Let's recap last night for sanities sake.

So last night I was at Union Jacks as I usually am every other weekend. I was doing my stretching routine on one of the benches on the back wall. This woman comes up to me and says her man appreciates what I'm doing I say tell him your welcome. Shortly after this he walks over and drops like 10 1's on me, of course like any smart stripper I convince him to get a dance. We are in the back about to start a dance and I ask him what his story is, he said he had just gotten out of jail. I in my stupid stripper way I ask him what he was is prison for. He replies with a drive by shooting. Only in this job do you really not judge anyone for what they do or what they did. It was also at this point i knew that the night was going to be very interesting.
It was attack of the nerds night, which I will take they were super nice. One of them had my email from the summer and was absolutely amazed that that I was in town. He apparently thought I had moved to chi-town forever. Thank fucking god I didn't stay there.
So I'm listening to Jeezy right now. I typically don't listen to trap music, it's not really my thing. I do say that I find the lyrics hilarious. Such as "What do you know about champagne at every night and bad bitches all night" To answer the question proposed in this song. I know a lot. I drink a lot of champagne and hang out with women all night. Ok back to the main points. I'm getting a little distracted by the scenery, I'm currently on the train. I'm also really hoping to take a little cat nap before I get home tonight.
Alright more entertainment from last night. I coerced more people than normal to buy me G&T's I love getting drinks and waiting for all the ice to melt, not because I like my drinks watered down, but because I like drinking water and I hate carrying a bottle of water around and I do my very best to spend as little time as possible in the locker room. This is small known fact. Well I suppose it's not that small I'm always on the floor.
Attack of the nerdy dudes is always funny, they are usually super polite and generally just happy to have me in there space bubble. I suppose it also helps that I know just a few nerdy things to get by. Nerds also don't have a problem passing around strippers and if one gets a dance it's basically a guarantee that they will all get a dance. I need to take a break from writing this blog today. This will be edited later, with more care and thought put into it.

I feel bad for anyone that sits next to me on an airplane.

Let's preface this post this have I taken some an(xanax)ity medication before writing this post. Why? I'm flying to the midwest. No, no, no, I'm not going to chicago. That my darlings would be so fucking stupid much like a kamikaze mission. Which I will not be taking. (sidetone I would love some nacho's I've been craving nachos since yesterday.)

Anyway I'm heading back to the midwest to see my parents, new sweater in hand, along with because I am a thrifty stripper a new pair or rather pricey shoes on a discount. Yes kids that's right I'm thrifty, why because I really do go to school, and yes I use this money for tuition. Surprise, surprise. 

Ok back to why I feel bad for anyone that happens to fly with me. I typically take anxiety medication. I did though my bag till I fall asleep. I crave chips 20m minutes into the flight I'm totally annoying. I'm horribly needy. I'm chatty and I want nothing more than to think that I'm self sufficient, which I am not. Well I am. Lets start with some funny red on airplane stories. 

As we all know by this time I didn't just move to chicago. I moved there for a business transaction otherwise known as the worst Idea of my life. (excuse me as the anxiety medication just kicked in.) 

Ok funny stories about Red on airplanes. 

Such as the time I was really hungry and found a bag of (opened) peanuts in the in the seat pocket, of course I ate the. Hands down most disgusting thing I am admitting to the public. What can I say I used to travel without a debit card. 

I went to chicago and I knew as soon as I landed that I would have to meet the now ex's ex, so I decided it was a great time to get totally hammered, so I hung out with the flight attendants in the back and dumped an entire glass of wine on myself. That was one of those flights with the compassion of humanity came out. It is also one of the reasons I really enjoy flying delta. Those people were so incredibly amazing to me. There a are a few memories that I think about when I think about my time in chicago and I get really down on it as it was horrible and I remember all the really amazing memories that didn't involve the ex. The thing is if I hadn't had that experience I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't feel like my life was amazing and I wouldn't have the friends that I have. I would just be sad and miserable in the Chicago. (no offense Jason you were a pretty rad friend of the fucking idiot face that I dated, that I personally hope creates ugly children and fails at his job and gets really fat) 

OK back to funny flight stories. I used to take my anti anxiety medication much earlier and there was perhaps a point where I took them and drank. I had this one time mistook my seat number as my gate number. With that error came thinking that somehow 3a was in the back of the airplane. Let me tell you it's not it's actually in first class. Also wearing a button down flannel jeans with rips, a leather jacket, and carrying a studded bag all while wearing the make-up from the night before is not the way you want to flop down into first class and it's not very classy but I did it and then proceeded to get the best sleep of my life next to a horribly conservative gentleman whom I felt very, very, bad for. I of course quickly got over that remembering that I am who I am and that I am in fact pretty adept in most situations, regardless of my garb.

 I sat next to a Grandma like woman once who said I could sleep on her shoulder, she was an amazing and sweet woman who showed me pictures of her pets. She was amazing. Seriously flights restore my faith in humanity. 

I also ended up on my last flight from Chicago sitting next to a 7 year old hispanic girl. We played hang man. She was amazing I bought us cookies and chips and soda. I also realized on that flight that my spanish was absolutely horrible, I have the ability to communicate with a 7 year old. 

Ok maybe the drug haven't kicked in now I'm just really hungry for nachos. Stand by kids. 

Ok no nacho's obtained but I do have junk food which gets me pretty pumped. 

Which brings me to my next point for those of you that don't know I have been really sick for the past week or so so this week is my first week of eating normal food and I so pumped. Also for those of you that know my life is based around food and apparently sweaters. Ok now the drugs have kicked in I need to sleep. 

Finals...

It's finals week. I'm in a straight panic about it. Im sure if you were to talk to me about it I wouldn't seem to stressed but I always stress about tests. I want a 4.0 and I know it's probably not going to happen this quarter. I've been really distracted with being ill and not ill as in reference to the beastie boys. As in actually ill.

Side note, I am sitting in a coffee shop listening to christmas carols.

Work has been well work like lately. It's been odd, it's been people saying no, and for no real reason. I think it's just the time of year. It is for this exact reason I do not spend every dollar I make and I make it a point to save. Just the other day I was reviewing one of the girls personal budgets. If I can say one thing to everyone out there. QUIT SMOKING IT WILL SAVE YOU COUNTLESS DOLLARS.

In other news I will be in Portland this weekend so don't come looking for me in Seattle.

I'm really hoping Portland is a little better than Seattle this weekend. I'm really having a hard time with this Seattle business. Not that it's really any of your business but it's been so unpredictable lately that I actually woke up and cried the other morning and considered moving. I feel that I must reiterate to you gentlemen that you happen to be in my FUCKING HOUSE so please be a gentleman because if you don't I will send one of you lucky men or women to the ER, I swear I really will, and it won't be pretty and it will hold up on my end in court because my dearies, if you break the law i'm just looking at self defense. So get it together lets all cheer up and quit being mean to each other.

The view from here

Ok as my previous post stated I'm working the day shift. I guess you would call it the mid-shift. It's strangely boring you would think I would have a whole bunch of time to practice but I have a pole up at home and I don't like practicing at work I get self conscious. Strange I suppose I take my clothes off in front of all of you. As I'm sitting here watching other people practice I fond myself continuously amazed that we jump literally jump around in a minimum of 6" heels usually it's 7 or 8. Maybe that's why athletes like strippers they respect what we do as a sport. I know that is not at all true, actually athletes don't like me. Speaking of I wonder if it looks like I have any muscle definition on stage. I typically don't worry about these things, but I know the girl currently on stage doesn't look like that I mean I know she lost weight but I didn't think she turned into a body builder. Maybe she hits the gym a ton. Speaking of I'm pumped to hit the gym tomorrow, I'm hoping it provides me with more grace and strength, or at least I hope my forearms pump and I don't rip a fingernail off.
The girl on stage is whompping out to some dub step and is the chick with the scares.
To be perfectly honest I really can't wait to be done with school and be done with this, it doesn't really matter that I love my job a whole ton it's just a totally strange world and I'm looking forward to being a "normal" member or society again. I wonder if it wick be like when people in the army come back from war where they make them decompress and then rein duct them to society. Maybe I'll just travel for a year, I suppose that's just wishful thinking right now. It comes to my attention everyday that I haven't been on vacation in a long time. It's my own fault I was so tired of airports and airplanes at the end of the Chicago thing.
New strippers are funny I mean I totally remember those days and I'm so glad I'm out of them.
I hate when girls use their phone on stage. I say this as I have an iPad out on the floor, but really you could be getting a work out rather than working out your thumbs.
I'm sure your all very tired of my internal brain vomit. Unfortunately I don't really care. My goal for the remainder of the week is to catch up on homework and become a morning person. Mornings would be so easy if I had something super amazing to look forward to. I mean don't get me wrong school is amazing but I need like a party with Harry Belefonte every morning to get me going. There was a chef once who made me breakfast in bed but is suppose that doesn't count I was on vacation.
Scar girl walks hunched over, I hate when people just look like victims it makes me really sad.
What is happening right now which is four people singing along to let the bodies hit the floor I think is the reason I don't consider myself friendly with them and perhaps the reason I don't really like this mid-shift thing. It's that whole not knowing everyone thing and the dj playing me bad music. Oh well it's not the end of the world.
Absolutely none of this has been coherent and the sad part is all I can think of today is the dj for Chicago saying "live and in color till 5am" I seriously think this is the last time I ever come in for a mid shift this is embarrassing and I'm getting angry. Like to the point where I want to tell people how to do their job and that they suck. Really none of it is there fault it is the fault of the fact that no one comes in right now. The real question is how do I make this more fun. This girl on stage is trying to steal my moves, little girl that's not a very good idea. This girl needs to be careful with what she eats or take vitamins she has some really knurly bruises maybe she has a disorder. Maybe I'm finding a reason to complain. I hope in the next two hours someone amazing comes in. In the mean time I'll be playing monopoly with myself and avoiding these very annoying young girls.

Someone asked me for more insight on my regular life

So here is a post on it. I'm wearing a skull sweater from Gap Kids. It's right before finals week, I'm freaking about about time. One of my good stripper friends is in town. I am not a morning person I drank a ton of coffee this morning and accidentally fell asleep in accounting while we were talking about forecasting accounts receivable that may never be payed. I have the hardest time getting out of bed, I'm a huge coffee junkie I look like one of the Olsen twins with huge boobs and a huge butt. I keep telling myself I'm going to make myself a morning play list I think it would look something like this.
Harry Belefonte - Jump  in the Line
The cheers themesong
Drake- Fancy
I'm from barcelona- Oversleeping
G-side Rubba Bandz
Basically I need to wake up and dance around like Cameron Diaz in Charlies Angels. I have a math quiz in a few minutes so I need to finish this up so I can study for a bit. I'm trying to get into work super early tonight. I feel like I'm working the idea of a Red happy hour.
Ok back to normal life. I don't wear make-up to school, I don't wash my hair, I wear glasses. I try really hard to hard out in my flannels and oversized clothes. I actually get really annoyed by people hitting on me outside of work. It typically makes me want to hit them in the face. We all know that nice pants really means I want to get in your pants therefore I don't try hard outside of work.
I still haven't answered how stripping weaves it's way into the fabric of my everyday
I measure the cost of everything in lap dances. I am highly aware of the cost of everything as I always have to literally look at the money that I spend. I'm very aware of people looking at me especially woman and the way that they clutch their men a little tighter. It might be the way that I walk. The owner came in the other day and first told me I have the coolest walk in the club (shark tank watch out little fishes I'll eat you alive) he also mentioned that I walk around like I own the place. I laughed sort of and said that wasn't true and he then said no really you do own it. What can I say I like the stomp model walk.
I'm actually blogging from work right now. My first day shift in probably a year. I'll be here till about nine pm kids come down say hi bring champagne! Preferably Sofia Copalla in the small pink cans you can buy them individually from whole foods down the street.
My idea of sexy has changed since I started doing this. I don't understand the girls that dress like strippers In public like do women really need that much attention and why do they feel the need to be objectified like that. Which brings us back to the beginning of me hiding behind my clothes while I'm at school.

The night everyone went crazy or the night I lost it

Whichever way you want to look at it this weekend was pushing my last thread over the edge. Here are some of the highlights.
One of the new girls was about to walk out on the floor with a sheer top on and I straight up said told her she couldn't and it was at that point everyone in the back new that shit was about to get real, real in the club this weekend
I say to the manager that the next person that asks me to break the Seattle municipal code is going to get their jaw broken. What do you know Karma is a little bitch with a great sense of humor I find myself arguing with a man in a wheelchair about what exactly the law is, he is telling me I am wrong (for those of you that know me I'm not wrong I know that law better than I know my real name). Needless to say he didn't get his dick stroked nor did I break his jaw.

The Dr. came in to keep me on my toes that's always fun. Let's just say big squeeze and I don't mean that in a weird way at all.

I asked my manager for a bag of valuim so I could eat them like m&m's in hopes of not killing someone. This is shortly after I have my head between my legs as I feel like I'm having a panic attack. One of my finer moments for sure.

The very last man I talked to on Saturday night was being a dick and I told him if he continued I was going to smash his glasses, his response they were really expensive. My response "I'm sure they were, I mean mine were around $1,500" He continued to be a dick, I snatched his glasses off his face.

Needless to say I am currently taking a break from Seattle until I feel it is safe for other for me to come back. Just so we are clear the law is there for your protection as well, just think if you actually touched me and I didn't like it. I mean 911 is easy to remember but try dialing that as I'm stomping on your hands. Just kidding I would never do that...

There is no I in team but there sure as fuck is one in stripper

Last night was showgirl of the year, no I didn't win. Why? because I was a god damn idiot and told my idea to someone else. Did I even place, nope and that's ok. I'm not the type of girl to represent a strip club. I mean I rep mine all the time, but I do it my way. Those of you that know me on the personal level know that I'll leave my mark on you and you will be sure to remember me the next day. I'm not blonde, I'm not stick skinny I have big boobs and a big butt. Anyway I'm losing focus.
I went into this competition thinking rah-rah- go team little darlings, but the thing is there is no team or there are teams and I'm not part of the winning one, I'm part of the team that makes money and happens to be a bitch. As the rappers say Money Over Everything.
Last night was a fantastic refocus night. It was a great day to remember that it doesn't matter how vegas you look or how showy your stage is I will fucking murder it every other day of the week. Little Darlings is my fucking house and I run it regardless of their title. That is all. So dear readers get ready to raise your red flags because I'm back and I'm ready to rock.

College isn't hard pole tricks are

So next week is the big week, it's Showgirl of the year. Cue the glitter, no for real I need a ton of glitter.

Anyway I realized at this point in the quarter last quarter I was traveling back and forth to Chi-town like every other weekend. I still have no idea how I lived though that or how I didn't totally fail every class. I suppose it's because college isn't really that hard lots of people do it. It's also how I feel about pole tricks. Lots of girls do them so I should be able to do more.
Which reminds me I need to have arts and crafts hour this weekend to get all my signs made for next week.
This has the potential to be the longest week of my life. I am praying that I don't have a math test.
Also dear readers just a heads up I will be in Seattle today (Thursday) and Sunday. For everyone reading from Portland I will be seeing you tomorrow night.
I hope it's a fun filled weekend so you never have to read another boring blog post again.

Tonight started out like any other night, much like an episode of cheers, or Seinfeld, or maybe even friends.
Wait that's a lie tonight was so fucking strange. Our CEO was in which is odd in and of itself. We chatted for a minute he said he didn't recognize me. I laughed and said I didn't blame him I wore clothes when I worked in the office. He of course followed it up with the mandatory "you look great" I typically don't care if people in management positions tell me I look great it doesn't mean much.
Anyway we were chatting he asked me if I ended up getting married this summer in Chicago and I said hell fucking no I didn't. To the reorders that no me really well you all, already knew. To everyone else yup I was engaged, it was lame, it was only for about a minute. I asked him what was new hoping to her something cheerful about the up coming show girl of the year competition. I have not been so wrong in a while, he told me he was getting divorced. Breaking up never makes me that sad but hearing about divorces breaks my damn heart.
Later I had a semi regular come in by semi I mean he comes in quarterly. I told him I didn't have a ton of time to chat and that I needed to play catch up. We did a couple dances, I asked him what was new, he said he was getting q divorce. WTF I'm surprised it's not trending on Twitter.
The CEO also said something about creepy guys I said I don't really get to many of them because well I'm me. He totally he fucking jinxed me, that all I had all night
Fast forward to the end of the night. The CEO tells me I'm a machine. Which is true I am it is also why I am not the gm's favorite girl, I work really hard but I'm always traveling, which the CEO is cool with.
As I'm walking my Machine ass to the back some guy grabs my arm and says he wants me to find him a party in Europe I'm not sure what exactly he meant. We do a couple dances and I lay down the rules beforehand like I always do. He did ok though the first song, I asked him if he anted me to continue he says sure, then he got a little handsy do I got a little rough. Ultimately we did three songs. Handsy I can deal with handys is easy what followed made my blood boil. This mother fucker didn't want to pay me. I literally start screaming at him that I laid everything out before hand, it's at this point I pick up my super sharp studded belt. His eyes went so wide as he asked if I was going to hit him I of course said I would only I said "I'm going to fucking beat you and call the police and have you fucking arrested" he continues to argue with me. I typically don't get all super stripper I people but tonight I couldn't help, I had my belt super close to him and I'm screaming one of my favorite stripper lines "Fuck you, pay me" over and over again. The manager finally comes over, and asks me if I need anything I told him an ambulance because this guy is about to need one. This other fucker told J what was going on and accused me of lying! Me lying! I'm the most honest stripper in the world. He the. Says he wants to get up and talk to his friend to double check. I told him he was not going to leave my booth or I would actually harm him, our couch counter came over and confirmed that it was in fact 3 songs. So he finally fucking paid me with a fucking card which is fine but it was 3:30am and this isn't Chicago it's Seattle I was ready to go the fuck home.
It's nights like this I remember why I love my job it's always a hoot. Upper management loves us, our club loves us. I love the girls I work with. I love that I know someone has my back no matter what. I am so glad I quit my corporate job I am so much happier being a stupid stripper I wouldn't trade it for the world, well maybe the world,

Coming in hot!

First and foremost I would like to thank my canadian gift from the Stripper Deities the other week, you totally made my night. It was great to see you. More on him later just proof positive that social media works if you work it.
Anyway whew sorry about that everyone. I was in a suer dark place and just couldn't be public for a minute. Let's get back up to speed IM In SEATTLE fuck yes I'm home! I've never been happier holy fucking god am I happy. I mean I loved working in Chicago I loved the city it's just not for me right now and that's ok.
Having come back to the pnw I've been heading to pdx every other weekend so if you happen to be in the vicinity do swing buy and say hi.

Ok on to the good stuff I suppose. I'm taking the rest of the weekend off. I think it's time. For no real reason usually I take time off because I think I might actually hurt someone. I've been uber nice lately, as in people are commenting to me on how nice I have been. It's weird it's awesome to be this happy but I think it may be negatively impacting my business.
I realized last night that I have my target market down. No one has told me in quite some time that I am too smart to dance with. I suppose if they actually felt that way I should direct them here and they will be able to clearly see that I cannot punctuate to save my life.

Ok the dirt. Tonight I convince this little thug muffin that he wants a dance. For those of you that have had dances from me you know damn well I lay the rules out and I'm really into people following the rules. This little fuck head thought it would be appropriate to try and get his hand under my bra. First off you've obviously not had enough experience or you would know to go from the side not the bottom dipshit. Anyway I thought it would be in my best interest to hit him in the face. It wasn't even hard, we all know I can hit harder if I want to. He gets all butt hurt and says it was hard and chooses to tell a me that it's assault. Asked my why I didn't warn him. Me stat
Ing the rules in the beginning is your warning, I hope this is now clear to everyone. Excuse me, it apparently never occurred to this fuck face that touching me is sexual assault and i'm totally cool pressing charges. It unfortunately did not escalate to this point. He said he was going to call his lawyer, I told him he should and I would happily call mine. This ended up getting really heated. I told him he was incredibly rude he then told me he wasn't going to tip me. It was at this point I was highly offended, people rarely tip me anyway so I don't care but don't wave that shit over my head! So I shoved him into the wall told him I didn't fucking care if he paid me, and walked away. Sad part of the story he won the argument I should have made him pay me. I ended up walking myself out tonight which I will never do as I ran into him and 2 of his friends on the stairs luckily you take the heels off and throw on a coat I don't look like a stripper. It still seemed like I might get my ass kicked right then which would really ruin my day. Anyway I get in my car and start telling my driver about my night he offered to seriously come beat someone down for me someday. Which brought me to a very Important re-realization
The sex industry is seriously a pretty tight knit group and once you are in you are sort of in. We all watch out for each other, when we travel we visit clubs and throw money around. This crazy stripper world has seriously changed my perspective on the world, it has made it seem like a (mostly) more positive place, that there is always someone who has your back and is willing to help you, and I'm not solely referring to customers. It's the drivers, the bartenders, the door guys, the all night diners, your coworkers good management, strippers on Twitter, and those who truly love us and don't judge us that makes this world and my life so fucking amazing.

PDX

As you know I went to PDX last weekend. It was a whirlwind of a trip, more on the personal level than anything else. I went down I did my thing I rocked the hustle, because I'm a hustler baby. My hustle was a normal NW hustle nothing special it didn't rain money from the sky like it does in Chicago. Just some good old fashion NW style, or should I say Union Jacks style, it was so nice to not have to wear a dress. Even though I bought a new dress while I was there, and a pair of shoes, because holy cow the shoes I wear now make my feet hurt so bad I don't think I can work. It sounds silly but if my feet hurt it makes me so tired. I'm sure it's because I would rather army crawl on the floor then walk around in those fucking monsters all night. Although they are very pretty I just can't do it. So new shoes for me. WITH NO SALES TAX! YAY!
Speaking of Chicago, this will be my last week here (So much for buying new dresses). I will be back in the NW permenantly as much as I love it here and as much as I want to stay I think the NW is calling me back for right now.
I need to refocus...again...Focus on school and finally finishing something. I'm sure school and being home and going back to traveling back and forth will create all kinds of fodder for this little blog. I also think having something stable and more sane than Chicago will help. I think it will be nice to be back among women that actually give a shit, rather than the fucking bimbos I work with here. Also even though there are dead bodies from previous relationships all over Seattle, at least there isn't a vampire like woman watching my every move unlike here. DID YOU HEAR ME VAMPY LADY! I'M WATCHING YOU WATCHING ME WATCHING YOU! Not really I'm a little no narcissistic to watch anyone but myself.
So it's back to Seattle I go. I can't wait to see all of you.

Question

Dear readers,
Are there only a couple of you reading my posts repeatedly? Or are there more than two of you? Just curious. Where do you all reside? Have we met? Thanks!
-red

Gypsy Stripper

I'm sure you have all heard of the Stripper that lives down by the river, if not google her, she can be really interesting sometimes.
Anyway, sometimes I feel like a gypsy stripper, simply because I travel so much. It's like as soon as I get settled in for a weekend I'm up and moving around again. This weekend, I'll be in PDX. I can't fucking wait on one hand, and on the other I'm sort of like meh. I GET TO CALL MYSELF RED THIS WEEKEND...DID YOU CHICAGO PEOPLE HERE ME RED will be in the fucking house this weekend! Mind you I won't be in the house fucking, it was just a figure of speech. I finally get to wear normal stripper attire. Such as cut off tee-shirts, or a tee-shirt in general, boots, booty shorts rather than a thong. I get so tired of walking of giving dances in a thong it's seriously not fun sometimes, especially when you start to think about the last time whomever you are dancing with did their laundry. I mean it is recommended to only wash your jeans once a year but lets be realistic here, maybe once a week, but what if this person really never washes their jeans...eew. GENTLEMEN PLEASE DO YOUR LAUNDRY BEFORE YOU ARRIVE.
Ok back to how excited I am that I get to wear whatever. NOT only that but I get to spend the entire weekend with my best friend a girl really can't ask for much more in life, well I mean I would like to make some money this weekend.
Which brings me to my next point. Chi-town has been really good for money. It's going to be strange not making as much. The thing is I usually make more money in PDX than I do in Seattle, I mean that's where we all went to make money on certain weekends. Here is to hoping this weekend is lucrative.
Another thing, moving around so much always makes me the new kid, sometimes I just want to be a house name sometimes, at the same time once you are there long enough you sort of know who will buy dances and who won't which is annoying, it's nice not knowing because there is no reason not to ask everyone.
I'm apparently losing my focus today. I think it's because it's nap-time. Strippers are like children, we run around like chickens with out heads cut off, listen to crappy music, and we must take naps at 2pm

the man the myth

the go fuck yourself... yup that's right I said it. I'm not into you. So stop trying to take me home you fuck, I don't care how big your dick is, you don't have the money and I really don't have the time. Another day in the life of Red.
It all started out cheery tonight, I went in with a great attitude because last night was amazing, I returned someones wallet without even opening it, that's a pretty big deal if you ask me. So here I am thinking tonight is going to be even better, and it starts out great with some private wealth management dude just paying me to talk to him. Odd as we were talking about the debt ceiling. I love those guys! As soon as I get up to go hustle it's like a fucking storm happens.
EVERY GOD DAMN PERSON TELLS ME NO! I was like are you serious? Really tonight? You are going to tell me no. Do I look fat or something? No no I do not, how do I know some super crazy muscle dude who could literally bench me with one arm tells me I look super solid and that I must work out a ton. It was just a jacked up night. Everyone but me was making millions. WHATEVER!
Then I had the end of the night douche canoe get a champagne room try to get me to go home with him. GAH when will you kids ever learn that unless you have goo gobs of money I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks.

Short stories

I sit down on a man's lap one night, he claims to be a physician, as he asks me about my boobs. Then he proceeds to bounce me on his lap and say boingy, boingy, boingy, I walk away. Dumbass.
It's my last night at work in Seattle, I decide to dance with someone I would not normally dance with, knowing full well they are going to try and touch me (those of you in the know, know it's a bad idea). He trys to touch me. I get up to tell him he's a douche canoe, he stands up to counter me. I slam him against the wall and not so nicely explain to him that I'm not a fucking prostitute and I won't go to jail for him and I don't give a fuck if he's a programmer he doesn't have enough money to even get close to me. This is when Cam walks over and has her shoe raised to hit him. I love teamwork.
You know we are going to fight when we take our shoes off those things are damn weapons.
One night, also in Seattle a gentleman decides he wants to sit on my stage, I kick him off. He then proceeds to stand up and taunt me. I kicked him in the chest, there may have been blood, last time I checked that shit was a biohazard. Biohazard is a word you can't really argue with, it's like I don't care what happened he has to go.
Every time I take my clothes off I'm told I have a great body, every time I laugh on the inside.
Also just for the record, what I'm really thinking about when I give a dance is...god I hope my shoes don't break. Does this dude realize how hard this is to do in heels? I wonder if he cares that I'm sweating my ass off, followed by hypercrush lyrics..."If the club gets hot then air it out" All the things I should have done that day. Most importantly HOW THE FUCK DO I SELL CHAMPAGNE ROOMS, BECAUSE THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF THERE WERE FOOD AND DRINKS!

I get all the girls, I get all the girls.

Mildly true, anyone that knows me knows that I danced to Calvin Harris in Seattle a ton, like so much to the point that I wanted to knock the dj out every time he played that or "Whip My Hair" or "Pop the Glock" I thought to myself on many occasions how much I hated our dj, that is until I came to chicago. I hate the dj here and he hates me back, I swear he only puts me up to butt rock. Mind you I have a nice ass but I can't get my Philly ass shake down to Eddie Vedder, mind you I hate Eddie as well. He ruined that whole movie "Into the Wild" for me, actually that movie was just straight up disturbing anyway. Anyway, my distain for this dj goes a long way, he doesn't even say hi to me when I check in with him he just seems annoyed. Here's my thing Mr. Dj man I FUCKING TIP YOU YOU SHIT BAG ALL I WANT YOU TO DO IS SAY FUCKING HI TO ME! I can totally deal with music I would not choose to dance to. Holy crap, sometimes the people I work with on a daily basis drive me totally insane.

Plastic guy

Before we begin, privacy settings are awesome! It's like the new way to avoid people I have no idea why I have never thought to customize them before. LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER! OH MY GOD LIKE WEIGHT OFF MY SHOULDERS I NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT THEM AND THEY NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT ME! FUCK YES!
There was a gentleman that came in the other night, I'm going to call him plastic guy. He is a chemical engineer that creates plastics. He was hilarious. I find two kinds of patrons to be absolutely hilarious. Chemists and Patent Attorneys. Some times I find the Finance folk funny but their humor is few and far between. Anyway Plastic guy is hilarious, he kept going on and on about water bottles, and what a waste they are, and how that's basically all landfills are made of. Which started me thinking about the fact that bottled water is a luxury (one that I personally enjoy, but I do prefer it out of glass) and the fact that golf courses are built on landfills. It's funny the way things work.
So plastic guy only bought a couple of dances but he was so nice, and hilarious. I have strangely enjoyed having a new client base in Chicago.
At the same time I can't wait to go back to seattle and see my old peeps.

How many stripper does it take

to send me into a fit of rage. None really it takes a house mom that looks like jabba the hut and likes to think she is just as important. I'm sorry bitch but you sit in a chair all night. Not that I'm out changing the world (wait yes I am) but don't get it my god damn way. You don't care about me, you just care that you get paid, and your little outfit lady that comes in. SHE IS FUCKING AWESOME! She is at least nice and will talk, god, jabba your a bitch, and I don't want to pay you $15 every night to eat a couple carrot sticks and use your super glue once in a blue fucking moon. why don't you do something for me? I mean shit I have given lapdances for 15 big ones, not that I want one from her but god damn. Anyway enough preface.
I'm sitting in Chicago, the sun is basically up, I'm drinking a glass of wine which I know I shouldn't be doing but holy god it was a rough night. I ended up with so many come back laters I started to think I look deformed or something. I know I don't. It was just that I was trying to be someone else. There was a point in my night where I got to be me. Just me, me red, the bitch you don't want to fuck with. I was sitting with an Englishman and he pointed over to a group of men and said I don't care how drunk I would be or what they do for a living I wouldn't talk to them if I were you. I turned and looked directly at him (he's a behavioral analyst by the way) and said, "well I have talked to them, and do you see the man in the green shirt, he's amazingly nice and extremely funny, as for what they do for a living they move snow and ice so that means that they work outside on the worst days" He looked at me like I was a god damn lunatic. It was also at that point that I said this is why I do my job, I get a different look at life everyday, everyday is different, everyday is an adventure, everyone comes from a different path and just because their path is different than yours does not make them a bad person. Then he bought dances.
I broke my shoe tonight (again) as well it was horrible and embarrassing, and I couldn't walk to get anywhere to even take them off. I don't know when the last time you fell of 8" was but it's not fun. As I super glued my shoe together I realized that I hated every god damn bitch up in that house. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to click my heels together 3 times and be fucking home...so I cried, big bad Red started to tear up and text her BFF and whine that she wanted to come home, that she couldn't cut it in the big city. It was also at this moment that I realized that I don't give a fuck about any bitch up in there. I need to to my own thing. I wiped my tears held my chin up, hoped my shoe would stay together and walked back out on the floor. Where I promptly ran into a group of auditors. One of them, the one I chose to sit with was a huge fucking asshole (of course) he said he was an auditor I said i needed to go, he said that's probably a good idea because they don't play. I sat my ass down on him hard, and said good because I'm not really fucking around either. Which apparently got his attention. We started to do the small talk bullshit. He asked how my night was I said fine. He looked directly at me and said "no seriously how's it going" I said "Really the truth? The truth is I have every god damn woman in here. I hope they all fail, I hope that something terrible happens, I'm tired of being ignored. I'm used to a club where you are a team, where every girl has your god damn back and you know not one bad thing is going to happen to you, but this place, ha, this place is a god damn joke and it sucks so god damn hard, fuck everyone." I started to tear up and all I could think was lapdances are best when the stripper cry's which of course made me laugh and find the courage to ask him for a dance, which I thought was totally going to be a no. I was completely wrong, he was a total sweet heart and bought more than one.
Lesson of the night, always be yourself, be bigger than the sound, fuck what everyone else thinks, this is about me. On that note, tomorrow Red comes back, full effect. Time to hustle.

Honest moment

To whom it may concern, Please don't take this the wrong way.
I'm going to miss my home so much. I'm going to miss waking up in the first place that has felt like home in years. I'm going to miss the silence. I'm going to miss the skyline. I'm going to miss the mountains. I'm going to miss knowing that everything here is mine and no one elses I'm going to miss dumping my clothes off in my hallway and picking them up in the morning. I'm going to miss dance parties till 6am with my best friends. I'm going to miss puffs and guac. I'm going to miss my neighborhood. Even though I've lived here for years sometimes it feels like I just got here. I'm going to miss my girls and my club. I'm going to miss the sunrises and sunsets. The hills that I hate running. I'm going to miss my running route I'm going to miss coffee even though I rarely drink it anymore. I'm going to miss my lunch and dinner spots. I'm going to miss knowing all the good places to shop. I'm going to miss being someone to more than one person.
There are totally things I will not miss. Things I hate. Things I never want to see again. There are things in Chicago that I am so looking forward to. It's just scary moving across the country again. I mean I did it when I was 18 but I was young and fearless and it was an adventure. I didn't know what failure was yet. I had no idea how badly things could go or that I would become a fatalist. I mean I'm keeping my place in Seattle just in case I hate Chicago because I"m really not going back to my parents in wisco, I'm coming straight home to Seattle. If nothing terrible happens then great I'll be amazingly surprised in a good way. I mean I'm not hoping my plans fall apart but anything is possible and I really can't fail this time.

4am

God life changes when you least expect it to. This year of dancing has been crazy.
 A few months back I kicked a dude in the chest because he got on my stage.
Tonight I kicked some dudes foot off my stage.
I've danced in different states.
I've been judged for what I do.
I've met an amazing person.
I've traveled so much it almost hurts.
I've learned who I am.
I went back to school.
I've stayed up for so many sunrises and sunsets I can't even count them anymore.
I've had work relationships with people that now mean so much to me.
I've seen people come and go.
I've had people come back after a year and ask me if I remember them.
I've had people unload money on me.
I've been propositioned for sex.
I've hit so many people.
I've terrified people.
I've been their therapist.
I have given more hugs to people crying than I know what to do with.
I've learned what heart break really is and not just from my side, for the stories of others.
I have broken more heels than I can count.
I have been so lucky, so incredibly lucky.
I have become more independent than ever before.

More catching up

I wish I had dates on these it might help put some reference on it.

Yesterday I really good friend of mine brought up a fantastic point, this may end up being a little off the topic of stripping, but it does bring up a few good points about me and my personality. Anyway I was lamenting about how much boob I had showing in a few photos, I rarely see photos of myself actually dressed so I am unaware that I have more boob than anyone else would leave the house showing in plain site. He asked me a very important question which happened to be stated mostly like the following. 

"Yeah Red, men objectify you, and women fucking fear you, you are on a pedestal, your like a god damn force, I don't know how many times I have to tell you. You are disturbing the force field, but really you are playing in the wrong one. Yeah what do you think that means, nope wrong. You need to get it together and show the world what you have"

So thank you everyman that comes in and participates in my little survey of who you are and what you do and how old you are, and why you said no, silly in know that I don't care why you said yes. I think you make it pretty clear by telling me how hot I am or that you want some very specific role playing. 

I also really appreciate the fact that you are funding all of my big fucking dreams of making it in a different industry. Even if you never knew anything about me, the real me I really appreciate it. 

To all the women that look at me and then look at their husbands to see if their husbands are looking at me. IF you haven't noticed I'm looking at you not your husband, and I'm judging you not him, so please calm down, your being really silly. I'm curious about you and what you have to say and what your relationship looks like to you, not what your husband thinks of me, that one is easy. Tits and ass she's got it going on. Thats what he's thinking of. So please stop with the look of distain, it's not flattering. 

Unless of you fear me for some business reason. In which case get the fuck out of my way, i'll have your job someday even if you push me to the side, I've got a lot of patience and I'll be here the day you fall from grace.

catching up on old posts

That I probably wrote while super loaded on an airplane

park that car drop that phone sleep on the floor dream about me, park that car, drop that phone, park that car, drop that phone….used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that…anthems of a seventeen year old girl.

Sometimes that's totally who I feel even though I am way older than seventeen, it's just  a feeling that I get, you want people to like you much like everyone that you've ever met. 

Sometimes I wonder if relationships mature after high school of if that is the skill set you are given and that is what you deal with. 

I come across this so much in work. It's men that are hyper horny and think that by saying lude things you can land a stripper. FYI in case you haven't read the articles that I will cite later *MEMO TO SELF SITE ARTICLES ABOUT DATING STRIPPERS*

Truth is we appreciate someone who is polite more than you will ever know, we are willing to thrown in a free song after so many. We don't want to be swindled just as much as you don't…so don't even try mother fucker. 

Back to being seventeen, a lot of girls are super young, and they can be a little dumb, don't take advantage of that. Think of yourself at that age, insecure hoping that a certain person liked you then you found out they used you it can be totally damaging. So don't be a fucking asshole about it, hurt a girls feelings and then don't pay her, she might need that to pay her therapist…bet you didn't think we go to therapists, well the smart ones do it's an emanational job, you pour your heart and soul into a person and they don't really like you. I know it sounds like reverse rolls but we really do try with you gentlemen and we do appreciate the one we build up a sort of relationship with, it's nice. 

I've been writing a lot lately

Just not in this forum, It's been much more personal than that. I'm going though this phase where I feel that I must reflect on everything. So that's what I've been doing. Work has been really helpful for that. I've started telling people the real reason I started dancing. It's never been out of shear desperation but it was out of boredom. I didn't have to work, I could have stayed home with the cat for forever. I just really didn't want to be a housewife it just wasn't going to work so I started dancing.
Dancing destroyed a relationship I had. It straight up ruined it. On the other hand that relationship has been like every significant relationship I've ever had. I end up getting slept around on, and then I of course return the favor. I know that's not the way a person should live their lives but that's what happened. I think this is actually extremely damaging to my ability to trust people and to fully commit to someone. It's like as soon as everything is perfect I get a hunch that it's all about to just go to hell. So I start looking for a parachute to jump with. Dancing ended up being my golden parachute. It has seriously brought me greater joy then the corp clients I held. I have made some of my very dearest girlfriends though dancing. Girls I know would have my back though thick and thin, carry me out of a bar if I was hammered. Stand up for me, fight for me or just back me up when the punches start flying. Girls that are my sounding board for everything, because really you can't get naked with the same girls everyday and not have a relationship with some of them. I have girl friends that will tell me the truth, who would never let you out of the house looking like a dumb-ass.
I have prided myself on being totally and completely selfish in the past, dancing has taught me to be selfless and still maintain a sense of self. Dancing has taught me to be me. It has taught me how to love. How to really approach tough subjects, and how to fucking say no. It has taught me boundaries and what being open minded really is.
Regardless of where dancing takes me or doesn't take me I will always cherish most of the memories I have of it. I would not be me without it.