More danger you say well let's turn that shit up.

Last night was the strangest night I have had in a while. I sat down with this guy, and he confirmed all of my current fears. I asked him if he wanted a dance. He said no, I asked him why because I was curious. He told me he liked girls with tattoos, and crazy hair, because they are dangerous. I did not understand this statement at all. I went on to assure him that I'm quite dangerous, that I wouldn't meet me in a dark alley, and that I would happily stab him for proof.
Apparently I'm too conservative looking. I'm going to change that right now. This is bullshit. I'm getting the "oh your too nice I don't want to get a dance thing again" I'm going to start ruining worlds again, burning the whole strip club experience into people's brains. I keep talking that I'm going to change my look back and I haven't done it yet. I'm starting tonight, this oh you look so friendly is so annoying, I'm so over it.
Time to fuck shit up.

Solo

I've been apartment hunting lately. Not that I don't love my place, because I really do. Anyway...

I was lpoking at this great place the other day, it was much like the one I currently have but with huge closets, and a bathroom so big I could do yoga in it with a great claw foot tub. Ahhhh! As I was standing there talking to the manager he looks at me and says "Is this apartment just for you?" I relied with "ah, yes? Why" he then says "Well it's sort of odd as we have a lot of couples who live here" I think my jaw dropped a little bit. "Yes, yes, I am single and it will be just me."

It was one of moments when I was reminded that I'm single. Not that I need a reminder I'm pretty well aware. Someone could read this as the trials and tribulations of a single girl in the city, and maybe it is. The thing is, it's not even that I'm a stripper, it's at this point my standards are so incredibly high, and that I'm not giving anything a real chance. I've become all good at the minute relationship, or at being extremely standoffish which adds to the not really giving anything a chance.

Which brings us to work, work when single and not worrying about a relationship is easy. Why can there not be a relationship where the drama is super low. Why can't people just trust that you like them or why can't we as strippers trust that a normal man normal man actually likes us. Maybe thats just me.  Blah, blah, blah. I talk about this crap so much.

Let's see work highlights. Some rude men, some men who loved me. Holy crap that's something to talk about. I was having dinner and drinks with a good guy friend of mine last night and his beautiful girlfriend. We were talking about sixth senses and he had joked he can hear all the women who feel leaving him was a bad idea crying over him. I said that I thought it would be interesting if I could hear the thoughts of men who thought I was the one that gt away. He looked at me and said "Red, did you forget what you do for work, thats all your going to hear, or you are flying to run past some guy in the grocery store and that will be his thought"
On second thought maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea.

Tomorrow, today, yesterday?

Currently not sure.
I just watched two people I really like have a misunderstanding at breakfast and then put me smack in the middle and then try to pull me apart. This job has taught me sooooo much about mediating, and how to be two places at once. Also oddly enough about being quiet and listening. It's taught me so much control.

Man, and had it taught me to appreciate sanity. Holy fucking cow. Sanity is what I'm currently seeking, its the new prerequisite to hang out with me. So much craziness, that its literally making me feel crazy. Can't everyone just be calm for like 10 minutes. CANT WE ALL just get along! So much going around that I came home, walked the dog, crawled into bed, deactivated my Facebook, turned my phone on  airplane mode with zero intention of turning that shit back on till fuck, who knows who cares. I hope no one needs me, I'll be on vacation from my vacation, for well probably a few days. Should probably email my non-zombie people in the am and let them know.

There are a few things that could go horribly wrong with this plan.
1. I now have to be super punctual.
2. Calling a car is going to be tricky
3. Well that's about it...this is going to be awesome.

In other news in case there was a question, I would like to state that... I can, and do read. I'm familiar with jobs in the tech field, I also know what a business analyst is. Just to clear up some questions from earlier because everyone knows that strippers are complete and total idiots.

Joint custody...

I woke up this morning to a beautiful view, in my beautiful home, with my beautiful dog. Something was bound to disrupt my perfect little morning. I was going though my social media crap, when it hit me, the ex had gone through and like some photo of us, which meant he had to dig to the bottom to find it. All I could think of was "why the fuck are you lurking my social media there fucktard" i am obviously over that douche canoe. This was on my mind when I walked into work, and a few things happened from there. In fact it was a strange night.

Which started off with a beautiful sunset...

 I sat down with a gentleman and begin gushing about my dog. So as we were trading pictures of puppies it came out that he was in the middle of a nasty break up and they had joint custody of the dog. I was immediately compelled to tell him the only story I know. Two friends of mine had broken up and maintained joint custody of their dog. The male side was very seriouisly seeing someone else, and it was rumored that he was still with his ex. These rumors were solidified when he chose to travel to California with her and lied to his then serious girlfriend, who apparently called him a few names, and left him. ANYWAY...now he is back together with the girl whom he had the dog with and they are getting married in just a few short months. The moral of my whole story to this man was that breaks dont work (believe me I've had breaks), break-ups do, space works, lots of space, space in which you discover that you are still in love with this person, that you can get past the petty shit and make it work. Hey handed me money for the advice or to get me to go the hell away. No actually he thanked me and agreed that I was right.

Second thing...smang it (look it up)

I had th opportunity to watch my stage I haven't watched it in a long time. I had completely forgotten what I looked like. I look smokin.

Third.

Rudest man Ive met in quite some time came in. He stated what time of race I'm into or not into. Stated that I was telling him what to do. He was just incredibly rude. Then he chose to insult my business practice of following the laws in Seattle. It's amazing how angry people get when you don't pull your boobs out. I find it so interesting that someone who practices law is so willing to break them wether it be with propositions of prostitution or purchasing drugs.

Oh my gosh. The other evening a man came in and said that due to the way I was dressed that it is justifiable to ask me to have sex for money. I let him make his points and retorted with..."So if I gave you 50 bucks would you fuck your friend?" he replied with "no he's into women" I then said "do you think I care if he is into women, money is money right." he then opened his mouth to say something and I cut him off with "you do realize your argument also suggests that women who dress proactively deserve to be raped. " he replied with "no that's horrible" "my dear so are your assumptions that I would fuck you for money"

Sometimes the shit that comes out of men's mouths is absolutely insane.

Following all this I ended the night playing a kazoo to marylin Manson whilst doing handstands. I'm fucking awesome.

Excuse me, how much to fuck you?

More than you have in your wallet. Well I'm assuming that anyway, otherwise as they say in rap "my wallet is stacked like a bible" yours might have to be in order to even get close to me.

Last night was the night of defending myself against the word prostitute. I don't think so many people have asked me that in quite some time.

It also involved some little bitch trying to top from the bottom. I fucking hate that oh does it get me riled up. My temper has been so under control lately, he almost made me lose it. He put his hand on the back of my neck and I almost started swinging. The funny thing is one of the other girls was watching and she was apparently thinking "This is going to be good, Red hasn't lost it in a while" sadly nothing happened.
Then there was the dumb fuck who decided to lick me. Straight up fucking lick me and not anywhere sexy. The little fuck licked my cheek, dumb-ass. That dance ended write then and there.

It's been a weird couple of days. I'm so glad tonight is sit home and drink cocktails with the dog night.

Just what I needed.

I guess you're just what I needed, I needed someone to feed. I guess you are just what I needed I needed someone to bleed. 

Tonight was both good and bad, I found out that one of the girls who has been sober for a really long time went back to her old ways. The brightside she has a plan. 

I say it all the time but the girls I work with are amazing. They are truly like a sorority. I was so sad tonight over the death or my friend. One of the girls that I rarely talk to caught me in the hall and said that her thoughts went out to me tonight. It was very touching. Luckily I didn't lose it. 

I had another person come in to tell me they have been reading my blog for a couple of weeks and they would like more content (you guys are so demanding, just kidding) I was on vacation so I'll content it up. Anyway he was funny. I suppose the ways in which he is funny now make more sense as he has a background on me. He told me he was expecting someone more rough and tumble. I said yes it's true I am when provoked, you haven't pissed me off yet. 

Another lovely man told me I was more interesting to talk to than to look at...lest we forget I'm pretty fucking hot. We had a discussion about effectively marketing to nerds. 

Then there was the best conversation I've had in a long time with a food critic. Someone who actually understood my love of food, who didn't think that my travelIng for dinners was weird. He was so pleasant. 

I didn't make millions tonight but I left work feeling really good and remembering why the hell it is that I love my job so much. 

Upon arriving home, I ran into some local bartenders who fell in love with the puppy, who were complete gentlemen because they were gay, well that probably has nothing to do with it it's just a side story. Anyway they cautioned me about the hood these days as crazy shit has been happening, and where so polite as to walk me to my door. 

The only serious conversation I had this evening was with a gentleman who has a very transactional relationship with a woman that he is realizing he can't afford, giving relationship advice can be a little odd, I suggested my time doing activities together like cooking. He then asked me why I don't have a boyfriend, I'm so tired of explaining this. I hate the idea of hurting someone else's feelings with my schedule so it just seems to be in the best interest of others that I remain single regardless of my feelings for any person involved. Thus ends my statement of single for the day.

We are but mere mortals

This post has nothing to do with strippers. It has to do with the world losing someone great.

The wine steward at my grocery store who I have known for years who is absolutely hilarious was shot five times and killed on Friday. I found out as I went to the grocery store this morning. I was so excited to tell him about my puppy. I knew as soon as I saw some misplaced flowers that something horrible had happened. I wrote in the book they are giving to his family. As I was turning to leave thinking "I can do this, I'm not going to cry" my friend D who works there was right behind me and I fucking lost it. Proof that I'm just human. Our lives are so fragile and we dont think about it when we are rolling kayaks or walking into "the shark tank" every night.
I'm unsure what posses a person to shoot someone at a stop-light. Nevertheless my day has been just a little bit off.
You should also never wait to tell someone anything. If there is someone who means the slightest to you in your life you should tell them when you think of it don't walk away and think "oh yeah, next time I'll tell them I think they are rad, and thanks for the beer" tell them right then.
I hate losing people it makes me think of everyone that's passed. I wish so much that I could bring them all back for just one day so I could say everything I never had the chance to say.

Vacation...champagne room anyone?

Holy crap am I happy to be heading back home. The Midwest is funny. It's like LA there was a point where I decided that I had, had enough. I learned a ton. Here is a list.

1. I'm awesome and I put up with a ton of shit.
2. I am so glad I don't live in the country anymore. Why you may ask?
     1. Keep ass fuckers live in the country.
      2. Unhelpful people live there
3. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine and we were rehashing a resent conquest, she happened to whip up an amazing thing to say to him in bed which was "did you d porn?" "no,why?" "because you fuck like you did porn" I guess I didn't learn that about myself but I had to find a way t work it in.
4. I am an incredible host. I put on a Bon fire and a 13 year olds birthday.
5. I cannot sleep on the bed at my parents house. I woke up everyday and could not move.
6. More than anything I realized that although I may not have a "real job" my time is precious and I cannot let my parents walk all over it again. I need to use my words and remind them that I am on vacation and I would like to rest.

Let's move on to more random thoughts. I'm working tonight. Snap back on it, rent, and tuition it's a doozy of a week.
The puppy, holy cow and I excited for the puppy to be at home with me, she is passed out on this flight, she is totally my dog she travels so well.
I apparently made the most random playlist ever one day.  No clue where what I'm listening to came from, it's random.

HoLY FUCK and a half I can't wait to get home. I swear to god I need to go to BC for a couple of days just to rest up, and feel like I had a vacation.
Why the hell do they give you these tiny ass straws in flights.
Why is it so damn cold?
I am so glad I didn't just start shouting gotye just now.
I had a ton of talks about effective marketing this week. I'm feeling really jazzed about the projects that I'm working on, they should end up being effective and exciting.

I am sincerely hoping I can make it though tonight. I am incredibly tired. On that note and a shameless plug...champagne rooms tonight anyone? I would love to just hang out tonight.

Hands down most random blog I've written in a while. I'll work on a new one when I get home. I cannot wait to see my girls tonight.