Tonight a very large well dressed man came in who subsequently pulled out a bunch of money. Luis suggested I go talk to him. I crouched down in front of him like I usually do ( Lol's told me ages ago, that it was the least intimidating way to approach a man). As I'm crouching in front of him he says I must only be a pretty face since I was crouching. I stood up and all of a sudden I hear a DAMN GIRL why do you crouch, get up here and sit down.
So I picked a perch on his lap and he said the funniest things...
"I guess I can't buy you boobs, you already have them"
" Damn you've got a nice ass"
" I can tell by the way you are dressed that you are a good girl, and you don't do anything outside the lines" " I mean I am looking for a SLUT you know? I know you ain't a slut"
I followed with...Well you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover (I mean duh...I no sucki fucki)
Karm caught me in the locker room and told me he really wanted to dance with me. I thought it was a good time to ask her what exactly he was looking for before I bit off more than I could chew. I told her what he said, she laughed at me. She was like "Oh...red, he just wants girls to talk dirty"
Later in the evening I met a man who agreed to a dance. After the first dance he told me he was disappointed and that I wasn't giving him some sort of crazy dance. I asked him a bunch of times what crazy things he was looking for, he couldn't really give me an answer he just kept trying to push my buttons. So I ever so politely choked him, applied some pressure to a few pressure points. As I'm carefully hurting this man...He starts talking about how that is the type of dance that he wanted, and why didn't I start out doing that.
So dirty is/was apparently subjective word tonight. It's interesting what the range of dirty is. When I hear dirty in the strip club I think of a few things, and most of them require knowing someones real name and a slight medical history.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Locker room talk
Tonight there was a lot of yelling happening in the locker room. Usually this indicates a fight of some sort, but tonight was a little different. It was yelling we save only for extreme bitch sessions. One of the girls recently was broken up with by a guy who came over to her house right before christmas, had sex with her, left, and then text her it was over.
As we women do sometimes we bond over shit like shitty ex's Stripper B started talking about how she's still in love with a dude who has made it very apparent that he is not that into her unless he is in her. With texts like "I'm at the gym doing me".
I dated a dude once who wouldn't go to the grocery store and seemed to wait for me to go. I can also count on one hand how many times he went to the grocery store for us. Also how many times he offered to pay for some of the groceries. He also would work at the dining room table, while working and I would be making dinner he would turn say he couldn't talk and put in ear plugs, or he would just leave.
Which brought us to the question we are literally 3 of the hottest girl in the club, and I as I like to say do things like go to school, and work out, and cook, I'm a pretty okay (great) catch, but somehow we find people that make it oh so clear THAT THEY JUST AREN'T THAT INTO US. Somehow we just can't get it though our pretty little skulls.
As we women do sometimes we bond over shit like shitty ex's Stripper B started talking about how she's still in love with a dude who has made it very apparent that he is not that into her unless he is in her. With texts like "I'm at the gym doing me".
I dated a dude once who wouldn't go to the grocery store and seemed to wait for me to go. I can also count on one hand how many times he went to the grocery store for us. Also how many times he offered to pay for some of the groceries. He also would work at the dining room table, while working and I would be making dinner he would turn say he couldn't talk and put in ear plugs, or he would just leave.
Which brought us to the question we are literally 3 of the hottest girl in the club, and I as I like to say do things like go to school, and work out, and cook, I'm a pretty okay (great) catch, but somehow we find people that make it oh so clear THAT THEY JUST AREN'T THAT INTO US. Somehow we just can't get it though our pretty little skulls.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
It's cozy down here...
Preface...Thank you all for sticking with me, through all of it.
This weekend something crazy happened...I found the bottom of feeling bad, I know I've been whining about it for months now...Literally, and I had no idea how to change it. I'd been having things that seemed like panic attacks when I would leave work, or when I arrived at work, I was scared to talk to anyone, I started thinking of all my flaws when I approached people at work. I hadn't been sleeping very much, because I've been trying to be a super hero and get everything done, spend time with people blah, blah, blahThat's right everyone Red, was scared to talk to people.
So last night...I snapped, I lost it, I was totally inconsolable. I was just walking around crying, sitting and crying. It was awful. It all started from some kid from Dubai telling me that he didn't want a dance because he wasn't there to dance he was there to fuck...for less than $20. It clicked something in my mind, and replayed all the times in the past few months and men had told me that they didn't think a dance was worth $20, and there was no value in it to them. Which in my dumb, dumb, stripper brain translated too...YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH. (Which is absolutely not true at all, of course I am worth it.) I started laughing at him, and shaking him a little bit, it occurred to me that his english was not the best, and sadly started telling him how much he hurt my feelings and how upset I was that some smelly kid with bad hair and bad breath didn't think I was good enough, that I work out all the time, and I go to school, and I wear a DDD cup bra or for the rest of the world a F cup and a great ass, and long gorgeous hair. I looked so crazy, SO FUCKING CRAZY. He laughed, and laughed as I was talking about how upset I was, and doubled checked to make sure he didn't understand me. I suppose that's one of the joys of this job, sometimes you can say crazy shit and no one hears you.
The momentary water works started then. I pulled it together. Moved on.
Then I went and asked another gentleman for a dance and he turned me down for someone else, which is totally fine, she's very sweet, but I really didn't understand at that moment why I was being turned down for others left and right. I KNOW, I KNOW, DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS. That's totally fine, I understand. As a friendly reminder I look like this...
I SWEAR IT GETS BETTER FROM HERE AND I BASICALLY QUIT WHINING.
Eventually I realize I totally need to pull it together and try to make some money. So I slam a glass of wine (bad idea...sort of) and hit the floor. A little liquid confidence is needed sometimes. I walk up to this gentleman (all bleary eyed and fuzzy post cry vision, and a little wine brain). I introduce myself to him, and his friend heckles him into getting a dance with me. Just as we sit down for a dance, it occurs to me that know this man, we had really long conversations together, and he rarely buys dances, so all of a sudden I'm really confused, and my confidence has totally returned. This man on various occasions has said that he believes in me, and my dreams, and my love of art, and interest in investing. One time months and months ago we were talking about TED talks, as we were talking about this, he gave me one of the greatest compliments I have ever received, he said "I would love to hear you give a TED talk, I think it would be great".
I went home, watched some crappy tv, and went to bed. I woke up this morning still feeling like shit. So I snuggled my puppy, closed my blinds and slept for most of the day. I woke up around 4 snuggled my puppy some more. I started to think about the previous day, and how everything went down, and I started thinking about my new years resolutions, one of them was really important and it is... that I take better care of myself, that I start being nice to myself, that I quit beating my self up when I'm not perfect in someone else's eyes. I've always been good enough, which is why I felt like I would be a great Stripper because of my confidence.
Somehow my confidence was lost recently, and I know it takes more than one day of sleeping in to regain it but...I thought, and thought, and thought, and I'm going to be just fine. I'm still me, I'm still here, I'm still all the things I toot my own horn about.
So tonight I went to work, and I was me again, shark walk and all, I reminded myself I can't be anyone else except for myself, which is really who I need to be. I've been wondering so much lately why it seems people don't like me and that's why, I must seem so fake lately. So tonight I went back to being me, and tomorrow I'm going to keep being me, in every aspect of my life, and stop trying to be someone else. SOOOOOOOOOOOO identity crisis is over.
That's the nice thing about finding the bottom, the only way to go is up. Here is to a new year, and an old me, and returning to being the person I love.
Thank you all for sticking with me, through all of it. Reading all my whining, although I don't know all of you personally, but I really appreciate you.
This weekend something crazy happened...I found the bottom of feeling bad, I know I've been whining about it for months now...Literally, and I had no idea how to change it. I'd been having things that seemed like panic attacks when I would leave work, or when I arrived at work, I was scared to talk to anyone, I started thinking of all my flaws when I approached people at work. I hadn't been sleeping very much, because I've been trying to be a super hero and get everything done, spend time with people blah, blah, blahThat's right everyone Red, was scared to talk to people.
So last night...I snapped, I lost it, I was totally inconsolable. I was just walking around crying, sitting and crying. It was awful. It all started from some kid from Dubai telling me that he didn't want a dance because he wasn't there to dance he was there to fuck...for less than $20. It clicked something in my mind, and replayed all the times in the past few months and men had told me that they didn't think a dance was worth $20, and there was no value in it to them. Which in my dumb, dumb, stripper brain translated too...YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH. (Which is absolutely not true at all, of course I am worth it.) I started laughing at him, and shaking him a little bit, it occurred to me that his english was not the best, and sadly started telling him how much he hurt my feelings and how upset I was that some smelly kid with bad hair and bad breath didn't think I was good enough, that I work out all the time, and I go to school, and I wear a DDD cup bra or for the rest of the world a F cup and a great ass, and long gorgeous hair. I looked so crazy, SO FUCKING CRAZY. He laughed, and laughed as I was talking about how upset I was, and doubled checked to make sure he didn't understand me. I suppose that's one of the joys of this job, sometimes you can say crazy shit and no one hears you.
The momentary water works started then. I pulled it together. Moved on.
Then I went and asked another gentleman for a dance and he turned me down for someone else, which is totally fine, she's very sweet, but I really didn't understand at that moment why I was being turned down for others left and right. I KNOW, I KNOW, DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS. That's totally fine, I understand. As a friendly reminder I look like this...
I'm the one on your left..
I also look like this...
...just in case you were curious.
THEN, THEN, I TOTALLY lost my shit. I started crying, and crying, and talking about how I didn't understand what was wrong with me, and why I wasn't good enough, or why I wasn't attractive enough, smart enough, witty enough. As I'm crying about how awful I feeling, I'm noticing who is trying to console me and who is walking past and not saying anything. That totally made everything worse, I started thinking about how many people I have comforted when they are crying. SILVER LINING NUMBER ONE FIGURING OUT WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE. So I keep crying like a girl.I SWEAR IT GETS BETTER FROM HERE AND I BASICALLY QUIT WHINING.
Eventually I realize I totally need to pull it together and try to make some money. So I slam a glass of wine (bad idea...sort of) and hit the floor. A little liquid confidence is needed sometimes. I walk up to this gentleman (all bleary eyed and fuzzy post cry vision, and a little wine brain). I introduce myself to him, and his friend heckles him into getting a dance with me. Just as we sit down for a dance, it occurs to me that know this man, we had really long conversations together, and he rarely buys dances, so all of a sudden I'm really confused, and my confidence has totally returned. This man on various occasions has said that he believes in me, and my dreams, and my love of art, and interest in investing. One time months and months ago we were talking about TED talks, as we were talking about this, he gave me one of the greatest compliments I have ever received, he said "I would love to hear you give a TED talk, I think it would be great".
I went home, watched some crappy tv, and went to bed. I woke up this morning still feeling like shit. So I snuggled my puppy, closed my blinds and slept for most of the day. I woke up around 4 snuggled my puppy some more. I started to think about the previous day, and how everything went down, and I started thinking about my new years resolutions, one of them was really important and it is... that I take better care of myself, that I start being nice to myself, that I quit beating my self up when I'm not perfect in someone else's eyes. I've always been good enough, which is why I felt like I would be a great Stripper because of my confidence.
Somehow my confidence was lost recently, and I know it takes more than one day of sleeping in to regain it but...I thought, and thought, and thought, and I'm going to be just fine. I'm still me, I'm still here, I'm still all the things I toot my own horn about.
So tonight I went to work, and I was me again, shark walk and all, I reminded myself I can't be anyone else except for myself, which is really who I need to be. I've been wondering so much lately why it seems people don't like me and that's why, I must seem so fake lately. So tonight I went back to being me, and tomorrow I'm going to keep being me, in every aspect of my life, and stop trying to be someone else. SOOOOOOOOOOOO identity crisis is over.
That's the nice thing about finding the bottom, the only way to go is up. Here is to a new year, and an old me, and returning to being the person I love.
Thank you all for sticking with me, through all of it. Reading all my whining, although I don't know all of you personally, but I really appreciate you.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Mid-weekend highlights, or there is always a silver lining to everything.
I'm wondering if my karma is throw off right now.
1. I smashed my phone.
2. My ex came in.
3. I cried at work.
4. I broke my shoes.
The universe is trying to tell me something, in fact it's yelling at me, but it's yelling at me in a different language
1. Smashed phone...I am finally adult enough to get insurance. So whooo upgrade for me 5s I'm excited.
2. Well JW and I were together his friend KK who encouraged him to dump me. I mean he would have dumped me regardless...But I really thought he never thought very fondly of me. I'm quite sure that hasn't changed. BUT! I think that he ending up with a raging boner is good enough for me. I mean I know guys get boners, but that, that one proves that he's just a person and no better than me, and I being a woman still have some power over him... and my bonder providing ability. HotChaCha I still got it.
3. I cried at work...Everyone breaks down every now and again, and sometimes it's good to cry in public to find out who your real friends are, sometimes it's surprising, but it's always good.
4. I broke my shoes...Got to bust out the ol' bondage tape and something about it, just made me feel like myself again.
I think I'm officially an at least there is something in my glass, and it's probably half full.
Even though this weekend has sucked super mushroom looking cock, there is always tomorrow, and it's a brand new day, and everyday is a good day to start over. Stand by for up coming resolutions for the new year.
1. I smashed my phone.
2. My ex came in.
3. I cried at work.
4. I broke my shoes.
The universe is trying to tell me something, in fact it's yelling at me, but it's yelling at me in a different language
1. Smashed phone...I am finally adult enough to get insurance. So whooo upgrade for me 5s I'm excited.
2. Well JW and I were together his friend KK who encouraged him to dump me. I mean he would have dumped me regardless...But I really thought he never thought very fondly of me. I'm quite sure that hasn't changed. BUT! I think that he ending up with a raging boner is good enough for me. I mean I know guys get boners, but that, that one proves that he's just a person and no better than me, and I being a woman still have some power over him... and my bonder providing ability. HotChaCha I still got it.
3. I cried at work...Everyone breaks down every now and again, and sometimes it's good to cry in public to find out who your real friends are, sometimes it's surprising, but it's always good.
4. I broke my shoes...Got to bust out the ol' bondage tape and something about it, just made me feel like myself again.
I think I'm officially an at least there is something in my glass, and it's probably half full.
Even though this weekend has sucked super mushroom looking cock, there is always tomorrow, and it's a brand new day, and everyday is a good day to start over. Stand by for up coming resolutions for the new year.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Frustration, leads to laziness, and laziness leads to...
Don't call it a comeback.
I've been thinking a lot about how I was when I first started this job. Lately I've been so frustrated and the whole stripper world seem so bad, and I know why I'm not making any money right now. I'm not following my own advice of staying out of the locker room, and talking to everyone, because there really is some good in everyone...Except for a particular brand of men who just want to put there hands wherever they seem to think is exciting.
So here we are. Almost a new year, and I'm going to dig deep tomorrow morning and re-find myself. This version of me isn't working and I need me back by tomorrow. There is nothing wrong with me, and lately I've felt like there is. I mean for real...I'm awesome, and excuse me as I toot my own horn again for the millionth time. I mean really, if I were a dude, I would want a girl, who worked out, who could cook, who had great style, who knew folks around town, who like drinking both classy cocktails and dive bars, who reads, who makes her own money, who wants me and doesn't need me, who is totally sexy, who loves workout clothes, and who also loves lingerie, who goes to school to better herself. I would totally date myself. I'm the shit and that's all you all need to know. I'm serious. I'm. So. Hot. I. Can. Do. Be. The. Best. And. I. Am...so I better start working like it, and acting like it.
1. Don't hang out in the locker room...ever.
2. Do make-up at home, before arriving at work.
3. Talk to everyone, find something interesting about everyone.
4. Shark walk gang.
5. Don't be so apprehensive about being a little rough with people, it made me $ before it should make me $ again.
6. Be a little vulnerable, so I'm not so "INTIMIDATING"
Previously, I never had bad nights. I want so badly to blame it on the club, or the construction, or blah, blah, blah.
But, tonight while I was talking to dais I made a good point. I have a body similar to a porn star, I'm great as you can see in the aforementioned items. There is zero reason that anyone should stay NO more to me.
So, now that I've blathered on for a million years...Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm grab it by the fucking balls, and then I'm going to make tomorrow my bitch.
I've been thinking a lot about how I was when I first started this job. Lately I've been so frustrated and the whole stripper world seem so bad, and I know why I'm not making any money right now. I'm not following my own advice of staying out of the locker room, and talking to everyone, because there really is some good in everyone...Except for a particular brand of men who just want to put there hands wherever they seem to think is exciting.
So here we are. Almost a new year, and I'm going to dig deep tomorrow morning and re-find myself. This version of me isn't working and I need me back by tomorrow. There is nothing wrong with me, and lately I've felt like there is. I mean for real...I'm awesome, and excuse me as I toot my own horn again for the millionth time. I mean really, if I were a dude, I would want a girl, who worked out, who could cook, who had great style, who knew folks around town, who like drinking both classy cocktails and dive bars, who reads, who makes her own money, who wants me and doesn't need me, who is totally sexy, who loves workout clothes, and who also loves lingerie, who goes to school to better herself. I would totally date myself. I'm the shit and that's all you all need to know. I'm serious. I'm. So. Hot. I. Can. Do. Be. The. Best. And. I. Am...so I better start working like it, and acting like it.
1. Don't hang out in the locker room...ever.
2. Do make-up at home, before arriving at work.
3. Talk to everyone, find something interesting about everyone.
4. Shark walk gang.
5. Don't be so apprehensive about being a little rough with people, it made me $ before it should make me $ again.
6. Be a little vulnerable, so I'm not so "INTIMIDATING"
Previously, I never had bad nights. I want so badly to blame it on the club, or the construction, or blah, blah, blah.
But, tonight while I was talking to dais I made a good point. I have a body similar to a porn star, I'm great as you can see in the aforementioned items. There is zero reason that anyone should stay NO more to me.
So, now that I've blathered on for a million years...Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm grab it by the fucking balls, and then I'm going to make tomorrow my bitch.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Whine, whine, whine, I wish I had a glass of wine.
I don't even know if this is appropriate to talk about in my blog. I have no clue but it might help me to talk about it. My best friend no long wants to kick it with us on this planet, apparently we her friends are not enough, nor her family, or any puppies, nothing. She's taking all the right steps to prevent it, of course and wants it to work but doesn't know if it will work. Im so sad.
Another soon to be ex friend is incredibly mad at me because I have never really made time for them, or that I wouldn't give them a chance at dating me. I DON'T DATE, AND I HAVE MY REASONS HOW HARD IS THAT? Yes I'm busy anyone who knows me knows that I'm always busy, or tired, and I'm always, always, always late. Really though our "friendship" that I haven't mad time for they have gotten so mad at me and sent me just passive emails that put themselves down and it appears that they don't listen to what I'm saying, so I get a couple days of mean emails, then I get an apology email hoping that I will understand and forgive him. I mean this has been going on for a year. I think that I'm doing the right thing for them by saying I don't want to continue this cycle, and that it's incredibly unhealthily and I don't get any joy out of this so I don't see any possible way that they do.
Lastly my other best friend is questioning if I'm actually doing anything with my life since I'm not through school yet. If I will do anything with my life or if I'm just going to maintain. Also that no one would care if I colored my hair dark brown I really hope that's not what to seems like to everyone else(the school thing), but it may, and that would make sense I've been in school for a billion years.
When it rains it hails...and I'm debating with myself wether or not I want to go home for the holidays. It's going to cost me over 1,000 just for the plane ticket, then I have the car rental, and I know if I go home it's not a vacation, inevitably I will be running errands for my parents which is fine. What's not fine is their instance that I wake up at 7am. I really would like to be with my family on Christmas they are my world... I'm a horrible daughter because I don't want to spend somewhere in the ball park of 2,000 to not be on vacation.
Another soon to be ex friend is incredibly mad at me because I have never really made time for them, or that I wouldn't give them a chance at dating me. I DON'T DATE, AND I HAVE MY REASONS HOW HARD IS THAT? Yes I'm busy anyone who knows me knows that I'm always busy, or tired, and I'm always, always, always late. Really though our "friendship" that I haven't mad time for they have gotten so mad at me and sent me just passive emails that put themselves down and it appears that they don't listen to what I'm saying, so I get a couple days of mean emails, then I get an apology email hoping that I will understand and forgive him. I mean this has been going on for a year. I think that I'm doing the right thing for them by saying I don't want to continue this cycle, and that it's incredibly unhealthily and I don't get any joy out of this so I don't see any possible way that they do.
Lastly my other best friend is questioning if I'm actually doing anything with my life since I'm not through school yet. If I will do anything with my life or if I'm just going to maintain. Also that no one would care if I colored my hair dark brown I really hope that's not what to seems like to everyone else(the school thing), but it may, and that would make sense I've been in school for a billion years.
When it rains it hails...and I'm debating with myself wether or not I want to go home for the holidays. It's going to cost me over 1,000 just for the plane ticket, then I have the car rental, and I know if I go home it's not a vacation, inevitably I will be running errands for my parents which is fine. What's not fine is their instance that I wake up at 7am. I really would like to be with my family on Christmas they are my world... I'm a horrible daughter because I don't want to spend somewhere in the ball park of 2,000 to not be on vacation.
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