Let me start out by saying, driving someone to the ER is incredibly stressful. More on this topic later I am going to be selfish first.
It has been one week, one incredibly stressful week, in which my whole worked changed, they way I lived my day to day changed. I received some extremely upsetting news which made it feel like I had zero control over a situation. We all know how much I like control, and stability, punctuality, blah, blah.
In the first day of this week I was a complete wreck and by wreck I mean I felt as if I could not pull myself from the sheets of my bed, like I could lay there forever and nothing would matter. One of my best girlfriends came to stay with me, made sure I was getting out of bed, going running, eating, being a normal person as best I could.
On one of the first days of this week I was running though my favorite part of this city and all of the stress broke me down and I sat down on the side of the road and burst into tears, as I'm sitting there crying a man and a woman walk up to me and ask me if I'm hurt, I say no, they ask me if I'm okay and I look up at them through blurry tears and say that I am going to be okay. He reaches down rubs my shoulder for just a second and says "don't worry everything is going to be fine" a single stranger changed my whole day, potentially my whole life. He made it possible for me to make it though my run to get home.
It is amazing what strangers do for people. It is also amazing what your closest friends will and won't do for you. Some of them will walk right in fuck your world right up and then chose that folding laundry is more important than trying to tape a friend back together. Other friends will stay with you, will call you everyday, will make sure that you are alive and well.
The friend that stood by my side all week this week, is one he'll of a woman and I wouldn't have made it though the week without her. She has in fact changed my whole outlook on life. She gave me the perspective that one should do what they want to make themselves happy even if it is stalking puppies in the park, eating ice cream, and watching bad movies. I forget sometimes that I have to take care of myself first, I get so engrossed in other peoples lives, that sometimes I forget that this is my life I'm living. The other thing that was made so apparent to me which is going to contradict my previous statement is that it feels really good to do things for other people. About a month ago a friend, not a close friend but a friend needed a ride home from her 21st birthday and no one would give her one or help her. I jumped in a town car drove all over this city found her and got her home safe. Tonight I drove another girl from work to the ER as all the stupid bitches in the back were squabbling, fending only for themselves.
I know there are other people in this world with hearts as big as mine, the hard part of it is, I have met most of them though this job in some capacity. Some of them have actually been customers.
My club has lost it's sense of community of teamwork that it once had, and it breaks my heart, it was perfect for a while, there was so much love in the back it was like a sorority only with less drama.
If it were not for a few of you coming in, and for my closest friends, I don't know how I would have coped. Speaking of I apologize for acting strange my mind has just been racing about other things.
One more thing that happened I have been keeping this a secret for as long as I could, and this week it came out to a few people I didn't want to find out about it, oddly enough it all seemed to be totally fine. At the same time, tomorrow could be the start of a new roller coaster ride for the week, so I suppose it's time to take a little break before the chaos ensues tomorrow.
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