Let me preface with saying I've had a ton of shit thrown at me lately and I've been doing my best to hold my life together, because I'm red and that's what I do keep it together for the most part. Things like family illness, finals, fights with one of my best friends, whom is a best friend so I can't exactly walk away from them because I care about them very much. That being said please excuse me as I haven't been myself lately.
Let me just say my family has been really supportive because they are super rad. My friends have been here to pick up the pieces that fall off of me and then returning them to me very promptly so I can glue them back on.
Anyway tonight was one of those nights where I was reminded that I'm not a bad person, I'm not always the bad guy, and that people think or at least inflate my ego and tell me they think I would look great in flannel as most of my conversations were with people telling them, that; I'm really not sexy...ever.
People I work with come to me when there is an issue that needs to be resolved, because I am the team player, I'm a fixer, I want everyone to work well together.( I know right stripper handing out the corporate cool-aid) There were so many nice things said to me today, that it pulled me out of my funk. I think as soon as my issues are resolved with the bestie I will be completely fine and more capable of dealing with the public in a less destructive way.
My manager even came down to my level and asked why everyone couldn't be like me. I have been trying so hard to leave work at work (which is hard, this job makes you crazy, walking into chaos would make anyone crazy) I've been trying to leave home at home, except for my minor breaks where I need to take five minutes to breathe and put my head on. Ok maybe I need to work harder at this part of finding the balance in my life.
It was a good reminder that when life hands you lemons you paint that shit gold, and you can always buy more gold paint if you find yourself with more lemons. Everything works out as it should, even if it's not how you wanted it to work out originally.
Wait, wait, wait one more redism when the going gets tough the tough start shoving.
I suppose it's high time I followed my own advise, rather than sulking around about things I don't feel like I can change, I should work on changing them, and being a better version of me, because lately I've really been sucking at being myself.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Coffee shop round two
Back to people staring at me. Some guy just walked right up to me to try and guess what I do for a living. He guessed that I worked in paranormal studies, I was an interior designer, or statistical analysis (which we all know I wanted to do at one point in time, and being an analyst is part of finance), I sort of started laughing at the paranormal studies. I said described I was in sales, and part of my job is to analyze people within the first few moments of meeting them to decided if a sale is potentially going to happen (Malcom Gladwell reference of course)
He sat down at my table pushed my coffee closer to me. Asked my my opinions on the after life. Which are...I really hope there is one, but should there not be I'm not going to be horribly disappointed because well, I'll be dead.
Anyway he continues to talk to me and I watch him get more and more nervous about even sitting with me. Personally I love watching people squirm has always brought me an immense amount of joy. He starts telling me what he does and I start tuning him out, unfortunately he disrupted my previous writing which would set me back on my accounting studying.
He asked me about human experience and how to make every day better and less mundane and I'm thinking to myself "Self nothing in my life is mundane ever if I really think about it" I suggested that he find something to focus on everyday whether it be the fact that he feels as if he's alone, to try notice that there are others in the world just as alone as he is, and perhaps he should find solace it that. Or that he should continue to do what he's doing which is approaching strangers in coffee shops, especially ones that look extremely focused on what there are doing.
He asked me about my analysis of him. I don't have to be nice while I'm not at work so sometimes I'm not. I told him he was awkward, his points in his conversation were frequently convoluted by the fact that it seemed he couldn't focus due to how nervous he was to be sitting at my table. He looked at me and said I was intimidating. I told him I was sorry he felt that way, and then I said I was not working so there for I felt it was in his best interest to leave me alone as I was obviously not interested in him.
GUYS!!!! What the fuck? I realize it takes balls to walk up to a girl but holy shit, don't ask me if I work in paranormal activity. DO I LOOK LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? I mean I wish I was but holy crap, don't be an idiot. I also realize I can be intimidating but you chose to approach me can you really expect it to go swimmingly after you ask me if I'm a Ghost buster basically. Jeezus people are crazy out here.
Here is to hoping he doesn't follow me out of here and I have to beat the shit out of some little fucking nerd, that will really ruin my Sunday, I was really working on being a better person.
Anyway back to that accounting I keep talking about.
He sat down at my table pushed my coffee closer to me. Asked my my opinions on the after life. Which are...I really hope there is one, but should there not be I'm not going to be horribly disappointed because well, I'll be dead.
Anyway he continues to talk to me and I watch him get more and more nervous about even sitting with me. Personally I love watching people squirm has always brought me an immense amount of joy. He starts telling me what he does and I start tuning him out, unfortunately he disrupted my previous writing which would set me back on my accounting studying.
He asked me about human experience and how to make every day better and less mundane and I'm thinking to myself "Self nothing in my life is mundane ever if I really think about it" I suggested that he find something to focus on everyday whether it be the fact that he feels as if he's alone, to try notice that there are others in the world just as alone as he is, and perhaps he should find solace it that. Or that he should continue to do what he's doing which is approaching strangers in coffee shops, especially ones that look extremely focused on what there are doing.
He asked me about my analysis of him. I don't have to be nice while I'm not at work so sometimes I'm not. I told him he was awkward, his points in his conversation were frequently convoluted by the fact that it seemed he couldn't focus due to how nervous he was to be sitting at my table. He looked at me and said I was intimidating. I told him I was sorry he felt that way, and then I said I was not working so there for I felt it was in his best interest to leave me alone as I was obviously not interested in him.
GUYS!!!! What the fuck? I realize it takes balls to walk up to a girl but holy shit, don't ask me if I work in paranormal activity. DO I LOOK LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? I mean I wish I was but holy crap, don't be an idiot. I also realize I can be intimidating but you chose to approach me can you really expect it to go swimmingly after you ask me if I'm a Ghost buster basically. Jeezus people are crazy out here.
Here is to hoping he doesn't follow me out of here and I have to beat the shit out of some little fucking nerd, that will really ruin my Sunday, I was really working on being a better person.
Anyway back to that accounting I keep talking about.
I forget sometimes
That even outside of work people still stare. Especially when I'm alone. Maybe it's because I still have my make-up on from last night and it's basically only on one eye. Or maybe I feel that way right now as I'm sitting in my ex-boyfriends coffee shop hoping that I don't run into him. At the same time this is the place I have met some of my very favorite Seattle people. Does that make my life like Frasier? Also single guys if you can figure out where I am some of the most beautiful women I have seen in a really long time are just chillin in here.
Two of my dearest friends came in last night and fortunely and unfortunely snapped me right out of work mode. One of the joys of being a stripper is that you can say you are leaving for personal reasons as long as you can pay the house. There are never really any real questions asked what those personal reasons are. Which therefore makes this one of the most un-favorable weekends I have ever had in reference to money but I did it to myself and I feel like a better person for it. I have been so absorbed with my personal issues lately, and work, and school, that I have literally felt like I've been getting hit by a truck everyday. Speaking of personal issues they have been getting to me to the point where girls at work have asked me if I'm ok. I've also just lost my temper on more than one very nice girl for no real reason other than she was in my way. This is never okay, you leave work at work, and home at home. Corporate kool-aid 101 (I happen to be drinking kool-aid at the time of this post.)
All of this being said I was going to take time off during spring break but I suppose my spring break is now right before my finals (which I am obviously taking a moment away from studying for to write this blog, my brain was starting to fail, and accounting really isn't that hard) I also feel that it's best to take time off before finals or I'm just throwing money away, which I try to avoid doing. We are going to come back to this later I know have something more interesting to write about.
Two of my dearest friends came in last night and fortunely and unfortunely snapped me right out of work mode. One of the joys of being a stripper is that you can say you are leaving for personal reasons as long as you can pay the house. There are never really any real questions asked what those personal reasons are. Which therefore makes this one of the most un-favorable weekends I have ever had in reference to money but I did it to myself and I feel like a better person for it. I have been so absorbed with my personal issues lately, and work, and school, that I have literally felt like I've been getting hit by a truck everyday. Speaking of personal issues they have been getting to me to the point where girls at work have asked me if I'm ok. I've also just lost my temper on more than one very nice girl for no real reason other than she was in my way. This is never okay, you leave work at work, and home at home. Corporate kool-aid 101 (I happen to be drinking kool-aid at the time of this post.)
All of this being said I was going to take time off during spring break but I suppose my spring break is now right before my finals (which I am obviously taking a moment away from studying for to write this blog, my brain was starting to fail, and accounting really isn't that hard) I also feel that it's best to take time off before finals or I'm just throwing money away, which I try to avoid doing. We are going to come back to this later I know have something more interesting to write about.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Golden vagina syndrome
Topic of the day today. Golden vagina syndrome, every stripper suffers from it at some point let's take yesterday for instance.
One of the ladies thought it would be appropriate to tag the mirror in the dressing room. I walked in the back thought it was super childish, I cleaned it up (because well someone someday might want to use the mirror, like me). I then took it upon myself to tall to every girl here and ask them not to color on the mirror anymore. Finally after talking to every girl I talked to the right one. Her first question was "Bitch who are you?" I said I'm red, she said well I'm so and so and I pay rent here (I have never seen this girl give a dance, I have never seen her actually pay rent). She stated that due to the fact that she pays rent here she has the right to draw on the mirror in front of "her" station. Our locker room is not very big so no one really has a station. I explained to her that I also pay rent and I don't want to clean up her mess. She explained to me that she "was a grown ass woman" and I shouldn't clean up after her.
It was at this point she struck two nerves she decided to push me and then insult me. We all know how I feel about basically being called a privileged white bitch. That this isn't my club that she can do what she wants I'm standing there staring at her in awe thinking to myself "self do not punch this chick she's way more muscular than you" I also start thinking to myself how much money I have paid in rent just this week and by that standard the mirror is mine...hence the golden vagina syndrome it's about feeling really entitled, I feel that I should have a work place that is free of extraneous crap and she feels that she should be able to add as much crap as she wants. Occasionally I feel because I work hard in this job to make sure that I can take care of me and pay the club what I owe them that I deserve special privileges, deep down I know that I signed a contract that said I would be here I would pay whatever, and I take my make-up off put on my normal clothes and go to the grocery store just like everyone else.
Then there was the new girl last week that felt that it was appropriate to budge in front of me in line while paying out. I hate this, I wait very politely 99% of the time. I understand that the amount of money that goes in your pocket changes how you view the world. Money comes and money goes, external beauty isn't forever, internal beauty is. So why can't we akk work on being bigger than the sound.
One of the ladies thought it would be appropriate to tag the mirror in the dressing room. I walked in the back thought it was super childish, I cleaned it up (because well someone someday might want to use the mirror, like me). I then took it upon myself to tall to every girl here and ask them not to color on the mirror anymore. Finally after talking to every girl I talked to the right one. Her first question was "Bitch who are you?" I said I'm red, she said well I'm so and so and I pay rent here (I have never seen this girl give a dance, I have never seen her actually pay rent). She stated that due to the fact that she pays rent here she has the right to draw on the mirror in front of "her" station. Our locker room is not very big so no one really has a station. I explained to her that I also pay rent and I don't want to clean up her mess. She explained to me that she "was a grown ass woman" and I shouldn't clean up after her.
It was at this point she struck two nerves she decided to push me and then insult me. We all know how I feel about basically being called a privileged white bitch. That this isn't my club that she can do what she wants I'm standing there staring at her in awe thinking to myself "self do not punch this chick she's way more muscular than you" I also start thinking to myself how much money I have paid in rent just this week and by that standard the mirror is mine...hence the golden vagina syndrome it's about feeling really entitled, I feel that I should have a work place that is free of extraneous crap and she feels that she should be able to add as much crap as she wants. Occasionally I feel because I work hard in this job to make sure that I can take care of me and pay the club what I owe them that I deserve special privileges, deep down I know that I signed a contract that said I would be here I would pay whatever, and I take my make-up off put on my normal clothes and go to the grocery store just like everyone else.
Then there was the new girl last week that felt that it was appropriate to budge in front of me in line while paying out. I hate this, I wait very politely 99% of the time. I understand that the amount of money that goes in your pocket changes how you view the world. Money comes and money goes, external beauty isn't forever, internal beauty is. So why can't we akk work on being bigger than the sound.
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