It's finals week. I'm in a straight panic about it. Im sure if you were to talk to me about it I wouldn't seem to stressed but I always stress about tests. I want a 4.0 and I know it's probably not going to happen this quarter. I've been really distracted with being ill and not ill as in reference to the beastie boys. As in actually ill.
Side note, I am sitting in a coffee shop listening to christmas carols.
Work has been well work like lately. It's been odd, it's been people saying no, and for no real reason. I think it's just the time of year. It is for this exact reason I do not spend every dollar I make and I make it a point to save. Just the other day I was reviewing one of the girls personal budgets. If I can say one thing to everyone out there. QUIT SMOKING IT WILL SAVE YOU COUNTLESS DOLLARS.
In other news I will be in Portland this weekend so don't come looking for me in Seattle.
I'm really hoping Portland is a little better than Seattle this weekend. I'm really having a hard time with this Seattle business. Not that it's really any of your business but it's been so unpredictable lately that I actually woke up and cried the other morning and considered moving. I feel that I must reiterate to you gentlemen that you happen to be in my FUCKING HOUSE so please be a gentleman because if you don't I will send one of you lucky men or women to the ER, I swear I really will, and it won't be pretty and it will hold up on my end in court because my dearies, if you break the law i'm just looking at self defense. So get it together lets all cheer up and quit being mean to each other.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
The view from here
Ok as my previous post stated I'm working the day shift. I guess you would call it the mid-shift. It's strangely boring you would think I would have a whole bunch of time to practice but I have a pole up at home and I don't like practicing at work I get self conscious. Strange I suppose I take my clothes off in front of all of you. As I'm sitting here watching other people practice I fond myself continuously amazed that we jump literally jump around in a minimum of 6" heels usually it's 7 or 8. Maybe that's why athletes like strippers they respect what we do as a sport. I know that is not at all true, actually athletes don't like me. Speaking of I wonder if it looks like I have any muscle definition on stage. I typically don't worry about these things, but I know the girl currently on stage doesn't look like that I mean I know she lost weight but I didn't think she turned into a body builder. Maybe she hits the gym a ton. Speaking of I'm pumped to hit the gym tomorrow, I'm hoping it provides me with more grace and strength, or at least I hope my forearms pump and I don't rip a fingernail off.
The girl on stage is whompping out to some dub step and is the chick with the scares.
To be perfectly honest I really can't wait to be done with school and be done with this, it doesn't really matter that I love my job a whole ton it's just a totally strange world and I'm looking forward to being a "normal" member or society again. I wonder if it wick be like when people in the army come back from war where they make them decompress and then rein duct them to society. Maybe I'll just travel for a year, I suppose that's just wishful thinking right now. It comes to my attention everyday that I haven't been on vacation in a long time. It's my own fault I was so tired of airports and airplanes at the end of the Chicago thing.
New strippers are funny I mean I totally remember those days and I'm so glad I'm out of them.
I hate when girls use their phone on stage. I say this as I have an iPad out on the floor, but really you could be getting a work out rather than working out your thumbs.
I'm sure your all very tired of my internal brain vomit. Unfortunately I don't really care. My goal for the remainder of the week is to catch up on homework and become a morning person. Mornings would be so easy if I had something super amazing to look forward to. I mean don't get me wrong school is amazing but I need like a party with Harry Belefonte every morning to get me going. There was a chef once who made me breakfast in bed but is suppose that doesn't count I was on vacation.
Scar girl walks hunched over, I hate when people just look like victims it makes me really sad.
What is happening right now which is four people singing along to let the bodies hit the floor I think is the reason I don't consider myself friendly with them and perhaps the reason I don't really like this mid-shift thing. It's that whole not knowing everyone thing and the dj playing me bad music. Oh well it's not the end of the world.
Absolutely none of this has been coherent and the sad part is all I can think of today is the dj for Chicago saying "live and in color till 5am" I seriously think this is the last time I ever come in for a mid shift this is embarrassing and I'm getting angry. Like to the point where I want to tell people how to do their job and that they suck. Really none of it is there fault it is the fault of the fact that no one comes in right now. The real question is how do I make this more fun. This girl on stage is trying to steal my moves, little girl that's not a very good idea. This girl needs to be careful with what she eats or take vitamins she has some really knurly bruises maybe she has a disorder. Maybe I'm finding a reason to complain. I hope in the next two hours someone amazing comes in. In the mean time I'll be playing monopoly with myself and avoiding these very annoying young girls.
The girl on stage is whompping out to some dub step and is the chick with the scares.
To be perfectly honest I really can't wait to be done with school and be done with this, it doesn't really matter that I love my job a whole ton it's just a totally strange world and I'm looking forward to being a "normal" member or society again. I wonder if it wick be like when people in the army come back from war where they make them decompress and then rein duct them to society. Maybe I'll just travel for a year, I suppose that's just wishful thinking right now. It comes to my attention everyday that I haven't been on vacation in a long time. It's my own fault I was so tired of airports and airplanes at the end of the Chicago thing.
New strippers are funny I mean I totally remember those days and I'm so glad I'm out of them.
I hate when girls use their phone on stage. I say this as I have an iPad out on the floor, but really you could be getting a work out rather than working out your thumbs.
I'm sure your all very tired of my internal brain vomit. Unfortunately I don't really care. My goal for the remainder of the week is to catch up on homework and become a morning person. Mornings would be so easy if I had something super amazing to look forward to. I mean don't get me wrong school is amazing but I need like a party with Harry Belefonte every morning to get me going. There was a chef once who made me breakfast in bed but is suppose that doesn't count I was on vacation.
Scar girl walks hunched over, I hate when people just look like victims it makes me really sad.
What is happening right now which is four people singing along to let the bodies hit the floor I think is the reason I don't consider myself friendly with them and perhaps the reason I don't really like this mid-shift thing. It's that whole not knowing everyone thing and the dj playing me bad music. Oh well it's not the end of the world.
Absolutely none of this has been coherent and the sad part is all I can think of today is the dj for Chicago saying "live and in color till 5am" I seriously think this is the last time I ever come in for a mid shift this is embarrassing and I'm getting angry. Like to the point where I want to tell people how to do their job and that they suck. Really none of it is there fault it is the fault of the fact that no one comes in right now. The real question is how do I make this more fun. This girl on stage is trying to steal my moves, little girl that's not a very good idea. This girl needs to be careful with what she eats or take vitamins she has some really knurly bruises maybe she has a disorder. Maybe I'm finding a reason to complain. I hope in the next two hours someone amazing comes in. In the mean time I'll be playing monopoly with myself and avoiding these very annoying young girls.
Someone asked me for more insight on my regular life
So here is a post on it. I'm wearing a skull sweater from Gap Kids. It's right before finals week, I'm freaking about about time. One of my good stripper friends is in town. I am not a morning person I drank a ton of coffee this morning and accidentally fell asleep in accounting while we were talking about forecasting accounts receivable that may never be payed. I have the hardest time getting out of bed, I'm a huge coffee junkie I look like one of the Olsen twins with huge boobs and a huge butt. I keep telling myself I'm going to make myself a morning play list I think it would look something like this.
Harry Belefonte - Jump in the Line
The cheers themesong
Drake- Fancy
I'm from barcelona- Oversleeping
G-side Rubba Bandz
Basically I need to wake up and dance around like Cameron Diaz in Charlies Angels. I have a math quiz in a few minutes so I need to finish this up so I can study for a bit. I'm trying to get into work super early tonight. I feel like I'm working the idea of a Red happy hour.
Ok back to normal life. I don't wear make-up to school, I don't wash my hair, I wear glasses. I try really hard to hard out in my flannels and oversized clothes. I actually get really annoyed by people hitting on me outside of work. It typically makes me want to hit them in the face. We all know that nice pants really means I want to get in your pants therefore I don't try hard outside of work.
I still haven't answered how stripping weaves it's way into the fabric of my everyday
I measure the cost of everything in lap dances. I am highly aware of the cost of everything as I always have to literally look at the money that I spend. I'm very aware of people looking at me especially woman and the way that they clutch their men a little tighter. It might be the way that I walk. The owner came in the other day and first told me I have the coolest walk in the club (shark tank watch out little fishes I'll eat you alive) he also mentioned that I walk around like I own the place. I laughed sort of and said that wasn't true and he then said no really you do own it. What can I say I like the stomp model walk.
I'm actually blogging from work right now. My first day shift in probably a year. I'll be here till about nine pm kids come down say hi bring champagne! Preferably Sofia Copalla in the small pink cans you can buy them individually from whole foods down the street.
My idea of sexy has changed since I started doing this. I don't understand the girls that dress like strippers In public like do women really need that much attention and why do they feel the need to be objectified like that. Which brings us back to the beginning of me hiding behind my clothes while I'm at school.
Harry Belefonte - Jump in the Line
The cheers themesong
Drake- Fancy
I'm from barcelona- Oversleeping
G-side Rubba Bandz
Basically I need to wake up and dance around like Cameron Diaz in Charlies Angels. I have a math quiz in a few minutes so I need to finish this up so I can study for a bit. I'm trying to get into work super early tonight. I feel like I'm working the idea of a Red happy hour.
Ok back to normal life. I don't wear make-up to school, I don't wash my hair, I wear glasses. I try really hard to hard out in my flannels and oversized clothes. I actually get really annoyed by people hitting on me outside of work. It typically makes me want to hit them in the face. We all know that nice pants really means I want to get in your pants therefore I don't try hard outside of work.
I still haven't answered how stripping weaves it's way into the fabric of my everyday
I measure the cost of everything in lap dances. I am highly aware of the cost of everything as I always have to literally look at the money that I spend. I'm very aware of people looking at me especially woman and the way that they clutch their men a little tighter. It might be the way that I walk. The owner came in the other day and first told me I have the coolest walk in the club (shark tank watch out little fishes I'll eat you alive) he also mentioned that I walk around like I own the place. I laughed sort of and said that wasn't true and he then said no really you do own it. What can I say I like the stomp model walk.
I'm actually blogging from work right now. My first day shift in probably a year. I'll be here till about nine pm kids come down say hi bring champagne! Preferably Sofia Copalla in the small pink cans you can buy them individually from whole foods down the street.
My idea of sexy has changed since I started doing this. I don't understand the girls that dress like strippers In public like do women really need that much attention and why do they feel the need to be objectified like that. Which brings us back to the beginning of me hiding behind my clothes while I'm at school.
Monday, November 21, 2011
The night everyone went crazy or the night I lost it
Whichever way you want to look at it this weekend was pushing my last thread over the edge. Here are some of the highlights.
One of the new girls was about to walk out on the floor with a sheer top on and I straight up said told her she couldn't and it was at that point everyone in the back new that shit was about to get real, real in the club this weekend
I say to the manager that the next person that asks me to break the Seattle municipal code is going to get their jaw broken. What do you know Karma is a little bitch with a great sense of humor I find myself arguing with a man in a wheelchair about what exactly the law is, he is telling me I am wrong (for those of you that know me I'm not wrong I know that law better than I know my real name). Needless to say he didn't get his dick stroked nor did I break his jaw.
The Dr. came in to keep me on my toes that's always fun. Let's just say big squeeze and I don't mean that in a weird way at all.
I asked my manager for a bag of valuim so I could eat them like m&m's in hopes of not killing someone. This is shortly after I have my head between my legs as I feel like I'm having a panic attack. One of my finer moments for sure.
The very last man I talked to on Saturday night was being a dick and I told him if he continued I was going to smash his glasses, his response they were really expensive. My response "I'm sure they were, I mean mine were around $1,500" He continued to be a dick, I snatched his glasses off his face.
Needless to say I am currently taking a break from Seattle until I feel it is safe for other for me to come back. Just so we are clear the law is there for your protection as well, just think if you actually touched me and I didn't like it. I mean 911 is easy to remember but try dialing that as I'm stomping on your hands. Just kidding I would never do that...
One of the new girls was about to walk out on the floor with a sheer top on and I straight up said told her she couldn't and it was at that point everyone in the back new that shit was about to get real, real in the club this weekend
I say to the manager that the next person that asks me to break the Seattle municipal code is going to get their jaw broken. What do you know Karma is a little bitch with a great sense of humor I find myself arguing with a man in a wheelchair about what exactly the law is, he is telling me I am wrong (for those of you that know me I'm not wrong I know that law better than I know my real name). Needless to say he didn't get his dick stroked nor did I break his jaw.
The Dr. came in to keep me on my toes that's always fun. Let's just say big squeeze and I don't mean that in a weird way at all.
I asked my manager for a bag of valuim so I could eat them like m&m's in hopes of not killing someone. This is shortly after I have my head between my legs as I feel like I'm having a panic attack. One of my finer moments for sure.
The very last man I talked to on Saturday night was being a dick and I told him if he continued I was going to smash his glasses, his response they were really expensive. My response "I'm sure they were, I mean mine were around $1,500" He continued to be a dick, I snatched his glasses off his face.
Needless to say I am currently taking a break from Seattle until I feel it is safe for other for me to come back. Just so we are clear the law is there for your protection as well, just think if you actually touched me and I didn't like it. I mean 911 is easy to remember but try dialing that as I'm stomping on your hands. Just kidding I would never do that...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
There is no I in team but there sure as fuck is one in stripper
Last night was showgirl of the year, no I didn't win. Why? because I was a god damn idiot and told my idea to someone else. Did I even place, nope and that's ok. I'm not the type of girl to represent a strip club. I mean I rep mine all the time, but I do it my way. Those of you that know me on the personal level know that I'll leave my mark on you and you will be sure to remember me the next day. I'm not blonde, I'm not stick skinny I have big boobs and a big butt. Anyway I'm losing focus.
I went into this competition thinking rah-rah- go team little darlings, but the thing is there is no team or there are teams and I'm not part of the winning one, I'm part of the team that makes money and happens to be a bitch. As the rappers say Money Over Everything.
Last night was a fantastic refocus night. It was a great day to remember that it doesn't matter how vegas you look or how showy your stage is I will fucking murder it every other day of the week. Little Darlings is my fucking house and I run it regardless of their title. That is all. So dear readers get ready to raise your red flags because I'm back and I'm ready to rock.
I went into this competition thinking rah-rah- go team little darlings, but the thing is there is no team or there are teams and I'm not part of the winning one, I'm part of the team that makes money and happens to be a bitch. As the rappers say Money Over Everything.
Last night was a fantastic refocus night. It was a great day to remember that it doesn't matter how vegas you look or how showy your stage is I will fucking murder it every other day of the week. Little Darlings is my fucking house and I run it regardless of their title. That is all. So dear readers get ready to raise your red flags because I'm back and I'm ready to rock.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
College isn't hard pole tricks are
So next week is the big week, it's Showgirl of the year. Cue the glitter, no for real I need a ton of glitter.
Anyway I realized at this point in the quarter last quarter I was traveling back and forth to Chi-town like every other weekend. I still have no idea how I lived though that or how I didn't totally fail every class. I suppose it's because college isn't really that hard lots of people do it. It's also how I feel about pole tricks. Lots of girls do them so I should be able to do more.
Which reminds me I need to have arts and crafts hour this weekend to get all my signs made for next week.
This has the potential to be the longest week of my life. I am praying that I don't have a math test.
Also dear readers just a heads up I will be in Seattle today (Thursday) and Sunday. For everyone reading from Portland I will be seeing you tomorrow night.
I hope it's a fun filled weekend so you never have to read another boring blog post again.
Anyway I realized at this point in the quarter last quarter I was traveling back and forth to Chi-town like every other weekend. I still have no idea how I lived though that or how I didn't totally fail every class. I suppose it's because college isn't really that hard lots of people do it. It's also how I feel about pole tricks. Lots of girls do them so I should be able to do more.
Which reminds me I need to have arts and crafts hour this weekend to get all my signs made for next week.
This has the potential to be the longest week of my life. I am praying that I don't have a math test.
Also dear readers just a heads up I will be in Seattle today (Thursday) and Sunday. For everyone reading from Portland I will be seeing you tomorrow night.
I hope it's a fun filled weekend so you never have to read another boring blog post again.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Tonight started out like any other night, much like an episode of cheers, or Seinfeld, or maybe even friends.
Wait that's a lie tonight was so fucking strange. Our CEO was in which is odd in and of itself. We chatted for a minute he said he didn't recognize me. I laughed and said I didn't blame him I wore clothes when I worked in the office. He of course followed it up with the mandatory "you look great" I typically don't care if people in management positions tell me I look great it doesn't mean much.
Anyway we were chatting he asked me if I ended up getting married this summer in Chicago and I said hell fucking no I didn't. To the reorders that no me really well you all, already knew. To everyone else yup I was engaged, it was lame, it was only for about a minute. I asked him what was new hoping to her something cheerful about the up coming show girl of the year competition. I have not been so wrong in a while, he told me he was getting divorced. Breaking up never makes me that sad but hearing about divorces breaks my damn heart.
Later I had a semi regular come in by semi I mean he comes in quarterly. I told him I didn't have a ton of time to chat and that I needed to play catch up. We did a couple dances, I asked him what was new, he said he was getting q divorce. WTF I'm surprised it's not trending on Twitter.
The CEO also said something about creepy guys I said I don't really get to many of them because well I'm me. He totally he fucking jinxed me, that all I had all night
Fast forward to the end of the night. The CEO tells me I'm a machine. Which is true I am it is also why I am not the gm's favorite girl, I work really hard but I'm always traveling, which the CEO is cool with.
As I'm walking my Machine ass to the back some guy grabs my arm and says he wants me to find him a party in Europe I'm not sure what exactly he meant. We do a couple dances and I lay down the rules beforehand like I always do. He did ok though the first song, I asked him if he anted me to continue he says sure, then he got a little handsy do I got a little rough. Ultimately we did three songs. Handsy I can deal with handys is easy what followed made my blood boil. This mother fucker didn't want to pay me. I literally start screaming at him that I laid everything out before hand, it's at this point I pick up my super sharp studded belt. His eyes went so wide as he asked if I was going to hit him I of course said I would only I said "I'm going to fucking beat you and call the police and have you fucking arrested" he continues to argue with me. I typically don't get all super stripper I people but tonight I couldn't help, I had my belt super close to him and I'm screaming one of my favorite stripper lines "Fuck you, pay me" over and over again. The manager finally comes over, and asks me if I need anything I told him an ambulance because this guy is about to need one. This other fucker told J what was going on and accused me of lying! Me lying! I'm the most honest stripper in the world. He the. Says he wants to get up and talk to his friend to double check. I told him he was not going to leave my booth or I would actually harm him, our couch counter came over and confirmed that it was in fact 3 songs. So he finally fucking paid me with a fucking card which is fine but it was 3:30am and this isn't Chicago it's Seattle I was ready to go the fuck home.
It's nights like this I remember why I love my job it's always a hoot. Upper management loves us, our club loves us. I love the girls I work with. I love that I know someone has my back no matter what. I am so glad I quit my corporate job I am so much happier being a stupid stripper I wouldn't trade it for the world, well maybe the world,
Wait that's a lie tonight was so fucking strange. Our CEO was in which is odd in and of itself. We chatted for a minute he said he didn't recognize me. I laughed and said I didn't blame him I wore clothes when I worked in the office. He of course followed it up with the mandatory "you look great" I typically don't care if people in management positions tell me I look great it doesn't mean much.
Anyway we were chatting he asked me if I ended up getting married this summer in Chicago and I said hell fucking no I didn't. To the reorders that no me really well you all, already knew. To everyone else yup I was engaged, it was lame, it was only for about a minute. I asked him what was new hoping to her something cheerful about the up coming show girl of the year competition. I have not been so wrong in a while, he told me he was getting divorced. Breaking up never makes me that sad but hearing about divorces breaks my damn heart.
Later I had a semi regular come in by semi I mean he comes in quarterly. I told him I didn't have a ton of time to chat and that I needed to play catch up. We did a couple dances, I asked him what was new, he said he was getting q divorce. WTF I'm surprised it's not trending on Twitter.
The CEO also said something about creepy guys I said I don't really get to many of them because well I'm me. He totally he fucking jinxed me, that all I had all night
Fast forward to the end of the night. The CEO tells me I'm a machine. Which is true I am it is also why I am not the gm's favorite girl, I work really hard but I'm always traveling, which the CEO is cool with.
As I'm walking my Machine ass to the back some guy grabs my arm and says he wants me to find him a party in Europe I'm not sure what exactly he meant. We do a couple dances and I lay down the rules beforehand like I always do. He did ok though the first song, I asked him if he anted me to continue he says sure, then he got a little handsy do I got a little rough. Ultimately we did three songs. Handsy I can deal with handys is easy what followed made my blood boil. This mother fucker didn't want to pay me. I literally start screaming at him that I laid everything out before hand, it's at this point I pick up my super sharp studded belt. His eyes went so wide as he asked if I was going to hit him I of course said I would only I said "I'm going to fucking beat you and call the police and have you fucking arrested" he continues to argue with me. I typically don't get all super stripper I people but tonight I couldn't help, I had my belt super close to him and I'm screaming one of my favorite stripper lines "Fuck you, pay me" over and over again. The manager finally comes over, and asks me if I need anything I told him an ambulance because this guy is about to need one. This other fucker told J what was going on and accused me of lying! Me lying! I'm the most honest stripper in the world. He the. Says he wants to get up and talk to his friend to double check. I told him he was not going to leave my booth or I would actually harm him, our couch counter came over and confirmed that it was in fact 3 songs. So he finally fucking paid me with a fucking card which is fine but it was 3:30am and this isn't Chicago it's Seattle I was ready to go the fuck home.
It's nights like this I remember why I love my job it's always a hoot. Upper management loves us, our club loves us. I love the girls I work with. I love that I know someone has my back no matter what. I am so glad I quit my corporate job I am so much happier being a stupid stripper I wouldn't trade it for the world, well maybe the world,
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