Screams from the haters

as kanye says has a nice ring to it. I suppose I should have considered the scrutiny my blog would under go. HONESTLY FUCK IT. I've decided that how I feel is directly correlated to what I look like at times, and I'm fucking amazing, or so I've been told, so I am just going to start believing it. That being said, I was having a chit chat with skinny the other night and it brought me back, way back, back to the days when darlings was cracking, and I didn't have to worry about girls handing out stds, for the same price I give an std free dance. Anyway, I was bitching as normal about how men find me intimidating and blah, blah, blah, (he is also the one that said you can't make a hoe a housewife). Skinny always says the right thing to get my head straight. He said

LET THEM BE SCARED

For some reason tonight that is what is sticking after the hate mail I've been reading, the calls I've been missing, and the sleep I haven't been getting. I'm not scared of being told no, it means it's time to move on and my time isn't free, my time is fucking money if I'm writing, if I'm headed to PDX, if I'm putting together packages for my favorite customers or designing new swag, heads up I went to art school so I'll design shit if I want to and call it art voila'. Tonight I'm going in as I always go in with a great attitude, underwear that matches, rather than the ratty period panties girls want to wear, whatever to each their own. To quote another one of my favorite get ready for work songs which is "Loud Mouths" by "Wise Blood" off of "These wings" and the lyric goes a little something like this...Actually lets just post all the lyrics...

Your beautitudes are shaking

You don't know shit and its blatant

You gotta take a step back and be patient

I'm throwing shots at your frame because your new and romantic

But there's still hope if you hear what I'm saying

You've got those loud bitches loud bitches telling you lies

Don't listen to those girls they're just snakes in disguise

You've got the truth coming to ya and you gotta see

Gotta step up your game if you want to roll with me

Prophesy, Prophesy you had been dead by 18

Oh mercy me I landed back on my feet

And I've got such tighter arms, to help me move along, become the man I know I'm supposed to be

We can head to the show, or throw powder up your nose,

And when I make some money I'll buy you clothes

And if you like this life, you should hold on tight,

I'm going to make it, and you know I'm right.

You've got those loud bitches loud bitches telling you lies

Don't listen to those girls they're just snakes in disguise

You've got the truth coming to ya and you gotta see

Gotta step up your game if you want to roll with me.

As we know scared money don't make money, If you don't have haters you aint poppin (almost said hatters which would be funnier if you don't have haberdashers you aint poppin) 

Oddly enough someone, I hope to never see again, introduced me to that song as a way to remember that those bitches be are not your friends, and will do anything, to watch you fall. So...boo. Welcome to Sunday, I'll be in around 9 come say hi. We can talk about my drivel I spew. If not I'll be on periscope as usual come by and say hi there, or do what you normally do on a Sunday. Remember Monday is one day closer to Friday and Tuesday is the new Friday. OH and I'm acting dumb tonight so it should be a good time.

I made it till this weekend without getting puked on

So as you know I was in portland this weekend and as per usual I had no sleep which meant more than anything I was a crazy person who had not had a shower hell I still haven't showered in ohh about 4 days...sexy, bet you want to get all up in that. I know I would, but I've also been sitting on the couch thinking of ways to monotize periscope nothing has worked yet. I thought I would hit up etsy and buy a few things and ask if I could talk about them thought my broadcast. I've been hit with a I don't pay for models or advertising. Which isn't even what I was saying I was saying more of a trade I should have made that clearer I suppose anyway back to the vomit.

So in portland you can name your own prices on dances, mine are expensive because well I'm an expensive broad. So this guy gets a few dances, and then asks to be reminded how much a fully nude dance is and I say $100 he accepts, so I begrudingly take my panties off and proceed to give him a dance I stand up and turn around, and bend over and just as I'm half way up it sounds like he's having  a seizure and thats when the tiniest splash hits me, I turn around and there is vomit everywhere and he's puking and apologizing and I'm laughing because I can't help it and start telling embarrassing stories about myself drinking too much. He keeps saying how beautiful I am and that it's even more embaressing because of that. I laugh harder because so what I'm a pretty girl I puke too who fucking cares.

We go out to run his card I tell him he should tip me he throws on an extra $20, and i'm like bro I have vom on me so how about 100 and I won't tell anyone you puked all over the prettiest girl you've ever seen.

Stay weird portland stay weird.

Rattled, and that's saying something.

It takes a lot to rattle me, I've heard it all I've seen it all. Guy with a dildo in his jacket. The couple that tried to corner me. The guns in various places and pockets, but nothing quite like tonight.

Tonight started out like any other night. I was running late, I'm always fucking late. Jud, said I could come in late if I brought cake so I ran to the store and bought a cake, I'm not missing work over something stupid like time. Anyway I arrive, I get on periscope, if you don't follow me on periscope you should I'm hilarious. My views were back up were they should be which is around 2000 with 1700 replays thus far. so FUCK YOU SCOPE I'M BACK! Anyway moving on to the creepy part.

I walk out on the floor and I'm scanning the crowd there is one guy with no one on his lap, fine, talk to everyone you never know when you are going to make a sale. I sit down and ask him his name, he tells me. I ask him if he means "like in reference to a Disney prince" he says "sure I've never thought of it like that" we get to chatting and I start talking...and all of a sudden he interrupts me and says..."I know who you are, which isn't uncommon for me people recognize me from the internet all the time, it's not at big deal. So I continue with my conversation, which happens to be a rather morbid I'll just leave it at that. As we continue our conversation he interjects some more about knowing me or googling me maybe I suggested he google me who knows how that turn of events happened. Anyway he said he had already and that he actually was there looking for me, and I happen to be hard to track down, which seems silly to me since I'm all over the internet.

This is the point where I get ballsy and say "You know if you are here to kill me, just do it, and do it quick" He says he's not, he said that he would however be in deep shit if he couldn't find me and he was hoping I would pop out of the wood work, I leaned to the side smiled as close to coy as I get which is more like a grimace and said well tah-fucking-dah here I am, there is a poster of me on the wall and I'm here every weekend. I start asking him vague questions to try and figure out if he's pulling my leg, because why not scare the living daylights out of a stripper seems like a good time to me. After I said the death thing he said that his client just wanted to know that I was safe, and had heard I ran off with some guy, and that even back east they were wondering what had happened to me. At which point it seemed like he was joshing because again I'm all over the damn internet like a kindergartener using rubber cement for the 1st time. Anyway he continues to go on about how I must be pretty important to quite a few people since more than one person is/was wondering where I was and what I was doing.

He then gave me his number and said if I needed anything at all not to hesitate to call him.
So either I'm super famous, or someone wants me dead, and paid money to make it happen.
DAD don't freak out. I'm totally fine, Other family members I'm fine, it was just a strange night in the basement.

Your dating futures, thank you's, and marketing rambling.

So if you have been following along. I've gone back to trying to make my twitter more than hey here is a hot picture of me now come spend money on me. I cranked it up a notch took a dive into something that may very well haunt me for the rest of my life (fingers crossed it doesn't) I started using periscope. I should probably use my facebook more often and use facebook live, and youtube, and I should build a site where all of these things are available in one place along with this blog, and a market place. I keep talking about these shirts I'm making well where the fuck are they you ask. YOU WANT A RED THE STRIPPER TEE-SHIRT OR SWEATSHIRT DAMMIT

Well there are two samples the sweatshirt costs me 62.00 to produce and the tee costs me 42-50ish depending if you want front and back print. Anyway if you want the beta version hit me up and I'll hook you up. I promise not to mark-up the price too much not even 100% like most retail just a little so it's worth my time. 

Anyway back to marketing. The landscape is changing and everyone wants their information and they want it now, and especially when looking at the millennial whooooooo every marketer over the age of 40 is terrified of us because they can't figure out how to get us to spend money.... Let me let you in on a little secret. STOP ACTING SO FUCKING CONTRIVED IDIOT. Be willing to make mistakes, like, my grammar is horrid but does it stop me from tweeting no. Do I sound like a robot no.

This is the beauty of snapchat, periscope, live, (VP) don't worry I'm cooking up something good for you I just never use my snapchat. You are the president of it for life just fyi but anyway that's between you and me. Anyway, it's all right now, it's all authentic, I mean if you go back and look at my periscope you can see me cry at one point about my dog,  yes I'm still going on about my dog. 

People come in just to ask for my advice, I say make yourself stand out somehow even if it's something strange. I went from no face ever to all face all the time. I have been at periscope for about a month and have 7500 followers that's insane for those of you that actually know me know that I'm very chill and down to earth....

ON a different note thank you to everyone who has supported me on a bad night through venmo or paypal or just sent gifts to the club, it means the world to me, especially ones not on my list since it means you are just generally paying attention. The women in your lives are lucky, and if you don't have one you will someday and she's very lucky to have you, because i'm just a girl on a screen and you make me feel awesome, some girl is going to be very lucky to have someone who actually listens to them. 

So I'll be here plugging away at this for a while. I need to sit down and do chapters for my book like today. That's a totally different story for a totally different day that I may need a glass of wine to write. 

Hopefully this week I can make it to KISW rather than getting stuck in an airport crying in the tsa line, again check the scope on that one. So you can all here my very strange voice.

Thanks again for helping me along I really appreciate it. 

SSSSTTTTRRIIIPPPPPEEERRR FIIGGGHT...GIRLLLLL FIGHT...girl fight...stripper fight

Last week this girl whom is related to snakes that the thesaurus gave... as... harpy.

So...Last week this girl Harpy gets on my stage just because they called her name. I asked her to get off because I wasn't done. It went something like this.

Red: What are you doing?
Harpy: What
Red: Get off my stage
Harpy: They called my name
Red:Yes, but my song hasn't finished.
Harpy: So...

So lets fast forward, to last night, I was back in og red mode. I was crushing the game like I do. Then I lost my temper...Harpy was on stage before me and much like the day I started I felt the need to reassert myself. Anyway. I put my bag on stage, walked over to get the isopropyl alcohol and turned to Harpy and said...

Red: Don't ever get the fuck on my stage again.
Harpy: I'm not on your stage...
Red: No shit I can see I'm talking about last week.
Harpy: What?
Red: Bitch last week you got on my stage do not ever get the fuck on my stage the fuck again.
Harpy: Fuck you.
Red: *Grabs Harpys Robe* Throws it at the crowd.  Do you fucking understand me I don't want to see you anywhere near my fucking stage you stupid bitch.

Then I went about my stage and it rocked the socks off of everyone. The end.

Red birthday countdown. We are celebrating tomorrow Saturday so should you want to bring me a nerf gun, helium balloons, light up balloons from urban outfitters Or a crown...Or venmo or paypal just come get some lap dances from the baddest bitch up in this bitch.

I'll even be doing signed Poloroid photos.

Fuck internet trolls...continuing the birthday countdown

So as you all probably know I started a periscope...some fucktard last night decided to re-periscope it and make jokes about me. Fine I'm used to that I'm a stripper I set myself up for criticism on a daily basis. However shutting me down is a little extreme. I like the person I am thinking all people are reasonable and level headed which they aren't so I wrote them a very nice note on twitter asking them why they did it, and that they do me a large favor and ignore me. I mean haters gonna hate and hatters gonna haberdasher. So I appreciate the email from someone letting me know who re-scoped it and ended up blocking me their name...their name should anyone want to report them for harassment which I know I shouldn't use this as a platform to do but I can't help myself I really can't i don't think it's fair to squelch someones free speech when someone else is really trying to give insight into the world of the strip club from a different perspective. I am trying to get the world to see that we aren't all bad. That we aren't all drug addled hookers. Some of us are respectable humans who are just working on getting through the world in a different way. At the same time doing something that people choose to avoid due to the harshness of society. THIS IS MY GOD DAMN LIVELY HOOD YOU FUCKING BITCH. What are you doing sitting behind a desk congrats. I'm doing the best I can to change the world one lap dance at a time which means I need to go back to convincing the world that I'm hot, I'm smart, and they should give me all their money...
Speaking of If you want to send me something feel free the address to the club is

Little Darlings
C/O RED
2027 Westlake ave.
Seattle Wa, 98121

Or venmo and or paypal to therealestred1@gmail.com or you can look me up on venmo with my name @boardgamesrule yes I know it's the most amazing name ever and I don't know how I came up with it except I was probably playing scrabble.

Construction update...another 5 weeks. So looks like I should be heading my ass down to portland except for today with our hurricane, typhoon, whatever that's suppose to be happening.

Thank you all for reading over the years, following on twitter, delivering and or sending gifts, and condolences at the lowest times of my life, and being their for the highest points as well. I appreciate you more than you know.

I had a dream...not the MLK kind or sexy kind either

Warning this  is the last depressing blog I'm going to write then I'm letting everything go I don't need the negativity anymore.

I had a dream the other night I was walking down the 1st ramp to get into the club I had just rounded the corner by my poster. It was like old times...My head was held high and each step was intentional even though I had not gotten on the floor yet. I was carrying one bag a black leather duffle which I don't own but think that I should excuse me as I add it to my wish list done! and camo pants my leather jacket black booties and someone stops me and says "Sie sind eine Kraft zu rechnen" Mind you I don't speak German but I knew right away that what they said was "You are a force to reckon with. I knew right then that they were right, because everything in my dream slowed down and I could see everything the way it used to be I could just see money. So as you know my birthday is in a few days I decided to write one final depressing blog post about everything that's happened in basically the last year that has had me wondering if my life is a joke because sometimes it feels like it. Ok this list isn't meant to make anyone feel bad for me, or sad or anything I just want to get all this shit off my chest. Ok here it goes

My apartment starts on fire by no doing of my own, and they can't find out who did it so there are no repercussions to anyone for it. I carry my 50 pound bulldog down a fire escape as a neighbor in the next building over take photos. I am suppose to go to vegas a few days later and like an idiot I do rather than saving which is what I should have done. Considering I have 24 hours to move and can luckily move near by. This apartment is the only place that's ever felt like home to me and I've now lost it. I went to work that night because what else do you do when you panic you work. I never tell sob stories but this one is crazy. I tell it to someone and show them the photos and they call me a liar and say I photo shopped it
.
I wish I had mad photo shop skills.

I get bronchitis on this trip to vegas. My douche of a boyfriend while on this trip shows no interest in me, but I'm used to it so I think nothing of it.

I come home to find out the person of my new place living below me thinks I'm a noise machine who later writes a 10 page letter to get me evicted.

It's around this time ol' douche canoe gets caught cheating on me with my best friend or so called. They both lie to me to my face. She even comes to pick me up one night as I'm crying over it. Twisted, I wish I was that diabolical.

I moved into a 2 bedroom place so I had a spare room...I should have rented to someone responsible instead I give it to gia who has a heroin problem that I don't know about because she tugged at my heart strings and promised to to better and just needed a place to stay.

I start traveling and working to stay away from home because I hate being there so much and strangely my money starts disappearing. I think everyone is inherently good and I'm doing this bitch a solid and letting her stay with me. I come home from a trip to find her new boyfriend their who says he will leave and I should have told him to go, I did not realize what two heroin users were like.

I start working more and more because i'm supporting a house of 3 and a dog, and strangely my stuff starts disappearing, again small things here and there, so I think I've misplaced them in my travels nope wrong, two heroin users are pilfering through all my shit and selling it, cameras, jewelry, designer clothes, money, basically anything, and this girl gia is turning tricks in my home...in my bed...when I'm not home. I finally kick her out not knowing the depth of GA's sociopathic ways, but don't worry I find out when I continue losing things. I confront hm on the issue he totally gaslights me saying I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. I kick him out when I move again finally out of the hell hole that was my 90's apartment that I couldn't use the balcony on because it woke ricky down stairs up. As I'm cleaning out his room I find that anything of any value I was storing in the closet in the room he was staying in for free, that he was very private about, even though I would wake up with him in my room going through my handbag.
Regardless...free at last...not quite...I have to forefit my security deposit because the smell of whatever in that room has made it smell so bad they have to pain it. Also come to find out they have been letting my dog pee all over my leather knotted rug that weighs as much as a person so the color has bled onto the carpet floors. That's right I put rugs on carpet to dampen the sound for old ricky...fuck that guy because it didn't help. So I'm out 800. Whatever it's only money

Some time passes I hate it, and try to snuggle it all away with my dog, the only thing that brings joy to my life.

As all this is going on work is getting worse and worse, I'm making less and less money my head is hanging lower and lower red the great is losing the fucking war on life. I'm trying to find the joy in each day so I start a collage in the back of all the girls and playboy girls since it seems like a nice thing to do, and I have a poloroid printer so why the hell not. It's fucking awesome it has almost everyone on it. I was trying to get everyone on it, but didn't...I walk in one day and someone has ripped half of it down. I have a fucking melt down at this point.

I've started a new day job in marketing for a fashion start-up it was grueling and killing me. I was always traveling. I never got to see my dog. I decide to cut someones lock instead of being a grown up. Half way through almost cutting this persons lock it just pops open what good fortune, now I can re lock it. Mind you I did this in front of two witnesses, one being one of the twins who switched up on me later, because I have nothing to hide. Did not find the collage I feel instantly bad. Like for real because this was a friend of mine. Whatever I did the wrong thing.

Lets rewind. I got a day job in marketing in fashion. I felt like my luck was changing....fast forward to the day of the launch party. I was a contractor so I was suppose to be billing for two jobs. Slippery bastards got me to sign on before the launch party so a crazy ass event with booze and food in a museum was planned for free at the expense of my soul. I had models walking around I had the flowers chosen to match the logo. Lets start at the beginning of this hell day.

I wake up and get in the car to discover that nothing has been done the night before by the interns, that my boss has waited till two pm to start doing any of the other prep, mind you I'm thinking easy day, no problem. I find this out my 1st idea divide and conquer no point two people in one car. He starts to freak out. I make up a new rule for myself. Only one person can panic at a time. OKAY off we go to get clothes for models, ribbon for shirts etc. The models show up late my boss starts freaking out and yelling at me especially because I borrowed them from the strip club. Whatever they were pretty, thin, and fit the clothes. I also borrowed the photographer from the club as well. He takes me into the other conference room and starts screaming at me about how horrible I am that the CEO can't get in. NO FUCKING SHIT IT'S A MUSEUM AFTER HOURS OF COURSE YOU CAN'T. I get back to getting people ready and thats when the leggings ripped...so I have to pin these on not stab this girl and I'm doing all of it with my hands shaking. She said she had never seen such fear in my eyes ever.

We leave for the party I make sure it's just him and I in the car because I know I'm going to get screamed at. I did not think I was going to have to duck to avoid getting hit in the face as this mother fucker screams at me about what a crap job I did and that I suck at what I do. We arrive I'm holding back tears. He turns to me and says no matter what kind of shit show you produced in there you  better sell the hell out of this thing. We walk in and it's perfect everything is perfect. I go down to the bathroom to cry and he follows because he can't get his cufflinks in and needs me. I can't do it because I'm shaking so much, he says  "Red, I know you, and I know you are going to try to quit and walk away from this, don't you fucking dare". Anyway, the night goes on I pull him outside and say. There are a million other me's in this world that will take that kind of abuse because they think that's how the world works but I won't so I can walk now or stay his call. He of course asks me to stay but that's not realized by me till why later. Party happens. I have to travel somewhere around 21 days a month with this mother fucker

So work is sucking I'm not making money at anything because i'm on the road all the time, and they only pay like 40k a year, I made that in a month once in Chicago. So this dude is around all the time. Picks me up for work, drops me off, has dinner with me. I see him more than I see my dog.

Then comes the worst day of my life. I come home after specifically asking GA if he needs help with the dog because I have a strange feeling he insists he doesn't, but he wants to be paid in advance. Fine whatever it's only money.

Worst day ever. I come home from NYC after 9 days, in which my boss has dangled this carrot of meeting with obvious to me now make believe publisher. I come home to GA who tells me he accidentally killed my dog. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. Come to find out he killed her 3 days earlier. I cannot handle this and don't handle it well. I found out later it was totally preventable. She died of heat stroke and aspirated on her own vomit it took anywhere from 10 min to 2 hours for her to pass so my poor baby suffered the worst death because he was off getting hi I'm betting. Anyway that brings us up to pretty close to now.

I tell my boss I'm not traveling anymore, he said he needs me to do one more trip to LA that next week then I don't have to travel till paris fashion week.

I jump on a plane pop back some Xanax and wake up in a hotel suite in LA. All of a sudden it all comes together. If we were worried about the burn rate why were we flying 1st class, and staying at the best hotels, eating at Michelin rated restos...we weren't. This was all clear when my bank flagged my account for fraud which they should have as soon as GA was using it to write checks to folks for god knows what. Anyway, I ask if I can borrow his card for a few cheap props, mind you this is a lingerie shoot I'm doing. He throws a fit when I tell him he can't be on set...so this is where it all comes together, this isn't a job isn't one endless date. Really a 9 month long date. He booked all of our travel together so we would stay in the same room together all the time. One man one woman one bed. I caught him going through my phone a few times in the morning. He wouldn't let me go out with my friends no matter where we were. This mother fucker was trying to fuck me and I was not going to fuck him ever not ever so an hour before my flight to paris I quit my day job because of sexual harassment. Fuck that place.

Oh one of my best friends has car troubles in a different state and I had to find them a way home that happened and everything that could go wrong did including the greyhound bus breaking down, causing more stress and less money.

At this point I think I just gave up on work. I had done my best to be a good person and everything was going to shit around me.  My locker was getting vandalized daily. I was getting hate mail from the girls at the club, saying things like they should have known better than to associate with me, that for a moment they felt sorry for me, but to please do the world a favor and get out of the gene pool. Someone else said they were going to slit my throat. Everything was getting really intense but...

Fast forward to now. There is a ton of construction in front of the club, there are like zero people coming in. Everything that could be working against us as club is. My home looks like a storage unit, the crisis hotline was amazed I hadn't offed myself yet when I called them to talk.

The creme de la creme because it just doesn't quit was, I was dog sitting and came home randomly one night to grab something to find GA in my apartment. With some long winded sob story about how he blah blah who knows. Anyway. Later I text him and ask him what the fuck was up with that night because my only marc jacobs I have left and my prada boots and prada wallet are missing. I ask him if he just let himself in to steal things and he admitted in a text message that yes, the only reason he was there was to steal from me. It was like getting punched in the stomach I was speechless I still am everything stolen money etc is a total upwards of $100,000 of items. FML

Now I'm a good person, I help people when I can obviously. I love animals, If I believed in boyfriends I would try to find one. THIS FUCKING MOMENT TODAY FOR SOME FUCKING REASON TODAY is the day with the straw that broke the camels back. Today, I have decided not to keep my head down anymore. I was back to be a force to reckon with. I don't know if it's all my ex's showing up at once telling me about the money I used to make, or what the fuck it is but I'm done being nice. I"m done being soft caring red, who will help you with anything. Fuck every fucking bitch in that club. I can think of 2 that are actual friends.

So there is one year one very painful fucked up year in which nothing went right and I lost all my confidence.

I've lost all my confidence because all of this has happened in the span of a year and sure they are were just things and they can be replaced with new better things but all those things made up a life and made up who I was. All of them were ripped away from me without any warning. I know the universe is telling me something. I'm about to find out if it's telling me to get it the fuck together quit fucking whining about this shit and be a fucking bad ass because even if I move all this pain goes with I don't get to escape it. I can't run from this shit. So there I wrote it all out. I've addressed everything that's been bothering me and I'm going back to the selfish version of myself who got things done, people may have hated her but she didn't notice because she was too busy making money. So 30 is my year for me. It's my almost done with this year it's everything. I'm done helping others if I get nothing out of it. If it don't make dollars it don't make sense...So on that note fuck you, fuck you, you're cool fuck you.

BIrthday count down

These aren't oh my amazon list because they are pricey. I'll send you something in return of course.
My birthday is 9 days away. I'm losing my shit because of the past year so much has changed I feel like well like I'm getting older. ANYWAY THE ADDRESS YOU CAN SEND IT TO IS

LITTLE DARLINGS 
2027 WESTLAKEAVE
C/O RED
SEATTLE, WA, 98121

Can't wait to see what you send.

All saints jacket I've wanted an oxblood one forever so this is  a size 2

http://www.us.allsaints.com/women/leather/allsaints-gidley-biker-wl170k/colour=3948&category=25

Louboutins in a 36.6
oddly these flats I know I never wear flat
http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/women/goldoflat-flat.html
And they heels html which are studded and gorgeous
http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/women/praguoise-1.html

These boots to replace my stolen pradas
http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/women/fifi-botta-1.html

Now for the allsaints dresses
http://www.us.allsaints.com/women/dresses/allsaints-meli-dress/?colour=5&category=22
http://www.us.allsaints.com/women/dresses/allsaints-erin-tye-dress/?colour=4358&category=22

sweaters
http://www.us.allsaints.com/women/sweaters/allsaints-dahlia-cardigan/?colour=3483&category=26
http://www.us.allsaints.com/women/uncategorised/allsaints-new-lo-sweatshirt/?colour=5&category=484

Jeans
http://www.us.allsaints.com/women/jeans/allsaints-gwen-skinny-cargo-je/?colour=162&category=23
These were my favorite jeans then a Heroine junkie stole them from me. I'ts one of my goals for this year to be selfish

Tops
http://www.us.allsaints.com/women/tops/allsaints-zemery-top/?colour=162&category=115

Victoria secret shopping I'll make a cart you pay for it just give me a cap.
Same thing with allsaints and Barneys New  York.

Oh and this pen that keeeps track of everything you right down since my book is due.

what it's like to date red?

How many of you want to know if i sent out a survey would you read it?

Welcome to the danger zone...

You've all seen the hot crazy matrix correct? If you haven't I highly recommend watching it. It may just change your life. I feel like lately I've been bitching about how I haven't been making any  money and really the only person I can be mad at is myself because I'm not out there hustling my ass off to get it rolling it at one am doesn't help. HERE IS THE MOTHER FUCKING THING!

I'm  not the only girl not making money, no one is making any money because we have construction out in front of our building which is really fucking with everyones money. So when I say I am not making money I mean we the club as a whole are not making money. When I say I'm not making money I mean...I'm making money just not like I used to. If you have seen me you know that I mean it, I mean it, I'm pretty hot and awesome and funny, and nerdy, and really don't care that much about being pretty so it doesn't matter to me...or lets just say I don't bank on being pretty. 
Anyway the construction out front is killing us we had 25 people in the other day you can see it in the numbers the dancers out numbered the dudes and thats if they were all there at one time. If I was a man I would have hated that and felt like I was under so much pressure agh it would be awful. I'm getting to the point in the next paragraph...

So I know I'm always promoting to check my wishlist, venmo (therealestred@gmail.com or boardgamesrule) me money, paypal (therealestred1@gmail.com), western union, mail me a check, a briefcase of cash I can roll around in. What stripper doesn't want that and over the past few weeks I've been bitching about money but it's due to the construction outside, the fact the club flooded the other day, on the floor not just our locker room which has happened before, but we closed the club for the 1st time ever. The bathroom has flooded and seeped into the locker room on more than one occasion leaving us with no toliet since we only have one bathroom fro all the girls. The manager has totally checked out on us. His only good advice is get here earlier I know you would make money and he's right I would. So I shall...I digress I'm tired.
 Hence where the tweets #overheardinthemensroom came from. We desperately need a remodel. Se need to bring back theme nights and fun, and it needs to be not so rigid. Jud needs to not talk all of our money at the end of the nigh when it's slow. Which he did to me the other night. Really leaving me with $20 dollars I could get a job doing anything else and make better money than I am making now. Anyway the whole club is struggling and I thought it would be important to say that. Also I just mention it on periscope frequently because I think it's funny.


That's the other thing management has been wild lately. I showed up late and admittedly didn't make much and the manager took all of it, and then said if you get here before x time I'll be nice to you.
So the next night I get there at x time and get a few rooms and he then tries to take even more from me, So I had to remind him I had fulfilled his tasks so it wold be nice to compromise which to me seems generous I should have told him to fuck off really.  I didn't I compromised in the middle and reminded him he was being a hypocrite. Speaking of my rent is due tomorrow and construction or not I'm going to make it since I'm going it right when I wake up. So I'll be there around happy hour. Nothing not even myself is going to stop me from making this money. Because I know I can. So I shall, I really shall.

Being pretty and smart finally paid off

The last few nights I have left work in such a horrible mood, the worst, I haven't been making any money. Come to find out I'm scheduled at 7. Okay everyone announcement I'll be on the floor make up and all by 9. If you need or want me earlier than that please email and wait for a response. Then we can go from there.

So tonight I had some guy telling me how hot I am and I'm telling myself just don't be weird, and he's laughing and we are having a good time and I tell him the rules, now the rules aren't there just for me they are there for you too, they are there so I don't try and pull your nose hairs out or punch you in the face for biting by boob or licking my ass crack, they are they are there for the safety of all involved because truly once I get started I might not hear it over the muffled sound of your voice. So do we all understand why I have rules. Anyway this guy is having a good time he's laughing and right before the dance starts he stands up and says I don't think I can do this. The way you've laid everything out is upsetting to me.

So what you are telling me is I should just surprise you with the prices. Maybe I'll try that tomorrow. I'll see how well it goes.

Anyway as I'm getting frustrated throughout the evening hearing no after no, after no, and getting frustrated and heading to the back to cry, since I won't cry in the locker room it's not my thing. I made a couple of calls to cheer me up which helped. I do have to remember I'm a bad bitch, the baddest bitch, and as much as hoe's be plotting I don't give a fuck.

Anyway, I finally happened upon a gentleman who was impressed with my knowledge of accounting and my creative skill and thought I was off the chain hot, like willing to admit that I am without a doubt a 10 and I really needed nothing more than to hear that tonight from someone new that the reason people say no to me is because they happen to be intimidated which I'll say is fair at this point.

Anyway, this guy huge ego boost bought dances, and rooms, and really could not stop telling me how great I was. I am truly hoping I can carry this through till tomorrow.

tales from the Crypt

So...Seattle has been a total shit hole lately. It's been so slow it could be the winter. I was thinking about becoming a phone sex operator to work on my dirty talk and make some extra cash while working from home, and working on my other projects...Believe it or not I have other projects. SURPRISE! Anyway since s
Seattle has sucked worse than a toothless broke hooker I've considered going back down to Portland, J will say that I've been talking about this too much which is what is inspiring other girls to go down. I disagree this in my mind is the 1st time I'm mentioning it. Anyway. I love Portland. I need to go to portland I need to make some actual money this whole not making money in Seattle thing is not working...hence the reason I'm going in insanely early. By early I mean around 8. I need to go to portland to get some work done on this book I keep promising to write and once again I have writers block again. I keep thinking back to days of the past when I was a baby stripper and there was so much wonder to the whole thing, when I was buying crystal drink ware thinking I'm the fucking shit and no one can stop me. When I was walking around in corsets and bondage tape not giving a fuck. Maybe Wednesday night needs to be bondage tape night again. Something anything to liven up the dreary existence that is currently Little Darlings. Which by the way we are open while the construction is happening. Don't let the machinery scare you. I was trying to describe myself to my publicist friend the other day and how I used to feel walking down the stairs and down the ramp into the cave that is little darlings....

The smell of the strip club hits your nose and nothing in the world smells like strip club except strip club and that smell previously excited me. It would make me think of money (rather than crying strippers about problems I don't care about or they continuously repeat because they want to be heard by everyone, and the smell of old vagina and tampons pulled out and shoved behind couches) I would start to feel myself stand up straighter and breathe in the smell of money. I would feel the shift happen I would walk through the floor and pick out my potential customers immediately the ones I knew wouldn't say no, and I don't know how I knew they would say yes I just knew they wouldn't. I would rush back to the locker room, smash my make-up on as fast as I could because the faster I got on the floor the faster I could be making money. The faster I got on stage the faster I could impress people with my flexibility and my humor. I felt like a force or nature at that time. I felt unstoppable I felt like it didn't matter that nothing mattered that I was going to make my money no matter what. Why? Because I was the prettiest bitch in there. Also because I had no idea who was a creeper at the time who would down right say no and who would waste my time. I didn't go in thinking people would say no to me right away I didn't know why they would I couldn't see my own flaws the world hadn't dumped on me yet and it was new money and it meant I could have what I wanted. Rather than now I look at it and it's one of the hardest things to put myself out there with any excitement but as I say every night tonight is going to be different.
Tonight we are the force of nature we have always been. Stand by for an angry periscope later. Time to get in the shower and get ready to go.

LIfe in movies...

recently I saw suicide squad and decided who I wanted to be for Halloween. Harrley Quinn...you guessed it. Her costume shouldn't be that hard to pull, in also gives me reason to carry a baseball bat. That's all I really need right? Maybe a slight change in hair but I think people should mostly get it.
I know all of you that have been reading are probably finding my confidence then losing it when I get to work. I mean seriously what the fuck is that shit, I'm still the same person, I'm just as fierce or I will be once I pick up a pair from the local Grillz artisan.

Anyway, last night some old guy asked me to run away with him get married, have children, Said he had made millions, was retired. Typically people come in like this and are on a capt. save a hoe shit, this guy was on the capt. save a hoe...mind game edition. Which is always fun for me, he didn't come in proclaiming everything he had to offer,  he went a smarter route he went the route that no woman can not, not, answer the question "Do you want to get married someday" I like any other woman that's be described as a 10 would absolutely like to get married someday, for some reason yesterday this question stopped me mid dance, if there could have been a record scratch it would have been perfect. How could I answer this question and still get him to think these dances are valuable. I hate choices this think. So I did the only thing I could think of and asked "WHY DO YOU ASK" to which he replied well run away with me to the Carolinas I have so much money...I start to tune people out when they start talking about money, not because it's a touchy subject, I just enjoy seeing people as people, and I don't want the temptation to steal someone's black card. Hey I'm human, and I want to know what unlimited spending with no personal repercussions feels like for just a moment.

Anyway back to my life being like a movie. I love my job, I would love it more if I had fangs I really would that would be one thing I really want for my birthday next moth is a gorgeous pair of fangs, even as I was saying in my periscope just silver ones with a bright red ruby in the tip would make my fucking life. As dumb as that is. A pair of fangs even just thinking about it gets me excited, like really, really, really, really, really, damn that's a lot of really, excited.

Okay life like a movie, after this gentleman asked me this question, one of the final scenes of suicide squad SPOILER ALERT popped into my head, (I know that movie was just a summer action movie, and not suppose to be heavy) Margot Robbie's character is day dreaming of a normal life as she is locked this electrified cell, she dreams of Jared Leto as her husband and two children and her hair up in rollers, ushering her gorgeous husband off to work, and yes red is a hopeless romantic which is why this scene kills me also the following when the joker breaks her out. I know it's an abusive relationship in the comic book world, however in this movie rendition of it the love he has for her is amazing.

This man stopped me to think for a moment in my own cage I built looking as gorgeous as ever wondering if that normal life is something I want or something I'll ever have, or be forced into.(I mean you can take the girl out of the country and you cant take the stripper out of a woman, and why on earth would you that to yourself...congrats on catching the elusive stripper or ex stripper, even if they were as down to earth as me you are in for a ride.) I mean on one hand yes, on the other hand I wonder if I passed up a while ago (my parents stopped asking when I'm going settling down and switched over to when I'm going to buy property).

So old man Carolina was right about one thing I'm ready for a change. I just need it to be the change back in time a little bit. I was so close to it last night I could taste it. Maybe tonight I need to go way old school go in early have a drink get some interest going at the bar hand out some cards...yeah that's what I should do. I mean someone needs to market for us...jeezus. it might as well be me.

Also maybe just being a tiny bit earlier wouldn't fucking kill me.

A sincere thank you to my haters....and an exquistly boring friday

Well here we are at yet another Friday, a day like any other day, really Friday's could easily be confused with Monday in ye old little darling's...anyway a day like any other day being today Friday. Which I happened to be continuously been late to lately. Like who's running this time show really a two hour delay is disrespectful and really if I were to get to work and be excited about and running on the floor because all I could smell was money. Why am I realizing right now that I used to see this as a competition, and it was like blood in the water, it was thrilling, it was a rush. Why right now am I missing the chase of the game, the predatory way I walked up to people, with such confidence, and power that I either scared you into a dance or just scared you in general. UGHHH where the fuck is that red, she was fun, she was the most fun. I miss that iteration of myself and today taught me that. Actually yesterday taught me I was thinking about all the knocks I've taken in life, and I think it made this soft not funny version of myself.
However as strange as it feels, to me it feels like periscope is my warm up lately, the warm up to my snarky self.  As inevitable as it is that I'm going to be that I hear a no, the dickfucks that show up and troll really are the ones who easy me into being told no by total nerds. All this time I've been sitting around pouting about how I can't find my old money making self and really here I have been the entire time. I've so wrapped up with trying to find myself while totally spiraling ever so slightly out of control. I'm so lucky to have had some of you readers and non-readers with me through all of this. I cannot thank you enough for putting up with me through thick and thin.
Those of you who are new and jumped on the periscope hate train keep it up, you are just my warm up. So haters gonna hate. I've finally come full circle. I've been so scared of stupid things that doesn't exist. So again, yet again, for the final time. Welcome back to myself. Time to go back to being punctual and taking all of money in the club.
So thanks haters, and thanks exceptionally boring Friday, in which I was positioned me perfectly to take the time to think about myself enough, to be selfish enough, to think about who I am and what I want and how the fucking fuck I'm going to get there.

OMG YOURE FAMOUS!

So last night as I'm doing my newfound periscopes? How are all of you liking this whole periscope thing.
Anyway I'm in the electric closet my new favorite place to change as I'm usually left a lone. What do you know a social job and "all I want is some god damn peace and quite" (family this is were you chime in...OH THE HUMANITY) anyway in walks this brand new waitress, and says
W: Are you red?
R: Uh...yeah
W: shill squeel of excitement (me checking my hearing, I think only dogs could hear part of it.)
R: Is there something I should know?
W: You're like famous or something you're the girl on the poster!?!?!?!
R: Really? I mean I guess I'm a little well known.
W: Oh my god you had like 10 guys in here for you tonight, and I've looked at all your social media channels...
R:Really...well...yup...I'm red.

This whole famous every couple weeks this is pretty crazy. I mean I guess it is what it is. It's just funny I never see myself that way I just see myself as this normal person. Speaking of I'm going in early in case you all have thing going on and want to come hang out with our crazy construction site in front of us.

Which don't even get me started...on except. PSA LITTLE DARLINGS WITH HAVE NO WATER ON TUESDAY! BUT COME SEE ME ANYWAY.

Marketing, drama, and the funniest way 3 guys have ever met.

Walking into work tonight I was instantly put into the "do you want to rock bitch" mode. One of my homegirls who I love and worry about decided that tonight was her night to pick a fight with anyone. I walked in and said
 R..."excuse me"
 T..."Really red? Are you fucking serious? That was hella condescending or I felt like it was?"
R: I'm sorry what you have preferred I said?
T: You could have said Move my N...(you get the rest)
R: Alright move my...
T: Fuck you red...
R: Hey you told me to say it.

T: Red open my locker.
R: give me one Second.
T: Seriously? Fuck you.
R: I said give me a second I'm giving someone a tampon.
T: This place is the devil. That bitch is the devil. Fuck this place.

It was also right then I questioned why I put up with this shit.

Moving on. Two people asked me tonight about marketing and building their brands. Apparently I"m not an expert on it. Too bad my job didn't work out or I would have had a better chance to prove that in an arena that's socially acceptable. I mean I built a brand and that's hard to do. So B wanted to know about how to promote herself as a dj, so I gave her some ideas, then my Realestate friend came in and also wanted Ideas. Part of me feels like starting a branding agency, or trying to get in at a few around town, or at least an informational interview. Since we all know I can't do this forever. Really I feel like I've accomplished a lot in the time that I've done this and turned it into something. I have so much more I need to do, or could be doing and should be doing. Like Swag I need to design some "Red" swag so all of you can proudly rep your favorite stripper or your least favorite stripper.

One of the girls totally and single handedly ruined our week this week. It's fleet week always a solid week for us. She ripped off a few of our nations finest and subsequently they told everyone. So when some of our girls where on a pass run tonight and the dear seamen wouldn't even take the cards since they said little darlings on the. That bitch is just that a bitch and really and truly needs to have a talking to about how her actions affect other people and yes she's making money but damn don't destroy the club for all of us. I hate when other girls give strippers a bad name.

The funniest intro story I've heard in a while came from these 3 bro ish looking dudes the other night. I sat down and asked them how they knew each other and they said they met playing pokemongo. I literally almost lost my shit. Like seriously grown men playing pokemongo. WHAT is this world coming too.

I saw the 1st edit for the video of the fetish show I did the other week and it looks amazing. I'm thinking of starting a youtube channel. Doing the facebook live feed, and periscope nightly, and bringing back theme nights so we can start having something to look forward too, since no one seems to care about our marketing well our managers don't care which means corporate has no way of knowing we are struggling.

All the time in the world...with no time at all.

I'm pulling this out of drafts.

I suffer from a very common condition of being a stripper, I have horrible time management, which I need to fix by the end of summer. That's right kids it's summer again and about the time of year ( or the fiscal quarter) I sit down and re-evaluate where I'm going and what I'm doing.
Baby tonight made a really good point. 1st let me back up baby has been gone for a hot second and hasn't been around to watch the fireworks otherwise known as my daily life...anyway tonight she pulled me aside to ask me what was going on and why there is so much hate towards me lately, and I just sort of laughed it off and rolled it off like I've been doing. I guess I didn't realize how bad it is, I just haven't cared what people say that much. I can't care that much it's my job right now. People are going to talk no matter what, especially some  women, some women can be so mean. Men will fight and get over shit. Some Women will plot, and execute, and plot. Some Women hate seeing other women succeed at times. A couple of the girls have zero qualms about going in on me for just about anything. Apparently according to the rumors I'm basically an all around terrible person. Anyway all of this is happening around me, back to the story line...baby asked me why the fuck there was so much hate towards me...Really I haven't cared or been able to focus on it with the lose of my dog. It has minimized everything around me, and really created this hole in my life that I can't fill. It's this horrible feeling in my chest like I can't breathe whenever I sit down and really focus on it. It's literally the worst feeling I've ever experienced. Seriously if I could have her back for 10 minutes I would do just about anything. This whole experience has kept me from enjoying this summer and kept me from standing up for myself lately as I just feel so beat down.

How to be the best stripper...ever (the word according to red)

Lately I've been asking myself how to get back to my original self. The self that made money hand over fist. I'm still attractive, I'm still smart. There is no reason why I should make money the last hour of work. Also I was asked to give advise on the subject considering my amazing abilities to retain regulars...although I am taking on new regulars if anyone is up for the challenge. I didn't advise them as I didn't have time and I didn't know what to say considering my most recent luck...

After binge watching a ton of netflix and hulu, and really going though everything in the past 10 years of my life ( it is getting to be that time of year where I start talking about the years passed). That there is a little bit of truth in the fiction of movies. I suppose what I'm about to say is probably going to concern some people. (Family I'm not talking to you or about you, or anyone who may think I'm referencing them personally I'm not this is more of a general statement)...YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THE LIE. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY THE BEST PERSON ON THE FLOOR AND THAT NO ONE ELSE EXISTS OR THAT THEY ARE THERE TO ASSIT YOU IN MAKING MONEY. That's it that's all it takes. Oh and a six minute limit. If you can't close in six minutes you aren't going to close it. Remember it's an option you are selling, not a demand, and you have to believe that they are not the only option as well. Oh and the lie never derive from the lie. I don't mean lie to everyone about everything. I mean more like method acting believe who you are while you are on the floor. I always take time to adjust from work me to me me, before interacting with anyone.

So here is to getting back into myself and truly believing that "don't can't call me bitch, bitch"is the truest I have been with myself. Right up there with knowing a little bit about everything and taking interest in everything as well. Also righting myself for thinking I've been wrong at all and shouldn't do this or don't deserve to do it well. So that's all it takes to be a great stripper, just believe in yourself, and some tall, tall shoes.

Why I collect shitty people

Shitty people always come off so charming their problems aren't that bad. They aren't a suck
 on your life then you find out they are. Sometimes life beats you down so you take it. My best friend wrote me today that she is amazed and proud of me that I have this tenacity for rising above the ashes and really still finding joy she's right, I do it's a blessing and a curse. My dad taught me to never give up there is always another way, so as soon as some idiot walks into my life I tend to think I can fix them for help them and push away those around me who truly can help. Those people are hard to find they don't have big personalities they aren't trying to prove something they are just good people. It's the wolf in sheep's clothing one must worry about the ones with slick suits and slick hair promising the world and not caring how they lure you in. I keep shitty people around because I believe love will fix them, I'm very wrong I lost the love of my life and there have been days I would give anything to go to sleep and not wake up just because she isn't right next to me but I march on.

I'm done with the fakes, and the liars, and I'm caring it like it is from now on. Promise me 120k and get me 70k we have a problem, lie to my co-workers also a problem. Here is the thing, I'm unchanging, and I opened a locker yes because she would have as well. I'm not a liar, nor a thief, I'm upfront, and I've been taking a lot of abuse from you fucking bitches, you think I'm a pussy say it to my fucking face not every one around me. You want to jump on the bully train enjoy it when it turns into the train to hell. You all want to whisper shit...I'm going to talk, this game is over, you're in or your out.

oh and you who said you would always be there because you were "my friend" bullshit you know what you did.

I will succeed in life if I have to claw my way out of this little darlings dungeon, because the real bitch is back, and I aint scared of no ghost.

THE past The Present... and sex tips for tall people

Lately I've been just feeling myself at work. I've been on fucking fire, I feel un fucking stoppable. I feel like I've got my fucking groove back. Meaning I best get my ass into work real quick. Last night one of my old home girls from the hill came in. She's always super fun when she comes in...however she had K^2 with her. We sat down and had an actual talk about why he didn't like me 5 years ago. Really it came down to J did not like what I did and I was a crazy jealous bitch. Which is mostly no longer true, my crazy is contained to when it's appropriate, like cutting lockers, swearing at drivers, and beating the shit out of the willing. Speaking of I'm dieing to have a little fun so if anyone is down let me know.

Anyway K^2 came in and my home girl was trying to hook us up or so it seemed. The problem is we hate each other. He's never liked me I'll always come off crazy. I feel like I'm getting slowly pushed out of all my comfort zones so fuck it Im moving to LA.

How much for you soul?

"And there you go, selling me dreams and telling me things you know...You got what I want I got what you need. How much for you soul?"

If you know me you know I listen to rap. This song was one of those moments burned into my brain as the best ever...Screaming it at the top of my lungs going down 4th ave in the middle of the night with my ride or die, Baby. That right there that's my bitch.

Little did I know only a few months later would those words hold so much truth I almost crumbled. It's funny being in an industry where it's totally normal to have a full blown political conversation in your underwear. To believe you are larger than life that you can beat the shit out of anyone at any time. That you are it. At times its the time I feel like I am in fact the truest form of myself. The only other time I actually feel that like that is on a photoset. I have had so many people comment on just the feeling I give off when I'm not there.

So I unfortunately had to leave my day job due to well I'll let you guess. That banker in England was fired for being hot. I basically quit for the same reason. My high school principle once said being pretty wouldn't get me everywhere in life. What he failed to mention was that being attractive would actually hamper my ability to be taken seriously. I know there are probably people laughing at this...how could an attractive person have a problem being attractive. Well I'm reminded constantly my place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, not out in the world.
 However I am oddly confident and I truly think this person thought I thought the worst of myself and really I haven't and didn't till they started bringing it up. (REDFLAG) Then I started to think I couldn't do things, or maybe people were treating me different. I know this is another oh woe is red story and I swear they will stop soon, because god damn.

Anywho its been fun being back for a few days, to go back to thinking I'm hot and funny and that's why you should dance with me. Not being afraid of anything, not being afraid of losing my job at any moment. Never in my life did I ever think that I would be happy to go back to dancing all the time. To the creeps I know, the creeps I love. You aren't creeps.

I'm smart, I can do something different and better and I will. Thats the thing it's gotten really bad and somehow I still haven't lost complete faith in everything.

What Fresh Layer of Hell is this...

I have 15 minutes to write this post so don't expect much out of punctuation and or grammar.

I promised a post of where I have been for the past ohh lets see about 6 months. I'm sure some of you have made stipulations on where I am and what I'm doing. I'm still in Seattle and I'm still at Little Darlings. Lets start with the good things that have happened before I go over the things that have really been consuming my time, and brain, and writing ability.

So there is a poster of me up at work, that's exciting, I just shot a couple new ones for a fetish night runway show we are having so you all should come by, I mean really I'll keep you posted as to when it is.

I returned to the land of the living with a day job...which I feel like I'm failing at but considering the rest of what's happening in my life I'm surprised i'm even getting out of bed. That would be more normal.

Lets start with the easy stuff...my ex came in drunk and said he made a mistake by breaking up with me and didn't want to get married.

Havie got fired, and I miss her dearly.

I made a collage of just about everyone in the club and had it on the back wall in the locker room and someone ripped down have of it there were two people there at morning and one of them was there on their own for hours. Lets call her Petty. I thought petty had ripped off the bottom half of this collage and I swear I had asked her if she had done it and said she hadn't the only other girl there was Nay. I called Nay up since she wasn't there at that moment and she said she wasn't the one that did it. I believed her as she and I were not having any issues where as Petty was being Petty about just about everything, that I gave her a one word answer to a question. So I start putting things together in my head also the special tape I used on the photos was stuck to the floor in front of her locker...so I thought what would petty do, she would cut my lock and explain it to me later...So I decided to cut her lock like a fucking idiot, I also said I would put my lock on her locker so none of her things would end up missing.

So as I go to cut this lock I swear to whatever higher power you believe in that it just popped open so I thought well I might as well just check as long as I'm here and it's open low and behold I did not find the wall of photos. Half wall really. The next day she text me. I had intended on telling her in person. I admitted imidiately that I had done it. She didn't have to trick me into saying anything, I happily admitted it assuming we were close enough friends that she would understand, anyway this.

While all this is happening CO thinks I'm trying to steal her customers, and sides with Petty so someone who called me their best friend turned on me so fast it almost gave me whiplash.

It started a chain of unfortunate events that I could not stop. I started traveling a lot for my other job and wasn't home enough so my dogsitter started selling my things, thousands of dollars of things, things I can't replace things like my grandmothers jewelry, although I don't even care about it, any of it because it just get so much worse.

I left for NYC and on wednesday I ended up with a strange feeling something was going on and thursday night I was so excited to leave friday. I had checked up on my dog and the sitter said she was okay. I had been worried since she had been six a couple weeks before that. I get home saturday night and walk in and my dogsitter told me that my dog was dead. Her narcropsy came back and said she had been dead for about 3 days before I brought her in. He didn't even close her eyes. He had taken her out on a very hot day and played too hard with her and closed her in my room in her crate with no air. He totally neglected her. It took her up to an hour to pass, so he let her suffer as well and then did nothing didn't call nothing. He just fucking left her. Her death was totally preventable.


I literally don't remember the week following, what I said what I did anything. I wanted so badly to disappear forever.

As I'm hiding out I find out that he had also written checks out of my check-book...wait, wait, wait, it gets better. As a paycheck is landing in my account, and I'm so excited to be an adult and pay my rent I check my bank account just to be sure and it's virtually empty. Some checks from a totally different person than me has forged checks to my account and wiped it out...Perfect.
I just remember getting a text from a number I don't know and all it said was KARMA

So I'm sure there are some of you reading this laughing, saying that I deserve it for whatever I have done to you in the past. Fine, I am happy you are enjoying watching the fall, the silver lining of all of this is, I have discovered who my true friends are, who is actually in my life. Also I have discovered the bitch I used to be and I'm really losing my fear of offending people. Bad things happen, they happen all the time it's a matter of how you deal with them and I'm getting out of bed every day so I'd say that I still have a fighting chance of coming back from yet another tragic life event in the past two years. Those of you following along know the past two years have been a struggle a real life fucking struggle and I wouldn't repeat them if you paid me however I now would repeat every day with a smile if I knew that it would bring my dog back for even an hour. I would literally go through all the bullshit again just for an hour with her.

So,  I'm back online, I'm writing, and I'm auctioning off some posters all of the money will be donated either to a drug rehab program or a bulldog rescue service. I know I've asked for help in the past from people, and you all have been so gracious in helping me, however this time in order to avoid burning any bridges I'm going to attempt to do this on my own. Being angry and broke is keeping me pretty motivated.