How many stripper does it take

to send me into a fit of rage. None really it takes a house mom that looks like jabba the hut and likes to think she is just as important. I'm sorry bitch but you sit in a chair all night. Not that I'm out changing the world (wait yes I am) but don't get it my god damn way. You don't care about me, you just care that you get paid, and your little outfit lady that comes in. SHE IS FUCKING AWESOME! She is at least nice and will talk, god, jabba your a bitch, and I don't want to pay you $15 every night to eat a couple carrot sticks and use your super glue once in a blue fucking moon. why don't you do something for me? I mean shit I have given lapdances for 15 big ones, not that I want one from her but god damn. Anyway enough preface.
I'm sitting in Chicago, the sun is basically up, I'm drinking a glass of wine which I know I shouldn't be doing but holy god it was a rough night. I ended up with so many come back laters I started to think I look deformed or something. I know I don't. It was just that I was trying to be someone else. There was a point in my night where I got to be me. Just me, me red, the bitch you don't want to fuck with. I was sitting with an Englishman and he pointed over to a group of men and said I don't care how drunk I would be or what they do for a living I wouldn't talk to them if I were you. I turned and looked directly at him (he's a behavioral analyst by the way) and said, "well I have talked to them, and do you see the man in the green shirt, he's amazingly nice and extremely funny, as for what they do for a living they move snow and ice so that means that they work outside on the worst days" He looked at me like I was a god damn lunatic. It was also at that point that I said this is why I do my job, I get a different look at life everyday, everyday is different, everyday is an adventure, everyone comes from a different path and just because their path is different than yours does not make them a bad person. Then he bought dances.
I broke my shoe tonight (again) as well it was horrible and embarrassing, and I couldn't walk to get anywhere to even take them off. I don't know when the last time you fell of 8" was but it's not fun. As I super glued my shoe together I realized that I hated every god damn bitch up in that house. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to click my heels together 3 times and be fucking home...so I cried, big bad Red started to tear up and text her BFF and whine that she wanted to come home, that she couldn't cut it in the big city. It was also at this moment that I realized that I don't give a fuck about any bitch up in there. I need to to my own thing. I wiped my tears held my chin up, hoped my shoe would stay together and walked back out on the floor. Where I promptly ran into a group of auditors. One of them, the one I chose to sit with was a huge fucking asshole (of course) he said he was an auditor I said i needed to go, he said that's probably a good idea because they don't play. I sat my ass down on him hard, and said good because I'm not really fucking around either. Which apparently got his attention. We started to do the small talk bullshit. He asked how my night was I said fine. He looked directly at me and said "no seriously how's it going" I said "Really the truth? The truth is I have every god damn woman in here. I hope they all fail, I hope that something terrible happens, I'm tired of being ignored. I'm used to a club where you are a team, where every girl has your god damn back and you know not one bad thing is going to happen to you, but this place, ha, this place is a god damn joke and it sucks so god damn hard, fuck everyone." I started to tear up and all I could think was lapdances are best when the stripper cry's which of course made me laugh and find the courage to ask him for a dance, which I thought was totally going to be a no. I was completely wrong, he was a total sweet heart and bought more than one.
Lesson of the night, always be yourself, be bigger than the sound, fuck what everyone else thinks, this is about me. On that note, tomorrow Red comes back, full effect. Time to hustle.

Honest moment

To whom it may concern, Please don't take this the wrong way.
I'm going to miss my home so much. I'm going to miss waking up in the first place that has felt like home in years. I'm going to miss the silence. I'm going to miss the skyline. I'm going to miss the mountains. I'm going to miss knowing that everything here is mine and no one elses I'm going to miss dumping my clothes off in my hallway and picking them up in the morning. I'm going to miss dance parties till 6am with my best friends. I'm going to miss puffs and guac. I'm going to miss my neighborhood. Even though I've lived here for years sometimes it feels like I just got here. I'm going to miss my girls and my club. I'm going to miss the sunrises and sunsets. The hills that I hate running. I'm going to miss my running route I'm going to miss coffee even though I rarely drink it anymore. I'm going to miss my lunch and dinner spots. I'm going to miss knowing all the good places to shop. I'm going to miss being someone to more than one person.
There are totally things I will not miss. Things I hate. Things I never want to see again. There are things in Chicago that I am so looking forward to. It's just scary moving across the country again. I mean I did it when I was 18 but I was young and fearless and it was an adventure. I didn't know what failure was yet. I had no idea how badly things could go or that I would become a fatalist. I mean I'm keeping my place in Seattle just in case I hate Chicago because I"m really not going back to my parents in wisco, I'm coming straight home to Seattle. If nothing terrible happens then great I'll be amazingly surprised in a good way. I mean I'm not hoping my plans fall apart but anything is possible and I really can't fail this time.

4am

God life changes when you least expect it to. This year of dancing has been crazy.
 A few months back I kicked a dude in the chest because he got on my stage.
Tonight I kicked some dudes foot off my stage.
I've danced in different states.
I've been judged for what I do.
I've met an amazing person.
I've traveled so much it almost hurts.
I've learned who I am.
I went back to school.
I've stayed up for so many sunrises and sunsets I can't even count them anymore.
I've had work relationships with people that now mean so much to me.
I've seen people come and go.
I've had people come back after a year and ask me if I remember them.
I've had people unload money on me.
I've been propositioned for sex.
I've hit so many people.
I've terrified people.
I've been their therapist.
I have given more hugs to people crying than I know what to do with.
I've learned what heart break really is and not just from my side, for the stories of others.
I have broken more heels than I can count.
I have been so lucky, so incredibly lucky.
I have become more independent than ever before.

More catching up

I wish I had dates on these it might help put some reference on it.

Yesterday I really good friend of mine brought up a fantastic point, this may end up being a little off the topic of stripping, but it does bring up a few good points about me and my personality. Anyway I was lamenting about how much boob I had showing in a few photos, I rarely see photos of myself actually dressed so I am unaware that I have more boob than anyone else would leave the house showing in plain site. He asked me a very important question which happened to be stated mostly like the following. 

"Yeah Red, men objectify you, and women fucking fear you, you are on a pedestal, your like a god damn force, I don't know how many times I have to tell you. You are disturbing the force field, but really you are playing in the wrong one. Yeah what do you think that means, nope wrong. You need to get it together and show the world what you have"

So thank you everyman that comes in and participates in my little survey of who you are and what you do and how old you are, and why you said no, silly in know that I don't care why you said yes. I think you make it pretty clear by telling me how hot I am or that you want some very specific role playing. 

I also really appreciate the fact that you are funding all of my big fucking dreams of making it in a different industry. Even if you never knew anything about me, the real me I really appreciate it. 

To all the women that look at me and then look at their husbands to see if their husbands are looking at me. IF you haven't noticed I'm looking at you not your husband, and I'm judging you not him, so please calm down, your being really silly. I'm curious about you and what you have to say and what your relationship looks like to you, not what your husband thinks of me, that one is easy. Tits and ass she's got it going on. Thats what he's thinking of. So please stop with the look of distain, it's not flattering. 

Unless of you fear me for some business reason. In which case get the fuck out of my way, i'll have your job someday even if you push me to the side, I've got a lot of patience and I'll be here the day you fall from grace.

catching up on old posts

That I probably wrote while super loaded on an airplane

park that car drop that phone sleep on the floor dream about me, park that car, drop that phone, park that car, drop that phone….used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that…anthems of a seventeen year old girl.

Sometimes that's totally who I feel even though I am way older than seventeen, it's just  a feeling that I get, you want people to like you much like everyone that you've ever met. 

Sometimes I wonder if relationships mature after high school of if that is the skill set you are given and that is what you deal with. 

I come across this so much in work. It's men that are hyper horny and think that by saying lude things you can land a stripper. FYI in case you haven't read the articles that I will cite later *MEMO TO SELF SITE ARTICLES ABOUT DATING STRIPPERS*

Truth is we appreciate someone who is polite more than you will ever know, we are willing to thrown in a free song after so many. We don't want to be swindled just as much as you don't…so don't even try mother fucker. 

Back to being seventeen, a lot of girls are super young, and they can be a little dumb, don't take advantage of that. Think of yourself at that age, insecure hoping that a certain person liked you then you found out they used you it can be totally damaging. So don't be a fucking asshole about it, hurt a girls feelings and then don't pay her, she might need that to pay her therapist…bet you didn't think we go to therapists, well the smart ones do it's an emanational job, you pour your heart and soul into a person and they don't really like you. I know it sounds like reverse rolls but we really do try with you gentlemen and we do appreciate the one we build up a sort of relationship with, it's nice. 

I've been writing a lot lately

Just not in this forum, It's been much more personal than that. I'm going though this phase where I feel that I must reflect on everything. So that's what I've been doing. Work has been really helpful for that. I've started telling people the real reason I started dancing. It's never been out of shear desperation but it was out of boredom. I didn't have to work, I could have stayed home with the cat for forever. I just really didn't want to be a housewife it just wasn't going to work so I started dancing.
Dancing destroyed a relationship I had. It straight up ruined it. On the other hand that relationship has been like every significant relationship I've ever had. I end up getting slept around on, and then I of course return the favor. I know that's not the way a person should live their lives but that's what happened. I think this is actually extremely damaging to my ability to trust people and to fully commit to someone. It's like as soon as everything is perfect I get a hunch that it's all about to just go to hell. So I start looking for a parachute to jump with. Dancing ended up being my golden parachute. It has seriously brought me greater joy then the corp clients I held. I have made some of my very dearest girlfriends though dancing. Girls I know would have my back though thick and thin, carry me out of a bar if I was hammered. Stand up for me, fight for me or just back me up when the punches start flying. Girls that are my sounding board for everything, because really you can't get naked with the same girls everyday and not have a relationship with some of them. I have girl friends that will tell me the truth, who would never let you out of the house looking like a dumb-ass.
I have prided myself on being totally and completely selfish in the past, dancing has taught me to be selfless and still maintain a sense of self. Dancing has taught me to be me. It has taught me how to love. How to really approach tough subjects, and how to fucking say no. It has taught me boundaries and what being open minded really is.
Regardless of where dancing takes me or doesn't take me I will always cherish most of the memories I have of it. I would not be me without it.