Sometimes I wonder how Bullet got her name. This last couple of weeks drove it home on how and why. She's kind of like a person trying to shoot a pistol with one hand. She wavers a bit and all you can think is "Oh god, I hope I'm not in the line of fire" I have felt like I always have been one of the first she has aimed for, maybe that's because we were best friends. I specifically remember one trip down to portland when we were in the car talking about being friends and she said "I can't think of anything that could come between us" I should have known right then everything was going to explode.
Every time I even consider going to portland I think of her and how well we worked together and how much fun we had. I also think of how my grade suffered from sleeping in, and drinking boxed wine, and eating shitty chinese food. I look at where I am now and where I was then. Maybe I was more fun then, maybe I was just plain wreckless. Right then I had nothing to lose, my family lives thousands of miles away and no one was counting on me so I think at that time I did not give a fuck about what I did. Then I think about now. I have my dog, I have one small thing in the world depending on me and that makes me a responsible adult. I just gave myself new fitness goals. So I can't be eating crappy Chinese food and drinking a gallon of wine.
Anywho...I'm heading back to Portland soon, only this time I won't be traveling with a loose pistol. I can honestly say at this point even though I miss her and I miss how much fun we had, I am so glad we are no longer friends.
Interesting perspective and a generous way to think of a lost friendship.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to realize that the loss of the friendship is a sign of growth, instead of realizing the opposite.
Have fun in Portland...too many hippies for my taste.