I need a miricle right now

and I got one it was the end of the night and a dapper gentleman came in usually dumber than a box of rocks but not this one. He knew what he wanted and he wanted a room for an hour...with me...that rarely happens these days. I walk him back to my usual room do my usual dance and I look up at him with this cheshire grin and these eyes that glow. Rarely do I get butterflies but I think I'm going to puke. we stop and talk he's actually charming a first, not handsy, and our hour is up.

how about I grab your dick a little harder

Lately red hasn't been feeling like RED MOTHER FUCKERS. Till last night this Indian man came in and wanted to negotiate a dance. We all know I don't do that. So I asked him what he thought a fair price would be he said In Houston you could make out, and touch whatever for $30. This is bullshit I know girls in Huston and that far from true. So I reached down and put his dick in a vice grip. So much so he apologized, and I asked if I come to his job ask him to write code for free and more of it, he of course said no. At this point he wants me to let go of his balls and my hand was getting a cramp, he said his friend had the money, so I grabbed his hand and we went on a little adventure to find him. Turns out it was broke dick's last day in the country...I convinced him he had quite a story to tell back home. He admitted the dance was good but I assume it's the last time he's going to be negotiating dances again

Talking shit about a pretty sunset

blanketing opinions that I"ll probably regret soon. So I've been bad about writing blogs I've been bad about being on periscope so I'm going to try and fix both this morning. I've just had a lot of personal stuff going on so I just ended up putting all this off. I acquired new roommates so lets see how that works out since we all know I have terrible judgement when it comes to people. Lately at work I've been really having issues that are seriously fucking with my self esteem. Like you're soo cool I just want to be friends with you. Or I wish I had met you sooner so I could have spent money on you. So I suppose really I am going to get into work early. I quit drinking, which makes work a lot harder I mean in the beginning it was easier but now I get so stressed working with a certain manager who gets mad at me for talking shit on my blog.At the same time that's what blogs are for talking shit, and when shits fucked up and you can't make any money it sucks. Here is the thing I wouldn't talkl shit if things were normal, like my backrent is through the roof however I do at least a room a week, I pay out when I can, however when there are only 4 guys In the entire club and I can't get in edgewise it makes it a lot harder. Also we've just had so much drama with the girls lately. Like so much drama. I'm hoping that with the change in girls will bring back the better guys. I mean my anniversary happened recently so I know I can make money that's just the hard thing. You would think the money would be enough but sometimes it's not and I still love my job. So to all of you who say maybe I should change jobs I'm not going anywhere. I'm just at a different place in my life I want more out of it. I want to enjoy some part of it every day and I haven't been. I want happiness I want to make money like I did. I'm back to square one of how did I used to do it. Was it that I would talk to everyone. Was it I would drink a bunch first. What made me money, was it my confidence I mean I know that was part of it. I had brass tits and I could talk someone into anything. I could make you belive, and maybe I've been too friendly and not sexy enough and that's what I need to bring back. I need to go back to listening to music on the way to get in the mood. I need to remember the amount of people that have called me sexy...it's a dumb amount. I need to write some positive affermations so I can avoid the fact that management doesn't care about me and is looking to fire me right now. I need to get back to being there at 8pm on the weekends and just crushing. Putting my clothes out 1st putting my make-up on here. I guess there is a lot. I forget how great I am because I don't hear it from mgmt. I don't get a nice job thanks for selling a few hours of rooms. Again this is where the money should be enough. I should be enough but I'm not. I'm in stripper limbo I look 23 but I'm 30 I only have a few years left at this and I need to finish another degree, and really put my back into it. That's the crappy thing about doing this for a while you profile people and you miss out on money. I need to stop doin that like asap. Tomorrow I'm going in early getting on the floor by 9. Talking to everyone if I have to poach them as they walk in the door. I'm going to have a great Friday. I'm also going to wash my lucky underwear for this one. I've got my hair in curlers already I should be able to turn the sex up to the gigawatts. I mean really even though pixie called me conceited I am actually pretty attractrive when it comes to whos who in the club. I have to remember I'm there for me and no one else. Also that I can't worry about people they are adults they choose what they wanto to do. I just need to make them choose me again and it can't be that hard I mean really I'm experienced. I'm just having anxiety about nothing that's really whats happening here. When I make money I'm less anxious so I can totally do this. It recently came out an ex of mine hated my job thought it was toxic thought I needed to get out of it but did absolutely nothing except move to la to help me on that one. I don't think he ever saw the confidence that it brought me I mean hell he just saw me In sweats, and lately I haven't been trying at all so maybe just getting ready during the day would help. Getting my place put back in total neat freak order. I don't know there is so much I need to do to still work on the past two years of my life. I need to confront someone who assaulted me, I need to write some letters to some people who hurt me and that I hurt. Ugh I'm not ready to quit this job, so I cant I keep saying I feel like I have things to finish in it and I do and now I think I have some clear goals on what they are, I need to chase down some happiness. I need to spend some time in pdx. Speaking of pdx I know I keep promising to come down but I need to pay my rent on my apartment 1st then I'll be down for a couple weeks so have no fear i'll be their soon. I promise that and I need a break from seattle again. I need to 1. prove that I'm worth something here so maybe in a couple weeks i'll be down since if I follow throw with everything and then disappear it would be better. I don't know I'm back in a rut and for no reason. I need to pull myself out and get excited about making money again and not caring about peoples feelings that much or if I look bad moving from person to person just really pull myself together. I have a few hours I can totally do this.

I always feel like somebody is watching me...

onstitutional rights* don't have no privacy.... One of my favorite 80's tunes and a cornerstone of my workouts mixes is kind of true in my life, I make most of it really public, which is very fine by me. At other times it's a little bleh. Right now I find myself in the crossfire of periscope, and adsense, I'm not a family friendly blog, and periscope will never tell me what community guidelines I've broken *rights infringement on constitutional rights* but whatever aint no big thing...Gotta stay positive, which is what I'm doing. Work is slow whats new. It's hilarious as always we had a discussion about vintage fur and the ethics of wearing fur. If it's vintage it's been dead for a long, long, long, time, rather than a brand new fresh fur, which am not against at all. Anyway, large pieces like jackets should always be vintage so you can argue both sides. Anyway the excitement behind the scene and another night in the strip club.

Luck, superstitions, getting what you want, and strippers

One of the scariest strippers I ever met (she worked in Portland, had her own booth and holy shit it was off with your head if you used it) some girl had put her shoes on the counter. She turned and very coldly said "Take your fucking shoes off the counter it's bad luck" Ask any stripper and they have a lucky outfit, lucky pair of underwear, lucky pair of shoes, and also equally unlucky outfits, shoes, and underwear. We also have a saying that I keep considering getting tattooed on me somewhere "There is always tomorrow" we live and die by this saying especially on bad nights. We have bills to pay just like everyone else only we don't have the stability of a paycheck so no matter how bad it gets we have to stay optimistic. Girls have the same superstition with their bags as their shoes. It took me forever to figure out the actual meaning of it, it didn't have to do with dirt, half of us bring our own rug to stand on. It has to do with respecting your money and not putting it on the level you walk, because then your money will always stay low. So by keeping it above where you put your dirty ass stripper feet it in theory keeps your money up. If you follow me on twitter which you should (if you don't it is @RED_stripper) you know I'm always asking for a miracle. For my rent to be paid, for the chance to run into Giles or Courtney again. Guess who came a knocking on my door today just as I was reading an email about my rent...One Giles. Luckily I had a friend over helping me move furniture around (re-decorating on a budget, just move shit around). The door bell rang, and I thought it was a parcel I'm expecting from DC so in my excitement buzzed them (him) in. I should have known by the number of buzzes it was him, we always had a code, when he was sober, and good, and before he killed my dog, anyway i send (oh what should we call him...Thor) to check and see if there is a parcel downstairs, and he comes up and says, nope it's giles. I immediately freak out and say to call the police, only how am I going to explain this "Hi this man has broken into my house before, and admitted it was just to steal from me and I accidentally buzzed him in...can you arrest him?" No, police were called, Thor said giles was trying to write me some sort of note...I'm sure it was something to the effect of "I really need a place to stay I'm getting clean, blah, blah, blah, heard it before" much like the time he broke into my place knowing I was away on business so there would be no one here. I think his note that time apologized for intruding on my space and that he was only there for a little while, the funny thing about that note was I walked into my house to discover the lights on and him pop his head out of the kitchen. Later in an argument of some sort we had (I'm sure it was because something expensive had gone missing as it usually did with him around...He finally admitted that he had only come in because he knew I wouldn't be there and he had actually come by to see what I had that he could sell for drug money. The funny thing is at this point he had stolen mostly everything nice I owned, things with high sentimental value like a Prada wallet (My 1st mentor had given me). So there wasn't really anything left for him to steal at the time, that I wouldn't notice, I mean he did take two red and black Alexander McQueen scarves, thinking I would just think I was just continuously misplacing them. That now I finally am starting to get my things back a little bit by a little bit, I have a new wallet that I like just as much and means as much. He had taken all of my Marc Jacobs bags, and I had a few, and I've replaced them with different bags, ones that could even be considered more grown up than before. Also I spilled an entire bowl of clam chowder in one of those bags so someone is walking around with a really nice black bag that smells slightly of fish. Okay enough about the past and the horrible people I let into my life because I thought I could help them back to the story... Thor then being a good friend did what any 6'3" 225 lb man (this is why i asked him to help me move furniture) would do, and chase him out of the building.He found him in the laundry room. Thor told him to leave, chased him out of the building, and down the street, saying I wanted nothing to do with him ever and that he's lucky I didn't kill him, since if given the chance I will cry every single day over my dog. I asked Thor how he looked, he said terrible he had sores all over his face, and looked very homeless. I suppose a good Samaritan would have let him shower...at the same time treat others as you would like to be treated, and I think if I was at that point in my life I would want my friends and family to turn me away, I would want any cushion from the bottom removed, so I could fall, and fall hard, and maybe then look around and pick myself up, realize life is unfair yes, but I don't have to be an asshole to people trying to help me, and just because my mother threw out all my designer things was no reason to steal and sell someone else's. I would find a way to get a job, even if it was the most demeaning of jobs (some of you might say what I do now is demeaning I think the exact opposite). However I would collect scrap metal, pour concrete, stand outside of lowes and get day labor jobs, till I could get a real job, then I would get my life together get an apartment, join NA or AA or NA and AA. So I guess I did exactly what I was suppose to do, I did not take pity or show pity where it was not due. Someone the other day said, because I had found one of my dogs hairs while putting on my make-up that it was a sign from her to move on and get a new dog. I now think it was a warning, and it was her way of making me look at things from a different view, from hers, my little protector, my little (literal) bulldog. So back to the luck part, I'm always asking for three things my rent paid, and to run into those two assholes. All three have happened in the matter of a week. I'm feeling very lucky, very blessed, very protected in a way. It's going to be so nice to work and be myself again, to work like I don't need it. It will give me the chance to really get back into the swing of being me, of not getting so butt-hurt when people turn me down. Seriously guys, saying no is just fine, but when I ask you when the last time you saw someone as hot as myself happened to be and you respond with never. Why the fuck are you saying no to a dance? Also am I that odd looking that I'm seriously asking, leave me a message in the comments about it. Anyway saying no is fine, but remember we are human too so say no nicely, I mean do you like getting turned down at bars? Probably not. We don't like getting turned down 25 times in a row. However now that my three wishes have been granted. Lets hope for the fourth and that my parcel shows up. I can close the book on that chapter of my life. I can move on...What a crazy feeling. I suppose there is always tomorrow, but it's nice to know that tomorrow I get to start being me, being funny, and making money again, hell I can start tonight, you can say no as many times as you want because it doesn't phase me. I'm feeling Sexy as fuck (thanks FP and DC for the hair) I still need to go to Vidal Sasson and use that gift card. I've decided to buy either a flat iron or a hair dryer, and new shampoo and conditioner. Or maybe just Shampoo and Conditioner since both my flatiron actually both of them work fine and my hair dryer has a retractable cord so it fits in small spaces and the cord doesn't get tangled. ANYWHO my hair is fresh as fuck, my body is looking slamming as usual...just need to get my squats in today. I'm feeling Snarky, and Funny, to me they are very different things. I'm feeling like the machine I previously was, the one that made more money than anyone else, that ran circles around the club. I'm very excited to be back in the saddle...I think I've said that about as many times as I've said there is always tomorrow...So I suppose at this moment it would be right to say "There is always today" Tonight I'll tell you the story of a friend of mine going to a strip club for the 1st time and how entertaining it was to me. So...here is to tonight.

Dating a stripper and or being friends with one

1st Off AdSense deined my application. I'm guessing it's because my blog is not family friendly enough...I'm to start the ol' email chain to try and figure out a way to monetize this thing. Anyway, the other night a major cat fight breaks out, like major, rain city, was holding her own, but this girl had like 20lbs on her it was crazy. Anyway, the club cleared out and I Was pissed as I was about to make a sale and I haven't been doing the best lately, although I should I'm RED. I also think my view of money may be warped. Speaking of I need to make a list of thing I can and will sell of mine to you my lovely readers so you can join the official red fan club. That and JaqTheStripper has Off Duty Stripper tee shirts that are super amazing. Okay, Okay, the story, there is one guy left in the club, I'm not holding out for a hail marry on this one....Anyway I introduce myself to this person and they immediately tell me that they are nervous. I crack my solid joke of you shouldn't be nervous you aren't in your underwear. He laughs. I giggle, that's what I'm suppose to do. Also I think I'm hilarious. So I ask this guy for a dance he says yes...oh man I might leave with 30 dollars is all I'm thinking since the night before that's what I left with. We do a dance yay. He says he wants to spend more time. I tell him about our vip. He decides on an hour. Thankfully R ran it and not Luis as I think he would have said no. There is no making that man happy, except maybe if I show up at 8pm every night which is what I'm going to do. I have a financial plan and damnnit i'm making it happen. Anyway this dude turns out to be Jewish....this is where it gets good. The night before I literally talked to a white supermeisit guy, and he asked he if I thought the holocaust was real....uh yeah body loser. He was lame I got up and left. This is when guy in chair says he was at a party and some dude wanted swastikas drawn on and he threatened to carve it on.... Ok the dating a stripper don't do it, we are high maintenance we sleep to much we never eat, we are terrible, We don't look super hot outside of the club just fyi. However we make great wing-men such great ones I should start a service. GO to a bar with a stripper find a girl there you like, you both chat her up stripper leaves and girl is with you. You explain that you are single and thats your friend. you get the girl co-sign that your a nice guy and next thing you know you're making out somewhere else. Totally fool proof

The Good, The bad, and the sexy....

Even though our club is a shit hole which kismet magically thinks I can quit and my bills will still be paid, tell me where you've got that unicorn tied up. Considering that we subject ourselves to this night after night, and it, well it gets old listening to strippers complain. I'm trying to get my persicope back up so look for #red_stripper if you ever want to find me or if you feel like venmo-ing me some money my name is boardgames rule or therealestred1@gmail.com

So here is the thing even though the club is a pit. It still has me. Sorry to say boys I'm still the hottest thing north or la and I'm working a lot lately so you're going to have to try hard to miss me. Unless I'm in portland then I'll give you a heads up for sure. Anyway the club is a pit...

Hoever that doesn't keep seriously some of the hottest, coolest, most family like girls I know out of the club at time I think they try, but they fail. They forget that without us there is no club so even though it's in shambles and we still go in every night hoping for a miracle. Hell I'm hoping for a miracle every day the rest of the week since you know short month rent is due...the usual.

But guys don't let the construction discourage you there is still this
and I'll be there to help you through think and thin...except thin pants they freak me out.

Girls in the bathroom

So the bathroom is a popular place in the strip club many a photoshoot, selfi shoot happen there. Today there were four of us in the bathroom and I looked at our half cut off door, with no closing thingy. Thats right there is no privacy in the strip club. Luis is outside talking to one of the girls and I over here him say something about all the girls in the bathroom, and I rollllllllllllll my eye at what comes out of his mouth. A girl asks what he doing and he says he's just waiting to catch us...Mind you yes, girls do nefarious things in the bathroom, but your had some of your best girls in there why would we jeopardize my job like that. So we open the door and all walk out. I'm of course still on a rampage from running into courtney last night and run up to him with a group photo and was like this is what you were trying to catch us doing selfies...seriously. The bathroom doesn't even work. The back counter is gone. That the only other counter space besides our front counter to get ready, is the bathroom, or to get 5 minutes of alone time or selfie time is in the bathroom that's all we were doing.

So last night they broke the water main if you are following my twitter and my Instagram, you will find that even though we had no water we were still open. We have no women's toilet and we are still open. Honestly there are so many health code violations, I don't know how or why we are open. I'm glad we are or it would be more trips to portland...wait that doesn't sound bad at all. I'm just surprised they are even charging us rent, and I understand they need to to fix it and need money to do so but there are other clubs making money, we own a ton on the west coast, we are raking in the dough (well the club is) there is no reason for anything to be in such major disarray because it truly isn't. Also who's brining the health department. Better yet who's bribing me to not tell the health department? Real question?

Karma is a bitch and god damn I'm beautiful

This started as a text to a friend in a different country so it's going to get jumbled for those of you critics out there and don't worry I see you. 

Today at the grocery store... I saw the woman who brought a tornado a literal god damn devestating someone call some sort of government aid service tornado into my life a dope addict, an irresponsible mother someone who cares about no one other than herself.  She Who with the help of her then partner also a dope head (What can I say I have a soft spot and think I can save people...I can't) stole with around 100k of things like electronics and designer clothing, jewelry, money, whatever she could get her heroine covered hands on. Slowly piece by piece, while I was gone on business trying to change my life around (not realizing my boss was trying to seduce me, you think there is some good in people and there really isn't at times, and you just have to go with that, at the same time there is, there are people like false portal and dc, and j, who just want to see me suceed). Ruined my life, almost literally. I was lucky enough to walk to the edge of the cliff peer over and decide not to dive into the abyss and see if there was a bottom, the cliff was bottom enough.  She was a hooker, had tricks over to my house while I was gone and had sex with them in my bed, never telling me, and never paying rent on time, why because she was a cheap ass hooker...So for a good cheap time call...8675309....jenny I got your number...I would never give out her number like that as much as I love watching chaos I of course want her to be a better mother to her son. OH lest we forget she scratched bitch into my hallway wall on her way out. Because living rent free and stealing my stuff for money and drugs makes me a huge bitch when I kick you out when I find a knife in my bed. I digresss

I walked up to her and told her...nay chased that bitch down was getting ready to swing with whatever I had near me which happened to be a case of wine, thinking do I want to go to jail for attempted murder tonight. IS this how I spend my valentines day. I mean my hair and make-up look amazing this mug shot should look better than lindsey lohans...Anyway I walked up and told her I should beat the shit out of her. She said for what. I said for all the horrid things you did to me. She called me crazy. I thought about hitting her with a wine bottle because it was close and easy to swing like I said before, could have smashed her jaw into fragments right then and there. I decided I didn't want to go to jail and it wouldn't be worth it. She would get off I would get punished there would be no true justice so what on earth would be the point.... I said no, I want to beat the shit out of you for not seeing your son in 3-4 years. She again called me crazy. I screamed not as crazy as you bitch...call your parents tell them you aren't dead. Walked back up the steps bought my whiskey shaking so much I almost forgot to pay the clerk.

I think everything happens for a reason. I did my hair last week so it looks fresh as fuck. I insisted on doing my makeup before before I went to get tomatoes and whiskey (whooooooo Valentine's Day). I said a prayer for protection before I left the house. I was also going through my clutch and realized I didn't have my knife, strange for me, I always have it nowadays, decided I didn't need it.  I stopped by work for a moment to say hi, and find out they broke a water main, but dammit we are still open, we are more reliable than the postal service. I was suppose to make another stop and didn't. I was suppose to get the queen of hearts tattooed on my finger and didn't, I just went to the grocery store on a dark and oddly rainy, not misty, not drizzly, but rainy seattle night. 

My last couple of years if you have been keeping up have been the worst, apartment fire, lose of my dog (which I could cry about everyday if I was allowed to, literally everyday and I would sleep on the floor where her bed was just to smell her if it didn't make me crazy) two dopeheads I tried to help, end up  stealing my life from me. Or what little life I had after the fire with no remorse, just stories of how unfair their life had been how their mothers had gotten rid of their clothes once so they know how hard it is to lose a collection like that but yet pilfered though it. used everything of mine when I wasn't around. 

Somehow I made the right split second choice did not harm anyone physically but said just enough with my words for her to know everything she did to hurt me and her family, and went about my life. I told her to call her mom and let her know that she wasn't dead. 

So she knows I exist, and next time I won't be nearly as nice, next time words will be had, screaming will start, and she can throw the 1st punch, because everything after that is self defense, and yes bitch, I am crazy, crazy enough to let you live with me crazy enough to let you steal from me, crazy enough to wait till next time, to wait for you to slip up because I know your situation and I know you can't help yourself, so I wish you the best, but night falls on us all and for some of us its a warm blanket and a space to move freely about it, and for others it's hard to see what's coming next.

Fate is a funny, funny, funny, thing. I could have been doing a million other things tonight but somehow fate put her back in my path, made me grow, made me realize that like philly, whom if I beat the shit out of gets plastic surgery which she loves and I get charged so she can stay ugly. That she will always be an addict and a liar, and I hope she gets help, but I've moved past caring about her and what her life is, she looked a mess, she smelled, probably of an untreated std. I hope she finds light in the world. I hope she finds a way. Tonight made me realize shes not worth my time, or my energy or my thoughts, and that my heels will always be higher and I will always be closer to the heavens. Truly I rarely pray, and to pray for protection is strange and I didn't know what I needed protection from but apparently my past. 

Thats what it is the fucking past so again...moving on, making money, and being the baddest bitch up in this bitch.

well Tonight was interesting...

I fully thought tonight was going to suck like every Saturday night in the past few months. I was wrong so wrong, I haven't been so wrong in a while. I danced for my 1st person who's transitioning we had a great time and talked a ton. I also sold two rooms and got there early. so lets see if I can do it again tomorrow. Since I'm feeling like I'm back, and it feels good to be me again, and it feels good to be making money again. I didn't hang in the locker room. I was nice but not too nice. it all worked out great. I am really hoping I can do it again tomorrow. For the rest of the month so I can take some time off. So I can save up some money again since that is what this is about so I can get a puppy and go back to school moving on from my transition dance.

My uber ride home was amazing the driver dates a dancer in vancouver we exchanged information. I asked what she was like he said shes's a beast. so she sounds like my kind of girl. So Hopefully made a new friend their.

Did my periscope. If you come into the club because you read my blog or watch my casts or read my twitter let them know I need to know what the conversion rate is. so I can prove that what I'm doing is actually working.

Thanks guys as always

I wrote a whole post

And it disappeared. Basically it said. When I say no. Do not grope at me, Do not, not pay me. It's theft. And the groping is sexual harassment. So don't. Or I will brat the shit out of you. Especially if you are from a country that looks down on stripping like we are a lower class. I know it's just a few people making a whole country look bad. BUT KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF.

to PDX and back

For those of you that know me via, periscope, the blog, the migs cast, friends of friends, co-workers, whatever. I'm sure you all know that as of late I have needed a vacation more than most. I was going hard there for a long time with the whole day job that sucked and turned into nothing expect what seemed to be away to keep me away from Sea and rest her soul my dear sweet pup Harriet.

That being said I as modest mouse said "head south, head south" or headed south this weekend and realized after train tickets I could have got a cheap room if I drove but oh well the safety and reliability of the train was totally worth it. Anyway I got to dance at my fave club being Union jacks

Jacks is my home away from home. I only go when I'm in a bad mood Or I need to reset myself, since the manager the other night informed me my backrent was 2K which mean I haven't paid a dime all month, even though I work every fucking day. So it's actually impossible especially when I'm selling rooms...I digress.

I went to Portland to  find myself to find RED, to find the real me, and guess what, I found her I just need a fake bullet belt from hot topic or the think spiked olive one joes jeans came out with a few million years ago and i'm back in the fucking game.

Last night record breaking night. Tonight not to bad. Wed-Sunday we hope for he best. Do it drink free as possible and start cracking off 20 dollars dances if we have to because we would bank out on those in the old days. Either way I'm not leaving because the machine is back....

I just might have to go to Portland a little more often to get back to being myself.

I love my job and here is a massive list of reasons why...enjoy

I get asked pretty frequently what I like and don't like about my job. Considering I've been pretty down on it lately so I thought I would write about what I like about it as a list.

1. I know it's shallow but I like the money. I started doing it and needed to do something lucrative and voila dancing became my thing although now it's drying up. So I need to move quick onto my hopes and dreams and hopefully still afford to do them while dancing also why I'm looking for another quick and easy job. I know I know not what you wanted to hear. However it's true sadly I can not live on "I think you're beautiful" and "I would love to buy you coffee" I wish I could because I would be rolling in money.

2. I don't understand men. The day I understand you is the day that I quit no joke. I seriously don't understand the male mind and I love that. I love that every one of you is a mystery. As much as I bag on Indian men I still sit and talk to them every night, because statistically speaking you can't all be terrible people. So I hope for the one in a million that I meet the cool ones, or the ones that don't low ball me or try to assault me.

3. I love the comradery between the girls it's amazing. Very unexpected I was expecting a blood bath which it wasn't. I also stood up for myself my first day as if I were in prison.

4. I love my regulars I love getting to know people and their stories over time. I've saved marriages. I've made people stop drinking. I've had people realize they hate their job and that they want to do something else all while talking it out with me. I'm like a naked therapist really.

6. I love that I have changed it from being just a stripper to turning it into a name for myself, focusing more on the marketing and the girls that I work with and their well being I'm sort or a liaison between the dancers and corporate. Although I'm sure they are upset with me since my numbers are down but I can't help that there are two back hoes parked in front of the club.

7. I love that I have danced everywhere and I've had a ton of fun and a ton of experiences I would not have normally had.

8. Dancing opened a lot of doors and slammed a lot of doors too. Dancing made me view myself and others differently and what the idea of a perfect body was or is, I mean I'm gorgeous. google me and find out. At the same time I've seen women much larger than me really be sexy and I've stood in awe of their beauty. It's all perspective I suppose, but mine is that every woman is beautiful.

9. I like that I've seen what the top looks like and that dancing keeps me striving for that  again, because I sure as fuck am not going out how I came in. So it's taught me motivation,=.

10. Dancing has taught me to question every single interaction I have with a man and if it's real, and if it's genuine. You want to have a nerf war you're probably okay. You send me a chandelier you're good. You're my Euro cheerleader I have mad love for you.

11. Dancing has taught me that I do not have to give a fuck about everyone and their feelings because chances are they don't give a fuck about mine, I have been the scapegoat for many, man,y things it's not fun being called a bitch and a cunt, and being told that I have no idea what body shaming is because of what I look like, actually I know more about it because of what I look like, men just want to fuck me, women want to hate me, it just isn't a good look being pretty sometimes, and yes maybe they are just jealous because they don't know me since most girls I work with will tell you I'm the nicest person, the most honest person, and I go hard for my girls. At the same time I have been told I'm a horrible, horrible, selfish person, that is totally out of touch with reality and what it's like to struggle or be shunned by society...bacon this time I'm talking about you. This is the only time I've ever even mentioned you in a blog.

12. Dancing taught me to fight. A strange one I know but it taught me what getting hit in the face feels like and that you can push through it and get out of a situation or beat the shit out of someone. Important life skill. It taught me to say no and to stand up for myself. Stand up for what I believe in.

13. Dancing has taught me there is value in everyone I just need to dig to find it.

14. To let things slide off, to roll with things to be told no 100 times in a row and keep fighting for the yes.

15. most of all dancing has taught me to find the humor in everything that this whole job is hilarious and that's what I love about it.

Dancing is dead...

tonight was the 3rd night in a row I left with zero dollars. Periscope shut me down. Someone is on my shit trying to take me down. I'm sorry you can't.

The real problem is the internet. Webcamming and $20 hand jobs in the club that I don't give. SPD come check on that I'm the cleanest dancer we have. I'm not about to give up on this thing that I love but the last time I used to come home and cry because of my job I quit and started dancing and maybe I need to buckle down and get there and 7 and really get it in like I used to and that's the goal for January, but right now I'm late on my rent, I have to somehow explain that. I didn't become a dancer to be broke and I refuse to be broke again. So I guess it's time to quit bitching and get back to who I was when I started, It's time to just hustle like I'm going to die tomorrow.

6 cop cars, 5 managers, 4 good laughs, 3 periscopes, 2 high heels, and the 1 time I was almost arrested.

So as you all very well know by now I do a lot of periscoping, like a lot a lot, like 15000 followers a lot. I am hoping some of you are crossovers, and one of these days I swear I'm going to monetize the hell out of this thing especially with the up coming book. That's right the tell all, the funny the dark, the nights you never forget like the other night...

I was in the bathroom doing my usual periscope, only I was wearing a geometric vinyl face mask. I would direct you to the video but I took it down just incase i really did say something ostentatious. Anyway people were asking were I worked, which should have been clue number one, followed by clue number two whats the address, now I want more customers so I'll dole the address out all day long.

However next thing I know one of the managers bursts in the door and shuffles me into the bathroom. I thought he wanted to gossip about something so I'm like what the fucking, fuck, I need to get on the floor at this second and make some money. He blocks me from the door and says "to hell you do" "Someone decided to call the cops on you saying you were soliciting sex out of the bathroom." "They described exactly what you looked like and what you were wearing, now sit your ass down and stay down for a minute"

I immediately start to panic worrying about what on earth I could have said to make someone think that. Management is outside dealing with it I have no clue what's going on. Apparently it was an annoyomous call, and the police ended up having a good laugh about it they figured it was nothing.

So six squad cars showed up for one little girl. Who knew the internet was so crazy.

help i need somebody help not just anybody- beatles

If you listen to the beatles or not there are certain verses that resonate with a person. I know I for one have been asking for a lot of help lately, and you all have been so awesome helping me out that said venmo me if you want therealestred1@gmail.com, you know if you felt like helping the cause. I know I say the cause quite a bit, and what the fucking, fuck is the cause. Well the cause is a heart condition, don't worry not a deadly one, you know it's that common one of having one that is too big. Don't let the resting bitch face fool you tonight I gave a girl literally the only money I made so she could get home. The cause is me dishing out life advice, because I'm a blunt ass bitch and I won't sugar coat it. So it's the hours of therapy for others. It's so often I'm helping every bitch in there and I can't talk about my life and my problems so they spill over here onto the internet, so it goes towards my sanity.

Love me or hate me. Thanks for helping the cause.

It's late this post will be updated tomorrow