I can't sleep...A reminder to my stiletto sisters that we are some bad bitches.

I keep thinking about work, and what I want, and how I can make things happen and also how proud I am and how funny things can be. This isn't a pity party over here I don't have a mini disco ball and a box of tissues.
Preface anytime anyone hit's me with "I want to but..." "I'd love to but..." "You're so pretty but..." I have to try not to laugh on the outside. Maybe the next time someone says something like that I'll try and finish their sentence. So please know since sometimes tone gets lost...I'm working on it. It's one of my "challenges" this is suppose to be kind of funny, and very "high fucking, five, fuck yeah...we are going streaking through Westlake Center"

1. I need a break. I need time away from work. I need to be an adult 1st and foremost but then I need to take some time for me and forget about this crazy night world. So soon, very, very, soon I hope.

2. I want to change the way the world sees strippers. I want people to know and believe when I say I'm working towards something be it school ( a million years of school). To know that we aren't all fuck-ups. I guess with the changes I'm making I'm hoping to start a dialogue about it. Fellow former strippers any stories, comments, anything...bueller...bueller.

3. I want people to see us as people and remember that saying no polietly is great. But don't give me the "no but" I think you are beautiful, I can't hand my apartment managers a million notes saying that everyone thought I was beautiful. I want people to remember that...WE ARE SO GOD DAMN BRAVE FOR WHAT WE DO. We do something a lot of people can't, we get up and take our clothes off for people we don't know. We do the impossible we ask people to accept us to be close to us, to let us get all up in their bubble and...what's even braver, we hear "no"....and we sit there in your lap as you tell us why you are saying no, sometimes you say no before I can find out one fun, interesting, cool fact about you, you say no because drum roll please... you have a girlfriend, you don't pay for it, youre just looking, you just got here, you don't like me, I'm too smart, come back later, in some time, I'm not in the mood, I wish I would have met you earlier, I'm broke, I'm here for my buddy. I'm about to leave (you don't you get a dance from toothless tami)...You know what we do, we look at you, run our fingers through your hair... and say...
"It's no big deal, maybe I'll come back later, thank you so much for the compliment, let me know if you need anything...k" and we do it all without flinching all without showing you any sign that a a normal girl would show you if she had the balls to walk up to you in a super skimpy ass outfit since you can't wear your underwear in public, and ask you if you want to have her shove boobs in your face, and run her smoking hot yoga body down yours, and donate to her charity known as school, or independent women not depending on a man and living alone, or the stereotype of single mothers, or any other way you want to spin what we do into our very own charity work that any woman would be proud of... and you say no. A normal girl who has a body
 like mine.
So a normal girl would probably cry, call you an asshole and tell you that you're a god damn idiot, that a million guys would be happy just to talk to her and a million guys would do whatever she asked, and she doesn't know why she even came over here to talk to you because you look like a total stupid nerd... I mean whatever I'm not a "Normal girl" I mean I wear underwear under my dresses to strip clubs and know your vagina should not resemble anything that swims.
You know what we are some brave, bad, bitches, because we don't do a god damn thing but tell you to have a good night, hope that in some way we made you feel better about yourself and that one of our colleagues will tickle your fancy, and go out our night. Our feelings don't get hurt until we hear "no" about 10 times or more then we start to take it a little personally, but even then you aren't going to see us crying on the floor to you begging you to like us. We might ask what's up and if there is something we could change...I mean Dejavu doesn't let us use their glasses we aren't good enough so we have these red and white cups. One night I had heard no one to many times and I asked a guy what I could change and he said I'm turning you down because there is something about you holding a paper cup, I don't know what it is but I don't want a dance from you because of it. CRAZY, but whatever man. Even then I can't tell him the company won't let us have glasses and probably for good reason someone would get shit faced and break one every night and then there would be broken glass all over the locker room the following items in italic are boring things about profit and shit I'm sure it's a liability thing for the club, but now their liability solution is a profit liability to me and subsequently a liability to them....blah blah blah boring shit. Anyway I was turned down because of a cup...and countless other reasons. A normal woman would have thrown her drink and you and said look at me you dumb fuck, are you fucking serious? You are? You look nothing like Tom Brady, Ryan Gosling, Or Channing Tatum, but whatever bro. A normal girl would be crazy, because normal girls are crazy. (Sidebar Stripclubs are great for that reason you can tell super hot chicks no, and not feel bad about it, since we are fucking tough as nails when it comes to that shit) A normal girl might even leave the club go home, cry, and wonder what's wrong with her. but we don't, we hope for the best, tell ourselves secretly while we smile, run our hand down your chest and say have a good night, that really you would have been a douche canoe that we totally avoided and the next guy will be better because hey...there is always tomorrow. That and there is nothing wrong with us, and that is one thing being told no a million times teaches you, there is nothing wrong with you, and the worst thing that's going to happen when you ask someone for a dance, or a date, or whatever is that they will say no. the nice thing about me hearing no (not that I'm encouraging more no's I'm just looking on the bright side so don't get any crazy idea's) is it gives me a chance to move on to the next, and really it's their lose if they don't want me all smashed up on em'.
 We are the strongest, bravest women in the world. Honestly I'm really fucking proud of myself for making the choice to do this. I feel really lucky sometimes when I sit down and remember that it's not normal to be confident, and it's really not normal to take rejection so well. So mad props, and big ups, kudos and shit to my fellow stiletto sisters. Bitch you bad.
Also because pole tricks hurt like a mother fucker and we try to keep our sexy faces on, or our totally emotionless faces since we are focusing on not making it look like we were punched in the boob...that's a hard one too. I have to be up in 5 hours for breakfast, and to start the ol' blog move...scary, and exciting.
Hopefully I get to see dear friend corbeau today for a hot second before he goes to deal with some bullshit, it's always nice to see a friendly face before a lame ass flight.
I've been really lucky lately batman, has totally provided me with ideas to write about, motivation to do so, encouragement and compliments, also letting me hide out, which has totally helped me clear my head of the other noise that happens all while in disguises that make me look like I'm going to Cochella, but whatever. I'm infinitely appreciative of quite a few people in my life for sticking out this past year with me, change is a coming.