Okay i'm venting I'm sure you've all heard it all ready but I need to get it to go away in the next few days. In the past 8 months...
1. I allowed many relationships with people close to me to rule my life.
2. I allowed a few people to destroy my ego or to destroy part of who I am which is why I haven't been writing lately. I haven't felt safe to write...but I'm done I'm done being scared of everything, and I'm done not being myself. I feel like a lot of my posts say this but this time I'm not kidding.
3. The my apartment which was my pride and joy and so much of who I am and what I worked for was destroyed and I was forced to move posthaste. Which was way more expensive than I thought it would be. THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HELPED AND CHIPPED IN IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME AND IT HELPED MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW.
4. I got really sick and lost a lot of weight so much so that people comment on it...so I'm joining a gym.
5. A family member needed some monetary help so being the nice person I am I helped them out...I didn't realize they would take the rest of my savings.
6. I lost my best-friend to someone not worth losing a best friend too...she know thinks that I'm a terrible human being when really we all make mistakes, and the ones I know about her I will take with me to my grave. I text her after the destruction of my place saying that no matter where our friendship stood if she needed help I would be there and she replied with "I was done with you before all of this happened"
7. I let someone make me believe that I'm not good enough, that I'm not enough of a friend/person, and that I should continue to take there emotional beatdowns to the point I sort of gave up on myself for a while. I forgot who I was.
More on that. I really did forget who I was, I was sleeping all day, I was not talking to anyone about how I felt what was going on, any threats they dished out, I quit looking in the mirror on my days off. If I did all I could see was how ugly I was how horrible I was, which translated into my work. I have been meek I haven't even believed that I was attractive. I couldn't sell a dance to save my life. Mind you I'm not without flaw in some ways I hurt this person their are two sides to every story but holy fucking shit am I glad that I lived though that. That I can get up and see that I'm a valuable person and the day is worth waking up for.
