Ideal female bodies, doing the right thing, and tattoos.

I swear they all work together.
I'm writing a paper on ideal female bodies, or the media's idea on what women should look like. Basically everything says you should look like me...but taller. The odd thing about this paper is it has made me so self conscious about what I wear, how I look, how other people are looking at me, but only while I'm at school. It's so strange as soon as I get to work none of that matters it all goes out the window. I just look like me then, or how I wish I looked all the time. I'm so confident at work, I'm strong, I'm a badass who is scared of very little. I am really working hard to transfer specific attributes I have at work to my "real" life.

It's odd before this (job) I worked in advertising I have been surrounded by beautiful women both inside and out since I was 18. I may have a warped vision on what beauty is, but at the same time I know that everything is photoshopped and it really hurts when other women openly compare themselves to models and pornstars.

I'm going to talk about poop.
This week while I was in the bathroom at school the girl in the stall next to me sounded like she had explosive diarrhea after her first initial whatever you want to call it I was waiting for the fart symphony to start, and it didn't I thought it sort of odd. So I waited and what I did here was not farts, it was the scraping sound of someone scraping the back of their throat to make them selves throw up. I stepped out of my stall washed my hands and thought...I should at the very least find out who this girl is. Also at that same time I thought "maybe your wrong, perhaps you should look at which way her feet are pointed" Well friends they were not pointed out towards me like they should be...Then I heard her spit. FUCK MY LIFE I FELT HORRIBLE and I didn't know what to do. My first instinct is always to grab someone and hold them close to me in hopes of a human connection potentially reaching them. I did not do that. She walked out. I so wanted to say something. I wanted to write her a note anything. As I walked down the hall I thought...Maybe she didn't feel good...Red you should go back tomorrow around the same time. Thats one of those things people have on routine. Sure enough today was the same.

Everyone always asks me what I think about while I'm at work. I think about things like this and how I am going to fix it, or help. I only have a few days...So I've decided to make fliers, and I'm going to post them in every single stall at school, talking briefly about the dangers of bulimia and how you can die from dehydration or throwing your electrolytes totally out of wack. How a stranger cares enough to post things. Then I thought I should include a number to call for this, maybe even a qr code so they don't have to take a photo or  slip of paper that someone could find it's just in their phone when they are ready.

I had an ex who would tell me not to meddle in peoples business and to just worry about myself. I called him because we are still friends to ask his opinion on wether or not I did the right thing. He said I should do something for sure, and that even though he said don't meddle that he appreciates how caring I am for strangers as he never has been and never will be.

Okay tattoos. I have two currently and all of a sudden I feel like I need another, it's like I won't feel whole until I have it...odd feeling because I feel fine without it. It's going to be of something girly like flowers that will age well. A reminder that beauty fades much like cut flowers, at the same time it probably won't hurt to slow down and actually appreciate beauty sometimes, even my own, as that is the one I tend to neglect, although it may not seem like it with the amount of photos I take...again a work thing. I also always want a reminder of spring and summer. Lastly listed but probably firstly thought...I just think it will be beautiful...Oh no I'm falling asleep. Stay tuned for tattoo updates.