Something to talk about...

I only suffer from writers block when I don't want to talk about things...I was told today I should just write no matter what.

Mon, is back at work. She is the girl that connected the cheese and I...Before that however she came with me to a friends house to hang out in their hot tub. She left her swimsuit there and asked me to retrieve it. Before I had the chance to I lost their number as it's not in the phone I have now...So I've had no way to contact either of them, so I haven't asked them for the suit back, and I couldn't tell her I didn't have it. The 1st thing I said to her when she came back even before "hey, how are you" was "I owe you a new suit" she said something that really insulted me in that moment and is lingering still "Don't worry about it I bought a new one, and it was really expensive" okay I get that swimsuits are expensive, but I feel slightly responsible for hers, especially because we work together and this is where being a stripper sucks, by her saying it was expensive is basically saying I suck at my job and can't afford to pay for her suit, I don't feel like this happens in other areas of life...or people don't connect those two things...also it means The Cheese said some mean ass shit about me.

Recently I decided to go back to my old ways and I was a little bitchier back then, so far it's worked out pretty well, everything at work is going great, I'm happier, the only problem is I wrote a long email to someone very close to me inumerating the ways in which they have disappointed me over the past few years, and I expected them to respond appropriately except now they are trying to make up for that disappointment immediately, and I've gotten so accustom to not having them around that it's almost equally upsetting that they are telling me rather than asking me how they intend to help...it's like le sigh, I'm an adult with a secret life, what don't you get about that, you can't just pop-in you don't know about my secret life.

That is one of the most stressful things about this job, keeping it a secret, and when that gets threatened it gets stressful, I suppose just having my normal day to day life disrupted is stressful too.

I hate hurting peoples feelings but sometimes I have to do it to protect mine. If I did everything everyone wanted me to do, I would go completely crazy. This job runs a number on your emotions, and sometimes I've got to remind myself that I've got to put on my own O2 mask before anyone else.