Seattle Stripper Blog: August 2015

Sunday, August 30, 2015

fuck you brain

This headache is officially getting old. I'm super over having it, I'm on like day 4.

Friday, August 28, 2015

I only suffer from writers block when I don't want to talk about things...I was told today I should just write no matter what.

Mon, is back at work. She is the girl that connected the cheese and I...Before that however she came with me to a friends house to hang out in their hot tub. She left her swimsuit there and asked me to retrieve it. Before I had the chance to I lost their number as it's not in the phone I have now...So I've had no way to contact either of them, so I haven't asked them for the suit back, and I couldn't tell her I didn't have it. The 1st thing I said to her when she came back even before "hey, how are you" was "I owe you a new suit" she said something that really insulted me in that moment and is lingering still "Don't worry about it I bought a new one, and it was really expensive" okay I get that swimsuits are expensive, but I feel slightly responsible for hers, especially because we work together and this is where being a stripper sucks, by her saying it was expensive is basically saying I suck at my job and can't afford to pay for her suit, I don't feel like this happens in other areas of life...or people don't connect those two things...also it means The Cheese said some mean ass shit about me.

Recently I decided to go back to my old ways and I was a little bitchier back then, so far it's worked out pretty well, everything at work is going great, I'm happier, the only problem is I wrote a long email to someone very close to me inumerating the ways in which they have disappointed me over the past few years, and I expected them to respond appropriately except now they are trying to make up for that disappointment immediately, and I've gotten so accustom to not having them around that it's almost equally upsetting that they are telling me rather than asking me how they intend to help...it's like le sigh, I'm an adult with a secret life, what don't you get about that, you can't just pop-in you don't know about my secret life.

That is one of the most stressful things about this job, keeping it a secret, and when that gets threatened it gets stressful, I suppose just having my normal day to day life disrupted is stressful too.

I hate hurting peoples feelings but sometimes I have to do it to protect mine. If I did everything everyone wanted me to do, I would go completely crazy. This job runs a number on your emotions, and sometimes I've got to remind myself that I've got to put on my own O2 mask before anyone else.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Talking about online dating....throwing out advice like you should dollars.

I swear I'm going to make it to work almost on time tonight.

So I logged into my online dating profile for the 1st time in a long, long, long, 3000 messages kind of long time. I thought I would go through them for fun, respond to assholes and tell them that just because I look a certain way I'm not a complete idiot... Don't judge a bitch by her bra size.

As I'm going through all this mail I'm reminded of why I hate dating why it's the worst thing that every happened to a person. Like the guy who camped out on my lawn sent me a message today oddly enough. It's crazy so many people judge me for what I do for a living but they are out of this world crazy, like really you are going to call someone 50 times, 50 times, you have to push a button 100 times, and you are going to call the police after you tell a grocery store clerk that I hit you, and tell the police that I'm a missing person... but being a stripper is insane and I'm crazy unstable.

Also what's up with the dudes that hit you up and are like "Yo bitch I just wanna tap that ass, you down my name is Brandon" Nah brah, I'm cool. Also what girl responds to that in a positive way. I'm going to start asking for Dick pics and posting them at work , maybe I can start a thing we all can join dating sites and post Dick pics we get. I think this could work.

I did ctrl+f to see if anyone recognized me... they have. I suppose that's the problem with going public with what I do. Speaking of I think it's jaq the stripper or ripper (her blog is awesome you should totally read it.) has these great tee's she's doing they are "off duty stripper" tee's I need to get one. I feel like too many people have the "Jesus loves strippers" tee. Sidebar. I'm using my surface to write this and it won't let me swear or write the word stripper. However "off duty stripper" and my Polaroid should make me super popular in my neighborhood... not that I want to be, but maybe I'll start a whole marketing campaign surrounding Polaroid pictures... that is not a bad idea...I need a stamp or a label maker. Probably a stamp. Maybe a whole wax seal... no a stamp would be better.

WHY IS MY FUCKING PORK BELLY TACO TAKING SO GOD DAMN LONG! It's keeping me from going to work and making me crabby. I always wonder how my age stacks up to others in a bar... in the whole online dating thing everyone seems to be 19-24 maybe it's just the site I use. Also what's up with dudes in Seattle not talking to people.

SEATTLE MEN....GO TO STRIP CLUBS GET ACCUSTOM TO TALKING TO HOT GIRLS AND THEN GO TO BARS AND TALK TO THEM. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

I love that while I was retrieving my taco that some guy walked up to read my screen... awesome but you won't talk to a girl. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CITY. I'm moving back to Chicago. Just kidding. Seriously I'm not... or not right now. I just put the deposit down on my other place... and they moved my move date back... boo on them. That being said I need to look at some new furniture which I'm doing tomorrow, but buying new furniture, that's going to require some extra work nights... or telling you all the email to my pay-pal or putting it on my wish list and actually posting it like I keep saying I'm going to do. Just kidding extra work it is... so come see me, maybe you will get a Polaroid out of it... not a bad deal in my opinion lap-dances and a Polaroid.

Oh I take it back, someone talked to me because I had the I need a napkin face.... apparently better than resting bitch face, I'm totally going to use it more often. It's strange to be in this bar at night since I'm usually only here during the day with leftover hooker face on from the night before, tonight however I'm rocking the no-make-up look and a black jumpsuit maybe it's the fact I look slightly like a mechanic.

Alright taco Tuesday must come to a close and so should this rant it's off to the hoe mines. If you aren't busy you should swing by and grab a dance.

writers block...again.

I swear I'm working on it. Back to an hour a day.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

you know for senators and athletes...

Tonight was one of those nights I had it, I was hot, I was funny, I had it going bossanova...is that the way you say that?

So tonight I was at work surprise, surprise, I sat down with this gentleman who opened the conversation with "I want to ask you a question, but I don't know how to ask it politely" so I told him to just ask he mumbled a bit and got out I wanted to know how much...and I followed up with "it is to smash?" he looked astounded and said "no, I just wanted to know how much a girl weighed" this conversation went on for a bit, then he did something that took me by surprise so much I almost got up and walked away, which takes a lot these days he reached out and grabbed my stomach with two fingers...I have never felt so insecure so quickly ever. I went on to ask him what he did and he said an engineer but couldn't tell me what kind of engineer...so I asked him if he was a drug dealer or a stripper since those are the two big ones no one wants to talk about. Then came the kicker I guess I rolled my eyes at him which is a pretty common thing I do these days, he asked me what was up with that and I said I was exasperated. He then asked me to spell exasperated, so I did and he thought I put a k in it. I said I didn't and said I would type it on my phone he wanted to bet something. I have great faith in my spelling when I want to so I guess I should have bet at least $100 on it instead I bet $1 because I don't gamble. Anyway I won a dollar tonight. I didn't believe he was from Ohio so I asked him what you say after "oh" and he of course answered with the correct thing. I couldn't tell if I had offended him or not. I then thought he's probably an athlete based on how little I sank into him when I sat down. I felt like talking to him I was so witty actually all of tonight I was so witty. I wish I could keep that feeling going every night it makes everything so much easier. He ended up getting a dance was displeased with the rules yall gotta learn don't touch these with your hands means your hands and that I'm not just a walking talking vagina and boobs just saying there is 90% left of me. In the mean time we had some good laughs he realized I don't take the whole thing too seriously said I was pretty, blah, blah, blah.

Earlier in the evening I was walking the floor and noticed a guy in a white tee looking at me. Usually I don't walk up to people looking at me right away...I want to make them sweat, or work for it, or whatever. Anyway I broke one of my own rules and walked up. I introduced myself. I don't remember his name I just remember he was from Delaware. I sat down and he was immediately like "I'm good" I retorted with "I'm so glad you are good, now tell me more about you" "No...I meant I'm good I don't want a dance" "Okay... did I offer you one? I don't even know if I like you... and really you might change your mind, who knows" that shuts everyone up every time because it really makes them think... this stripper might not like me, this person is suppose to like me what the fucking, fuck, is going on here. Anyway, I sat down we chat...I started through the survey I was giving for a while which really turned people off to me. I asked him what type of girl he liked and he then said "Big blobs, skinny, shorter" I asked him what was wrong with me since he basically described me. So I asked "what's wrong with me?" he said "Nothing, you are basically my type of girl" "So... do you want at dance?" "Yeah, yeah I do" another one bites the dust, charmed to dance.

So another hilarious Friday night for the books. Somehow however I didn't talk to anyone tonight, by anyone I mean anyone I work with.

Friday, August 14, 2015

I don't get it...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

And that's how I feel today.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

It's alright don't panic...I'm just moving

Finally after a year a year of waiting I can move again...nothing to light the fire under my ass like being sick...leaving for the weekend...and moving at the end of the month...Here goes me not making myself sick working to death again...I guess I'll enjoy my time by the pool this weekend pretending I'm directing that old penthouse film Caligula. I'm seriously enjoying my 1st glass of bubbles in like a month to celebrate right now...and listening to old modest mouse as loud as I want FUCK YOU DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOR! I guess we can officially call it a comeback.

Monday, August 10, 2015

more on being ill as fuck, and boring you all trying to pass some time.

I've watched the movie escort like 5 times this week. I emptied the last of my "fun" account into rentals, I hadn't been paying attention to that account so it wasn't as many movies as one would hope, however watching movies in Korean on YouTube has been interesting and helpful for a new language....
AND YOU LUCKY LUCKY DUCKS!!!!! you get mainlined into my brain tonight since I literally can think of nothing else to do right now than curl here on my floor and write... for some reason having my shower on helps me a ton but I'm betting my downstairs neighbor is hating me...I care so little right now it's kind of amazing. He can fuck himself.

So "The Escort" Is filmed in LA I think. The girl is gorgeous like stunner like sleeper stunner though. It's about a guy who is a writer for a dyeing part of a magazine who is trying to get a new job and is out drinking one night meets a girl she happens to be a prostitute.... ding ding ding let hilarity ensue including but not limitited to how he is a guy who has seen pretty woman a few too many times. I loved it, not at 1st it's the main actors stab at directing and acting I think so parts of it feel a little forced on his end. He's cute not like stunner cute, not omg I'm skipping work for this guy. Unlike the Korean guy god this is going to sound sooooo racist #nointernettakebacks I am not one of those girls that's like 'omg asian guy, I like dress like a teddy bear, go out with me!!!!!!! But....Lee Byung-hun damn, Ladies...if you haven't seen it. The scene with him going through secerety and getting handed a robe and the final car chase, I think it's like min 19:10 for the 1st just kidding I don't know it's 16:20 depends if it's the english, the english dub, or the korean version, totally kidding I know its during the character setup but that's about it...I might have drinks before work on a Thursday and consider not going in for him, but that's crazy talk we all know I don't skip work unless I'm apparently deathly ill. He's just dumb hot.

Anyway..."The Escort" The very end they have some quote about love, and how little of true love she sees and when you find it you don't leave it blah blah look it up...Anyway in this movie this girl does it because at some point in her college career she made a ppt with the triple digits of guys she had been with and it went viral...a cautionary tale to our generation on how you can't take it back. Her name showed up with whore next to it in a bunch of searches so she thought "If I'm going to get called a whore, I'm getting paid like one."... and went high end straight away, I feel like I'm not making any sense right now since I'm trying to just type what I'm thinking about... anyway... back to addressing quotes the one about love and how little of it you see in the sex industry hit home a little bit. I mean we meet people, we create relationships with them, we become intrinsic to peoples lives because of the service we provide, and those people have lives outside of us and sometimes like #tweetsfromthemensroom you get to hear them overlap.

My interloper+1 now minus interloper so my +1 literally just dropped off a speaker to me so caring for my illness and my boredom however he did decide to dj it himself so I now have "little stupid ass bitch I don't a fuck about you or anything you do, I don't give a fuck about you" Which reminds me of Philly so much, so, so, so, so, much since that song came out when everything went down between us...Someone posted themselves, not Philly singing that song and driving around. Actually Philly found that video and was mad for me, I should have known then.

I have totally committed to the whitenoise of the shower and now fear that turning it off would distrub my downstairs neighbor...I am pretty sure I'm going to get an email or something tomorrow....I don't fucking care. I don't feel good. I get super sick like this once or twice a year he can deal. He's the worst. I hope he finds this blog on some referring site magically even though he's gay, and knows I'm talking about him, and knows how unreasonable he is. I mean my interloper walked loud but I have a complex I'm like a cat with socks on now when I walk through my house it's pretty funny.

I'm not sure why I'm still up at 4am after a week of being ill...probably forcing myself to catch-up on my sleep and just being up all day and not being able to sleep since I can't get comfortable. Being sick reminds you of how much shit we take for granted so often like being comfortable enough to sleep or think or watch a movie or do yoga.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

ATTENTION COMMENTS!!!!

I was just being totally fucking vain and reading all the comments, somehow MR. Smith yours were all in spam but I fixed it. Also I'll finally be replying...years later...totally lame I know, I know, I'll make it a point to reply more promptly.

House of...

cards... leaves... glass... lies... Maybe I'm going completely crazy from not leaving my house for a week, well except that one night I left in a robe to go to a redbox...mind you I hadn't brushed my hair, I looked like a crazy person. I've also been watching a lot of ShowTime... The Suicide Girls re-launch looks great, I was expecting something a little less approachable but whatever it's ShowTime. I'm surprised I don't get sick more often considering the close proximity I have to people... never mind earlier this year when I had a stomach bug followed by a heinous cold... guess what other deadly illness follows the same path...ebola....guess who was asked if they were in Africa as their doctor backs the fuck up and puts on a mask and gloves...EEEEEEE-mother fucking-bola. Anyway getting super ill Monday morning and it's amazing how a few days of stomach bug ruins any work I was planning on doing this week or writing so my apologies. I'm starting to feel a little better. I have every intention of heading back to work oh I'm shooting for tomorrow. Not that all of you clamored into my club this week and if you did my sincerest apologies for missing you. *someone* asked me to write a piece about some of the shit custy's pull that I elude to at times, there is always an explanation, and sometimes no matter how much money is on the line you forget your drivers license, and you just aren't going to be on time, and you know, and that you aren't going to be so insanely mad if what they promised never shows up. This story is so much better in pieces also pieces. However I think I've got to get the whole thing out just for me, so it might be an in transit tale... If I can stay awake through my flight. I also need to write a about the good things to and the ways people surprise you...because god damn people will surprise you like this last week right as I was getting sick and still able to leave the house like a fully functioning human...

Saturday, August 1, 2015

It's not about the money but really it's about the money

Tonight I apologized for taking money from someone, that I know and like...strange because I was at work, it's my job, which they pointed out. I said I felt like an asshole, they told me not to because it's my job and they get it... but somehow the circumstances as of late and a few emails I have had land in my inbox, made me apologize....which was dumb it's my job to accept money, if you offer it I'm probably going to accept it in no way do I look down on anyone, and I'm always really grateful for the gesture more than I let on at times.

It's funny how as a stripper that becomes my response is to apologize...sometimes I take this whole thing a little too seriously...Like right now I'm at a crux someone asked what I spent this last weekend so they can reimburse me for my trouble but it's not really about the money it was about the effort, and although it would be nice to have that money back at the same time it's the principle so I kind of don't want it back... Or I could be the person that I think that they think I am which may not be the person they think I am at all. I may have mis-read the whole thing, so much gets lost in tone. I know this has to be a common problem amongst strippers walking the line. Anyway the person that I think that they think that I am that I may be wrong about is just like every other stripper, I'm greedy, money driven, I don't care about other peoples feelings and or respect their time. It's true I'm always late...to a fault, and I try to accommodate in the mean time.

So...do I say screw it and throw my inner argument about what is right and what is wrong to the wind and say thank you for considering the monetary trouble I went to...or do I say screw it, and get to work at a decent time tomorrow and the following day to make-up for my loses and tell them that I don't really care that much about the money, I'm more upset that they think I just don't give a flying, or walking, or waddling, swimming, inching, running man, roger rabbiting, sort of fuck.
Also like the cheese owed me money, and swore he was good for it...I think I'm to a point were I would rather just let money go if it means less stress, I'm a stripper, I can always make more...Also karma, not that you can buy karma but it's been a hella of a year, and maybe I shouldn't rattle the cage anymore.

That being said from this moment on, I am not feeling bad about accepting money, if you offer it im accepting please don't project your feelings about it on to me, I mean I'll be the bad guy all day long that's fine that's part of my job. EXECUTIVE DESISCIONS MADE ALL DAY LONG OVER HERE.

Also how do you tell a fellow stripper to stop exchanging counterfeit bills with everyone that it's tacky. Also that no one is buying your sweet and innocent bit, I've heard you on the phone in the bathroom and you aren't that nice so stop apologizing for everything...except exchanging money apologize for that, apparently a few girls haven't been able to deposit monies into their bank and that's not chill. I guess I say it just like that.