Stripper walks into a locker room...

I was getting ready and one of the other girls walks in and the following dialog ensues.

Stripper 1:Guess who got LAID!!!!!
Me: Nice work lady about fucking time.
Stripper 1: I know right took long enough.
Stripper 1: High Five's all around up high, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Stripper 3: You just gonna leave me hangin' ?
Stripper 3: So details?
Stripper 1: Awesome, like forever awesome, like till 6am awesome.
Me: Better than the last guy?
Stripper 1: Way, way, better.
Me: Where is he from?
Stripper 1: Texas, but he lives here now.
Stripper 3: Everything is bigger in texas, let me tell you about my ex-husband.

Discussion trails off, high-fives are continued, Work resumes, I go back to getting ready to walk out.

It was at this time I realized that we are way worse than the men I know. At what point did we become so, so, dude like.

I mean I think that most of our conversations had in the privacy of the locker room are hilarious, even when we are bitching about terrible customers.

Stripper 1: God fuck that guy, he totally ripped me off for $20 I fucking hate this shit sometimes. Such a douche. Fuck him, I want to go punch him in the back of the head.
Me: You could do that, I mean I would, wait on second thought don't do that you might get termed.
Me: Oh hey one more thing that is going to make this whole situation way worse...I ate four of your french fries.
Stripper 1: Bahahaha

Lastly
Me: I need my lock cut
Manager: Seriously?
Me: Yes, seriously.
Manager: RRREEEEDDDDDD did you forget your combo.
Me: Yes, yes, I totally did, because I am soooooo fucked up right now, I am sooo drunk, and I am soooo out of my mind loaded...No you jerk, it just isn't working.
Manager: *tries lock* Huh, I suppose you were right.
Me: Told you so.

Have I mentioned lately I find this job hilarious? Well I do.

Just the same old world changing post...

Before I settle in to study, there is some shit I would like to get off my very tall shoes, that I am not currently wearing, actually I'm wearing my running shoes (two weeks off of running will decrease your lung capacity if you were curious)
It's been one hell of a week off, I think I'm excited to head back to work tomorrow. Let's recap my week. Brace yourselves it's crazy. Monday missed a class to study, not sure if this is essentially counterproductive or not. Tuesday felt crappy, fell asleep, missed a boat load of text messages. (Sorry all) woke up felt better. Broke the law, went swimming in a pool that wasn't mine. Wednesday nothing happened. Here we are on Thursday, taking yet another night off.
So Tuesday was obviously the only day anything interesting happened. As I'm swimming with a group of friends. Ok, in the way of breaking the law it wasn't that bad one of my friends had a key. The subject of my job comes up with one of them whom I don't know super well, they of course have questions.
1.What's it like?
2.Do you like it?
3.Is it draining ever?
4.Do you find it challenging ever?

1. I don't know how to describe my job to other people anymore. It's interesting to me.
2. I love my job, I'm just a little down on it right now.
3. Occasionally. It bleeds over occasionally into my real life which is when life gets hard.
4. It's challenging to walk up to a person and sell them an intagible object without having much of a profile on them. Most sales you have a little bit of knowledge about the person. I don't, I have to make choices in seconds to try and make them as comfortable as possible in a strange situation...in my underwear.

Dating of course came up, I gave them the quick version of how this job ruins things and that's it, it's hard on people. The hours are exhausting. blah, blah, blah, we've heard the story before.

My good girlfriend W chimed in and stated she could never be a stripper, pretty sure she saw the imediate look of distain on my face.

Back to aquaintence, who states they didn't think they could ever find themselves in that situation ever, and why not just be a bartender.

Let's recap all the good things about me one more time just for good measure.
1. On being a bartender, it slipped my mind at the time. I had thought of bartending, then thought, If I'm going to get looked at like a stripper, I'm going to get fucking paid like one. Or so I thought when I first set out to do this.
2. Mostly normal life, I even took my pole down to perpetuate normalcy in my life. The only thing thats currently off is that I'm in a big nap taking phase right now.
3. I don't drink nearly as much as "normal" people or so I've discovered lately. I don't do any other substances.
4. School, although I'm beginning to not be so proud of this whole school thing for some reason, I think it's because everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to be done. I'm not exactly sure yet. About two years.

The question arose about redflags. Anytime anyone says red flag I laugh. I couldn't help but respond with I am a walking red flag, so you could take that for what it's worth. I went on to explain how if it were not for the scarlet S on my personal resume I would be just about great, but since I have a huge red stamp people tend to think I'm going to drag them into a deep pool of drama. I wish I was capable of that sadly I'm not. So I suppose on the issue of red flags watch out for the normal ones like "do they carry an axe? They may be an axe murder."

Gentlemen, just because we are strippers does not make us any crazier than any other woman in the world. I swear to god I'm so tired of talking on this subject will you all PLEASE just understand this. So I can go back to talking about the funny things that happen at work and never mention this again.

On a sidenote, when I referenced myself as a lady some posts back, I'm not sure what the hell I was talking about, I really meant good woman. There is a vast difference between a lady and a good woman. More on this topic (again) later.

Loving you is hard to do.

By you I mean my job. Well it's really not hard because I love my job and I love a lot of things about it. BUT IT IS SO DAMN HARD TO LOOSE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE OVER IT.
When exactly is everyone going to realize I love what I do. I do it often, and I sure as hell am not quitting.
Alright back to the entertainment...
Last night I was headed home, carrying a large duffle bag full of heavy ass stuff, and walked between two men, maybe not my best idea ever, whatever it was either being an art gallery window or traffic, it seemed in my best interest to go right though. Little did I know in that moment I would be part of an attempted tripping and fire lighting. Mind you I wear a very large scarf, I may try to light it on fire someday, but damnit I was so not in the mood. Have any of you every seen bum fights? It was about to be like that expect I was about to fight a bum.
Screaming at someone about fucking manners does not make a person seem dignified. At the moment I felt it totally appropriate screaming that they were motherfuckers that I was about to beat the shit out of because they had no regard towards women, and I had said excuse me.
The man replied with "fuck off wench" Who the hell says wench. Wench, I was acutally insulted by being called a wench. I walked off laughing.
Even though yesterday was one of those rough days where nothing goes right, I left believing that you can still find some humor in a rainy cold seattle evening.

I hate the pop-in

I was walking though the club last night in a haze it's amazing what being tired will do to you. It turns you into a damn zombie, I know a few of you have normal everyday day jobs so it's not a big deal if you leave because you aren't feeling well, but we the strippers have to stay and hustle even if we are super tired. Anyway, I was wearing this great dress, I've been totally obsessed with this black dress lately I look amazing in it.
Anyway I'm making my rounds and all of a sudden I hear "RED" I turn and look and it appears to be this middle aged larger gentleman with glasses and I think it it odd someone like that would yell my name. Sasha see's the confusion on my face and says "No, that guy". I look down and see a tattoo covered arm and scream "OH SHIT". My eyes move up to a very familiar face that is actually smiling at me. This face belongs to my ex, the one that created so much wreckage. Our entire relationship flashed before my eyes, it was like dying.
He looks at me and says "I thought you didn't work wednesdays?" I stammered back "I dont but I'm taking time off soon so I need to try and make up for that." He looks at me and says "It's good to see you panda" I then said hi to his friends and proceeded to walk away to go back to work, and it was at that moment that I realized I might just be too tired to actually function at work. So I left.
I walked straight back to the locker room changed and called him. He agreed to come pick me up. Amazingly nice of him as I'm pretty sure she still thinks I'm bat fucking shit fucking crazy.
I get in the car we start driving up the hill, he looks pissed, the thing is he always looks pissed. He's not really pissed he's just thinking. We turn on to my street I ask him if he wants to meet the baby (dog) he agrees too. He also starts talking about how it's my dog, and it is my dog, I just started talking about getting it while we were together.
We pull up to my place and I run up to get the baby dog. I bring her back down, he just rolls down the window (dick) so I tell him to get out of the car. As soon as he gets out and stands up, mind you he's not huge, my baby freaks out. She big dog barks with a straight up snarl in it, and books for the door. I have never seen her do that in regards to a person. She loves everyone, unconditionally (god she is really the best dog in the whole world I can't wait to finish lunch and get home to her.)
He pecked me good night. I walked in the door breathed out a sigh, I'm proud of him for working on him and I'm glad it's not with me.
I am so happy being single...cue m83 midnight city
I literally sit and listen to this song everyday and stare out the window while i get ready and remind myself how lucky I am to have this live.

If you were my bitch

Let me just clarify I don't mean bitch in a duragatory manner.
There is a dialouge I have with a girl that I work with about once a week it goes a little something like this.

If I were a dude, I would make you my bitch, there is no way I would ever let you go. I mean look at you, you are gorgeous, seriously, those men that have let you walk away are idiots. You are amazing you study, you work, you're independent, shit I hope my son meets a woman like you. I mean really I'm not going to let him be with anyone less. Shit for real I would never let you out of the house. I would make sure you had whatever.

This brings me to my actual point. There are a lot of women that I work with that have a crazy ass schedule and seem to live mostly normal lives "what the fuck is normal"

I went out last night, I know crazy, to a party, a house party, with 30 somethings, not joking, most of them women, that worked in the corporate world. I felt so fortunate to not be scared to talk to strangers, if I had been I would have been dead in the water. I'm standing around with a death grip on my plastic cup of champagne observing everyone, checking out the outfits. As soon as I started looking at what everyone was wearing I started to get self consious, I went with the typical uniform. I wore something from allsaints, and my black boots that have seen better days at this point. Everyone had on their party clothes bright colors everything fitted, and I'm standing their wearing grey and oversized. Most of them full faces of make-up hair done, and me standing there with a quick smear of eyeshadow on and my hair down, then up, then down, then up, and never really done. Lest we forget the entire underneath is fucking purple, Le sigh, thankfully I'm a student so it's okay for me to look like an idiot sometimes. I'm watching them interact and it's so interesting to watch people drink so much so quickly. Strippers do that too, we just typically don't hold up our drinks for photos. The girls that drink are typically trying to convice others that they are sober, so photos wouldn't support that sober image... Then the inevitable happened people started paying attention to me it was like in my head "I need to blend in" I  drank an apple pie shot, put my chicago party hands up, tryed not to feel out of place. Truth is I did, for no specific reason, other than I didn't plan what to wear correctly.

I woke up this morning...In my clothes from last night, sans boots, somehow I still had my socks on. I walked into my living room after putting on approriate house clothes, of running shorts and an old oversized grey sweatshirt (I'm too sexy for this party) to find fellow party goers asleep on my couches and my pole up...sideways (Thankfully no one decided to use that) It was right then I thought. Regardless of the fact that I sometimes don't fit in, and it would have been exactly the same years ago when I came from a corporate place, it was the cool kids of corporate, I still come from a different world. I'm still pretty cool, I can get down with the rest of them even if I'm not "normal". Maybe I will never be normal, even when I'm done with all of this, I don't think "normal" is my thing.

Someday I will have some who rides with me, someone who feels the same way as my co-worker. I also really hope they say stupid shit like that so I can just laugh at them. 

Don't get me wrong I still love my job more than a lot of things, and I wouldn't give it up even for the right guy, because the right guy would never ask me to give up something I love. 

This post was incredibly long and pointless sorry folks just needed to go over last night out loud. 

go to be early and get up late

You go to bed early and you talk to your pillow- Modest Mouse "Whenevere you see fit"

I was thinking today as I was sitting in class how many women I know that do just incredible things, that go to bed late, and get up early. That do the very best they can to provide for their families. Yet sometimes our society doesn't exactly look at we the sisterhood the way that we would prefer to be looked at.
As I was in class today. This young man was practically badgering me to find out what I do for work, and where I work. I was getting so frustrated I almost leaned in and said "Look dickwad, I'm a stripper okay, and that shocked look on your face doesn't bode well for you, so please never look my direction again" Instead I chose the highroad and decided not to say anything at all expect "I dont like people I know coming in, it makes it strange, so lets just avoid that okay"
Sometimes I wish this was portland and I wish it was *okay* to be in this industry, that the world didn't think it was so bad.

I want...

I want birthday cake.
I want fresh stripper shoes.
I want endless amounts of black underwear.
I want lots of water.
I want more red lipstick.
I want great people around me, all the time.
I want a really good year.
I want a great bottle of wine.
I want the girls at work to quit with the cray.
I want people to not run into me because they refuse to pay attention.
I want to go running.
I want to bring my dog everywhere.
I want better handwriting.
I want everyone to play nice with one another.
I want cookies.
I want chinese food and a night on the couch.
I want my laundry to do itself.
I want smart people around me.
I want to not be confused by the tone of text messages.
I want to be successful in my own eyes.

Most of the things I want right now, right this second are completely attainable. It's just a matter of wether or not I go though with them.
Isn't that funny how life works, we "want" so many things, but we don't need much.

I need to apply myself.
I need water.
I need air.
I need 30 seconds of sanity at work.
I need to be smarter.
I need...so little.