earlier and she recently left stripping and is lamenting the fact that rather than making 400 in an hour it's 16 hours of work. I'm okay with this idea but working 8 full hours may take a little getting used to.

What's going to be odd is that  I will have to die, the woman that writes this blog at some point will have to die, when all the stories have been told...trust me there are so many, the ones about corruption, and crazy shit, will come after this is all said and done as to not damage anyone I know right now. BUT at some point it will all be over and I red will be gone. The blog may remain but the rest of me will disappear forever. Part of this is really appealing the reinventing of my real self and taking pieces of this part of me with me, the confidence, the ability to say not and not take no for an answer, the strong woman that people look up to and consider a leader all needs to come with, but the shitty parts of me must die, the temper mostly. There are days when I can't wait, when the idea of reinventing myself is what drives me to study hard and what drives me to work hard.

But for now I have a couple years left. Then I'll tackle the hard questions like living in a world where this doesn't exist and really is just a fantasy.