Coming in hot!

First and foremost I would like to thank my canadian gift from the Stripper Deities the other week, you totally made my night. It was great to see you. More on him later just proof positive that social media works if you work it.
Anyway whew sorry about that everyone. I was in a suer dark place and just couldn't be public for a minute. Let's get back up to speed IM In SEATTLE fuck yes I'm home! I've never been happier holy fucking god am I happy. I mean I loved working in Chicago I loved the city it's just not for me right now and that's ok.
Having come back to the pnw I've been heading to pdx every other weekend so if you happen to be in the vicinity do swing buy and say hi.

Ok on to the good stuff I suppose. I'm taking the rest of the weekend off. I think it's time. For no real reason usually I take time off because I think I might actually hurt someone. I've been uber nice lately, as in people are commenting to me on how nice I have been. It's weird it's awesome to be this happy but I think it may be negatively impacting my business.
I realized last night that I have my target market down. No one has told me in quite some time that I am too smart to dance with. I suppose if they actually felt that way I should direct them here and they will be able to clearly see that I cannot punctuate to save my life.

Ok the dirt. Tonight I convince this little thug muffin that he wants a dance. For those of you that have had dances from me you know damn well I lay the rules out and I'm really into people following the rules. This little fuck head thought it would be appropriate to try and get his hand under my bra. First off you've obviously not had enough experience or you would know to go from the side not the bottom dipshit. Anyway I thought it would be in my best interest to hit him in the face. It wasn't even hard, we all know I can hit harder if I want to. He gets all butt hurt and says it was hard and chooses to tell a me that it's assault. Asked my why I didn't warn him. Me stat
Ing the rules in the beginning is your warning, I hope this is now clear to everyone. Excuse me, it apparently never occurred to this fuck face that touching me is sexual assault and i'm totally cool pressing charges. It unfortunately did not escalate to this point. He said he was going to call his lawyer, I told him he should and I would happily call mine. This ended up getting really heated. I told him he was incredibly rude he then told me he wasn't going to tip me. It was at this point I was highly offended, people rarely tip me anyway so I don't care but don't wave that shit over my head! So I shoved him into the wall told him I didn't fucking care if he paid me, and walked away. Sad part of the story he won the argument I should have made him pay me. I ended up walking myself out tonight which I will never do as I ran into him and 2 of his friends on the stairs luckily you take the heels off and throw on a coat I don't look like a stripper. It still seemed like I might get my ass kicked right then which would really ruin my day. Anyway I get in my car and start telling my driver about my night he offered to seriously come beat someone down for me someday. Which brought me to a very Important re-realization
The sex industry is seriously a pretty tight knit group and once you are in you are sort of in. We all watch out for each other, when we travel we visit clubs and throw money around. This crazy stripper world has seriously changed my perspective on the world, it has made it seem like a (mostly) more positive place, that there is always someone who has your back and is willing to help you, and I'm not solely referring to customers. It's the drivers, the bartenders, the door guys, the all night diners, your coworkers good management, strippers on Twitter, and those who truly love us and don't judge us that makes this world and my life so fucking amazing.

PDX

As you know I went to PDX last weekend. It was a whirlwind of a trip, more on the personal level than anything else. I went down I did my thing I rocked the hustle, because I'm a hustler baby. My hustle was a normal NW hustle nothing special it didn't rain money from the sky like it does in Chicago. Just some good old fashion NW style, or should I say Union Jacks style, it was so nice to not have to wear a dress. Even though I bought a new dress while I was there, and a pair of shoes, because holy cow the shoes I wear now make my feet hurt so bad I don't think I can work. It sounds silly but if my feet hurt it makes me so tired. I'm sure it's because I would rather army crawl on the floor then walk around in those fucking monsters all night. Although they are very pretty I just can't do it. So new shoes for me. WITH NO SALES TAX! YAY!
Speaking of Chicago, this will be my last week here (So much for buying new dresses). I will be back in the NW permenantly as much as I love it here and as much as I want to stay I think the NW is calling me back for right now.
I need to refocus...again...Focus on school and finally finishing something. I'm sure school and being home and going back to traveling back and forth will create all kinds of fodder for this little blog. I also think having something stable and more sane than Chicago will help. I think it will be nice to be back among women that actually give a shit, rather than the fucking bimbos I work with here. Also even though there are dead bodies from previous relationships all over Seattle, at least there isn't a vampire like woman watching my every move unlike here. DID YOU HEAR ME VAMPY LADY! I'M WATCHING YOU WATCHING ME WATCHING YOU! Not really I'm a little no narcissistic to watch anyone but myself.
So it's back to Seattle I go. I can't wait to see all of you.

Short stories

I sit down on a man's lap one night, he claims to be a physician, as he asks me about my boobs. Then he proceeds to bounce me on his lap and say boingy, boingy, boingy, I walk away. Dumbass.
It's my last night at work in Seattle, I decide to dance with someone I would not normally dance with, knowing full well they are going to try and touch me (those of you in the know, know it's a bad idea). He trys to touch me. I get up to tell him he's a douche canoe, he stands up to counter me. I slam him against the wall and not so nicely explain to him that I'm not a fucking prostitute and I won't go to jail for him and I don't give a fuck if he's a programmer he doesn't have enough money to even get close to me. This is when Cam walks over and has her shoe raised to hit him. I love teamwork.
You know we are going to fight when we take our shoes off those things are damn weapons.
One night, also in Seattle a gentleman decides he wants to sit on my stage, I kick him off. He then proceeds to stand up and taunt me. I kicked him in the chest, there may have been blood, last time I checked that shit was a biohazard. Biohazard is a word you can't really argue with, it's like I don't care what happened he has to go.
Every time I take my clothes off I'm told I have a great body, every time I laugh on the inside.
Also just for the record, what I'm really thinking about when I give a dance is...god I hope my shoes don't break. Does this dude realize how hard this is to do in heels? I wonder if he cares that I'm sweating my ass off, followed by hypercrush lyrics..."If the club gets hot then air it out" All the things I should have done that day. Most importantly HOW THE FUCK DO I SELL CHAMPAGNE ROOMS, BECAUSE THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF THERE WERE FOOD AND DRINKS!

Plastic guy

Before we begin, privacy settings are awesome! It's like the new way to avoid people I have no idea why I have never thought to customize them before. LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER! OH MY GOD LIKE WEIGHT OFF MY SHOULDERS I NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT THEM AND THEY NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT ME! FUCK YES!
There was a gentleman that came in the other night, I'm going to call him plastic guy. He is a chemical engineer that creates plastics. He was hilarious. I find two kinds of patrons to be absolutely hilarious. Chemists and Patent Attorneys. Some times I find the Finance folk funny but their humor is few and far between. Anyway Plastic guy is hilarious, he kept going on and on about water bottles, and what a waste they are, and how that's basically all landfills are made of. Which started me thinking about the fact that bottled water is a luxury (one that I personally enjoy, but I do prefer it out of glass) and the fact that golf courses are built on landfills. It's funny the way things work.
So plastic guy only bought a couple of dances but he was so nice, and hilarious. I have strangely enjoyed having a new client base in Chicago.
At the same time I can't wait to go back to seattle and see my old peeps.