I've been writing a lot lately

Just not in this forum, It's been much more personal than that. I'm going though this phase where I feel that I must reflect on everything. So that's what I've been doing. Work has been really helpful for that. I've started telling people the real reason I started dancing. It's never been out of shear desperation but it was out of boredom. I didn't have to work, I could have stayed home with the cat for forever. I just really didn't want to be a housewife it just wasn't going to work so I started dancing.
Dancing destroyed a relationship I had. It straight up ruined it. On the other hand that relationship has been like every significant relationship I've ever had. I end up getting slept around on, and then I of course return the favor. I know that's not the way a person should live their lives but that's what happened. I think this is actually extremely damaging to my ability to trust people and to fully commit to someone. It's like as soon as everything is perfect I get a hunch that it's all about to just go to hell. So I start looking for a parachute to jump with. Dancing ended up being my golden parachute. It has seriously brought me greater joy then the corp clients I held. I have made some of my very dearest girlfriends though dancing. Girls I know would have my back though thick and thin, carry me out of a bar if I was hammered. Stand up for me, fight for me or just back me up when the punches start flying. Girls that are my sounding board for everything, because really you can't get naked with the same girls everyday and not have a relationship with some of them. I have girl friends that will tell me the truth, who would never let you out of the house looking like a dumb-ass.
I have prided myself on being totally and completely selfish in the past, dancing has taught me to be selfless and still maintain a sense of self. Dancing has taught me to be me. It has taught me how to love. How to really approach tough subjects, and how to fucking say no. It has taught me boundaries and what being open minded really is.
Regardless of where dancing takes me or doesn't take me I will always cherish most of the memories I have of it. I would not be me without it.