Strippers undercover...purity ring the band that's playing right now.

 So I left my phone at a bar tonight. I swear me and phones don't get a long lately. However the evening without it was kind of nice. I'll tell you all about it in a second. I think that in being a stripper people forget that you are human, forget that you feel things. You aren't always a sex object, sometimes you are everything bad they have ever known in someone who worked in the sex industry. You are every lie they have ever been told, every woman who has ever hurt them, you are everything bad about women, and there isn't really any undoing it. People don't see you as the woman who sticks up for herself, the woman defends her beliefs, the woman who will cover your drinks and  your friends drinks when you are broke and let you take the cedit for it. If I could count how many times friends had said they would pay me back for drinks, or holding their bag of puke, or getting a cab, or doing any number of things that would be nice if they were reciprocated, especially holding a bag of my puke that would be awesome. However they never are and when I/we the strippers want a favor back it doesn't matter that we have proven ourselves to be worthwhile people we all of a sudden turn into every single woman that has inflicted pain on that person and you are right in front of them so they get to take it out on you, even if it doesn't matter, we bring you the most happiness and the most pain, and we are always your scapegoat. Which leads us too...Red takes the night off.
So..I'm getting out there on my time off I'm meeting people I'm making new friends I'm drinking more, which I think is good for me it gets me out of my head a little bit and makes me a little more motivated to work and a little more fun when i do work since I have something to talk about. I mean has the 1940 edition of betty crocker said, go out for a walk in the afternoon so you have something to talk about with your husband over dinner, I need something to talk about besides how my life revolves around work sometimes.
So as I'm out tonight (last night now, so I'm going to change the tense of my writing here pretty quick) trying to forget about the stress in my life, I ran into a friend of a friend of a girlfriend of mine tonight at one of my favorite bars. I thought I would pick up an old habit, the habit of telling people right off the bat that I'm s stripper. So I started tonight and it never ceases to amaze me the way people react. I'm offically too tired to write I just fell asleep with my head in my hand I'll revisit this over lunch. Alright 8 hours later I need to decide where I'm eating and writing. Okay hours and hours later. Let the hour of writing begin. I need to start bringing my glasses with me places. I still don't have my phone. Part of me wants to get rid of my phone all together and just get a land line. How cool would it be to call someones home phone and leave them messages. Maybe I would be on time more often then since I wouldn't have the option of telling someone I was going to be late. Also I've been getting a lot of bad news lately via the telephone so I'm not really the biggest fan of it as of late what can I say I'm a horribly adjusted adult, not really I just don't like having my feelings hurt so someone can "teach me a lesson" and make themselves feel better, and since my feelings aren't ilegitamate, but they aren't valid or warrented it's not really a reason for me to walk all the way to the end of my neighborhood and retreive my phone...although I could be paddleboarding right now...RIGHT BATMAN I CAN'T BRING MY PHONE ON THE WATER!
Back to how people react to me being a stripper they either run away which legit happened once, let me tell you being left at a sporting event nothing something I want to do again. So I tell lets call him kevin bacon since it's like 6 degrees between me and he and how we actually know each other. That I'm a stripper mind you kevin bacon is a professor (yay academia they tend to think i'm pretty okay) he just looks at me for a second and blinks, I say he can run away, and he doesn't, he goes into a similar speech a lot of people go into about how great strippers are, and how he has no problem with them...Which is great, maybe I can convert another person into liking strippers...one person at a time, and if I can keep them on my little conversion wagon, maybe I can win over the "I don't trust sex workers" group. I'm going back to my rant now, I mean let me wrap up the night, I had some jello shots, because I love drinks that can also be food, it feels like I'm getting a deal, I went home I realized I didn't have my phone. I fell asleep for a couple of hours, woke up and started this. Went back to sleep, which I want to do again, except I'm sitting having lunch at my new secret spot, where I can pretend to be a cool kid...even though we all know Im not. I digress.
Really though strippers aren't bad people, I mean sure we fuck up like everyone else, but somehow when we do it it's a way bigger deal, like clinton, somehow if we disappoint someone it feels like we are letting the whole nation down somehow or like whomever we have disappointed is going to tell the whole nation. I guess I'm still upset about the the cheese. I feel like, if I hurt his feelings that much maybe it would be in his best interest not to kick it with me anymore, especially if he is going to be upset the entire time about what I do, or my failure to do things. If it was me and I felt it was in my best interest to say things that could be deemed as hurtful in hopes of the other person learning a lesson and bringing us closer together I might just walk away from them as they obviously aren't the person for me. Especially if I said that the person they pretend to be and the person they put out to the world is a lie and they are nothing like that person, although I believe they want to be that person, but that person is not at all who they really are. I really feel like that isn't something you get to come back from very easily, and I don't know a lot of people who can do that type of work. Mind you yes I did keep something from them, so sure they have every right to be mad. I do feel like the fact that  I work in the sex industry makes everything worse.
 The cheese and bacon probably have similar feelings about me at the moment, that I have failed them entirely when they put so much time and energy into knowing me. They did so much for me, they were always there for me. The thing is...I'm one of those people who there is always a moment one definitave moment in which I know what any effort after that moment is totally pointless. Bacon, bacon, I just tried to be friends with but the rollarcoster ride of emotions was way to much and it threw off my moeney at workd. Our jobs are totally emotion based,and if we are in a bad mood we can't work, I spent so many nights text fighting with someone who was suppose to be my friend at work that I literally made no money, like really no money. I don't know why I'm writing about this shit, it has nothing really to do with work. I think I'm writiting about it because i said  I would write about whatever is/was on my mind, and even though part of me is really thinking about these thigh high boots I really want that are $119 at fantasy unlimited and how I feel like they are the most perfect things ever, and they are the reason I'm going to work tonight, and that i've gone out a lot in the past couple of days. But god damn these boots would make me just the hottest I've been in a while.
The cheese really hurt my feelings and this is the last time I'm going to write about him, there are 100 other things I could be writing about. But regardless of wether or not the things he has said are fair or vaild he said while we were fighting that I didn't deserve him. That he deserved way better than me and it was right then I wondered why the fuck he was still sitting with me. Then the other night in the ER he said he should have called someone else since I showed up and he didn't know I was there, then...whatever you read the story already. He does deserve better than me, he deserves someone who isn't so icy, someone who is impressed by how attractive he his, or how much money he makes, or the parties he's thrown. Sadly I don't care about any of those things. He only talks about how there are a million other women he could be and is banging, or how they care more about him. How famous he is for his parties how so many people know him, how he is a bigger deal than me (which isn't hard to do). As for the money i've covered enough stuff and when you get mad and say that the show ticket I didn't use because you were screaming at me earlier that day and I didn't think I was invited and the groceries could all get lumped together in shit that was wasted. Or the uber i asked you to get for me because I didn't have any cash, and you ask me to not fuck up your stars...you smoked in an apartment that was previously started on fire by someone smoking in it and kept me from getting it...fuck your stupid stars. I'm not impressed by your money then, because if you made so much it wouldn't be a big deal about $100. Saying you should have called someone else. Also apologizing for getting assualted, and ruining my night, "when I could have been at work", and being sorry "you called me", is not FUCKING APOLOGIZING, It's making me feel bad for showing up, doing what you asked, and then somehow that not being good enough.
Ugh, fuck this I'm going to work. Or I'm going to get my phone 1st and then I'm going to work.