I'm having crazy writers block I want so badly to write what's on my mind but I've been writing for you guys for so long it seems so foreign to write anything that may be offensive. I literally want to write about all the crazy shit that's happened who's fucked who in the elevator, who's started a clique war. Who has stabbed someone who almost killed someone with a shoe. I'm so tired of talking about the trivial shit but I think it's going to take me a minute to get back to writing about the shit I really care about of the shit that I find interesting...So here it goes.
Lately I've been into taking some time off of the time I've been doing this, I wanted to see if it affected my sales at all and honestly it does. I sat down with a dude I've danced for before tonight but not for a long time, I somehow convinced him he's never seen me before. I remembered he was a big tipper so it seemed in my best interest to just play up sexy and act like I had no fucking clue who he is. I mean lately sexy has been hard as fuck for me to do. I think I've been reading to many articles about beauty standards in society. Anyway, as we are sitting there talking about golf he said..."You are so pretty, and so unique looking I've never seen anyone like you." I wasn't sure if I should take this as a compliment or not, all of a sudden I felt like i was some sort of semi sexy alien or something. I get strange ass fucking compliments all the time, like tonight I was cool, to all the LA cool kids I was cool, I was smart, I told inappropriate jokes at the right time, and I was gorgeous. I was ill timed with my proposition of dances but I was super hot. Previously I've been majestic and statue like, perfect, the vision of a goddess, etc.
It's funny as soon as I leave work I go back to being normal, this is a totally new(ish) development. Previously I would leave work and always be on, I was always hot and always sexy...I made one big mistake that fucked off my whole immaculate vision of myself. I STARTED DATING...and subsequently ended dating as well.
I am done being normal. I know I can't change overnight but a week ago I made whatever choice about work and I've been sticking to it. I'm sticking to this one too, it's adventure and enjoy my life time, I can't be such a god damn worry wort.
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