Another night another douche-bag

Here is a sampling of a few of the more interesting conversations tonight...

Customer: "You are so much more than this, this job is so deemeaning"
Me: "What the fuck did you just say about me and my job?"
C:"that you deserve better"
M" you understand that I love my job right?"
C"No, because I hate my job so how could you enjoy this"
M:" I work with people that will go to bat for me like family"
C:"Really? How did you create a bond like that?"

C:" Are you married?"
Me:" nope"
C:"boyfriend?"
M:" nope"
C: "girlfriend ?"
M:"nope"
C:" Really? You should be married you are too pretty not to be married"
M:"1. What does being pretty have to do with being married? 2. Because I don't want to be? 3. I don't think you really want to get into this"

C:" let me take you out, wait how much will it actually cost me?"
M:" 100k"
C:" are you serious? But I'm so nice?"
M:" yup very serious"

C:"...but I just wanted to touch them."
M:"and I wanted to physically harm you, do you see me doing that?"
C:"No you can't do that!"
M:" we'll you can't fucking touch me, and for that you get this..." grabs septum

L the manager:" this is my favorite part of the night, when you pay me"
M:"don't fucking start with me $160 and the lights in the back don't work, we run out of toilet paper and you hire idiots, fuck this nonsense"

Just moments before...
L:" where is Red?"
M:"I'm right here."
L"where?"
M:"behind the curtain, I'm the one behind the curtain that runs this shit!"

Even earlier
Girl 1:" I don't remember the last time I was sober"
Girl 2:"really? Me either"
Me...cringes, walks away, shakes head, hopes for best.

Customer trying to ask me out...
C"come on really that's how much you make a night"
M"uh...yeah."
C"well after you subtract house..."
M"I already did"
C"well what about your time getting ready and all this stuff you wear...after that it would only be a couple hundred?"
M"uh...okay fine well the the make up might cost about $60 so let's sub..."
C"NO, you have to depreciate it!"
M" double declining or straight line?"
C"straight line. How do you even know what that is?"
M:"I took accounting.anyway well in that case you are looking for a depreciation of 33 cents, you sure you want to do this?"
C"nevermind that works on the other girls."
M" well, wrong one to try and fuck with my dear"

M" are you a police officer?"
C" I was told not to say. I was told to say I'm an Italian chef."
M" okay...tell me your pasta recipe"
C" a cup of flour, two eggs"
M"pasta takes way more eggs than that, you aren't a chef at all, I bet you are a cop"
C" okay fine you got me"