This one goes out to...the critics, the cynics, and all my hero's at the methadone clinc

To quote Kid Rock.
Also I don't know anyone in a methadone clinic so I guess that's out.
Maybe that best portrays my mood. I just cried during a math test. Which was then resolved when I walked into my professors office crying saying I had no clue what I was doing. She said to me "Red pull up a chair, and please calm down. I want you to sit here and tell me what you are going to do." "What do you mean what am I going to do I'm going to cry" "No, out of everyone in the class you answer more questions, you know more answers and you, and you make the fewest mistakes, when you sit down to a test you second guess and you mess yourself up. Now please sit here and tell me your strategy" A few deep breathes later, test is aced.

Now then considering my mood. I would like to publish a fuck you list.

MDW- FUCK YOU, I ran 3 1/2 marathons so apparently I can run.
JW- FUCK YOU, coke head, lying, not man enough to the truth little bitch.
T- FUCK YOU back stabbing bitch.
DMP- I think you are great but fuck you and your excuses just tell the truth.
K-fuck you for not being supportive

Fuck everyone who ever thought that strippers were stupid. I BUST MY FUCKING ASS FOR THIS SHIT THEN I COME INTO WORK TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES.

FUCK YOU ALEX! YOU FUCKING HO BAG! I AM A NICE PERSON AND YOU STILL ARE INCREDIBLY MEAN AND SPITEFUL.

FUCK everyone who said it couldn't be done, what you fucktards meant was you can't do it. I'll do it on less sleep and care less about what I look like and still get a work out it.

I swear I'm not angry, I'm just proud of me for jumping over just one more small hurdle.
Most of all fuck this noise I am giving myself mad fucking props because i'm the fucking shit. The rest of you don't need to, my ego will survive on it's own for now.

F-f-f-finals!

Please excuse the silence I'm a little preoccupied with finals right now. DON'T worry hilarity will ensure again as soon as my break starts. So stay posted on twitter for updates of me being annoyed with students and other small things on my mind that I can convey in 130 characters or less. Also please note my punctuation skills are just as bad if not worse while using twitter.

Sometimes you just get lucky...

I showed up to work late tonight. I wasn't expecting it to be paticularly lucrative, and I was correct. Oh well that's not what this story is about.
On of the girls I previously worked with walked past me on the sidewalk and started going off about how hot I am. It's a true story I'm not horrible to look at. I yelled something back at her about how  she has a nice ass.
Later in the locker room, she bursts in the door, and starts in about how stunning I am and how great of a person I am, and how I should travel for work again. She is absolutely right I should.

It got me thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to work with a group of women who are supportive and open. How I really do feel bad for people who don't have a work enviorment like mine. Ther are lessons in teamwork they just don't teach you in school that happen in the strip club. Someday I'm going to write a book just about the lessons I learned, and sell it to major corporations to help with team building excercises. I am so glad that I made the choices I did and decided to have a temporary lapse in sanity to become a stripper.

I have been talking about it a ton lately, but really when I was younger i was sooooo wound up.  I was horrible to be around. This job has taught me to mellow out even when surrounded by chaos. It also taught me to really not take shit, to know when to throw words, or when to really throw punches.

Sometimes you just get really lucky.

The world works in mysterious ways

Preface ALLNIGHTER BOOM!
No, I'm not working all night. I'm just catching up on homework...right after this post. The joys of an allnighter low pressure, I'm going to be up all night anyway so why not throw on the lululemon pants and make a little soup to go with my redbull (I'm sexy and I know it).

The world is so funny sometimes. Typically I say things like "The universe just punched me in the face as I apparently didn't get the memo" I'm typically refrencing things not going my way in that moment. Today, today, on the other hand was totally different. Today was about as perfect of a day as anyone could hope for. I mean that in a perfectly normal perfect day sort of way.

I woke up this morning feeling strangely fine. By fine I mean I felt good and I also immediately thought I was the hottest thing since toast. My dog was pumped to see me. I made it to class early. I had a great time in my classes. I am actually enjoying my math class because for once it's not a review of something else. It's interesting and it's fun.

Came home, watched SATC and ate ice cream in bed. It was perfect. Hung out with my dog. A great afternoon at home. Had coffee with a dear girlfriend of mine before work. They were daydreaming about new furniture. My place is furnished so I live vicariously though others looking to furnish their homes. 

Then...it...got...exciting. I WENT TO WORK. 
It was a night in which I could do no wrong. I was on fucking fire tonight. It took me a little bit to warm up, but once I did, there was no one saying no. People were asking me for dances rather than vice versa. A gentleman even interupted a conversation I was having with another gentelman to request a dance. It was all very flattering. Then the inevitable happened. I walked up to someone just to be ignored. I HATE BEING IGNORED. So I followed him back to his seat. I introduced myself to him. His name was Daniel. He is an older gentleman, sometimes I stay away from the older gentlemen as they tend to feel that due to oh I don't know having their AARP card they deserve a senior discount and can take certain liberties since I am but a young girl who won't put up a fight. A correction is usually made and they soon discover I am a young woman with a bad fucking temper who may like to lean on your throat with her forearm, but whatever, I'm a harmless little weapon.

Daniel was different, he didn't seem old. We talked about things I would talk about with anyone else. He then complimented me on the way I sell. I love when people compliment this part of me. Regardless we headed to the back for a dance or two. We had a great time! SURPRISE! We laughed, he was respectful. It was lovely. We took a little break after a few dances, he entirely understood that I needed to make my rounds and was fine waiting a while. 

Fastforward to the "Ain't got no Champagne, Champagne Room". There was a point in our time together that hit me like a truck. Once again a man from work has restored my faith in men. He very lightly held my face looked me square in the eyes and said "You are love, aren't you?" I realized in that moment that even though I have had my heart drop kicked so many times, that a normal person would have given up and become a nun, or someone that really hates men, that I keep getting up and there is a part of me that still believes in love. I guess deep down I really do. I don't believe in finding it at work. I don't believe is storybook endings, or even in the character Richard Geer plays in Pretty Woman. I believe in a very realistic sort of love, I believe that you can love someone with your whole heart, but you can't make someone love you back. That it's possible to be a team, as long as you are not carrying your teamate inevitably. I believe in love as much as I believe in math, and math is the only thing you can ever really prove. 

I am so thankful for tonight.

Tell me why you do that.

I had two very interesting conversations recently. One was with a "normal woman" who assumed that there was something that drove me to being a stripper. Lets address that first...

No I didn't have a horrible childhood. No I don't feel like I need constant attention. No I do not have some hatred of men in which I feel like making them suffer (unless they ask).

The second was a little more interesting. It was about monogamy and if one person can infact satisfy someone for well the rest of their lives together. My current stance on the issue. People change over the years. It doesn't mean that you love them any less, you just love them a little differently. Relationships are built on trust, you have to trust your partner. You have to trust that you can say anything to them, you can ask them for anything, that is why they are your partner. There is always going to be something that could get in the way, that will get in the way, and it is dependant on you how you react to that thing. Then there is us. I think we are the best thing to happen to relationships. We are available but not really. We are beautiful. We are also completely unbiased, and not very judgemental. If I had a partner, I would so much rather they go to a stip club rather than a bar. Women in bars are trashy, and ruthless, strippers although ruthless, are ruthless in a different way. A none-threatening to the public sort of way.

Re-defining happiness

Being a stripper totally skews my view of normalcy and happiness. I ran into while getting coffee this morning a good friend of mine and neighborhood neighbor before class. He recently started dating someone outside of his norm. Apparently he usually dates cute hipster girls this one is note, he described her as psudeo-goth, after his description of her, I laughed at him and corrected him that she is more neo-goth, considering her satorial choices sounded similar to mine. We ended up on the topic of the idealology of the person we thought we would be with a few years ago. I asked him if it mattered what she looked like and how she presented herself as long as she made him happy.

I suppose at this point that is the thing. Regardless of who we thought we would end up with do they make us happy? I have chosen to be with myself for a while, and I am happy. I think as we age we need to focus less on what the person we are with should be and ask ourselves how we feel more often. This coming from someone who rarely talks about feelings, is a pretty big deal. Do they make us happy? Do we find them attractive regardless of the fact they are out of our normal realm.

I have this totally burning question. As I age and as I watch things unravel in the strip club, I wonder how does one choose to be with someone for the rest of their lives. Everyone I have ever spoken with about this says that there is a point you just know, you realize you don't have a choice in the matter that they are the person you are suppose to be with. What if we ignore that feeling? What if we have passed our window up? Then what do we just float though life alone? Am I potentially dooming myself with my job? Considering that my job even before this has always been my first priority have I made my bed? Have I chosen work to be my partner till death or retirement due us part?

The weekend I wasn't "me"

Okay, okay, I was still me, but at this point I think I have seeped into my own personality and it's getting a little harder to seperate. I had better get acustom to it really quick as it appears more family time is in my future. Le Sigh, thus is the life I chose. It takes a fast mode of transportation to lead a double life, I suppose it's a good thing I fly. Drinking and driving->bad. Drinking and flying -> much better as long as I'm not flying.
Oh what I did this weekend. I ran my second half marathon this year. Thats right kids, 2 down 1 to go. Then I get to train for either Chi or DC. It might end up being chi, I'm missing Scores. I know it's stupid but I miss not knowing anyone and just working. I suppose that is the advantage to my club going down the tubes. I don't want to talk to anyone. Not talking means I'm just hustling.
I have completely lost my train of thought.

The city sleeps alone...

I have had a song stuck in my head all night. It's called "Natural" It's off of an album called "Huggable Dust" I highly reccommend it.
It's so quiet sometimes, it's amazing, considering I'm in the middle of the city. It was quiet at work tonight too, not quiet as in there was nothing going on, just silent considering the number of people.
It's funny the things that change our days. I people we come into contact with and how they change us. I mean I'm not saying that I believe that everyone we meet changes us, sometimes we are just strangers forever, but then there are times when we get really lucky, and we find really interesting people. Sometimes we find them in the oddest places, sort of like things you lose behind your couch or your dresser and you don't find these things till you move the whole piece. Sometimes you move an entire piece of your life without thinking and you get lucky, you find people who are like, well something more exciting than say that wool sock you lost last winter. It's a pretty great feeling. I guess a sock is a pretty accurate analogy. It's warm and snuggly, and there are very few things I actually enjoy more than wool socks. Strange as I don't wear socks at work, but trust me, I love the sweat out of my smartwool socks. Sometimes people are like that, they bring you a happiness like wool socks, it's sort of fleeting as you eventually have to take your socks off. I mean you shouldn't wear those in the shower. I mean consider summer you typically don't wear wool socks, unless you are me and wear really thin ones while running, then you put them away for a season, pull them out in the fall and remember how happy they made you. There are people I feel the same way about.
I've also been thinking a lot about people who have disappeared like socks who we may not get to see no matter how many pieces of figurative furniture in our lives. Don't get me wrong I haven't lost anyone lately. I was just reminded during a conversation I was having last night that sometimes life isn't fair and it takes people away from us when others make stupid choices.
Alright enough of this strange sock thing. I'm hitting the hay.

Stripper walks into a locker room...

I was getting ready and one of the other girls walks in and the following dialog ensues.

Stripper 1:Guess who got LAID!!!!!
Me: Nice work lady about fucking time.
Stripper 1: I know right took long enough.
Stripper 1: High Five's all around up high, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Stripper 3: You just gonna leave me hangin' ?
Stripper 3: So details?
Stripper 1: Awesome, like forever awesome, like till 6am awesome.
Me: Better than the last guy?
Stripper 1: Way, way, better.
Me: Where is he from?
Stripper 1: Texas, but he lives here now.
Stripper 3: Everything is bigger in texas, let me tell you about my ex-husband.

Discussion trails off, high-fives are continued, Work resumes, I go back to getting ready to walk out.

It was at this time I realized that we are way worse than the men I know. At what point did we become so, so, dude like.

I mean I think that most of our conversations had in the privacy of the locker room are hilarious, even when we are bitching about terrible customers.

Stripper 1: God fuck that guy, he totally ripped me off for $20 I fucking hate this shit sometimes. Such a douche. Fuck him, I want to go punch him in the back of the head.
Me: You could do that, I mean I would, wait on second thought don't do that you might get termed.
Me: Oh hey one more thing that is going to make this whole situation way worse...I ate four of your french fries.
Stripper 1: Bahahaha

Lastly
Me: I need my lock cut
Manager: Seriously?
Me: Yes, seriously.
Manager: RRREEEEDDDDDD did you forget your combo.
Me: Yes, yes, I totally did, because I am soooooo fucked up right now, I am sooo drunk, and I am soooo out of my mind loaded...No you jerk, it just isn't working.
Manager: *tries lock* Huh, I suppose you were right.
Me: Told you so.

Have I mentioned lately I find this job hilarious? Well I do.

Just the same old world changing post...

Before I settle in to study, there is some shit I would like to get off my very tall shoes, that I am not currently wearing, actually I'm wearing my running shoes (two weeks off of running will decrease your lung capacity if you were curious)
It's been one hell of a week off, I think I'm excited to head back to work tomorrow. Let's recap my week. Brace yourselves it's crazy. Monday missed a class to study, not sure if this is essentially counterproductive or not. Tuesday felt crappy, fell asleep, missed a boat load of text messages. (Sorry all) woke up felt better. Broke the law, went swimming in a pool that wasn't mine. Wednesday nothing happened. Here we are on Thursday, taking yet another night off.
So Tuesday was obviously the only day anything interesting happened. As I'm swimming with a group of friends. Ok, in the way of breaking the law it wasn't that bad one of my friends had a key. The subject of my job comes up with one of them whom I don't know super well, they of course have questions.
1.What's it like?
2.Do you like it?
3.Is it draining ever?
4.Do you find it challenging ever?

1. I don't know how to describe my job to other people anymore. It's interesting to me.
2. I love my job, I'm just a little down on it right now.
3. Occasionally. It bleeds over occasionally into my real life which is when life gets hard.
4. It's challenging to walk up to a person and sell them an intagible object without having much of a profile on them. Most sales you have a little bit of knowledge about the person. I don't, I have to make choices in seconds to try and make them as comfortable as possible in a strange situation...in my underwear.

Dating of course came up, I gave them the quick version of how this job ruins things and that's it, it's hard on people. The hours are exhausting. blah, blah, blah, we've heard the story before.

My good girlfriend W chimed in and stated she could never be a stripper, pretty sure she saw the imediate look of distain on my face.

Back to aquaintence, who states they didn't think they could ever find themselves in that situation ever, and why not just be a bartender.

Let's recap all the good things about me one more time just for good measure.
1. On being a bartender, it slipped my mind at the time. I had thought of bartending, then thought, If I'm going to get looked at like a stripper, I'm going to get fucking paid like one. Or so I thought when I first set out to do this.
2. Mostly normal life, I even took my pole down to perpetuate normalcy in my life. The only thing thats currently off is that I'm in a big nap taking phase right now.
3. I don't drink nearly as much as "normal" people or so I've discovered lately. I don't do any other substances.
4. School, although I'm beginning to not be so proud of this whole school thing for some reason, I think it's because everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to be done. I'm not exactly sure yet. About two years.

The question arose about redflags. Anytime anyone says red flag I laugh. I couldn't help but respond with I am a walking red flag, so you could take that for what it's worth. I went on to explain how if it were not for the scarlet S on my personal resume I would be just about great, but since I have a huge red stamp people tend to think I'm going to drag them into a deep pool of drama. I wish I was capable of that sadly I'm not. So I suppose on the issue of red flags watch out for the normal ones like "do they carry an axe? They may be an axe murder."

Gentlemen, just because we are strippers does not make us any crazier than any other woman in the world. I swear to god I'm so tired of talking on this subject will you all PLEASE just understand this. So I can go back to talking about the funny things that happen at work and never mention this again.

On a sidenote, when I referenced myself as a lady some posts back, I'm not sure what the hell I was talking about, I really meant good woman. There is a vast difference between a lady and a good woman. More on this topic (again) later.

Loving you is hard to do.

By you I mean my job. Well it's really not hard because I love my job and I love a lot of things about it. BUT IT IS SO DAMN HARD TO LOOSE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE OVER IT.
When exactly is everyone going to realize I love what I do. I do it often, and I sure as hell am not quitting.
Alright back to the entertainment...
Last night I was headed home, carrying a large duffle bag full of heavy ass stuff, and walked between two men, maybe not my best idea ever, whatever it was either being an art gallery window or traffic, it seemed in my best interest to go right though. Little did I know in that moment I would be part of an attempted tripping and fire lighting. Mind you I wear a very large scarf, I may try to light it on fire someday, but damnit I was so not in the mood. Have any of you every seen bum fights? It was about to be like that expect I was about to fight a bum.
Screaming at someone about fucking manners does not make a person seem dignified. At the moment I felt it totally appropriate screaming that they were motherfuckers that I was about to beat the shit out of because they had no regard towards women, and I had said excuse me.
The man replied with "fuck off wench" Who the hell says wench. Wench, I was acutally insulted by being called a wench. I walked off laughing.
Even though yesterday was one of those rough days where nothing goes right, I left believing that you can still find some humor in a rainy cold seattle evening.

I hate the pop-in

I was walking though the club last night in a haze it's amazing what being tired will do to you. It turns you into a damn zombie, I know a few of you have normal everyday day jobs so it's not a big deal if you leave because you aren't feeling well, but we the strippers have to stay and hustle even if we are super tired. Anyway, I was wearing this great dress, I've been totally obsessed with this black dress lately I look amazing in it.
Anyway I'm making my rounds and all of a sudden I hear "RED" I turn and look and it appears to be this middle aged larger gentleman with glasses and I think it it odd someone like that would yell my name. Sasha see's the confusion on my face and says "No, that guy". I look down and see a tattoo covered arm and scream "OH SHIT". My eyes move up to a very familiar face that is actually smiling at me. This face belongs to my ex, the one that created so much wreckage. Our entire relationship flashed before my eyes, it was like dying.
He looks at me and says "I thought you didn't work wednesdays?" I stammered back "I dont but I'm taking time off soon so I need to try and make up for that." He looks at me and says "It's good to see you panda" I then said hi to his friends and proceeded to walk away to go back to work, and it was at that moment that I realized I might just be too tired to actually function at work. So I left.
I walked straight back to the locker room changed and called him. He agreed to come pick me up. Amazingly nice of him as I'm pretty sure she still thinks I'm bat fucking shit fucking crazy.
I get in the car we start driving up the hill, he looks pissed, the thing is he always looks pissed. He's not really pissed he's just thinking. We turn on to my street I ask him if he wants to meet the baby (dog) he agrees too. He also starts talking about how it's my dog, and it is my dog, I just started talking about getting it while we were together.
We pull up to my place and I run up to get the baby dog. I bring her back down, he just rolls down the window (dick) so I tell him to get out of the car. As soon as he gets out and stands up, mind you he's not huge, my baby freaks out. She big dog barks with a straight up snarl in it, and books for the door. I have never seen her do that in regards to a person. She loves everyone, unconditionally (god she is really the best dog in the whole world I can't wait to finish lunch and get home to her.)
He pecked me good night. I walked in the door breathed out a sigh, I'm proud of him for working on him and I'm glad it's not with me.
I am so happy being single...cue m83 midnight city
I literally sit and listen to this song everyday and stare out the window while i get ready and remind myself how lucky I am to have this live.

If you were my bitch

Let me just clarify I don't mean bitch in a duragatory manner.
There is a dialouge I have with a girl that I work with about once a week it goes a little something like this.

If I were a dude, I would make you my bitch, there is no way I would ever let you go. I mean look at you, you are gorgeous, seriously, those men that have let you walk away are idiots. You are amazing you study, you work, you're independent, shit I hope my son meets a woman like you. I mean really I'm not going to let him be with anyone less. Shit for real I would never let you out of the house. I would make sure you had whatever.

This brings me to my actual point. There are a lot of women that I work with that have a crazy ass schedule and seem to live mostly normal lives "what the fuck is normal"

I went out last night, I know crazy, to a party, a house party, with 30 somethings, not joking, most of them women, that worked in the corporate world. I felt so fortunate to not be scared to talk to strangers, if I had been I would have been dead in the water. I'm standing around with a death grip on my plastic cup of champagne observing everyone, checking out the outfits. As soon as I started looking at what everyone was wearing I started to get self consious, I went with the typical uniform. I wore something from allsaints, and my black boots that have seen better days at this point. Everyone had on their party clothes bright colors everything fitted, and I'm standing their wearing grey and oversized. Most of them full faces of make-up hair done, and me standing there with a quick smear of eyeshadow on and my hair down, then up, then down, then up, and never really done. Lest we forget the entire underneath is fucking purple, Le sigh, thankfully I'm a student so it's okay for me to look like an idiot sometimes. I'm watching them interact and it's so interesting to watch people drink so much so quickly. Strippers do that too, we just typically don't hold up our drinks for photos. The girls that drink are typically trying to convice others that they are sober, so photos wouldn't support that sober image... Then the inevitable happened people started paying attention to me it was like in my head "I need to blend in" I  drank an apple pie shot, put my chicago party hands up, tryed not to feel out of place. Truth is I did, for no specific reason, other than I didn't plan what to wear correctly.

I woke up this morning...In my clothes from last night, sans boots, somehow I still had my socks on. I walked into my living room after putting on approriate house clothes, of running shorts and an old oversized grey sweatshirt (I'm too sexy for this party) to find fellow party goers asleep on my couches and my pole up...sideways (Thankfully no one decided to use that) It was right then I thought. Regardless of the fact that I sometimes don't fit in, and it would have been exactly the same years ago when I came from a corporate place, it was the cool kids of corporate, I still come from a different world. I'm still pretty cool, I can get down with the rest of them even if I'm not "normal". Maybe I will never be normal, even when I'm done with all of this, I don't think "normal" is my thing.

Someday I will have some who rides with me, someone who feels the same way as my co-worker. I also really hope they say stupid shit like that so I can just laugh at them. 

Don't get me wrong I still love my job more than a lot of things, and I wouldn't give it up even for the right guy, because the right guy would never ask me to give up something I love. 

This post was incredibly long and pointless sorry folks just needed to go over last night out loud. 

go to be early and get up late

You go to bed early and you talk to your pillow- Modest Mouse "Whenevere you see fit"

I was thinking today as I was sitting in class how many women I know that do just incredible things, that go to bed late, and get up early. That do the very best they can to provide for their families. Yet sometimes our society doesn't exactly look at we the sisterhood the way that we would prefer to be looked at.
As I was in class today. This young man was practically badgering me to find out what I do for work, and where I work. I was getting so frustrated I almost leaned in and said "Look dickwad, I'm a stripper okay, and that shocked look on your face doesn't bode well for you, so please never look my direction again" Instead I chose the highroad and decided not to say anything at all expect "I dont like people I know coming in, it makes it strange, so lets just avoid that okay"
Sometimes I wish this was portland and I wish it was *okay* to be in this industry, that the world didn't think it was so bad.

I want...

I want birthday cake.
I want fresh stripper shoes.
I want endless amounts of black underwear.
I want lots of water.
I want more red lipstick.
I want great people around me, all the time.
I want a really good year.
I want a great bottle of wine.
I want the girls at work to quit with the cray.
I want people to not run into me because they refuse to pay attention.
I want to go running.
I want to bring my dog everywhere.
I want better handwriting.
I want everyone to play nice with one another.
I want cookies.
I want chinese food and a night on the couch.
I want my laundry to do itself.
I want smart people around me.
I want to not be confused by the tone of text messages.
I want to be successful in my own eyes.

Most of the things I want right now, right this second are completely attainable. It's just a matter of wether or not I go though with them.
Isn't that funny how life works, we "want" so many things, but we don't need much.

I need to apply myself.
I need water.
I need air.
I need 30 seconds of sanity at work.
I need to be smarter.
I need...so little.

Stab

Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes you make them on purpose, so you may learn a lesson on your own. Sometimes you drink peach schnapps in high school because all your friends do it. Sometimes mistakes follow you around for a while and you wonder why exactly they do, if you did something to deserve it.
Really when I look around and I look back and I think about mistakes I've made throughout my life and when they follow me around for a little while I no longer think its because I did something horrible and deserve to be punished for it. With age comes wisdom. At this age it's become a little clearer that it's not that people are jealous, everyone is successful in their own way so they have no reason to be envious of anyone. It's a little more of the misery loves company. Sisters tell me, if one girl in the club is crabby it spreads like the swine flu. Most of the time it's not intentional we are women we talk about whatever is on our mind.
Then there are other times when mean is just spread, it's like a low smoke on the ground that wraps its way around your ankles and works it's way up your legs and you unfortunely breath it in this horrible toxic smoke from a small fire someone decided to start. In my younger years this smoke would suffocate me force me out of this, it would really hurt my feelings. Now...I carry a lot of water and do my best to put fires out.
Recently I inadvertently hurt someone's feelings. I'm not sure who yet I just know I did. I would like to apologize for whatever I did to hurt them. I probably didn't mean too.

Oh and a note on my running. I run because I enjoy it, because it gives me a moment to put my thoughts in order. Are there benefits of running, of course, I have massive lung capacity, am I losing weight? I don't know, I don't own a scale, much like I don't own a tv. I just base it on how I feel and right now I feel really good, about all the things I have accomplished even if I have come to this point of acceptance in an unconventional way.

Please excuse all my silly reflections it happens every year.

Birthday count down.

I made a big huge sarcastic greedy list and thats not who I am so...

I really would love a nice email saying you appreciate my blog. You all are more than welcome to make a donation at any time. Shoot me an email and we can figure out a way to make it happen.
All that being said. I really appreciate all the great emails I've had lately and the very nice comments people have left.

Why don't you go do some coke...stripper

These words said to me as I was walking away from someone last night sent me into a blind rage, it's been a long time since I have found myself screaming at someone on the floor explaining to them that I run too much to put shit like that up my nose. As they retort I could just put it in my veins. As I continue to scream "Stripper is not synonymous with drug addict, as you apparently are one!" in the back of my head I'm thinking about an ex boyfriend who had a little coke problem who's eyes would not track correctly when he was high so he could never hide it.

To think this all started with him making the mistake of reaching out to grab my breast while I was talking to his roommate. We all know that I have my boundaries and I stick with them pretty tightly. As I tried to very calmly explain that it was not acceptable to touch me like that he replied with "you're a stripper what do you expect, especially with titties like those" *Let the rage begin* I'm proud of what I do. I don't think that my job gives anyone a pass to treat me like less of a human especially in my house (the club). I lost my temper started yelling at him to fuck right the fuck off, as he was a disrespectful ignorant piece of shit. Maybe I went too far. I doubt it.

An interesting thing happens in the middle of this, management walks up behind him getting ready to back me up and I tell them I'm fine and I can handle this. I could I had it under control. I like that people believe me, that they know I'm not going to make a total ass of myself just an ass.

As we are reaching the end of this conversation this little shit fucker and I, as he class me "just a stripper" one last time I ask him what he does. He says he throws rebar for a living. I ask him how that makes him better than me. He says it doesn't. I state then if I'm a fucking stripper you are just ad addict throwing metal, I'm sure you are much more than that so live up to your potential. I walk away.

I think this job has mellowed me out. Previously I would have been slamming that fuckers head back berating him for his poor life choices and reviewing the fact that I'm a great cook, I run practically every damn day, I'm working on an accounting degree, reminding him how low he should feel. Instead somewhere in my iced up grinch heart I found the right thing to say about living up to your potential.

You can still see the forest though the heart surgeries

There is a gentleman that comes in, who has had countless heart surgeries. Lately I have been a little reclusive trying to figure out exactly what I'm doing. I have been spending my time with people who I don't think view me as a real person. Anyway forest. Forest is this incredible person, maybe I shouldn't say his name in a blog. Anyway he so kindly reminded me that the world could be so much worse. Not that I think the world is bad. I typically try to convoke people that the world is great. He and I were talking about heart surgeries and the amount of time he has spend in the hospital. The type of girls he dates. I don't know why but I have a current fascination with who people are attracted to and why. Maybe it's my own lacking in that part of my life that drives me to know what it is about other people.
Anyway as I'm sitting here writing this a man sitting next to me is talking about his mother who has a drug addiction, who went to law school on welfare, passed the bar, and sadly can't kick the habit.
People and their success amaze me everyday, this is one of those strange places where you can work really hard and make things happen. Sometimes we take different paths to end up at the same end point.

More danger you say well let's turn that shit up.

Last night was the strangest night I have had in a while. I sat down with this guy, and he confirmed all of my current fears. I asked him if he wanted a dance. He said no, I asked him why because I was curious. He told me he liked girls with tattoos, and crazy hair, because they are dangerous. I did not understand this statement at all. I went on to assure him that I'm quite dangerous, that I wouldn't meet me in a dark alley, and that I would happily stab him for proof.
Apparently I'm too conservative looking. I'm going to change that right now. This is bullshit. I'm getting the "oh your too nice I don't want to get a dance thing again" I'm going to start ruining worlds again, burning the whole strip club experience into people's brains. I keep talking that I'm going to change my look back and I haven't done it yet. I'm starting tonight, this oh you look so friendly is so annoying, I'm so over it.
Time to fuck shit up.

Solo

I've been apartment hunting lately. Not that I don't love my place, because I really do. Anyway...

I was lpoking at this great place the other day, it was much like the one I currently have but with huge closets, and a bathroom so big I could do yoga in it with a great claw foot tub. Ahhhh! As I was standing there talking to the manager he looks at me and says "Is this apartment just for you?" I relied with "ah, yes? Why" he then says "Well it's sort of odd as we have a lot of couples who live here" I think my jaw dropped a little bit. "Yes, yes, I am single and it will be just me."

It was one of moments when I was reminded that I'm single. Not that I need a reminder I'm pretty well aware. Someone could read this as the trials and tribulations of a single girl in the city, and maybe it is. The thing is, it's not even that I'm a stripper, it's at this point my standards are so incredibly high, and that I'm not giving anything a real chance. I've become all good at the minute relationship, or at being extremely standoffish which adds to the not really giving anything a chance.

Which brings us to work, work when single and not worrying about a relationship is easy. Why can there not be a relationship where the drama is super low. Why can't people just trust that you like them or why can't we as strippers trust that a normal man normal man actually likes us. Maybe thats just me.  Blah, blah, blah. I talk about this crap so much.

Let's see work highlights. Some rude men, some men who loved me. Holy crap that's something to talk about. I was having dinner and drinks with a good guy friend of mine last night and his beautiful girlfriend. We were talking about sixth senses and he had joked he can hear all the women who feel leaving him was a bad idea crying over him. I said that I thought it would be interesting if I could hear the thoughts of men who thought I was the one that gt away. He looked at me and said "Red, did you forget what you do for work, thats all your going to hear, or you are flying to run past some guy in the grocery store and that will be his thought"
On second thought maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea.

Tomorrow, today, yesterday?

Currently not sure.
I just watched two people I really like have a misunderstanding at breakfast and then put me smack in the middle and then try to pull me apart. This job has taught me sooooo much about mediating, and how to be two places at once. Also oddly enough about being quiet and listening. It's taught me so much control.

Man, and had it taught me to appreciate sanity. Holy fucking cow. Sanity is what I'm currently seeking, its the new prerequisite to hang out with me. So much craziness, that its literally making me feel crazy. Can't everyone just be calm for like 10 minutes. CANT WE ALL just get along! So much going around that I came home, walked the dog, crawled into bed, deactivated my Facebook, turned my phone on  airplane mode with zero intention of turning that shit back on till fuck, who knows who cares. I hope no one needs me, I'll be on vacation from my vacation, for well probably a few days. Should probably email my non-zombie people in the am and let them know.

There are a few things that could go horribly wrong with this plan.
1. I now have to be super punctual.
2. Calling a car is going to be tricky
3. Well that's about it...this is going to be awesome.

In other news in case there was a question, I would like to state that... I can, and do read. I'm familiar with jobs in the tech field, I also know what a business analyst is. Just to clear up some questions from earlier because everyone knows that strippers are complete and total idiots.

Joint custody...

I woke up this morning to a beautiful view, in my beautiful home, with my beautiful dog. Something was bound to disrupt my perfect little morning. I was going though my social media crap, when it hit me, the ex had gone through and like some photo of us, which meant he had to dig to the bottom to find it. All I could think of was "why the fuck are you lurking my social media there fucktard" i am obviously over that douche canoe. This was on my mind when I walked into work, and a few things happened from there. In fact it was a strange night.

Which started off with a beautiful sunset...

 I sat down with a gentleman and begin gushing about my dog. So as we were trading pictures of puppies it came out that he was in the middle of a nasty break up and they had joint custody of the dog. I was immediately compelled to tell him the only story I know. Two friends of mine had broken up and maintained joint custody of their dog. The male side was very seriouisly seeing someone else, and it was rumored that he was still with his ex. These rumors were solidified when he chose to travel to California with her and lied to his then serious girlfriend, who apparently called him a few names, and left him. ANYWAY...now he is back together with the girl whom he had the dog with and they are getting married in just a few short months. The moral of my whole story to this man was that breaks dont work (believe me I've had breaks), break-ups do, space works, lots of space, space in which you discover that you are still in love with this person, that you can get past the petty shit and make it work. Hey handed me money for the advice or to get me to go the hell away. No actually he thanked me and agreed that I was right.

Second thing...smang it (look it up)

I had th opportunity to watch my stage I haven't watched it in a long time. I had completely forgotten what I looked like. I look smokin.

Third.

Rudest man Ive met in quite some time came in. He stated what time of race I'm into or not into. Stated that I was telling him what to do. He was just incredibly rude. Then he chose to insult my business practice of following the laws in Seattle. It's amazing how angry people get when you don't pull your boobs out. I find it so interesting that someone who practices law is so willing to break them wether it be with propositions of prostitution or purchasing drugs.

Oh my gosh. The other evening a man came in and said that due to the way I was dressed that it is justifiable to ask me to have sex for money. I let him make his points and retorted with..."So if I gave you 50 bucks would you fuck your friend?" he replied with "no he's into women" I then said "do you think I care if he is into women, money is money right." he then opened his mouth to say something and I cut him off with "you do realize your argument also suggests that women who dress proactively deserve to be raped. " he replied with "no that's horrible" "my dear so are your assumptions that I would fuck you for money"

Sometimes the shit that comes out of men's mouths is absolutely insane.

Following all this I ended the night playing a kazoo to marylin Manson whilst doing handstands. I'm fucking awesome.

Excuse me, how much to fuck you?

More than you have in your wallet. Well I'm assuming that anyway, otherwise as they say in rap "my wallet is stacked like a bible" yours might have to be in order to even get close to me.

Last night was the night of defending myself against the word prostitute. I don't think so many people have asked me that in quite some time.

It also involved some little bitch trying to top from the bottom. I fucking hate that oh does it get me riled up. My temper has been so under control lately, he almost made me lose it. He put his hand on the back of my neck and I almost started swinging. The funny thing is one of the other girls was watching and she was apparently thinking "This is going to be good, Red hasn't lost it in a while" sadly nothing happened.
Then there was the dumb fuck who decided to lick me. Straight up fucking lick me and not anywhere sexy. The little fuck licked my cheek, dumb-ass. That dance ended write then and there.

It's been a weird couple of days. I'm so glad tonight is sit home and drink cocktails with the dog night.

Just what I needed.

I guess you're just what I needed, I needed someone to feed. I guess you are just what I needed I needed someone to bleed. 

Tonight was both good and bad, I found out that one of the girls who has been sober for a really long time went back to her old ways. The brightside she has a plan. 

I say it all the time but the girls I work with are amazing. They are truly like a sorority. I was so sad tonight over the death or my friend. One of the girls that I rarely talk to caught me in the hall and said that her thoughts went out to me tonight. It was very touching. Luckily I didn't lose it. 

I had another person come in to tell me they have been reading my blog for a couple of weeks and they would like more content (you guys are so demanding, just kidding) I was on vacation so I'll content it up. Anyway he was funny. I suppose the ways in which he is funny now make more sense as he has a background on me. He told me he was expecting someone more rough and tumble. I said yes it's true I am when provoked, you haven't pissed me off yet. 

Another lovely man told me I was more interesting to talk to than to look at...lest we forget I'm pretty fucking hot. We had a discussion about effectively marketing to nerds. 

Then there was the best conversation I've had in a long time with a food critic. Someone who actually understood my love of food, who didn't think that my travelIng for dinners was weird. He was so pleasant. 

I didn't make millions tonight but I left work feeling really good and remembering why the hell it is that I love my job so much. 

Upon arriving home, I ran into some local bartenders who fell in love with the puppy, who were complete gentlemen because they were gay, well that probably has nothing to do with it it's just a side story. Anyway they cautioned me about the hood these days as crazy shit has been happening, and where so polite as to walk me to my door. 

The only serious conversation I had this evening was with a gentleman who has a very transactional relationship with a woman that he is realizing he can't afford, giving relationship advice can be a little odd, I suggested my time doing activities together like cooking. He then asked me why I don't have a boyfriend, I'm so tired of explaining this. I hate the idea of hurting someone else's feelings with my schedule so it just seems to be in the best interest of others that I remain single regardless of my feelings for any person involved. Thus ends my statement of single for the day.

We are but mere mortals

This post has nothing to do with strippers. It has to do with the world losing someone great.

The wine steward at my grocery store who I have known for years who is absolutely hilarious was shot five times and killed on Friday. I found out as I went to the grocery store this morning. I was so excited to tell him about my puppy. I knew as soon as I saw some misplaced flowers that something horrible had happened. I wrote in the book they are giving to his family. As I was turning to leave thinking "I can do this, I'm not going to cry" my friend D who works there was right behind me and I fucking lost it. Proof that I'm just human. Our lives are so fragile and we dont think about it when we are rolling kayaks or walking into "the shark tank" every night.
I'm unsure what posses a person to shoot someone at a stop-light. Nevertheless my day has been just a little bit off.
You should also never wait to tell someone anything. If there is someone who means the slightest to you in your life you should tell them when you think of it don't walk away and think "oh yeah, next time I'll tell them I think they are rad, and thanks for the beer" tell them right then.
I hate losing people it makes me think of everyone that's passed. I wish so much that I could bring them all back for just one day so I could say everything I never had the chance to say.

Vacation...champagne room anyone?

Holy crap am I happy to be heading back home. The Midwest is funny. It's like LA there was a point where I decided that I had, had enough. I learned a ton. Here is a list.

1. I'm awesome and I put up with a ton of shit.
2. I am so glad I don't live in the country anymore. Why you may ask?
     1. Keep ass fuckers live in the country.
      2. Unhelpful people live there
3. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine and we were rehashing a resent conquest, she happened to whip up an amazing thing to say to him in bed which was "did you d porn?" "no,why?" "because you fuck like you did porn" I guess I didn't learn that about myself but I had to find a way t work it in.
4. I am an incredible host. I put on a Bon fire and a 13 year olds birthday.
5. I cannot sleep on the bed at my parents house. I woke up everyday and could not move.
6. More than anything I realized that although I may not have a "real job" my time is precious and I cannot let my parents walk all over it again. I need to use my words and remind them that I am on vacation and I would like to rest.

Let's move on to more random thoughts. I'm working tonight. Snap back on it, rent, and tuition it's a doozy of a week.
The puppy, holy cow and I excited for the puppy to be at home with me, she is passed out on this flight, she is totally my dog she travels so well.
I apparently made the most random playlist ever one day.  No clue where what I'm listening to came from, it's random.

HoLY FUCK and a half I can't wait to get home. I swear to god I need to go to BC for a couple of days just to rest up, and feel like I had a vacation.
Why the hell do they give you these tiny ass straws in flights.
Why is it so damn cold?
I am so glad I didn't just start shouting gotye just now.
I had a ton of talks about effective marketing this week. I'm feeling really jazzed about the projects that I'm working on, they should end up being effective and exciting.

I am sincerely hoping I can make it though tonight. I am incredibly tired. On that note and a shameless plug...champagne rooms tonight anyone? I would love to just hang out tonight.

Hands down most random blog I've written in a while. I'll work on a new one when I get home. I cannot wait to see my girls tonight.

Then it happened...

I woke up this morning, and my first thought was "Why is my best friend calling me soooo early..." Followed by "I'm so glad I'm not dead, and I get to wake up to this view everyday." Let me clarify, there was no reason to think that I might be dead, except for well, no really I can't think of any reason I would be dead this morning. Anyway we have a policy were we all check in with each other if we haven't heard from each other in a couple of days. So I guess I've been MIA for a minute.

I went back to sleep for a second, to be woken up by another phone call, and my first thought was "MAN, that view, it just doesn't get old!" This phone call equally as pleasant as the first. It was a friend of mine who looked at some work I had done a little while back and wanted to call me to tell me how great it was. They want to say appreciated what I was trying to accomplish in life, that they respected my priorities.  Also if I was great at what I did before they could not see a reason why I would not succeed at what I'm trying to accomplish right now.

Then I finally decided, maybe after these really great phone calls, that it was the time to ruin my own day as I didn't feel like I should be so pumped so early. It was then I checked my grades.  I swear I almost cried, tears welled up in my eyes. Not because my grades were bad. They were acceptable, they weren't perfect, but they were pretty close. Considering that I never feel like I can study enough, they were close, and maybe had I studied just a little harder they would have been perfect. Or I can quit being so hard on myself and accept that they were pretty close to perfect, and no one would really say they were not good enough. It was right then I appreciated all the social time I had blown off over the summer, all the times I could have been drinking at the beach, that I chose to stay home and study on my roof, that I could have slacked off so much had more fun, all the times I was totally harsh with people and stuck to my guns on saying no, that it finally paid off.

The reason for the tears stems from last night. I am told so many times, that I'm great, that I am an awesome catch. Last night one of the girls right before I left was just going on and on about how if she was a man, she would do everything in her power to snatch me up and never let me go. For some reason as she's going on and on about how motivated I am,  about how smart I appear to be, how gorgeous I am, how normal I am, how if her son brought home a girl like me it would be a proud day in her life, etc...I was totally preoccupied with the thought that I didn't think I had done well in my classes, that I have another half marathon to train for, the laundry I have to do, that I totally brushed off the things she said.

I have heard it from all angles lately, that I'm pretty awesome. One of my best friends has a saying, "If one person tells you, you have a tail, tell them to fuck off, if 20 people tell you, you have a tail maybe you should check". I have been so preoccupied with school, and work, and my family, and side projects, that I have totally forgotten about my tail.

Now back to our normally scheduled programing.

Writers block

Thankfully I don't do this for money so it's not a big deal. Digging deep looking for something good coming up empty handed...back to watching Sex and the City, hoping for some magical inspiration.

Another night another douche-bag

Here is a sampling of a few of the more interesting conversations tonight...

Customer: "You are so much more than this, this job is so deemeaning"
Me: "What the fuck did you just say about me and my job?"
C:"that you deserve better"
M" you understand that I love my job right?"
C"No, because I hate my job so how could you enjoy this"
M:" I work with people that will go to bat for me like family"
C:"Really? How did you create a bond like that?"

C:" Are you married?"
Me:" nope"
C:"boyfriend?"
M:" nope"
C: "girlfriend ?"
M:"nope"
C:" Really? You should be married you are too pretty not to be married"
M:"1. What does being pretty have to do with being married? 2. Because I don't want to be? 3. I don't think you really want to get into this"

C:" let me take you out, wait how much will it actually cost me?"
M:" 100k"
C:" are you serious? But I'm so nice?"
M:" yup very serious"

C:"...but I just wanted to touch them."
M:"and I wanted to physically harm you, do you see me doing that?"
C:"No you can't do that!"
M:" we'll you can't fucking touch me, and for that you get this..." grabs septum

L the manager:" this is my favorite part of the night, when you pay me"
M:"don't fucking start with me $160 and the lights in the back don't work, we run out of toilet paper and you hire idiots, fuck this nonsense"

Just moments before...
L:" where is Red?"
M:"I'm right here."
L"where?"
M:"behind the curtain, I'm the one behind the curtain that runs this shit!"

Even earlier
Girl 1:" I don't remember the last time I was sober"
Girl 2:"really? Me either"
Me...cringes, walks away, shakes head, hopes for best.

Customer trying to ask me out...
C"come on really that's how much you make a night"
M"uh...yeah."
C"well after you subtract house..."
M"I already did"
C"well what about your time getting ready and all this stuff you wear...after that it would only be a couple hundred?"
M"uh...okay fine well the the make up might cost about $60 so let's sub..."
C"NO, you have to depreciate it!"
M" double declining or straight line?"
C"straight line. How do you even know what that is?"
M:"I took accounting.anyway well in that case you are looking for a depreciation of 33 cents, you sure you want to do this?"
C"nevermind that works on the other girls."
M" well, wrong one to try and fuck with my dear"

M" are you a police officer?"
C" I was told not to say. I was told to say I'm an Italian chef."
M" okay...tell me your pasta recipe"
C" a cup of flour, two eggs"
M"pasta takes way more eggs than that, you aren't a chef at all, I bet you are a cop"
C" okay fine you got me"

You always want to be little spoon!

No, no,not me. I feel like I'm never little spoon.
This whole conversation started last night, while I was having a glass of wine with a friend I haven't seen in gosh 9 months. Only after I finished my first final, because I don't drink while taking tests. We were talking about recent conquests. This conversation had me laughing for over an hour. Why? I'm the most conservative stripper ever and I dont think of sex like that. Wait yes I do.
Anyway we were discussing proper bedroom etiquette, and manners, such as if the bathroom door is closed leave it that way. You never #2 in front of anyone, not okay. Always finish what you start especially if you finish early. Finishing early is only acceptable after a long dry spell. Leave before you overstay your welcome.
We had a brief discussion on dating people who might be a little batty. Only because I know a few of the girls that he has spent some time with. In the past couple years it appears that I just attract the ones with a screw loose.
Anyway it turned into a conversation about dating people under the age of 30 (which I swear to god I will never do again, and really 30 is pushing it, I think I need to make a rule that they must be like 7 years old than me or something.). How they happen to be children, almost literally I have found myself taking care of crying men. Now there is nothing wrong with crying when it's appropriate. Im down to be an ear to listen to whatever is on your mind, and if you are really sad about something I'm happy to console you.
It moved from there to the fact that I am rarely little spoon...Or there was the guy who wanted to sleep on my shoulder. Yes that's right my shoulder. Let me just state I still have a vagina and I'm curvy in all the right places so there is no way  to mistake me for a man.  I have never felt more masculine, than I did at that moment. Apparently that is what I have become. I've become both the man and the woman in relationships. I pay for dinner, I make dinner, I work my ass off, I go to school, and I'm always the big spoon. Someone is asking to get pegged and I'm not picking up on the hint.
It leads me to the question. What happened to all the real men? What happened to being challenged. Really what happened to getting to feel safe, not like you have to fight your own fights and maybe his too. I'm officially tired of feeling like I could kick everyone's ass, even the ones that are in the gym everyday. I mean I get it I'm pretty dominate...but come on! If you can't stand the heat get the fuck out the kitchen. Actually if you want to be the woman can you please get in the kitchen and make me breakfast, and don't over cook my eggs. 
This, this, is why I'm staying single. 

Current attitude...dont give a fuck

First and foremost I would like to say thanks for reading, I finally made it to 10,000 plus views. Pretty excited over here in Seattle.
Feeling a little cockier than normal this morning, which says to me...maybe I should go to work tonight especially because I will be skipping sunday...again. I suppose it is only if I get all my Econ reading done lé sigh. Speaking of I should be on my roof right now spraying on sunscreen I suppose I should also be forgeing for breakfast. Not being in my own home for 23 days sort of ruined everything in my fridge.
I suppose I should get down to writing about something relevant.
It's been a while since I have thrown the contacts in. I think it might be time to replace them and turn the fear back up. I think I'm getting a little too nice in my old age. I think it's all the sappy-ness around me has cultivated a new watered down version of me. Personal opinion at the moment, fuck that shit (has anyone see my bondage tape? Or know at lest wear I put it?). Perhaps it's all the weddings, again back to my picnic conversation about choosing my education over an actual factual relationship and maybe a little of choosing my job as well, but we don't talk about that. Speaking of when was the last time I did a pole spin without hands? Jeezus who have I become?

The game

Dating has been a huge conversation in the strip club as of late. 

IT sort of started with someone who is not a patron choosing to camp on my lawn. (No one panic, no seriously don't) That's a story for another time. The following is a collection of dating advice from strippers. 

1. Don't call him, whatever you do don't call him. 

2. He nutted on you? He should have called you have a couple of hours. 

3. Buy the book women love bitches. 

4. I don't care if he is nice, if he asks you out say no. 

4.1. Do not tell him what you are doing, he never needs to know. 

5. The first 6 months make it a chase men want to chase something not have it given to them. 

6. Don't be too nice. 

7. Don't be too mean. 

In other news I was reminded how my little family is dysfunctional. I was using the restroom and 2 other girls barge in, which isn't that abnormal considering we don't really have a doorknob. I lost my temper and yelled at them to leave as I had just been backed into a corner by squawking girls. On of the  girls I yelled to leave called me a bitch. I heard so many people through the door defending me that I actually just like to pee with the door closed. My girls, they are the best. I love them. I would not give up this job right now for the world. I mean I would consider it if the right job came along, but I fear that I will never find another group of girls like this again, that I am excited to see every night. 

Lick my ass...get hit

As I sit here eating macaroni and cheese for the first time in about a month and watch Fraiser, I can't help but think...
What is the fixation with my ass I mean seriously and how hard is it to follow to rule of "DON'T LICK ME"

Anyway tonight was interesting. Lets start with...
The 19 year old, who had never been to a strip club before. He was visiting from, somewhere I can't remember otherwise known as texas. He was pretty into our dance, but regardless of that. He started talking to me about his relationship and how his girlfriend has gone though some really rough stuff and expects him to be there for her for the rest of her life. I love a good love story as much as anyone else. I would love to see some high school sweet hearts work out and it breaks my heart that he doesn't want to be with her, and that he is doing the ever typical 19 year old thing and is cheating on her, but yet he's too scared to actually dump her. He said that he feels she just won't get over him. I tried to convince him that the best way to have a girl get over you is to tell her the truth especially if you are cheating on her (I mean how would I know I've nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvveeeerrrrr been cheated on) I wish I could tell her myself. Not that a 19 year old girl would take a stripper very seriously but I'm sure if anyone could convince someone that there are a million fish in the sea and she could have any of them.

Speaking of taking strippers seriously. Tonight I received one of the greatest compliments, a friend of mine who knows what I do said something like...I don't care that you are a stripper, in fact I think it's great, you are passionate about what you do. You are focused. In fact I don't think it says anything about who you are and is not a reason for people to disrespect you, nor do I think it's a scratch on your personality.

As for the ass licking. It is only a certain type of person who chooses to not follow the rules and they are always so surprised when my hand meets up with their face, as if I didn't warn them and I should feel bad...excuse me mother fucker two seconds ago you were treating me with less regard than you would treat a rug and I'm pretty sure there is something in there about karma. Karma just happened to show up early in the form of my hand and let you know that the universe was just a little bit unhappy with the way you were treating me. That being said I might not be a lady and you probably shouldn't treat me like one, but dammit I'm a woman and I demand just as much respect as any man.

Some quick quips to entertain you this morning...

Me: I want to go home
Manager: Can't you just stay and sell one more dance?
Me: You do realize I've already made up my mind, I'm tired, I'm crabby, and I don't see any sales in my future.
Manager: Fine, give me $60.
Me: ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY NO! YOU CAN HAVE $50
Manager: Don't kill the messenger I'm just trying to do my job.
Me: FUCK THAT I'LL KILL YOU AND EVERY SUBSEQUENT MESSENGER TILL THE OWNER GETS HERE AND I MIGHT JUST KILL HIM TOO!
Manager: You know I sort of believe you...ok $50
Manager: Why do you have to be so scary all the time.
(for the record should the owner or anyone in management read this, I won't be killing anyone it's not an actual threat)
Locker room banter has been reduced lately to how big my ass is and that it might have it's own gravitational pull.

There has been a lot of talk about boob-jobs lately...for some reason it appears that the 90's are back and everyone wants melons again.

Me: you know how I get these abs?
Stripper: No, how?
Me: I do twists like this(doing twists) followed by this...Random flex pose with a facial expression that looks like I ate a lemon.
Stripper: you should make a you tube video of your work-out it would be hilarious.

...Laughter ensues, photo to follow.

Manager: All the crazy stuff that happens around here you should write a book.
Me: You are the 5th person this week to say that. I might have to work on my horrible english first.

Customer: How did you recognize me I'm wearing a wig.
Me: I'm observant, the way you stand gave it away...actually that's a lie, actual hair metal rockers don't wear such nerdy shoes.
Customer: Damn, I knew I should have worn different shoes.

Hey you slut...

I'm just kidding of course I don't mean that.
I had dinner with a dear friend of mine tonight who I grew up with. I have known him basically my whole life. He is one of the few gay men I know right now, somehow I have landed my self in the land of the lesbians as the token straight friend.
He and I were reminiscing about growing up and how near the end of my life in one small town in the northwards that it became very apparent that everyone was really mean to me. They were mean just because I was beautiful, funny, smart, athletic, and maybe just a little bit popular (in my opinion I wasn't very pretentious) I think this actually helped in my creation of who I am. I think that it makes me occasionally a little oblivious about exactly how attractive I can be, truth be told I view myself as a little girl with glasses, an oversized tee-shirt, horrible long hair with bangs...thick ones, and a christmas bow on my head (I was so happy that way, why wouldn't I think that's what I look like)
Anyway we were talking about what everyone is up to, we like to gossip just a little bit when we get together, and talk about the good and the bad. We ended up on the topic of some very mean girls that we grew up with that would shoulder check me in the hall and call me a skank...now would be a good time to mention they where having sex well before I was ( I wasn't having any at this time, and was actually a little bit envious of them), anyway. The conversation turned towards pride and being proud of what we are doing, he's in school working on his masters. I'm back working on business rather than art. We both came to the conclusion that we are much happier childless and unmarried than stuck in a small town.
It became apparent to me that I am so much happier as a stripper than I ever would have been back home and I'm actually proud of what I do most days. I wouldn't give up this part of my life for anything. I think I have proven that in my many an ended relationship over my job.
In other news I have been sleeping so heavy lately that I actually put a kink in my neck from not moving, hence the reason I did a "half day" yesterday. Being tired is the worst job hazard ever, it sort of ruins everything. It's sort of like being narcoleptic. I have always over worked myself. In a previous and current life I was/am notorious for falling asleep in movies, it was so bad at one point that I actually would make it a point to get extra sleep during movies.

Fuck you pay me...

Maybe my temper gets the best of me sometimes. Maybe I don't always say the right thing. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive. One thing will always hold certain I abide by two mottos these days "build it up and tear it down" "fuck you pay me" mind you I've never seen "Goodfellas"...it is however currently downloading.
Okay back to it. Why my dear people do fridays suck so horribly? Any other dancers experiencing this? I mean seriously? It's like pulling teeth, and I am a sexy dentist except that you are blindfolded and I sound slightly like roomy from "Romy and Michele's High School reunion" in which case I would be terrified as well. I mean gentlemen if you don't want to be in the strip club please do me a favor and get the fuck out. I like having you all there. Also if you are going to be a snotty little bitch please note that I can actually take a hint and I understand that you would like me to back away slowly with my hands where you can see them at all times. Not that what I wear to work leaves much room to hide anything.
That being said, gentlemen you are grown please use your words. Speak up tell me what you want, what you don't want, or how exactly I hurt your feelings and maybe just maybe we can work on it.
On that note, I'm going back to my glass of wine and getting ready for another riveting night in the shark tank...I wish I could quote wakaflocka flame at this moment and say look ma' no hands. But it's more like look ma' no air tank.
Cheers to diving in tonight. I hope to see a few of you.

Redflags.

Everyone has red flags that they look for. I carry mine around on my head. I am a walking stop light on some days. Those days are typically the days I walk out of the house in heels and a smoking hot dress my sunglasses on and a beautiful bag to go with. Those are the days you know that I'm on a rampage. Maybe it's all about getting my "swagger" back but lately it's a little bit like I can do no wrong. (I mean I can do things wrong and I do most days, I'm pretty clumsy) I have been walking around just as sexy as can be for about a week. My style has been spot on, my humor has been off the charts. I hope I can keep it up, aint nothing going to hold me down oh no, aint nothing going to break my stride.

As for red flags, a few have been going off lately. I've met some very interesting people in the past week and had some very interesting things happen. I have met a couple of people who are so incredibly insightful it's as if I don't have to speak. I have also realized one of my best friends is just as insightful. I'm coming to find that I really enjoy these types of people. I even enjoy them as clients I like being able to have incredible conversations. How is that a red flag you ask? Typically these people I like so much because they are so entertaining are also so incredibly fleeting.

One of my best girlfriends this morning text me to ask me what the point of our friendship was anymore. I believe that there is something really great in our friendship I just haven't seen it for a while. I think it's under the wreckage or a break-up. I suppose that's what happens when you start a domino affect sometimes you get trapped underneath all of it. Or dust gets in your eyes or something and you lose sight of what you are looking for. Or maybe you just quit drinking and that changes things. Maybe people go their separate ways.

The last red flag. I all of a sudden feel like I know myself so much better after this past year, I feel like I have changed so much. I feel like I have come to peace with a lot of things. I am so much calmer. At the same time I am just that much more aggressive towards things. Like bad drivers, cyclists trying to hit me while running. My capability to open up to people is waning and I do not know why. So that is the last red flag it is the thing that I am working on is being more open.

In other news the chick flick marathon has resumed. Get ready for all kinds of bad movie references.

Last time we were here.

Last time I sat on the couch I am currently sitting on to write this blog I was crying uncontrollably. I was in the darkest of dark places. Darker than Little Darlings and that my dears is a basement. On the bright side of all of this. I am in a much better place at this point I have come to terms with certain things in my life...Like being a stripper again. Yes hard to believe I RED had a hard time with being a stripper for a moment as I am such a proponent of this industry if you can hack it which leads me to my next point.

A friend of mine was chatting with a girl online. By chatting I mean he was using an online dating service (I live vicariously through my friends in this way) He was telling me about this girl and that she had said she was a stripper. I thought that it would be really cool if he took this opportunity to get a really inside view of a strippers life rather than just mine because I might be just a little bit different than most...Here we have the stripper in her natural habitat, notice the skittish movements and slight aversion to daylight...fascinating. I'm kidding of course, most of the girls I know are great.

Anyway it came about that she was lying about being a stripper. I think that, lying about this job is probably one of the strangest things you could lie about. Why would you? Having gone on dates with people it has become pretty apparent to me that men don't think it's very "cool" to be dating a stripper. Typically it's a deal breaker, or it will eventually become a deal breaker.

My dear friend knowing that there are many pros and cons to this job gave her a little what for as she apparently stated something, something, about morals. Saying that there are may respectable strippers in the world and we happen to have morals, we just do it as a job (a job that I love) but still a job.

I really wish I had the option of talking to most people that feel that strippers don't have morals. I wish I could give them a small glimpse into my life and prove to them that we don't just shove thousands of dollars of drugs up our noses a month. We don't sleep with everyone that shows interest. We really don't have a low self-esteem. That in fact our ego's occasionally are a little over inflated. We have very normal lives. Some of us have children, are on the PTA, outside of work we don't really dress sexy, we try to cover as much as we can.

It's absolutely ridiculous to assume we don't have morals. It's even more ridiculous to lie about being a stripper. On that note...

Dear Random Internet Girl,
Amateur night is every Thursday. It's a couple hundred dollars if you win, or we (the club) will cover your license should you choose to be a dancer. Then you don't have to lie about it to impress people, you can experience first hand the look of disappointment on people faces, or should you get really unlucky the random dude that reaches out to grab your boob because he thinks you are easy. But really with any luck you will get lucky and find out who your real friends are and learn to live a tiny double life, but not a double life in a bad way if you do it correctly.
Kindest Regards,
RED.

Give me that face again and I will totally let you know

Sadly I'm not talking about work for once. I'm really tired, maybe I should preface with that. I've been putting in work at both work and school. None of which really seem to be paying off at this exact moment which might also be inducing my horrible mood. Correction they are paying off but everything worth doing is worth doing right and sometimes the benefits are not seen immediately Before we get into the highlights of last night I need to get something off my chest. I work in the service industry and you have to do something pretty horrible like...pull your cell out and try to photograph my co-workers to get me really riled up these days. I have my opinions on things and they are as follows. I eat at a particular restaurant almost weekly and every time I show up I get some smug attitude and I feel horribly unwelcome, that being said I suppose it isn't weekly anymore. If I change my mind before you even get my order in your system about what I want to eat and you make an annoyed face at me I'm probably going to let you know, except that today, today I am too tired. Maybe I will just write them a letter voicing my concerns with their waitstaff. I mean I get it I look like Julia Roberts in pretty woman today(BUT I HAVE ALL THIS MONEY)...what can I say I woke up late and grabbed what was closest to me, which happened to be a black mini dress, beige suede boots (of the western nature) and a drapey thingy that I wear sometimes, and yes my hair is totally gross and disgusting, yes I'm not wearing make up. I really wanted to say to this woman who I'm sure is extremely nice "Listen, I saw that face, and it's not the first time someone here has shown disinterest in the fact that I am taking up a small portion of this restaurant, and I understand that should I choose to take myself elsewhere someone else will take my place and I'm sure your tips won't be affected, but please consider if I were to make that fucking little pissed off face at you every time you opened your mouth, or if you didn't hear me correctly, or if you tired to rush me though the line because you have people behind me (please reference the time my change was literally thrown at me because I had to be to class) , wouldn't you just want to punch me? Of course you would! So...stop it, it's unbecoming" Okay maybe I won't write a letter, maybe I'll just ask them the next time they do it if they are in fact annoyed with me and would like me to eat elsewhere because I will. None of this Seattle passive aggressive nonsense.
Okay enough bitching about my lunch experience.

Let's talk about other things like... marketing, and how I am really, really, working on marketing for my club. I could leave my club and go elsewhere but I feel like...if you build it they will come. I am going to put little darlings back on the map if I have to plaster the side of a building with my ass just to get some traffic, if i have to wake up early to do radio shows (not a bad idea, strippers in the morning what could be more fun) If I have to go to every happy hour in this city and hand out my personal work cards to get any and everyone in the damn door, which I'm doing this weekend so if you see me out and about do say hi!  I am waging a war on this city. Not really, but I am going to do my best to create a market, to generate a little bit of a stir. Basically I'm talking about a total brand overhaul. I think we/I need it. I think that it would be a great project and would prove that marketing dowse work when people work at it. Thank goodness for my creative background and the supportive people around me. At the same time I have to maintain a normal life. If I can Balance in 8inch heels I can balance my life.

Se-se-se-sex and the city

My best gal pals have recently decided that I am embodying Samantha from sex and the city only minus promiscuous sex, or any sex for that matter (over-share?. At the same time. At the same time W is Charlotte. No matter how much I want to be Charlotte, really and truly I would love to embody Charlotte. Samantha started off as a bartender in super tight acid wash jeans, big hair and from hard work determination and maybe just a few chances with luck became a very successful PR professional. I would be lying if I said I was not just a little bit envious. At the same time I'm still "young" I have plans, and dreams, and I think considering that I have had a run around the old' corporate block I should be just fine with round two. I don't know why this has been weighing in so heavy on my mind lately. I think this is the first time I am absolutely buckling down with school I have canceled so many social obligations lately. School and work have become my life and it feels really good. At the same time it's hard. This is getting boring lets talk about the night time highlights. 1. I had a Canadian absolutely gave me a huge ego boost and just poured compliments over me. It was great we all know how much I love compliments. 2. Frat guy. Yup frat dude from Cali emptied his wallet. 3. Geek guy twitched the entire time I gave him a dance 4. Candy was on stage and these girls were going nuts over her. Candy being the homie that she is told them "wait till you see the girl after me she is off the hook" They over course went totally overboard for me. It was great. 5. Locker room talk Candy: RED your thighs are getting huge! Me: I know it's all the running. I then sit down on the counter to eat my salad. Candy: No like for real they are huge. Me: I know my trunks of thighs. Candy: no, no, no, girl it's good you are getting thick in all the right places. Me: thanks that really made my night. All these things really helped as I have been hyper critical of myself today. For no paticular reason. I think that it's because I did not go running today. Also to improve my next 1/2 marathon time I'm going to start adding a little extra to my workout, like oh I don't know some sit-ups, some push-ups and if I can fit it in, yoga just once a week. Then, then I think I can really get in tip top shape for a little run...in the south in the fall.

Am I magic mike right now?

There are a few parts in the movie magic mike that hit so close to my little stripper home it was almost painful. There is a moment where they stay up all night they are having this great time being totally irresponsible bridge jumping swimming at dawn. Waking up in a beautiful home generally enjoying life. There are moments like this in everyone's lives, there are also compartments that we fit into even if we don't want to. There is a drug deal gone wrong, as much as one can ignore drug use in this industry it's there. Stereotypes are created because one person had to go and ruin it for everyone, everyone has seen a drug deal gone wrong, or someone who is just a little to fucked up to work, or way to fucked up to work for that matter. There are moments when you watch Channing Tatum grow up and leave his "stripper life" behind,I think we (strippers) do that frequently just some of us do it a little differently than others for some it's getting their GED and that is an amazing accomplishment I love hearing about girls succeed academically even if it doesn't seem like its that big of a deal to anyone else. There is an argument he has with this girl that he likes where he says something along the lines of...am I Magic Mike right now, me talking to you am I Magic Mike right now, I'm not my job. We the stripper collective have all had that argument, it's not that the line is blurred to us, it becomes blurred to those around us,who lose perspective on what we are really trying to accomplish...or those of us with goals, but I feel that this happens in everyone's life that you must remind people, that you are not just a programmer, or a refrigerator repair person, or a waiter, or a financial analyst, a lawyer, there are compartments in every job that people will try to put you in. I suppose part of the human experience is reminding those around you that you are not "Magic Mike"

Things I don't remember

Things I don't remember is by the band ugly Casanova, a side project of modest mouse, we all know how much I love MM. Preface. Today was interesting it was slightly stained by someone near and dear to me reminding me of things I'm working on forgetting. Let me be clear I don't blame her for this I would have come to a point of remembering at some point, as earlier in the day I ran into an aquaintence of mine who inspired this blog post she and I were talking about the good parts of this job. The bright side of doing this is most of the time you forget the bad parts, unless they are hilarious, like someone asking you if they can deep throat your shoe (um no that's dangerous)anyway back to it. excuse me as I "put someone on blast". Me bitter never... In a few short years I will forget that this was the year my heart was broken by a man, excuse me boy, who didn't deserve it in the first place. I will forget his web of lies, his blaming me for going out because of my job, and his inability to say no. I will not remember the time I yelled at him in a crowded bar because I had, had it up to my eyeballs with lies. I will forget that he had me convinced I wasn't normal because of my job, that I wasn't successful, that I made bad choices(I don't have time to make bad choices I have class in the morning, I have a future to get)that I was a child. I will forget the times that he just smelled like booze. Or that time he got drunk and called me the wrong name. More importantly I will forget that I threatened to punch him in the face in front of his friends when I ran into him at brunch. I won't remember the bad things. (actually I might remember that) Hell with any luck I won't remember his name. I won't remember the promises broken by loved ones due to me being selfish. I will however remember all the good things. I will remember semi-annual people who crack me up every time I get the chance to see them, who are intellectually challenging and interesting on so many levels. Who bring me articles on running. I will remember a korean from the Midwest who understands what being from the midwest means. Who is kind to so many people, I will remember a polish leprechaun who only drinks red bull and orange juice who mixes up a few words (maybe on purpose) who makes my day. Who is also oddly kind to strangers K who went though a rough time and really tested my capacity for other people, at the same time taught me how strong I could really be and that no matter what the hell was going on in my world that I could leave it at the door to be there for someone else. There are so many people who have walked and walked out that have brought me more joy and taught me more about people and compassion than a person could ever learn, and that's why I really do love my job. I also ran into him on a date once it turned out he had never had Mexican before and was eating a taco for the first time, it was hilarious, his date looked as if she thought it was cute and sweet. The commonalitly of those I enjoy is that they are incredibly kind they help those around them in whatever way they can, though this job I have met the most amazing people. I wouldn't change it for the world. Men who are in who dated strippers married strippers and had a normal life, people who reminded me that I'm not my job. My job is a big part of who I am but it's not exactly who I am or who I will be. There are girls I would go to the ends of the earth for. People who would never let me down. Girls who made sure I got home safe. Made sure I slept. Made sure I ate. Most importantly made sure that I laughed. Talked more shit than someone really should. There will be more on each girl later they all deserve a post. Towncar drivers that have made sure I have gotten in safe, heard the dumbest things come out of my mouth like "what if Ryan gosling is in my apartment when I get home...oh my god wouldn't that be so amazing, I really hope he is, although I'm really tired so I hope he isn't" I will remember this as the year, I ran a half marathon,drove to and from LA solo, I went through hell and back, I figured out who my true friends really are, what orders are capable of. The year I held my temper the whole time because I didn't want to be wrong. The year I watched sex and the city every damn day. I should make this a little clearer, this is the summer I went back to remembering who I am and what I stand for and to not take anything sitting down.

The stripper deities have spoken

They said to me. They said Red, if you build it they will come, because this empty strip club nonsense is not working. There was a girl I worked with once named Philly, Philly is famous for her ass, and for saying the same thing during every house dance "A team up front" I suppose that is what we are getting back to. This is about being the best. We we're the best club in the city. We still have some of the best girls working for us. We just don't currently have the support that we need so...go team red. All that being said you may see a few of us out at happy hours at the nicer places in town because going to ball games doesn't really do much. Unless we had a basketball team and could sit court side. Part of me has dreams of granduer of making this a massive marketing campaign making us extremely well known around town and of course changing the way Seattle views strippers and not seeing us as horrible people. Maybe selfishly I would like to change the views of a select few around me and have them realize that regardless of my job I'm just a normal person doing normal things. Normalcy sure does come up often after that last dude crushed me a little bit. That's all please look forward to me writing very specific dancer profiles in the immediate future because I'm just you are all very interested about what goes on behind the scenes.

Can't sleep

Apparently it's been 4 months since I have posted anything. I know this because it was brought to my attention not once but twice this week. Well kids what can I say I was going through a very tumultuous time in which I wanted so badly to fly under the radar so I did, guess what it's not my style. So...here we are months later and a much better person for it, also I didn't hurt anyone in those months so score one for me and controlling the temper. Let's just give the run down. I ran a half marathon in a decent time last weekend, I drove to LA and back the weekend prior. I feel that the club is becoming more of a family again. Queen we will rock you is totally stuck in my head. Apparently I still have what do you call it oh yeah...swag, and I'm about to find my ovaries and put myself back into hyper drive mode. School started for the summer, I have so much reading, bright side I am going to buy a book light and start reading at work...multitasking at its finest. I have basically quit drinking from training for running so that great I feel a little clearer headed even though I wasn't drinking that much to begin with. I have cut out most of the negative things in my life, and come to realize there was a whole bunch of shit that was blamed on me which was not my fault. I'm going back to using my planner everyday to stay on task. I've been really enjoying the sun so much that someone told me today I'm starting to look tan (fuck yes) I actually love being tan I just feel so much better with all the vitamin d I can get. I'm beginning ti realize who my true friends are. I'm working on building friendships better ones anyway. I desperately need to clean my house. Its not horrible by any stretch of the imagination but it's a little on the disorganized side for me. What else happened I worked in LA I will never do that again it was horrible well maybe I will but I will work other places. I'm considering taking my branding and marketing to whole new level so get ready for some craziness. Also the girls at work and I are talking about doing some self promo work. So follow the twitter RED_stripper for the shenanigans that ensue. On a highly personal level I am finally done with the fucking douche loser of all losers I was dating who was a serious mind fuck and had me thinking for one second I would walk away from something I love (wor) to have him perpetually lie to me, and be angry with me everyday, talk about feeling like a failure, in the non-victim way it was my fault I let it happen, apparently I needed something so horribly toxic to really rediscover my strengths and know the good in myself. That being said as I always do a little Internet bashing that dude sucked and if I happen to find myself 3 drinks in I hope to the highest of powers that I don't run into him and logic flys out of my brain and I lose my shit every time and I might just attempt to kick his pretty little face in. Not really but I will yell a lot...again. On a more positive note I will be working this weekend and since I'm red and I'm back on black I hope to see a few familiar faces. That being said have great morning enjoy the day and I'll see you soon