Hey philly...as promised here is more on you...how is going though my trash going? This may or may not be considered slander...but I've got news from the strip club, no one likes you, that's right the years you have spent cultivating fake friendships that last all but six months has finally come back to bite you in the ass.
Let me weave you a tale of this weave haired bitch.
Philly is the stripper with no swag of her own, but she likes to claim everyones as hers, she likes to dress like she's 21 but is 28, and I know that i'm a "hater" and that makes her famous, and I shouldn't give a shit about her, but when someone claims to be your good friend then leaves you for your dude even when she claims not to be "one of those bitches" you can hate all you fucking want in my book, because bitch you broke girlcode.
Philly has 10k boobs she secretly hates, if she didn't hate them she wouldn't flaunt them so much, or tell people how much they cost, it's like the girl with the gold band pear shaped diamond ring, she keeps saying it was 40k because she needs to remind herself of it's worth so it's worth something to her.
She doesn't know who she is, she claimed she was the coolest while she was at my club, she had her trifecta of friends and lived like each day was a rerun of mean girls, I've had my locker in the same place forever and I remember one time we had the cool section, I hated myself that day, I didn't want to be associated with her, I wanted to make my money and go home.
I'm sure there is one in every club, every office, every coffee shop, and everyone hates to to love her and loves to hate her, really everyone wants her to shut the fuck up because no one cares what dj your fucking...they really don't, or that your boyfriend is being lame because he won't spend every dime he makes on you.
Philly is the girl who's hot, and she knows she's hot which is great confidence is a total plus but she's got it for all the wrong reasons and on the inside she really doesn't have it and it hurts to watch.
As much as I hate philly for what she did to me because it was shitty, and she's a shitty person and a shitty friend, I feel bad for her, I feel bad that this is where her life has led her it's led her to a place where she has alientated all her friends, she can't find someone amazing to date, she told me once "If I needed help convincing a millionaire to do what I want I would call you, you have the class that i don't" She's got the one person who was always on her team...yours truly wishing she would move to a different country, the other person who was always on her team wishing the same thing. Everyone knows this girl, everyone loves and hates her at the same time...and everyone wishes her the best as long as the best is far away from wherever they are since she only brings bad weather. I feel bad writing about her but someone needs to be the good friend and tell her she was a horrible one.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
lost and found
How many of these do I have to write before I believe myself...enough to change how I feel, hopefully this one sticks, I think it will it feels like I've taken enough time off and enough time for myself to really believe in myself this time...Also Insomnia rules.
For months I have been losing my mind, losing my grip, losing myself, losing everything, so tonight over cookbooks, whiskey and a pickelbacks, and my beloved sex and the city, I hashed it out with myself, and like all relationships it wasn't exactly easy to face the facts of whats really going on, and what's really upsetting me. I was looking at photos from when I was making so much money I could fly out in a few hours to just about anywhere and not give a fuck about what I spent, now I'm thinking about if I should even be buying this coffee I didn't sign up to be broke...I digress. I was my happiest then, I was the chubbiest i had been I didn't care that my teeth were not LA sized, I thought I could conquer the world and I could. I had broken it off with my fiance who had decided to date and marry his ex, I was dating one of the hottest guys on the hill, I was going out all the time, I was in pdx almost every other weekend, I was having the time of my fucking life, my best friend was by my side, I could take on the fucking world...Fast forward, I'm 30 count em pounds lighter, the hottest I've ever been, I've had a few knocks in the love department, I have a scorched apartment, a new one with a downstairs neighbor who has given me a complex about walking inside, I waddle like a champ in heels let me tell you, I have an estranged custy who once told me how much he had spent on me and then told me I shouldn't have accepted any of the money and I was a bad person for doing so, that I should ahve known better and turned it down. Mind you ever time I walk into work I think about this and I think that I might hurt someone else's feelings...I can't do my job right now...or right then I should say. I have lived in constant fear that I'm going to ruin someones day. This is ruining my lively hood. My job is not to worry about if i'm going to ruin people, it's about making people feel better, and feel like they mean something, to feel alive forget about their day no one wants to talk about what they fucking do for a living and no one fucking believes me when I say "oh...that's so interesting do you like what you do?" I used to tell the crudest jokes and I used to be so god damn hot...Now I'm just frumpy, with no confidence and I keep comparing myself to stupid fucking Philly. Fuck that bitch, more on her later...hey all press is good press and that bitch needs more Instagram likes or her 10k boobs do.
Anyway, today is a new god damn day, I'm the same old red, only I'm the old, old red, I'm done being frumpy red that bitch can die, and I'm here to say in the words of Eminem "Will the real slim shady please stand up and put one of his fingers on each hand up and be proud to be out of his mind and out of control and one more time as loud as it goes...I'm the real slim shady yes I'm the real shady..." So if you have been telling me I'm a bitch and I should care about your feelings when you've made it clear you don't care about mine and proved to me that i am just an object and one you want to be equivalent to a rolex GO FUCK YOURSELF, THE BITCH IS BACK, SHE'S GOT A FLASK IN HER BAG AND SHE'S DONE BEING BROKE AND SCARED AND UGLY. So if you aren't on my team, my bench, or cheer squad, or sitting in my section, go the fuck home, you have better things to do then worry about me, because I can't take care of anyone else if I'm not taking care of myself, and I've spent way to much time avoiding mirrors, deflecting compliments, and telling people it's okay to not get dances with me and that telling me I'm interesting is enough.
I told Co. Last week I was going to wake up and today was going to be different, and she told me change doesn't happen over night, and that she hate L for whatever he fucking did (which was call me ugly, yup ugly no joke, I"M NOT FUCKING UGLY YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT, YOU AND YOUR HORRIBLE PERSONALITY ARE, YOU WERE HOT WHEN YOU CARED ABOUT SOMEONE, WHEN YOU CARED ABOUT EVEN YOURSELF BUT NOW YOU GIVE ZERO FUCKS, CONGRATS. ) and I laughed and told her she was wrong, she was right it took me a week to comes to grip with the whole thing again and realize that I was so over this bullshit.
Anyway, I'll be working tonight, bring champagne lets celebrate the return or red.
For months I have been losing my mind, losing my grip, losing myself, losing everything, so tonight over cookbooks, whiskey and a pickelbacks, and my beloved sex and the city, I hashed it out with myself, and like all relationships it wasn't exactly easy to face the facts of whats really going on, and what's really upsetting me. I was looking at photos from when I was making so much money I could fly out in a few hours to just about anywhere and not give a fuck about what I spent, now I'm thinking about if I should even be buying this coffee I didn't sign up to be broke...I digress. I was my happiest then, I was the chubbiest i had been I didn't care that my teeth were not LA sized, I thought I could conquer the world and I could. I had broken it off with my fiance who had decided to date and marry his ex, I was dating one of the hottest guys on the hill, I was going out all the time, I was in pdx almost every other weekend, I was having the time of my fucking life, my best friend was by my side, I could take on the fucking world...Fast forward, I'm 30 count em pounds lighter, the hottest I've ever been, I've had a few knocks in the love department, I have a scorched apartment, a new one with a downstairs neighbor who has given me a complex about walking inside, I waddle like a champ in heels let me tell you, I have an estranged custy who once told me how much he had spent on me and then told me I shouldn't have accepted any of the money and I was a bad person for doing so, that I should ahve known better and turned it down. Mind you ever time I walk into work I think about this and I think that I might hurt someone else's feelings...I can't do my job right now...or right then I should say. I have lived in constant fear that I'm going to ruin someones day. This is ruining my lively hood. My job is not to worry about if i'm going to ruin people, it's about making people feel better, and feel like they mean something, to feel alive forget about their day no one wants to talk about what they fucking do for a living and no one fucking believes me when I say "oh...that's so interesting do you like what you do?" I used to tell the crudest jokes and I used to be so god damn hot...Now I'm just frumpy, with no confidence and I keep comparing myself to stupid fucking Philly. Fuck that bitch, more on her later...hey all press is good press and that bitch needs more Instagram likes or her 10k boobs do.
Anyway, today is a new god damn day, I'm the same old red, only I'm the old, old red, I'm done being frumpy red that bitch can die, and I'm here to say in the words of Eminem "Will the real slim shady please stand up and put one of his fingers on each hand up and be proud to be out of his mind and out of control and one more time as loud as it goes...I'm the real slim shady yes I'm the real shady..." So if you have been telling me I'm a bitch and I should care about your feelings when you've made it clear you don't care about mine and proved to me that i am just an object and one you want to be equivalent to a rolex GO FUCK YOURSELF, THE BITCH IS BACK, SHE'S GOT A FLASK IN HER BAG AND SHE'S DONE BEING BROKE AND SCARED AND UGLY. So if you aren't on my team, my bench, or cheer squad, or sitting in my section, go the fuck home, you have better things to do then worry about me, because I can't take care of anyone else if I'm not taking care of myself, and I've spent way to much time avoiding mirrors, deflecting compliments, and telling people it's okay to not get dances with me and that telling me I'm interesting is enough.
I told Co. Last week I was going to wake up and today was going to be different, and she told me change doesn't happen over night, and that she hate L for whatever he fucking did (which was call me ugly, yup ugly no joke, I"M NOT FUCKING UGLY YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT, YOU AND YOUR HORRIBLE PERSONALITY ARE, YOU WERE HOT WHEN YOU CARED ABOUT SOMEONE, WHEN YOU CARED ABOUT EVEN YOURSELF BUT NOW YOU GIVE ZERO FUCKS, CONGRATS. ) and I laughed and told her she was wrong, she was right it took me a week to comes to grip with the whole thing again and realize that I was so over this bullshit.
Anyway, I'll be working tonight, bring champagne lets celebrate the return or red.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)