I know I said I was past my writers block but I'm not. Although this weekend I did decide something. IF you are going to say no to me for a dance you have to give me 3 compliments. It's funny when people are put on the spot and asked to say something nice about someone sitting right in front of them. Sometimes I feel like we are slightly dehumanized considering the amount of times we get the hand in the face "no, no, i'm good come back later." I think it makes you all remember that we are still people most of the time. I mean it is the one place you can stare at our bodies and comment openly on how nice they are, or how I have a heavy butt...or used to have a heavy butt. That night totally cracked me up. There are so many nights and things that crack me up.
Nev came into work tonight to grab her liscense, she cornered me in the mens room. I was in the stall and started taking off my hoops and putting my hair up I was so worried she was going to try to fight me. She was all like Red I heard you said I attacked baby...to which I responded that I didn't say that and baby even admitted to throwing the 1st blow. She also said that I said it was all her fault, which wasn't true at all. Girls get things so messed up and they change the stories around so much to make them sound better in their minds or whomever they can throw under the bus. Sometimes this job is a little crazy.
In this job promises are made to us so often it's hard to tell whats real and what's not most of the time. A promise was made recently and I'm so hoping it's an actual thing because it's a game changer, a huge game changer, which I need right now. I really, really, really, really, really, need a game changer. I don't feel stuck right now. I just feel like I need a little extra push to get me back on the right path. I'm not scare of where I am, I love my club, I love my girls, I just need this extra thing so I feel safe making some different moves. Like yoga everyday again. Making sure I'm taking time for myself. I literally don't really remember the last time i did that. I'm suppose to do it, I think people think that I do it, but really I don't it's all smoke and mirrors (sometimes) I mean sleeping that's my escape, not orginal or exciting I know. I want yoga and travel, and nights out, and more pillows on my bed. Sometimes (batman this has nothing to do with you, or anyone else that would worry that I'm talking about them I'm not) I am just trying to fit everything in and see everyone and make it look like I've got it together and really I do have it together, but I'm just running on this crazy stripper schedule which means that I'm always late and always sleep deprived. This post is getting so strange the longer I stay up. It would also reduce so much of my stress, I suppose that's what makes it a game changer, it's something I don't even want to talk about even though I'm talking about it, because I need to stay extra motivated no matter what...although that would motivate me more. Whatever I need to stop thinking about it. I feel like anna feris in house bunny when she says her wish outloud and then regrets it immediately and takes it back by sucking the air back in. That is exactly how I feel right now. It's a stripper super stition for sure don't talk about things you really want to happen. And if this thing doesn't happen I won't be mad, I don't feel like I can be. The mention of it was reminder enough that I'm not just a stripper or a shitty person or whatever, I deserve good things too, and sometimes I have to experiance bad things to appreciate the good things, and if this thing was just something to motivate me to work harder than so be it...Work harder I will. Aint nothing going to hold me down, aint nothing going to break my stride oh no I got to keep on movin.
I suppose it's because my year from hell is coming to a close that I keep hoping things are going to change and I know I need to make them change and I've been doing that. I haven't been just sitting on the sidelines boohooing about whatever fucking bullshit. I've been getting back in the game not taking shit so personally, remembering it's suppose to be fun, and that helps money come by a little easier, and believing that I'm sexy. The whole phase of me not believing that was not a working for me.
So I've been looking at where my traffic is coming from and my reffering sites. Apparently I need to create some ad's the thing is I don't know how. I've been reading a ton lately about writing blogs and always having relevent content, and it's all this pressure all of a sudden. I need to start bringing my laptop to work and get one of those hotspot thingy madoodles so I can blog when it's slow about what I'm thinking about.... and create ads I think of really good stuff while I'm there and I try to write it down, but remembering at this hour is way hard. I was going though old posts there is some good stuff I didn't publish in there. I'm going to have to start publishing throwback pieces from the archive.
Time needs to go by so much faster so I can get my shit done and go to bed. It's strange sometimes it feels like I'm just waiting for time to pass so I can go to work especially since I'm not taking summer school.
I just recieved an email asking me if my amazon wishlist is up to date...it's not my photo is soooo old I really need to change that and update it with some shit I really want...Like... I have no idea but I'm sure there is something I want...I found something. I need to link my twitter or my blog to my wish list I suppose there might be a better chance of me actually getting a pepper grinder or whatever the hell else is on there. Fabric to reupholster my couch. That's my next big project that I'm determined to finish before school starts again.
Alright time to clean my room and work on being sexy all the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment